-Troyville town.
The ceremony has began.
"Repeat after me son." Mr Faisal orders me.
"I, with all my conscious solemnly pledge to claim my responsibility to take care of the products."
The ceremony of an oath to become a righteous dominant hand.
So I repeat after him.
'I, with all my conscious solemnly pledge to claim-"
Fire
My house is on Fire.
"I saved a boy"
"Which boy?"
"I'm not going to expose his name."
"My responsibility to take care of the products." I repeat.
"I, willingly accept the risks that come with this commitment, I am prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice, if necessary, to ensure the product's integrity." Mr Faisal said.
"I, willingly accept the risks-"
"I want to quit"
"Quit fucking what?"
"I don't want to achieve this as my life goal."
"That come with this commitment-"
"Ifan, my name is Ifan."
"And?" My voice harsh.
"oh, I'm sorry, I didn't wanted to seem of as clingy I-"
"I'm just messing with you, I'm Sam."
"I am prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice, if necessary, to ensure the product's integrity." I say, my heart starts racing, and I get sweaty.
Mr Faisal looks concerned as he further notifies.
"I, Samiullah Yilmaz, take this oath with pure dignity, acknowledging that I am accountable for the consequences that will occur to me if I lose the product."
Mr Faisal awaits for me.
I gulp, my vision feels blury.
I promised myself I would not identify myself as Samiullah, until I get, for what I have chosen this profession.
Roof fell down on her.
Our car got caught on fire.
My mother yelled
My father-
The day I find what happend to my father, who murdered my mother and who did burn my house, is the day I'll become Samiullah.
I'll claim the name they gave me, once I've earned it.
I'm not there yet.
"You need to repeat" Victor comes in the middle.
I see, Mr Faisal stares at him to stop.
"I, Sam Yilmaz take this oath with pure dignity, acknowledging that I am accountable for the consequences that will occur to me if I lose the product."
I say. But my palms feel sweaty.
It's happening again.
I'm feeling threatened again.
Goosebumps. I rove my eyes around, back and forth to see where the sense of danger is coming from.
I can't find from where. But it's the same feeling I used to have in my sleep.
And suddenly all I feel is burden of fear.
Suppressed anger and my wounds opened again.
"Buy me one, and when I start my own business, I'll pay you back"
By the look on Victor's face, shows that he wants to interrupt because I didn't repeat the exact words.
But Mr Faisal said nothing, he's staring and he looks- confident?
"I, will not hesitate to put myself or anyone else in harm's way to protect the product."
Mr Faisal proudly says the last words.
"I, will not hesitate to put myself or anyone else in harm's way-"
"You use them as beneficial sacrifices."
"We don't always have to kill or use anyone"
"To protect the product."
It's officially done.
"Congratulations son." Mr Faisal's voice echoed around the hall.
.
.
Later after literally consuming the oath, Mr Faisal informs me details of my solo mission.
"Jawad requires immediate attention, we have received intel that he'd hand the product to us. I want you to capture jawad, red-handedly." Mr Faisal says.
"The same Jawad I scared two months ago? Why does he wants to deliver the product now?" I ask.
"Sam, about a month ago, when you were on your weekend, we sent Vikram and Nimra to catch him and bring him back to us. You were right, he did had something on us, a product of ours with it's files he stole. We made alience peacefully to recover the damage we've been through that happend the day when Nimra and Vikram almost murdered their men. Jawad- misused his power and assaulted Nimra, he's been doing that since the day he began working for us. What went down last year on that very mission, We kept everything under the curtains. But that's a grave offence Sam, unforgivable. I want to tell you now that you're going solo. What he did boils my blood till this day. He not only disrespected her, he disrespected us. And so we are here tonight to end it all for once. You're not only going there to capture the product safely but to torment him and drag him back to us, which he isn't aware of." Mr Faisal's nostrils flared, as he kept his anger controlled.
He assaulted Nimra..?
"Our Nimra?" My heart broke, she's the most wonderful human being, she never let anyone see even a glimpse of what happend to her.
"I know you keep a soft spot for human lives when it comes to missions. I told you about what happend- so that you keep that in mind with the importance of the product when you're eye to eye with him. He's a Satan, don't let yourself pity him."
"Loyalty and respect is everything sir, trust me I know, I've learned from the best." I say. And Mr Faisal gave me a smug smile.
. . . .
"Turn right" Mr Faisal's on the radio.
"Copy" I turn my car right, "Sir there's a blockage of the pathway here, what should I do?"
"Sam, look around you, what can you see?" Mr Faisal asks me. As I steer the car through the crowded streets, my eyes dart back and forth, scanning the surrounding area with a mixture of caution and curiosity. My gaze swept past pedestrians, street vendors, and other vehicles, I'm processing every detail, every movement. I got to be careful, Jawad isn't someone sane. He'd go out of line to put me wherever he pleases.
"I'm currently crossing phase 12 sir, it's a crowded street." I can see people smoking, shivering in Cold.
"His location says he's- uh moving?" Mr Faisal said.
"Why are you confused sir?" It's making me confused.
"Keep moving slow. Keep your eyes open."
"Copy."
My eyes narrowed slightly as I check the rearview mirror, then flicked to the side mirrors, my head swiveling to take in the sights and sounds of the bustling town. I kept moving, steady.
"The street ends here sir." I inform.
"Go straight then to left."
"Copy that."
The street ends and I get surrounded in plain, blank area.
"What can you see- e uh - now Sam?" He's giltching. The server isn't working here.
"There's nothing, only some rusty cars malfunctioned and a bunch of steely to block the road."
"Can you describe what those rusty cars are like?"
"They look battered, rust-eaten shell off vehicles."
"Is there any mark or symbol on- o ann them?"
"Yeah, I can see snakes stamped on em" I tell.
"God fucking Damnit." Mr Faisal's cussing!?
"Why what's wrong?" I ask, as my gaze keeps sweeping back and forth.
"Son you need to move back!"
"What?"
"It's a trap-" his voice glitches. "They've pla-nned- y.. you- get out-"
"I can't understand sir"
"Move back!"
I tighten my grip to the staring wheel. Why should I? I'm not scared.
"I'm not moving back till I get the product" I say "Move back- they are- that's an order!" He yells through the ear piece.
"I took an oath sir" I go offline.
And I'm a man of my word.
I'm not giving up that quick.
I get out of my car- and I ran pass the blockage.
Its an empty road, he'll be here somwhere.
I enter into their territory unarmed, or at least that's what they think. I have secret backup weapons right under my sleeves.
Although every hub knows no one comes unarmed, but we all pretend, to meet so.
That's just the way it is.
Jawad contacted Mr Faisal himself to arrange a meet up for us- I just know it won't end good.
It's a rusty junkyard- more like a salvage-yard. It's a facility where all damaged and abandoned vehicles are stored.
It's- creepy.
Fallen Autumn leafs make a crunchy sound when I walk on them. The weather's getting colder each day, in a blink of an eye Christmas will be here.
If I'm alive enough to celebrate it.
"Hello!?" I say, my voice echoed.
All I can see is brassed cars stacked up on each other. Something creeped my neck and my hand immediately reaches on the blade under my belt, I look back securing myself.
Sounds of crushing, cutting and hammering is all that is audible.
"Well look who decided to show up" A voice echoed from behind me. "Once again one of Faisal's puppet and not himself" He smacks his lips. "Predictable." He walks around me. "Jawad?" I ask.
"You know well- Sam."
"I guess this time we won't just talk, I fear." I say.
"But I wanted to talk with Faisal not you." He's still walking around me, in circles.
"It's the same thing." My eyes move with him. "Do you know he's using you?" He stops walking.
"At least I'm not roaming the streets like you."
"I'm independent- you're a pawn." He chuckles softly.
"What did you want to give us?"
"I didn't think I'd get to meet you like this again Sam." He completely avoids my question. "I thought we'd get along but Faisal bought you first." He says.
What does he mean by bought? I'm the one who showed up to him.
"We all know, I don't agree with you jawad, we're obviously not on the same page." I'm being ironic.
"I didn't like how you treated me back a month ago." He walks towards me.
"You mean when I almost unalived you? Its pathetic how you're still breathing" my jaw clenched.
"We hated you the minute we saw you." He exhales.
We? Who's we?
"Does she still have that engagement ring?" He scoffs.
What?
"What did you just say!?"
"I knew he'd call you to come to receive the package- which is why I lied I'd give you the product. Did you really thought I'd be that stupid?"
"What could you possibly want personally from me?"
In a minute of pause,
"We want you to die."
wait what-
He attacks me with his blade, I sweep down to dodge, He punches my chin, making me trip a bit over, I look over at him. "Who are you working for?" I spit blood out.
"You don't get to ask questions, your time is over" He runs to me, with all my force I throw myself onto him, grabbing his lower body till he crashed back on a steel vehicle.
He stumbled back but quickly regained footing and charged forward. Just as I felt I was about to emerge, I fight back, and executed a perfectly timed joint lock, sending him crashing down the ground, my chest is pounding- He kicks my stomach, and runs straight to his car- I for a second stand straight back up and follow him, He gets in his car and speeds it as if his life depends on it, I unlock my car and start the engine, panting. His engine is roaming like it devoured a beast. And I, fearlessly, pushed the car to its limits, the speedometer climbing higher and higher.
He loomed ahead, expertly downshifted, the tries squealing as the car hugged the curve.
I soothingly crossed the curve to reach by his side. We can see eachother side by side, I turn my wheel, pressure on clutch, bumped his car sideways, pushing him and me down the hill, off the road. To stop him from escaping.
His car crashed down, hit a tree, I managed to stop my engine in time. I get out of my car, only to see. His door is wide opened, and he's nowhere to be seen.
I hear leaf crunch- I look back and there he was, running even futher down the hill. He might be wanting me to follow- if that's the case, I'm willing to risk whatever comes.
I take out my gun and shoot it up in the air to scare him, he looks back and he's smiling-!? The fuck!?
I reach up to him and grab him by his shirt, and punch his jaw, he forces himself away and hits my head with a brick he's been hiding in his hand.
Argh,
Fuck
My ears begin to ring, and I can't hear anything. I twist his arm, trying to break it, but I fail, and he kicks my stomach, sending me falling backward. Blood starts pouring from the top of my eye, and my vision blurs. I leap at him, but we both slip down the hill, crashing into roots. I try to grab hold, stop myself from falling, digging my nails into the earth, but they rip loose, leaving me bleeding. A stone behind me strikes my foot, and I stumble, my body getting wedged. As I regain my weight again, I attempt to stand on shaky legs, but I collapse again. I see him lying on the ground nearby. Where's my gun? I frantically check my waistband, gasping for breath, but it's gone. My sight falters, and everything goes dark, focusing on the spot right between us.
We both looked at it, in an instant we both impulsively attacked to grab the gun, he grasped it before me, and hit me with it, injuring my nose to bleed, he jumps up on me, the gun gripped in his hands, aims at me, I'm laying on the ground, his finger moves on the trigger—fuck. I dunk sideways, stabbing his knee with my knife, he touched his bleeding knee, "You fucker!?" he's still aiming the gun at me. "You don't want to do this" I say, gently getting up. "Ah yes I do, you have no fucking idea how much I've waited for this chance to arrive" He smirks. I pay attention to his footsteps, he's losing control, he'll kill me. I wish I could say, been there, done that, but this is different,
If I die tonight, might as well die with style. In a split second, I run to him, he didn't expect it, he instinctively shoots, I grab his arm and forcefully aim it towards the sky. The bullet hits the nearby tree, and he counters by pressing his elbow into my neck, choking me. That's when he snatched out my knife, I kick his stomach with my knee to push him away, his feet coils back, and he let's out a sharp whimper. We both stood on our shaky legs.
I wipe my lip with my wrist. I'm penting, out of breath. For a intense moment, we both just looked at each other, our eyes locked in a fierce stare,
suddenly, He snarled and pulled his arm back to swing the knife, as the blade swept towards me, I stepped in close to his body, so when I turned, my right shoulder brushed his chest, using the edge of my open hands, I struck his upper and lower arm. He gets triggered and punches me, sending me crashing into a tree, I try to focus, placing my hand on the trunk to steady myself but he attacks me from behind, knocking me to the ground, he gets over me. I'm pinned beneath him, trapped between his thighs and legs. "Fuck you!" I spit in his face. He pressed his knife to my neck, slowly cutting in depth, and a shallow cut opens. He's clearly enjoying this way too much. "I'll sink this knife deeper now" he sneers, his grin twisted. Blood from his nose drips onto me. As I can feel the blade sinking in, I see my life flashing in seconds.
How nimra must have felt when he used his power on her, I can't unhear the way she must've screamed to get herself out of that situation. I refuse to die by some fucker.
My family, Ayat, Ifan— he tried stopping me, now all I want to remember is the image of him laughing, But for some reason I can't picture that.. the only image I can imagine is them sobbing when they hear I lost my life even after I promised them I'd live for them, I dedicated it to them..that's not how they're supposed to hear it. They don't deserve it. I promised them I'd be home.
"You're a joke—" I say, my voice gasping in agony. "I promised them I'd come back home."
"What?" His eyebrows pull down.
One
second
of
distraction.
That's all it takes to finish the loud noise inside your head.
He looks down with terror in his eyes at his stomach being stabbed with a knife I'm holding.
"Who sank in now motherfucker?" I let out a pity, remorseful, forced chuckle. He falls besides me. My throat is bleeding, I try covering it with my hand, it's worse than I thought, He coughs blood out laying on the ground.
I get up to look down at him.
"Get up!" I kick him to move but he doesn't. "I said get up you sick shit!" I repeat, this time I'm afraid he might not answer me. I shout his name out loud several times..
This couldn't possibly mean—he is..
my hands are shivering. I lean close to his chest and I hear him losing himself.
No no no
I position my hands, one on another, interlaced my fingers and I heel my bottom hand on the centre of his stomach where I stabbed him. I push my hand in, to control the bleeding, so I panickly take off his shirt to block his wound. It still isn't working. "Hold on hold on" I say under my breath, muttering. "Can you hear me?" My voice trembling, He looks at me. I push my hand deeper.
"Please, please" I whisper, as my eyes trace his body, He stops moving and in a blink of an eye
I can no longer hear him breathing.
His eyes stayed wide open.
And my hands lose their strength as I drop down near him on my knees. His shirt covered in blood slips out of my hand.
I'm shaking, unnoticeable tears fell down my chin.
I gotta move, I can't stay here any longer. After washing my hands with the water bottle I had in my car, because I c..couldn't fucking bear the smell, I quickly move across, break open his car's window, grab all the stuff my misson held, I take what I wanted and I didn't look back at him. I c..can't. He's dead.
And the worst part is.. I'm the murderer.
All my way back, all I could do was nothing, all I would hear was.. beeping sound of somone losing their life.
It's a real sorrow when a person loses themselves in a natural cause.. and a tragedy when a person loses their life in a war..
but it's a shame when someone loses their life in a battle—because the one who survives.. is the one actually dead.
Through the entrance to Mr Faisal's office- everyone is greeting me with respect I've never seen people give me before. But I don't feel gracefully respected, or worthy of the word respect. They're bowing. I reached the post I was desried to have— but was it destined to be this pity? This shameful. I'm not a good person and I don't know how will I ever be able to show my face to Ifan or Ayat.
It was self defence.
It hurts.. more than I ever imagined it would. I've seen myself in scenarios like this, where I would have to choose one of two options. Save my own life or hand myself to my opponent. And I'd always think to myself, I'd do the humble thing- but when you really are in that situation, in-between life and beyond. You always choose yourself first. Not because you had more purpose than them- but because you think you'd be more worthy to be saved. Or perhaps because you think you deserve to feel the pain that comes afterwards.
"Are you okay Sam?" A gentle voice calls me, it's Nimra. I avoid eye contact. Nimra is a tall, broad, and an extremely down to earth person.
"What happend there? I heard you came, weren't you supposed to be here earlier?"
I don't answer her. "Mr Faisal is in a important urgent meeting, He told me to move you to his personal paramedic room."
"Somehow Nimra" I say. "The wounds aren't casuing me pain. None that I can feel any." My voice remained so bland- intestinal.
"Did jawad gave you a hard time? He said he'd surrender the product in?" Her voice breaks when she talks about Jawad. And why wouldn't it. The mothefucker showed her hell.
"I killed him-"
My voice bearly came out.
"I had to-"
How do I tell her that his blood isn't going away..
"I know, don't justify." She gives me a soft smile and even though I'm guilty, her smile gave me a feeling of somewhat close to being calm.
Victor ran through the halls. "Where's Sam?" He rushed to me.
"He's fine." Nimra said.
But for some reason, seeing Victor come up to me got me on chokehold and my eyes got teary.
"Thank God." He pulled me towards him and hugged me.
I'm stunned, my heartbeat is beating crazy. His hand pets the back of my head, as if he's relived? as if he was scared to lose me.
I don't understand.
He hates me.
But that hug did something for me and I get so full of wanting to weep but I gulp that emotion inside.
But than again, everything gets piled up inside of me. I'm not as strong as I portray myself to be.
"Victor—vic there—there's blood that isn't washing up." I in a hesitation said to him.
"I–I uhm, I need to, I seriously need to wash myself up, I can't bear the smell, it's—uh it's not going away." I try to stand firm but my knees are getting tired, I'm getting scared, more with each passing second, shivering in petrifiedness.
Victor looks at me with concern. Concern that could melt someone. This can't be for me. Nimra helps me get to the paramedic room. And I immediately grab some wipes to clean myself up. The tension makes my hands shiver and I can't seem to get that fucking blood off of me!
"It isn't coming off Victor! Why isn't it coming off?!" I yell in desperation.
"Sam." Victor walked behind me.
"There is no blood left." He whispers. I look down at my hands and there really isn't any left.
What was I cleaning than?
My breath suddenly gets suffocating. I take a seat down at one of the chairs, balancing weight onto it.
"You'll be alright. Nimra take care of him." He leaves. He couldn't look at me.
"Sam you need to rest." Nimra says gently.
"Do you think I did the right thing?" I rest my arm on the chair holder.
"I personally think you did."
"I had to."
And for the first time, a hint of courage makes me want to say this to her, eye to eye.
"The plan ulltered?" She asks, she doesn't make it obvious but a wave of relief hits her eyes, they sparked like they've never before, she's beautiful.
"He attacked. Mr Faisal said it would be haggling? But he had something else on his mind." I say,
"We'll figure it out. Don't worry." Nimra forced a smile.
"Hey nim." I call her.
She turned.
"You're a dime and no one can ever take that away from you, neither your dignity, nor your grace." I say. "Plus you're the coolest person I know, have you been working out, you look jacked!" my tone changes to being a fan as I fist bump her, leaving with a sarcastic wink. She laughs and pushes me into the recovery room. "Get in now."
After few a stitches, bandages, and physical therapy to see if I can walk and mental therapy to check if I'm not in some server condition, I'm sitting.
"Sir Sam" A peon half way opens the door.
"Everyone's waiting for you in the Auditorium room."
Geez.
"I'll be there." Fuck me, kill me now. I'm so not in the mood for a lecture right now. How can I face anyone when I can't even face myself?
You're a murderer
You're a murderer
You're a murderer
I walk through the halls.
Is this how you're going to make your father proud?
Victor's standing near a chair, in the backstage. "How was the treatment?" He asked.
"Why aren't you upset that I'm not dead?" I ask.
"Perhaps some of it might be true."
"You can't hide Victor, not forever." I know he hates me. "So stop pretending like you care about me" I clench my hands in fists.
No matter what he does, I know he hates me.
"I don't know what you're talking about. I called you because Mr Faisal will be calling you soon, for a badge of honour." He taunts.
"When was the last time you were praised by Mr Faisal?" I talk back. A bad habit but so what.
He says nothing.
"I told him to back up-" Muffling voice of Mr Faisal.
"Do something worth having for once." I say, as I walk through him, bumping his shoulder, through the curtains.
My guts tell me to be mean to Victor.
"Sir you wanted to see me?" I say,
"Look what he did to you." Mr Faisal's eyes grew fond.
"I'm okay—" Before I could complete what I was saying, he grazed his hand on the bruise Jawad left on my right eye.
Looking at me with deep pressure.
"I told you to back up, the mission was over when I said it was, why did you continue."
"I don't lose" I say firmly.
"Losing is a part when there is a mission to begin with, when I ordered to evacuate, it was over." Mr Faisal says, ironicly.
"I got the product"
"You think I care more about some product than your life!?" His eyes widens.
"I took an oath." I say "Oath that says to not let myself get in the way of our operation, that I would not think twice before harming the other."
"So you murdered him!?"
"I fucked him up, and I'm not ashamed." I'm guilty, I am, I know I am. But I had to do what I did. It needed to be done, I was defending myself or maybe I'm gaslighting myself, so fucking be it, I don't know- the depression that comes with this task will hit me and I'm ready to face it.
"You shouldn't be ashamed." Mr Faisal sighs.
"So you're like one of us now" Victor catches up to us.
"Rapists desvere to die." I say, not breaking eye contact with Victor as he walked around us. "They need to die gruesome deaths and even wiped from the face of earth." I say, my ore like place.
He stares down at me.
"You're right. Rest for now, we'd talk later." Mr Faisal tapped my shoulder. Now he decides to avoid to have a conversation with me? "Victor, a minute." Mr Faisal said, and I watch them leave together-
In spilt second of time- dizziness washes over me for some reason, leaving me lightheaded and disoriented.
Blood- blade- Jawad's dead body!
"What the fuck is happening to me-" My knee trembles and I place my hand onto the wall to balance the weight of my body which suddenly feels heavy, heaving back my muscles forcefully.
I had to kill him, I had to save myself! Where are you going! Don't leave me please, I'm not a murderer!
A suffocating sense of dread wraps around me, my breath coming in short ragged gasps.
"Sam?"
I feel a punch down my spine- a knot grows tangled in my throat.
My eyes intensely and quickly scans the whole room. Am I hearing things?
Where did she go?
Please don't leave me!
Dammit. My heart is racing like a jackhammer.
A Nightmare-
How can I have it when I'm standing infront of everyone. It can't be..
My eyes are open.
"Sam?"
"You went the wrong way again."
"You chose the wrong path again."
She's fading.
I'm sorry ma,
I'm sorry, I'll make it right.
I rush through the backstage, penting.
I can't breathe-
Cant breathe-
My chest feels tighter, and my brain feels dizzy- nausea that I might throw up.
My chest is in pain- server pain. I'm sweating, trembling, knocking things down to stand on my shaky legs.
I'm having a—panic attack.
An episode-
Fuck
I take my bike, beat the limits. And as soon as I can, I reach to Ayat's house.
I don't know why I came here out of all places.
Maybe because she's the only normal family member I have.
I ring the door bell plenty of times aggressively.
Open up, open up please.
Door unlocks.
And there she is.
standing still in her sweatpants.
"Are you alright?!" I say taking deep, short breaths in and out, though having difficulty.
"What happend to you?" Her eyes widens. "Who did this to you!?" The disorientation look on her face grows panickingly whilst I say nothing.
She checks my temperature with her hand on my forehead.
"You're burning and you're wounded!" Her stressed out breathing echos in my ear. My vision breaks down and her face turns blury.
"Sam- Sam?!"
My head drops down on her shoulder and—
I faint.