"I'm home" I throw my eyes across the table, I see a pair of heels piled in the corner when taking my shoes off.
"Are we having someone over for dinner?" I ask because, please don't tell me-
"Yeah Honey you're mother's joinning us tonight." My dad clears the kitchen counter.
I'm too tried right now for her.
"What's for dinner." I take a seat.
"Aren't you going to say hi to me?" Mom sits infront of me. "Hi mom" I force a smile. "Is there any progress?" Of course that's the first question she asks.
"What happend to how are you, how's work?" I say, without making eye contact, my dad puts plates infront of us. "dad let me help you"
"I've got it, don't worry" He kisses my head.
"Did you find out who did it?" Mom asks again.
"Mom, it's in process, cases like these take months."
"I heard you're undercover."
"You're not supposed to know that." I aggressively grab a fork. "I called Ali, he told me."
"Well he's ridiculous and he's driving me nuts."
"He's a handsome, kind man. Consider him"
"Consider him for what?" I blink in confusion.
"Sleep with him."
My drink splutters through my nose. "What!?" I'm speechless. What is she on about?
"He's tall, his pay off is good. What's wrong in thinking."
"We're colleagues."
"So what. Will you yet again ruin another idea of marriage?"
She's blaming me for a relationship I didn't break?
I'm so done with her.
"You know what Mom? I'm done having this conversation with you."
"Then tell me about your brother's case." She's just so shameless?
"It was closed a long time ago Mom."
"You joined the force for him didn't you?"
"Yes I did."
"So Where's the progress of justice for your beloved brother."
"I'm not interested in telling you."
"He wasn't innocent, you do know that too Faiza."
"He was a great officer and will always be."
I look up to him. She can't take that away from me. She couldn't be a mother herself and thinks she has some kind of right to tell me who I should and shouldn't look up to? Pity she thinks she can change my mind. She's nonsense and I'd much rather have this dinner alone than to look at her shamelessly asking me rubbish questions.
"What was he doing with those thugs the night before his accident then?"
"I don't know Mom, I'm finding it out– he was forced or blackmailed, I'm sure."
"Or maybe he was bribed."
"Stop it Mom please."
"He lost his legs in that accident due to karma nothing else, God knows what might have happend if those village boys didn't get him to hospital in time."
"I'm asking politely Mom stop speaking ill about him."
"He was just as much of a thug as those of Faisal's men, that's the truth you need to accept-"
"MOM STOP-" I slam my hands on the table startling them. "I just lost my appetite. Thankyou." I grasp my keys and head to my house.
He was a good man, a good officer, a good person. He died doing a good deed. I'll catch Faisal and make him pay for the damage he has done to my family. And God knows if Ifan was involved or not— but I swear to God, I won't let any one of them live.
As soon as I reach my house, I immediately spread all the files and evidence on my table, dropping down on my knees to finally figure a good, not just a simple but a good lead— it'll take time to adjust with Ifan, I can't wait any longer. Breathe Faiza. I have to take this case patiently, once I crack Faisal's reality and prove the illegal hub business in court, it'll become easier for my next step, to find what my brother was involved in. And I'll know who caused that accident.
Let's see—
My brother was shifted on duty in that town where Ifan used to live, there got to be a peak hole to see through who was calling Adam when he was with me during his break—
"So how's university going." He takes a seat. "It's going good."
"I'm glad you decided to join the forces." Adam smiles.
"I'm inspired by you." I take a minute to breathe. "I miss you- you're never with us anymore." I frown.
"Oh honey I try to be, it's just that-" A tall guy bumps him over a bit. "Hey watch it!?" I yell. "It's okay-" He looks over at him, and I catch them sharing glances- they know each other- the taller man has a hood over his head. "I'm sorry honey work call, I'll be back as soon as I can."
"Yeah don't worry about me." I'm upset, very dearly to heart. He leaves after placing a kiss on my forehead. After some time went by, I decided to take a walk around this town, I've never been here before. I take a few steps here and there.
"Take this away." A soothing manly voice echos through a valley. I hid behind a car, Adam? He was here the whole time? What is he taking with him- he hops on his bike and goes away, I follow him a little, before he could get away any far- in a flash, a car swerved in that lane, speeding, and moves in an angle that makes them slam the brakes, in little to no time the car crashed into mustafa's bike, sending shards of glass and twisted metal everywhere. I flinch- my body seem to be stuck, the shock made my body paralyzed.
A guy runs up to my brother laying down, blood everywhere around him- I froze, I couldn't move. "CALL 112!" He yells- when no one calls, he himself with his friend helps my brother in a cab and speed away. I'm still here- standing frozen.
I pace back and forth in front of my cluttered desk, my eyes scanning the chaotic landscape of papers and pens. I rub my temples, trying to ward off the growing headache. I couldn't properly see who helped Adam but it looked like they knew him.
"How, how.." I mutter to myself
Suddenly, my hands flew up in exasperation.
"Ugh! Why can't I remember?!" I exclaim, frustration etched on my face.
I stopped pacing and stood still, taking a deep breath. My gaze swept the room once more, this time with a hint of desperation.
"Think, Faiza, think," I coached myself.
My eyes narrowed, retracing my steps from that night. The friend was present in the hospital when I came for my brother, He saw me, he was a young guy- I'm trying so hard to remember how he looked- remember Faiza what his face was like, it could add so much to my case, think! Faiza, think- what did he look like-
Brown hair-
doe eyes-
"Why do you want to know about officer Adam?"
Oh shit—God forbid..
was it Ifan who was in that hospital?— I knew I recognise his face the moment I saw him in that store. My stomach feels like curling up.
How can it be?
Sam and Ifan began to work for Faisal in 2017, and If that's true, they must've known what Victor is planting for my Adam. If so,why would they help him? To place a show to be innocent? To cover for their betrayal? Oh Adam I wish you could speak.
Ifan why aren't you leaving my thoughts alone. How is everything connected to you.
Ugh I need a break—
I dial for Ali.
The only friend I have.
He picks up on the first ring.
"Hey" His voice through the speaker, echos in my house and goosebumps of realisation hits me- my house feels so alone at nights. Ifan is creating a habit of being surrounded in people. Come to realise, I've always been lonely after..
"Hello" Ali repeats.
"Hey, can you come over?"
"Why?" Oh he asks why—
Ifan would've started running by now.
what is wrong with me? That's a very rude and wrong thing to assume of-
"We can talk about the case." I say, though I do want to say we can drink and hang out but I won't, he'll get the wrong idea..
"Isn't it a bit late for that?" Why is he making excuses to not see me? Or maybe I'm exaggerating- I haven't properly said why I want him here, how is he supposed to know. But-
Ifan would've known.
Ali would too- if I give him a chance to understand. Yeah that sounds right.
I'll tell him that I want to see him and that I feel a bit lonely-
That's a hard pill to swallow, to admit I feel a bit, just a tiny bit of lonely- but I'll say it with my chest puffed.
I'll tell him to come over because I want to hang out- okay.
I'll be gentle and nice, I'll ask nicely to spend time with me.
"I'm not asking I'm ordering, bring wine." I hang up the call.
Oh-
I am mean-
That didn't go as my plan, maybe it's in my genes. I hate being vulnerable. I would never tell anyone I'm lonely or hurt.
"Ugh shit." I whisper under my breath.
I prepare my table and clear out the dishes from a week ago. Gross is something I am sometimes.
I put them in the dishwasher.
Whilst he come, In the meantime I open my laptop to see what's new on this planet. Ah- online shopping sounds brilliant at the moment.
Uh— did I say brilliant? Right I said. Ifan is creating a habit.
Just one sight I'll visit.
I click into kitchen stuff, I scroll and scroll to find something which I don't exactly know what I'm trying to find. My fingers randomly type on the search bar. 'Spongebob aprons'
I wasn't thinking of that- it randomly went through my head.
Add to cart-
My heart flatters-
Check out-
'Bell rings'
I flinch and slam close my laptop- I thunder across the hall to open my front main door. "Oh hey- I didn't thought you'd come." Why am I so out of breath- it's weird. What am I embarrassed of? Him showing up at my door or me placing a order for something I didn't need. I really didn't think of, why would I think of that? Why would I care? I don't care, I never care, that's just who I am, I don't care.
"You called, how can I miss the chance of seeing you." He did get the wrong idea.
"Because we're colleagues and friends" I should probably set the limits.
"Yeah" He comes inside with wine in his hands. It's my fault- I called him at dinner time to bring wine, it's not his fault he's thinking of something else.
"I called you so that we can run a eye through the case one more time before submitting this file." I'm overly explaining myself- aren't I?
"I know, I know" He sits down, infront of the fireplace- Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Fall is making its entrance, the whole situation is making me cave in, it's not what I think it is, I'm okay. I don't like him like that, I'm just so nervous for some reason, maybe my period is due-
We're sitting side my side on the ground infront of my brick chimney.
"So what do you want to talk about?" His voice went right through my heart.
"I don't know."
"You missed me?" He slightly grins.
"I don't ever miss you, infact I feel glad when you're not around." I say.
"So how do you feel now that I'm here? Devastated?"
"Oh I'm petrified." I say, our eyes meet and a sudden jump of tension breaks through. Or maybe I'm just ovulating..
He leaned in a bit, our hands placed on the floor touches, and I- do not feel a spark.
oh no— what a messed up thing to think.
He keeps staring. "I don't think I'm that bad." His gaze drops down on my lips and I'd do anything to blend in with time and forget every worry piling up.
So yes- I did gave him a green light.
His lips find its way to mine, right when I kiss him back, He grabs my thigh as his lips part a bit for me to close with mine, so I kiss him parting his lips with my own.
how—why is this happening?
he sweeps his tongue a little and I kiss him harder- I want to feel a spark, even if it's just a tiny spark- so I pull him in towards me, he kisses my neck and I sit over him, my knee folded on the floor, it's been a stressful week.. he wraps his arm around my waist and thighs and I pull his chin up from my neck to kiss him again. This is so wrong.. his kisses grow intense but-
I- do- not- feel- attracted to him in any way- which is scaring me.
Am I projecting my lies?
He pushes hair out of my neck, he's my best friend, and I love him but- this isn't right. My mother got to my head— this isn't right.
He kisses my bottom lip and I close my eyes-
"Here, its cherry."
"How did you-"
"How did I know you liked cherry?"
"Well, let's see, you have cherry cola hair- you're smart, you have that tendency of being righteous, and when I first saw you,
I noticed a hint of cherry red tint beneath those exquisite freckles- So of course I assumed you like cherries."
"Wow You're so wrong."
"At least now I know that much about you."
"I beg your pardon?"
"I now know my assumptions about you were wrong, which means..."
What THE—
I pull back immediately.
"More space for me to think more about you ma'am-" his voice echoed.
"What's wrong? Did I do something?" Ali puts his hand on my shoulder to console me. He's not the problem, I am. I stand back up as I run a hand through my hair, I'm sweating.
Its panicking for me, kissing him is panicking, I can't let him kiss me when I'm not picturing him, it's messed up, I can not hurt him like that.
His sped up breaths of panic makes me feel so much more worse. I'm not a good person. I uh- my mother was right about me-
I'll always stay a selfish bitch-
But how can he be a rebound when I'm nothing- not even close to being something more than a friend with Ifan- I mean, yes I admit the sexual intimacy is there when Ifan and I are together but I made myself believe that it was one sided, that only he was feeling the want to rip off my clothes. Was I lying to myself all along?
No..
It's only sexual. Nothing more.
"What's wrong?"
"Ali.. this is not right."
"I thought you wanted me to-"
"We're best friends- why are we doing this?" I walk back and forth stressing out. "I can not bear to lose you."
"How are you losing me?"
"Ali- what we have is beyond." I look him in the eye because I know what I'm saying is coming from my heart. "Something more will destory what we share."
"Just say you're not attracted to me." He knows.
"Ali you're a great guy-"
"Spare the talk Faiza, let's just forget this ever happend, see you tomorrow pal." He grabs his keys and leaves rushing, leaving me hanging. He was mad. I sit down. I know for sure I don't like Ifan, he's getting on my last nerve and I as soon as possible want him and his shit friend Sam behind lockup. Now that I can recall what happened that night, I can tell, all the saving Ifan and Sam did for my brother was a show, a made up distracting show, a plan to throw the cops of graud and sweep their way back to where they belong. Faisal's filth.
Ifan will knelt faster when I give him what he whats. A touch so lethal, a kiss to kill.
They can't get away now, I won't let them.
I'm so close—it's either one of them who made my brother go through hell and I won't let them live peacefully until I make them pay for what they've done.