Chapter 4: The Path to Enlightenment
[Adam Yukimura POV]
The declaration had been made. Publicly. Dramatically. And probably, in hindsight, a little too loudly for a grieving village. But subtlety was for chumps. And people who didn't have to farm deaths from legendary Sannin.
Jiraiya, bless his perverted heart, had actually been helpful. He gave me a general idea of Tsunade's last known whereabouts – gambling dens across the Fire Nation. My kind of woman, indeed. A woman after my newly wealthy heart.
"Alright, Immortal System," I mused, walking along a dusty road, heading out of Konoha. "Operation: Marry Tsunade and Get Punched Through a Wall Multiple Times is a go! Time to hit the road, literally, and find my future spouse. And probably a lot of angry debtors."
My "Basic Animal Instincts" and "Basic Silent Killing" perks were proving to be surprisingly useful for a civilian on the run. The former helped me avoid rogue bandits who might be interested in my considerable wealth, and the latter made it easier to sneak past noisy roadblocks or particularly enthusiastic guard dogs. The "Basic Charge" was… well, still waiting for its moment to shine. Maybe I could use it to win a footrace against a very slow snail.
I spent weeks traveling across the Fire Nation, following Jiraiya's breadcrumbs. I frequented every gambling den, every back-alley casino, every hole-in-the-wall establishment where people lost their life savings on a rigged game of cards. My wealth continued to grow, fueled by my future knowledge, but Tsunade remained elusive. It was like she was actively avoiding me. Which, given my public declaration, was entirely possible.
"Honestly, Tsunade, are you playing hard to get, or are you just incredibly good at poker? Because if it's the latter, I'm going to have to up my game. Maybe die to a card shark or something."
During my travels, I encountered a variety of low-level threats. Rogue ninja who thought my bulging money pouch made me an easy target. Petty criminals who tried to mug me. Even a particularly territorial bear who apparently resented my whistling. Each encounter was an opportunity. Each death, a new skill.
[ YOU HAVE BEEN KILLED BY: ROGUE CHUNIN (UNIQUE DEATH!) ][ SKILL ACQUIRED: BASIC SHURIKEN THROWING (Active) - Minor proficiency with shuriken. ][ DEATHS REMAINING (ROGUE CHUNIN): 0 ]
"Basic Shuriken Throwing? Fantastic. Now I can annoy people from a distance. The possibilities for pranks are truly endless."
[ YOU HAVE BEEN KILLED BY: BEAR (UNIQUE DEATH!) ][ SKILL ACQUIRED: BASIC BEAR HUG (Active) - A moderately strong grappling technique. ][ DEATHS REMAINING (BEAR): 0 ]
"A bear hug? Seriously? Is this system just mocking me now? What am I going to do, hug my enemies into submission? Though, to be fair, I might actually try that."
The parade of low-level deaths continued. A particularly aggressive farmer with a rake. A very grumpy dog. A swarm of giant, poisonous bees. Each death chipped away at the 100 unique deaths requirement, filling my skill list with an increasingly bizarre array of minor abilities. I was becoming a walking, talking, slightly-more-competent encyclopedia of useless talents.
[ CURRENT UNIQUE DEATHS: 27 ]
"Only seventy-three more unique deaths until my first upgrade," I sighed, kicking a pebble down the road. "This is like trying to fill a swimming pool with a leaky teacup. A very violent, potentially fatal teacup."
One evening, I found myself in a small, nondescript village known for its hot springs and, more importantly, its thriving gambling scene. I walked into the largest casino, my eyes scanning the room, not for the tables, but for her. And then I saw her.
Sitting at a high-stakes poker table, surrounded by a nervous-looking crowd, was Tsunade Senju. Her blonde hair was tied back, her generous cleavage on full display, and a perpetually exasperated look on her face. Beside her, ever-present, was Shizune, looking utterly stressed.
"Bingo!" I whispered, a wide grin spreading across my face. "My future wife! And she's losing money! This is perfect!"
I confidently strode towards the table, pushing my way through the gawking onlookers. Tsunade glanced up, her golden eyes, narrowed in concentration, briefly met mine. There was a flicker of confusion, then annoyance.
"Lost your way, kid?" she grunted, turning back to her cards. "This isn't the children's section."
"Oh, but it is, my dear Tsunade!" I declared, reaching the table and striking my most charming, slightly deranged pose. "Because you're about to meet the man who's going to change your life! The man who's going to whisk you away from these dreary tables and into a life of marital bliss!"
Tsunade slowly put down her cards. Her eyes, usually so cold, began to burn with a dangerous intensity. Shizune, sensing the impending doom, wisely took a step back.
"Who are you?" Tsunade asked, her voice dangerously low.
"I'm Adam Yukimura!" I announced, extending a hand as if for a handshake, "Your future husband! And I'm here to take you away from all this! Unless, of course, you want to lose all your money first. Because I've actually got a pretty good read on that guy's hand over there." I gestured to her opponent.
Tsunade's eye twitched. A vein throbbed in her forehead. Her chakra, usually meticulously controlled, flared outwards, causing the very air around her to shimmer. The other gamblers at the table wisely made themselves scarce.
"Listen, punk," she growled, her knuckles cracking. "I don't know what kind of sick joke this is, but you've got five seconds to get out of my sight before I rearrange your face."
"Oh, but Tsunade, my love!" I countered, completely undeterred. "Isn't it obvious? This isn't a joke! This is destiny! Our destiny! The destiny of Adam and Tsunade, the most powerful, most beautiful, and most sarcastic couple in ninja history!"
She stood up. The ground beneath her feet cracked. Her fist, surprisingly small but radiating an immense, terrifying power, clenched.
"One," she said, her voice a low rumble.
"I know what you're thinking," I continued, undaunted, "You're thinking, 'This guy is insane.' And you'd be right! But I'm your insane! And I'm rich now! So we can buy a really big house! Maybe with a built-in casino, so you don't have to go far to lose all your money!"
"Two!"
"Think of the pranks we could pull together!" I added, eyes gleaming. "We could replace all of Jiraiya's sake with water! Or switch all of Kakashi's Icha Icha Paradise books with self-help guides! The possibilities are endless!"
"THREE!"
"And imagine the children!" I declared, stretching out my arms dramatically. "Little mini-Adams and mini-Tsunades, running around, punching things, probably demanding money for candy! It'll be glorious!"
"FOUR!" Her voice was a roar now, shaking the very foundations of the building.
"So, what do you say, Tsunade Senju?" I asked, completely ignoring her countdown. "Will you do me the honor of becoming Mrs. Adam Yukimura? And then perhaps punch me through that wall over there? Because honestly, I'm a little curious about what skill I'd get from that."
"FIVE!"
Her fist moved. Not like a blur, but like a force of nature. It was surprisingly precise, aimed directly at my face. I didn't even have time to flinch. The impact was like being hit by a freight train made of pure, unadulterated fury. Everything went black.
[ YOU HAVE BEEN KILLED BY: TSUNADE SENJU (UNIQUE DEATH!) ][ SKILL ACQUIRED: BASIC MONSTROUS STRENGTH (Active) - A minor increase in physical striking power. ][ DEATHS REMAINING (TSUNADE SENJU): 0 ]
I gasped, pushing myself up from a pile of rubble. The entire back wall of the casino was gone, blasted outwards. I was outside, lying amidst splintered wood and shattered stone. My body, miraculously, was perfectly fine. Not a scratch. My clothes were intact. My hair, however, was a little disheveled.
"Well, that was spirited," I coughed, dusting myself off. "And surprisingly effective. She really puts her heart into it, doesn't she?"
I looked back at the gaping hole in the casino wall. Tsunade was standing there, chest heaving, Shizune hovering nervously behind her. Her eyes were still blazing, but there was a flicker of something else there too. Confusion? Disbelief? Maybe even a tiny hint of amusement, buried deep beneath layers of rage.
I grinned, giving her a cheerful wave. "Thanks for the enthusiastic response, my love! That's a 'yes' on the proposal, right? Because that punch felt an awful lot like a powerful declaration of affection!"
Tsunade let out a guttural roar of frustration. Shizune just facepalmed.
"Alright, Immortal System," I whispered to myself, already planning my next move. "Basic Monstrous Strength. This is a game-changer. Now I can punch things really hard. Like, say, other people who are trying to kill me. Or maybe just a really stubborn jar lid."
I needed to find Tsunade again. And then again. And again. Each "death" would hopefully grant me a piece of her formidable abilities. Medical ninjutsu. Chakra control. Her knowledge of the human body. This was going to be a long, painful, but ultimately rewarding courtship.
"Time for Round Two, Tsunade!" I yelled, already jogging back towards the ruined casino, a spring in my step. "Prepare for another declaration of undying love! And possibly, another unexpected trip through a wall!"
The legend of Adam Yukimura, the man who annoyed the most powerful woman in the world into a relationship, had just begun. And it was going to be glorious. And incredibly, hilariously violent.