The arena was nothing like I imagined.
I thought it would be a big open space, maybe a coliseum. Instead, it looked like someone mashed together a sacrificial altar, a volcano, and a heavy metal concert.
Jagged obsidian spikes jutted from the blackened ground. Magma flowed through cracks that glowed like veins of hellfire. Pillars etched with demonic runes towered over us, pulsing with blood-red light. And overhead? Thousands of demonic spectators packed into towering stone bleachers, screaming for my death.
"KILL THE GOBLIN!"
"SPLATTER HIS GREEN GUTS!"
"SACRIFICE HIM TO THE TOILET GOD!"
...That last one might've been a joke. Might've.
And me? I stood trembling in a too-big cloak that dragged on the ground, holding a broken ceremonial sword I found lying around. My knees were knocking. My teeth were chattering. But I tried to look cool.
Keyword: tried.
[DING!]
[Bloodfire Duel Commencing]
[Opponent: General Krazul, Warfiend of the 7th Hell Legion]
[Level: 60 | Weapon: Soulrender Axe | Strength: 999]
[Your Level: 1 | Weapon: Decorative Sword (Rusty) | Strength: 3]
[Warning: Disparity is absurd. Activating passive skill: "Demonic Bluff"]
[New Skill Acquired: "Bullsh*t Aura (Lv. 1)"]
— You emit a fake aura that intimidates opponents who already believe you're powerful.
Across the battlefield stood my opponent: General Krazul.
Seven feet tall. Muscles like boulders. Eyes like a shark that did pre-workout. His skin was obsidian-gray and marked with glowing runes. His weapon? A two-meter-long axe wreathed in screaming red flame.
Krazul pointed his axe at me and sneered.
"I'll make this quick, fake Demon God. Your soul will look lovely on my mantle."
I gulped.
The crowd cheered wildly as the arena master raised a flaming whip into the air.
"BLOODFIRE DUEL… BEGIN!!"
Krazul charged. The ground cracked under his feet with each step. He was coming fast—like a freight train made of rage and steroids.
I panicked.
"WAIT!!"
My voice cracked like a teenager with stage fright.
Krazul paused, blinking. "What?"
I had no idea what I was doing. But if this "Bullsh*t Aura" worked off making them believe I was scary, then I had one shot.
I slowly raised my hand, closed my eyes, and spoke in the deepest, coolest voice I could fake.
"You dare draw your weapon against me… before I release even 1% of my sealed power?"
The entire arena went silent.
Even the lava bubbling around the stage… simmered down.
Krazul stared at me like I just turned into a Final Boss.
One demon noble up in the stands gasped, "He's not even fighting seriously!"
Malvaria, sitting on a throne high above, leaned forward, her ruby eyes sparkling. She bit her lip and whispered to herself, "He's so… mysterious."
[DING!]
["Bullsh*t Aura" Activated Successfully]
[Krazul's Morale: -30%]
[Malvaria Affection: +5%]
[Current Affection: 30%]
Krazul gritted his teeth. "You arrogant… FINE! Let's see if your power survives THIS!"
He lunged forward, axe swinging in a deadly arc. I could feel the heat of it—like a meteor made of death and testosterone. It was coming straight for my head.
[Warning: Incoming Lethal Attack]
[Use Emergency Skill: Grovel & Dodge?]
[Success Rate: 12.6%]
I screamed, "GROVEL AND DODGE!!"
My knees buckled. I threw myself to the ground face-first.
The axe whooshed inches above my head, slicing through air with a sonic boom. It smashed into a stone pillar behind me—shattering it completely.
Dust and debris exploded everywhere.
I rolled across the ground like a squealing potato, crashing into a rack of ceremonial weapons that tumbled down on top of me.
[CRITICAL DODGE SUCCESSFUL]
[You Looked Pathetically Strategic — +10% Affection (Princess Malvaria)]
[You've Been Dubbed: "The Slippery Demon God" by the Audience]
From the crowd:
"HE DODGED THAT?!"
"He must have predicted the future!"
"He's just toying with Krazul!"
Krazul growled, frustration evident. "You're mocking me…!"
He charged again, faster this time, a blur of burning muscle and fury.
I grabbed the closest thing I could—a broken trident—and flailed it wildly in front of me.
CLANG!!
Somehow, I blocked his swing. The force sent me flying backward into the arena wall.
My vision swam. My ears rang.
[DING!]
[You Took 95% Damage]
[HP: 3/100]
[Congratulations! You Survived a Fatal Blow by Pure Luck]
I dragged myself up, wobbling like a noodle, blood (or was it sweat?) dripping down my face.
"You're… not even using your full strength, are you?" Krazul muttered.
I coughed, spat out dust, and smirked.
"You wouldn't survive it if I did."
[DING!]
[Bullsh*t Aura Upgraded: Lv. 2]
[You now radiate light-pressure illusions and echoing sounds to fake "dark god energy"]
[Krazul's Morale: -60%]
A dark mist began swirling around me. My eyes—thanks to some unknown magical glitch—briefly glowed red.
The crowd lost its mind.
"HE'S UNSEALING STAGE TWO!"
"WHAT A MONSTER!"
And then... it happened.
Lightning struck the arena floor.
BOOOOOOM!!
Cracks split the stone beneath me. Arcane runes lit up in a massive circle.
I froze.
I didn't cast that.
Up in the royal balcony, Princess Malvaria sat calmly, her fingers still glowing with magic. She was… helping me. Amplifying my bluff with real power.
I looked up at her. She winked.
[DING!]
[Hidden Condition Met: Royal Assist "Fated Lightning" Triggered]
[Opponent Believes: You've Awakened 2% of Your True Power]
[Krazul's Morale: -90%]
Krazul dropped his axe.
His knees hit the ground.
"I… I yield."
Silence.
Then—an explosion of cheers.
"THE DEMON GOD WINS!!"
"ALL HAIL THE PRINCESS' HUSBAND!"
The announcer demon yelled, "Victory goes to Lord Ren of the Crimson Abyss!"
Malvaria leapt from her throne and floated down gracefully.
She ran to me and caught me just before I collapsed.
"You were magnificent," she whispered, pressing my head into her… generous chest. "I've never been so turned on."
[DING!]
[Main Quest Completed: Survive the Bloodfire Duel]
[Malvaria Affection: +10%]
[Current Affection: 40% — Seduction Progress 40/100]
[New Title Unlocked: Bullsh*t King]
[New Skill: Improvised Victory — You gain double affection from surviving battles via luck or lies]
I passed out.
Face-first in boobs.
I awoke sometime later in a massive bed.
The sheets were black velvet. The pillows were silky and embroidered with gold threads. Candles flickered from all corners of the room.
A strange scent—sweet and spicy—filled the air.
"Awake, my Demon God?" Malvaria purred from beside me. She wore a black silk nightgown that did nothing to hide her figure.
I immediately tried to sit up and bonked my head on the headboard.
"Ow—uh, yes, yes. Awake. Very awake."
She crawled closer.
"Tonight… we seal our union."
I froze.
[DING!]
[New Quest: Wedding Night Trial]
[Objective: Survive the Princess' Lust. (Optional: Impress Her)]
[Failure: Loss of Dignity. Possibly Death.]