Chapter One: I Fell Down the Stairs and Ended Up in Another Anime
(From the epic rambling brain of Natsuki Subaru)
Look, I've died a lot. Burned, bitten, shredded, stabbed, dismembered, digested—heck, I even got love-tapped to death by a bunny swarm once. You'd think a guy would get used to it after a while. Spoiler: You don't. You just get better at screaming in pain.
So when I accidentally fell down the stairs while running to check on the now-awake-but-amnesiac girl of my dreams, I figured—cool, a twisted ankle at worst, maybe a busted rib if the landing's dramatic.
What I didn't expect? To get grabbed mid-air by the cold shadowy hands of a jealous immortal yandere witch and yeeted across dimensions like a medieval ragdoll.
Satella, if you're reading this from the black void where you stalk me—next time, just ask me to take a break, yeah?
Next thing I knew, I woke up facedown in a pile of suspiciously warm moss, my cheek pressed against something squishy that turned out to be Meili's thigh. She shrieked. I shrieked. Then she laughed and kicked me into a tree. Good morning to you too, Meili.
We'd landed in some wild jungle nightmare that looked like someone fed a rainforest steroids and then gave it anger management issues. Beatrice was already swatting at an enormous butterfly the size of my face, shouting, "I suppose! I suppose this is the last straw, in fact!"
"Where… are we?" Emilia asked, brushing leaves from her hair. She still looked like a moon goddess even with twigs sticking out of her braids.
"This definitely isn't the tower anymore," Ram muttered while stepping over a lizard with feathers. "Also, I hate everything."
Rem stood quietly beside her, eyes blank but open—yeah, open. She was awake. Which should've been great. Except for the tiny problem that she looked at me like I was just a guy who borrowed her grocery cart once.
"Who... are all of you?" she asked.
Yeah. Gut punch #101. No memory of me. Again.
Enter: Snakebeech Forest.
Arneb was floating silently like an emo balloon. Garfield was growling at a fox-bear hybrid that looked ready to suplex him. Meili? She was over the moon. "I'm gonna catch every one of these and make them my murder-pets!" she cheered, skipping toward a nest of six-eyed squirrels with a butterfly net.
"Don't name them Pokémon, please," I begged. "Copyrights are already dangling by a thread here."
Just when I thought it couldn't get weirder, Shaula crawled out of Ram's satchel—except she was now a tiny scorpion. No talking. No flirty remarks. Just a twitchy tail and mindless skittering. We lost Shaula the crazy bug lady and got... a literal bug.
Beatrice snapped her grimoire shut. "This is Satella's doing, I suppose. There's dimensional interference everywhere."
Which made sense. I mean, how else do you explain waking up in a jungle dimension with prehistoric insects, magic-breaking auras, and my girlfriend-hopeful waking up just to friendzone me from zero again?
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There are moments in a man's life when he must take a stand. Stand for his beliefs. Stand for his friends. Stand against evil.
This was not one of those moments.
This was the moment I stood surrounded by small, magical, potentially world-ending girls, while everyone—including the newly amnesiac Rem—looked at me like I had a secret candy van hidden somewhere.
"Look, I swear I didn't ask for this," I said, hands up as Meili clung to my arm, Beatrice sulked on my shoulder, and Louis Arneb hid behind me like a traumatized puppy. "It's not like I have a sign that says Now Accepting Magical Orphans and Lost Lolis!"
"Then explain the line," Ram deadpanned, pointing to the literal queue of small girls within arm's reach.
Even Petra showed up through a shadow portal Shaula accidentally opened. Don't ask how. I didn't. I was too busy dying inside.
Let's rewind.
After we got a semi-direction from Garfield—who sniffed out a town nearby like a bloodhound in a tank top—we agreed to set off. Finally, a civilized place! Somewhere with people! Inns! Maybe a bath! Maybe even non-violent food!
But first… we had her to deal with.
Louis Arneb. The archbishop of Gluttony. The creepy twin who once ate people's identities like some twisted buffet sampler. She'd literally worn my face, lived my life, and realized the horror of being Natsuki Subaru firsthand. Which, honestly? Good. Now you know how it feels, Arneb!
I'd expected a fight. Maybe an ambush. A sinister monologue. But nope.
She just… sat there.
Vacant. Quiet. Clutching a piece of my torn jacket and staring at me like I was her last anchor to reality.
Garfield growled. "Boss, you sure we don't just squish her and call it a day?"
"I vote for the squish," Ram added. "You can't exactly un-eat memories."
But Emilia, in all her goddess-tier kindness, hesitated. "She looks so… lost. Maybe she needs help."
"She needs an exorcism," I muttered.
Still, I stepped forward.
"Arneb?" I said cautiously, remembering the last time she launched at me like a spider monkey. "You remember anything? Like, say, why you tried to live my life while munching on my emotional trauma?"
She blinked. Tilted her head. Then reached for my hand.
Beatrice groaned. "I suppose you've adopted another one, in fact."
"I haven't!" I cried. "Why is it always me?!"
"She likes you," Meili sang, poking Louis in the cheek. "You've got that 'bad decisions' aura."
"I am not a lolimancer," I growled.
"Keep telling yourself that," Ram smirked.
Even Rem—sweet, memory-wiped Rem—was side-eyeing me like I was collecting badges for the "Cute But Deadly Girls" club.
Still, I couldn't just leave Louis behind. She was dangerous, sure. But she was also—right now—a hollow shell. Maybe Satella did it. Maybe Return by Death had some weird soul-scramble. Maybe she just saw my life and rage-quit.
Either way, she was sticking close. Literally. She clung to my jacket like it was her new home and flinched if anyone got close.
So I sighed. Looked at the others. And said the five words that sealed my fate.
"She can come. For now."
"Lolimancer," Garfield muttered.
"I heard that!"
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Before we braved unknown towns, fought jungle wildlife, or confronted the terrifying economics of another universe, we had one major priority: Rem.
The girl I once promised to run away with. The girl who confessed her love, and then promptly got erased like a whiteboard during finals week. The girl who just woke up… and didn't know me from a toad.
Ouch.
We sat her down on a fallen tree, not far from where Louis Arneb had curled up with her empty eyes and pet guilt. Rem looked up at us—at me—with a calm, distant expression that made my heart clench like a vice.
"Can you… remember anything?" I asked gently, kneeling beside her like a guy in a daytime soap opera.
She blinked. "No."
Okay. Not great. But at least she spoke. That was already light-years ahead of the giggling husk of Arneb, who had all the coherence of a particularly haunted doll.
"Do you remember me?" Emilia asked, smiling kindly, hopefully.
Rem tilted her head. "You have pretty hair."
"Oh," Emilia said, smile twitching.
Ram crossed her arms. "I'm her sister. Surely you—"
"No," Rem replied bluntly. "But your faces look familiar. It's like I'm dreaming someone else's memories."
I swallowed hard. This wasn't like last time. There was no emotional connection, no subconscious loyalty or shy blushes. Just a gentle, polite emptiness.
She could speak. She could walk. She could respond.
But she had no anchor. No emotional compass.
She was a house with no furniture. A heart with no roots.
And me? I was just some loud, emotional guy who looked like he might cry again. (Which I didn't. Not really. Maybe just a little. Shut up.)
"Subaru," Beatrice said gently, floating down to rest on my shoulder. "It's still her, in fact. She just needs time."
"Or a hard reset," Garfield muttered. "Maybe a good punch to the soul."
"That's not how souls work," I groaned.
"But it's how I work," Ram added.
Meili skipped up with a flower crown made of something that might've been carnivorous plants and plopped it on Rem's head. "You're pretty! Wanna help me catch murder-squirrels?"
Rem blinked. "Sure."
Well, at least she was engaging.
We left Louis under Emilia's watch (which, by the way, is like putting a demon baby in the arms of a moon angel), and focused on Rem for a while. Talked to her. Walked with her. Tried to gently reintroduce her to everything.
She didn't remember the mansion.
Didn't remember Roswaal, or Petra, or the village.
Didn't remember me.
But she liked the name "Rem." Said it felt "right." And when I tripped over a root (classic me), she caught me by the sleeve with the kind of reflex I didn't expect.
So… yeah.
Progress.
Not a miracle. But progress.
"Maybe we should be grateful," Emilia said softly as we started walking again. "She's alive. She's with us. Even if she doesn't remember… maybe she can build something new."
I nodded, clutching my jacket where Rem's fingers had brushed it.
"Yeah," I whispered. "I'll make sure of it."
Even if it killed me.
Again.
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You ever walk into a place and feel like the laws of physics have politely packed their bags and moved to another city?
Yeah, that was Whale Island.
After brushing off emotional trauma (again), wrangling a mute gluttony-demon and a cheerful amnesiac (again), and surviving the Snakebeech Forest—which, fun fact, has actual snakes in the trees—we finally saw it.
A town nestled along a glittering coastline, quaint cottages and fishing piers laid out like someone's idea of a peaceful RPG starting zone. It was weirdly quiet, peaceful… too peaceful.
Naturally, I didn't trust it for a second.
Still, we approached.
Locals looked at us like a circus had rolled into town and immediately crashed into a tavern. Fair enough. We had a living teddy bear (Garfield), two walking disasters in magic form (Shaula and Meili), a sleepy murder-loli (Beatrice), and one very twitchy Subaru who kept scanning the skyline like Godzilla was about to attack.
Spoiler: Godzilla did not attack. Yet.
"Excuse me," Emilia asked one of the villagers with her usual celestial smile. "Could you tell us where we are?"
The old man scratched his beard, giving us a look that said you kids better not summon anything unholy.
"This here's Whale Island," he said. "Off the coast of the Republic of Padokea."
...Padokea?
That name struck a memory chord. A very dusty, unused, moth-eaten corner of my brain.
Whale Island… Padokea… Hunters…
And then it clicked.
"Oh no," I muttered.
Ram raised an eyebrow. "What is it this time? Did you realize you owe this universe child support too?"
"I think… we're in the world of Hunter X Hunter."
Everyone stared.
Garfield squinted. "The what?"
"It's a manga. Like a comic. Except with more trauma, body horror, and children doing unspeakably violent things for sport."
Beatrice frowned. "You read too much, in fact."
"I used to!" I exclaimed. "Back in my world. But I only read it casually. I don't remember most of it. Something about a kid with green hair… a fishing rod… and friends who are way too emotionally damaged for their age."
"Sounds familiar," Ram muttered, glancing at our group.
But yeah. It was all coming back in bits and pieces. Hunters. Nen. Crazy combat. Insane exams. Ridiculously broken twelve-year-olds.
And us?
We were not from this universe.
Which meant:
No one would know who we were.
We had no legal identity.
Satella had literally yeeted us into another franchise to stop me from dying so often.
I looked at the sky. "You couldn't have picked a slice-of-life anime instead, huh?"
The sky didn't answer. Typical.