Oakshade was really average at the skin level. Underneath, it was home to many witches, werewolves, and vampires. Over there are witches who know how to do sigil tattoos. They heard there was a sigil tattoo that could keep me at bay and make me not kill myself. Selene planned everything. She decided she was going to work at the hospital there and cure as many patients as she could. She would also be able to have access to the blood bank in the hospital for me and Vic. Vic and I would go to high school. Vic would only attend Senior year and only went to school to make sure I had a smooth transition. We moved to what seemed to be an old mansion. Selene told me it was one of the last properties that the Rossi covenant owned after they died, and she had been taking care of it. In the first days, I stayed at home, and after I went to the Hut, a tattoo parlor in OakShade, I got a tattoo sigil to keep my emotions in check.
After I got that, I learned that this sigil didn't erase the tormenting emotions. It merely trapped it inside me and gave me some control over it. Like if I wanted to spiral out of control, I would just feel this tingling sensation where the sigil was, which helped me know that the path I was going on would fuck shit up. When that damned mark burned into my skin, I knew that shit could happen, and if I tried killing myself, it would burn me until I stopped thinking of hurting myself. It made it impossible for me to harm myself, let alone let me off myself. The pain was a constant, relentless presence, burning my very soul, forcing me to endure every agonizing thought of guilt when killing someone or wanting to end my own misery business.
During my first year in high school in Oakshade, I managed to stay unnoticed in my junior year, like a hidden track on the albums I listened to quietly existing in the shadows. Apart from this guy called Ryan, a jock who kept bullying me. With his towering frame and smug smile, Ryan thinks he owns the place. His athletic build, piercing blue eyes, and perfectly messy blonde hair make him the quintessential high school jock everyone adores. He is a little off because even if girls love him and everyone adores him, he is a loner who will mess with anyone in his way. The worst part is that he is instead a quiet loner who minds his own business. He decides to hurt everyone in his path, whether a foe, a stranger, or a friend. He will make my life even hellish if I don't avoid him. I managed not to snap yet, with him beating me up. It does hurt and makes me want to beat him up. However, due to my vampire healing abilities, all the broken ribs he gave me healed fast. I would hide under the bleachers during my break, escape into the solace of my iPod, and let the haunting melodies of my favorite bands carry me away from the pain, if only for a little while. And some days, I ran off to school when Vic wasn't taking care of me. The moments I usually chose to run off were when she was busy studying or creating chaos with some punks in her class, which was mostly all the time. But after some time, leaving school got tedious, and the bleachers were a lovely, peaceful haven for me. Vic graduated the year we moved in and now works at The Den, a place I still don't know if it's a pub, a cafe, or an inn.
I woke up for the first day of class with a hangover[1] from the day before. I drank a mixture of stolen alcohol with Vic that we took from the cellar in this mansion. As the sun's rays hit my eyes, the thought that came up was that I wished I didn't have to come to Oakshade. I got up. I looked at the time. It was 7:00. I had 30 minutes to wash up the alcohol, put on my clothes, and get ready for school. Speed and recovery are excellent. I managed to get prepared quickly. Of course, I couldn't leave out the fact that I fell while trying to put on my skinny jeans. When I finished everything, I decided instead of taking a plain stale blood bag, I would mix in some Monster Energy Ultra Black, my favorite one, to combine with a stale shitty blood bag. It would help me get through my first day at school without Vic. I debated myself on the way out if I should head straight to school, but all the times I thought I would skip, I came to the same end: I owed Vic and Selene a peaceful start to the beginning of this School year.
As I walked into Lukewell High and headed towards my locker, a familiar scent enveloped me as I stepped into the school building, transporting me back to my human days. It was the fragrance of my mother's perfume, a captivating aroma that seemed to linger in the air, leaving a lasting impression on all of her clothes. I thought I was just imagining things, but that's when a girl I had never seen before passed me, smelling like my mom did. She wore a necklace with a clear red crystal pendant engraved with the letter A, like my mom's. My body was frozen in shock, unable to move as tears cascaded down my face, leaving streaks in my black eyeliner. The inky lines across my cheeks mirrored the chaos inside me, each tear a burning reminder of my torment, etching paths of sorrow on my pale, trembling skin. The weight of the pain from a distant memory of losing my parents was crushing me, making it feel impossible to cope, as if an invisible force was squeezing the life out of me. My chest was tight, and my heart was heavy with grief, a creeping fear, and a blurry vision, making me realize I might lose consciousness soon. All I thought was that if I blacked out, I would awaken to the horrifying sight of at least one lifeless body completely drained of blood in my hands. The darkness inside me was clawing its way out, reveling in the violence and bloodshed, leaving me on the edge of losing control entirely.
Out of the blue, in the middle of this ringing pain, a voice as sweet as a forgotten melody asking if I was okay suddenly broke the silence and pulled me out of my anguish. It was as if an angel had descended into my darkness, her words cutting through the agony and bringing a glimmer of hope. That voice, so gentle, made my dead heart feel like it skipped a beat and lifted me from the abyss, if only for a moment. I heard it several times before last year, but I was always hanging with Vic, so I never looked for the source. Most of the time, I just put on my earphones and tap out of this reality into music. That voice brought me back as if all my pain had quieted down. I didn't even see where it came from. Desperation and embarrassment took over, and I got up quickly, almost stumbling, and ran to the bathroom. Needing to escape that horrid scene, I had to wash my face, calm down, and forget about this whole thing.
I locked the bathroom door and redid my makeup. But then I heard a noise of a heart-thumping, its rhythm growing louder and more insistent, echoing through my ears. Someone was in the bathroom with me. The sound of that heart, each thump a reminder of life and vitality, drove me closer to the edge. The lingering pain from before and all those emotions that had flooded into me pushed me to the brink of despair. I wanted to unleash the tidal wave inside me, to let all the raw, uncontrollable emotions consume me. I started to move toward the stall where the source of the heartbeat called to me like a fucked up siren song singing dark promises to me. All I could think about was ripping the jugular of the kid inside, feeling the hot rush of blood spray against my face, the warmth slowly leaving his body, and life draining away in my hands. The thought of sinking my teeth into his flesh, tearing through veins, quenching my thirst with his essence, bringing voice into the angst sprawling in me. The darkness inside me was trying to break free, leaving the goddamn door open and never coming back, each heartbeat a taunt, a temptation I could feel even laughter from within something from Ronnie's RadkeThe Drug In Me Is You song. But then the school bell rang, its sharp, jarring sound snapping me back to reality, penetrating my heightened vampire hearing. Somehow, at that moment, I regained control. Instead of succumbing to brutally following my true self, I channeled the rage into a single, desperate act. I smashed the sink with a force that sent water spraying everywhere and shattered the mirror, sending shards of glass flying. The bathroom was drenched. I stood for 1 second as it felt like time had stood still. The broken mirror and shattered porcelain mirrored the fracture inside me, each shard a reminder of how close I came to letting the killer in me win. Trembling, angry, and sad, I busted open the door and stormed out without a second thought. I pulled up my hoodie, shoved my headphones on, and let the music drown out the chaos inside me as I made my way to class. Each step felt heavy, the weight of my emotions dragging me down. The blast of whatever was shuffled on my iPod became my only escape. The lyrics and melodies became my drug to calm whatever tide was stirring my pain.
[1] Witches have herbs that, if mixed into alcohol, can allow any vampire to actually feel the full effects of alcohol.