Anyone reading this should know this isn't The Vampire Diaries or Twilight, this is my life, and it sucks. People who read or watch that stuff fall in love with the characters, but can never get how excruciating it is to crave blood. It shakes every vampire's core, giving them an aching feeling so strong it gives you goosebumps. They have no clue about the irresistible rhythm of a heartbeat, like the pounding drums at a rock concert booming in your ears, making your whole body vibrate with the beat. It calls to you like a rave where the beat takes over your mind and body. The maddening urge to sink your fangs into tender flesh and puncture an artery is overwhelmingly painful yet twistedly satisfying. The rush of warm, crimson liquid flooding into your mouth, quenching your insane thirst while your victim's life drains away, is pure ecstasy. It's a twisted, euphoric high that makes you crave more, something they can only dream of in their darkest, most fucked-up fantasies.
I, Vincent Rossi, know this feeling too well since I am living the life of an actual tortured vampire. I may be 36, but the day I turned, the darkness in me spiraled into existence and exploded my emotions beyond what I ever felt as a human. To cope, I wear dark eyeliner and eyeshadow to show the emotional scars you can't see. My nails are painted black, sharp, and deadly—perfect for piercing any type of flesh, human or animal, without damaging them. The black polish reflects my dark soul, a grim reminder of the violence I'm capable of. My skin is pale—maybe even more so now that I use a very pale base makeup. My wardrobe consists of band T-shirts, black shirts, and leather jackets. Skinny jeans and studded belts are just how I dress, part of my constant struggle. Each day feels like a scene from the typical music videos I usually see, where the pain and darkness are a continuous backdrop. I've tried to end it, but I can't. I'm trapped in this sad reality, caught between my vampiric instincts and the remnants of my human emotions. Drinking from blood bags is disgusting. The cold, stale taste of blood bags makes me gag. Stalking the animal I am hunting is enticing, but tasting animal blood is like forcing someone to be vegetarian—disgusting and unnatural, but it helps with the hunger. It's a sure way to guarantee I won't hurt someone. My sisters, Selene and Vic, try to help me cope, but even their support can't change what I am. Their presence is a tragic reassurance of the humanity I've lost and that if it weren't for them, I would have already fallen victim to the darkness that constantly threatens to consume me.
My emotions have been unstable since I turned, and I ended up killing many therapists when I blacked out after my emotions got heightened. The truth is, I didn't just black out. I fell deeply into the chaos and carnage that followed—each time I woke up to the sight of their mutilated bodies, a sick, twisted satisfaction bubbled within me. Their blood on my hands felt like a hot bath, their blood like drinking the finest wine. The look and feel of their cold, morbid bodies, their eyes just staring into nothingness, and the beautiful silence of death was way better than them just sitting and scribbling down notes about the shit show my life had become. Each kill brought me a dark, euphoric joy. It was as if Jared Leto whispered in my ear, "This is who you really are inside." Ending their lives was more than just a loss of control. It was a brutal, primal release that fed the darkness within me, making me crave and fear the next blackout like a high I knew was destroying me, but I couldn't resist the rush. The aftermath was always the same.
Vic, who always waited for me outside, would rush in when she heard silence. She would find me covered in blood. During the first kills, she would be laughing, but since it became something constant, she started to become more mature and lecture me more. The first time, she kept it a secret since Vic Herself wasn't the best role model. She got me into rock music and showed me how easily we could get into concerts by playing what she called mind games, which was really just vampire mind control with the entrance guards. However, I took a liking to pop-punk emo-like music. My favorite band is Pierce the Veil. My birthday is May 15, making me have a love relationship with the song Hold On Till May[1]. I'll never forget when Selene took Vic and me to Brighton, UK, in 2013 to watch the 2013 UK Tour for my birthday. It was amazing.
Selene was always pissed at us, mainly since Vic couldn't stick to just blood bags and animal blood. So, I ended up drinking human blood fresh from the neck at shows and bars with Vic. Sure, it dulled the pain for a while, but every night we went out ended with my emotions shattered and my soul a little more broken, like most of the lyrics from my iPod. I despised the act of causing others pain, but I experienced the intense, almost unbearable pleasure. I hated causing others pain, but the fierce, practically intolerable pleasure of fresh blood spilling onto my tongue made the guilt vanish. The taste of blood was my bittersweet symphony, numbing the anguish, even for a moment. I craved blood more than I hated the harm I inflicted.
As you can see, even when that happened and Vic was with me, she would just add to the fire. Therapy was to keep my emotions in check. And my kills made the bodies pile up so much that even Vic had to get involved. She waited until Selene's master's exam was over. Selene decided there was only one way to help me. She and Vic decided to seek the help of the supernatural. Selene also told us a plan to make us all try to remember our humanity by moving to this small town in Massachusetts called Oakshade. All I thought was she was trying to pull a Falling In Reverse song called I'm Not a Vampire. But instead, it felt like her title was We Are Not Humans. Maybe she could be a nicer Ronnie Radke than Ronnie himself. Selene is the epitome of a vegetarian vampire with no blood bags and uses her blood to heal humans.
[1] It served as a reminder that I survived one more year without losing my mind from being a vampire.