I stared at the pair of shoes Luc had polished for me - my old shoes, the same ones I wore to the interview that was changing my life.
But surely this can't last forever.
Luc stood beside me, composed and graceful. The suit she'd chosen for me fit a little too well. I looked like someone important, but worse than that, someone who believed she was important.
She opened up and showed me the path to proceed with her extended hand.
"Shall we proceed?"
I nodded, mostly because I didn't know how to argue, or think, or exist, actually.
We walked out of the dressing room and into the private elevator. The shoes clicked softly on the marble. I was so clumsy even my foot steps didn't have steady rhythm to it. Like a jazz drummer wannabe who liked to drift in and out, unmusically. As the elevator's doors slid shut, Luc spoke again.
"Your presence has been requested on the twelfth floor."
I felt my skin get hot.
"A me-, meeting…?"
"No. Public Relations."
The word 'public' instantly freaked me out.
"I, I, I- can't give speeches."
"It's for a portrait."
Oh.
"…Like, to make an ID?"
Luc tilted her head.
"For inspiration."
There was a long pause as I tried to process that sentence.
"Could you say that again…?"
She didn't. She just looked ahead as the elevator descended into the depth of hell.
—
The twelfth floor had been turned into something that looked like an exhibition at a modern art museum or some wedding photo studio. Or both. A glass atrium looked like melting liquid in natural light, and the area was busy with several people rushing around as if they were preparing for an haute couture fashion show.
A woman in pastel beige approached me like a small, excited butterfly.
"Miss Lang! Welcome. We're so honored to finally work with you. I hope the light is to your liking?"
I looked around.
"It's… bright, but nice."
I did like that she seemed to be someone who appreciated different shades of light.
"Perfect," she beamed, already leading me toward a chair surrounded by screens and soft panels. "We want to capture you as you are. Timeless. Grounded. Human, and inspirational."
Luc remained a step behind me like a silent guardian angel - or devil.
Who knew at this point.
The next hour passed like a dream where I watched myself from a bird's eye view. They made me sit. They made me stand, hold a pen - hold a different pen; what was I going to write? Nothing. But apparently, holding a pen seemed important.
I gazed at something invisible, something that wasn't there. I had no idea what I was doing. They just told me to look like I was gazing into future. I almost got it right and was proud of it for a moment, until they told me I should look 'further' into future.
After the future routine was over, they told me to smile like I just saved a puppy. When I did, they told me it wasn't quite right. They said I smiled like I was a puppy myself. I pulled on a different smile. The friendly woman, ever so patient, told me that I looked like I was just saved by a puppy. I caught a glimpse of Luc from the corner of my eye. She was totally expressionless, but I knew, I just knew that she was suppressing a laugh.
"Chin up, Miss Lang. There. That's it. Just a little more. Visualize - and then express. Look like a woman who just inherited a kingdom. The glory, the honor, but with an infinite heaviness of the burden on your shoulders - but you can bear it, oh yes, you can bear it. No, please - don't frown. You look like you are being crushed by the burden."
I wanted to die.
"Try tilting your head just slightly to the left. Yes, now you are listening. You are listening to the future whispering into your ears. The future's telling you good things. Very good things. Glorious things."
Luc didn't intervene. She just stood nearby with arms behind her back.
I was getting desperate.
"Luc, please help me. How do I gaze into future?"
"Like this, Miss."
Everyone's jaw dropped instantly as Luc somehow pulled off the 'gaze into future' face.
"How… how?!"
"And this is how you gaze into past."
Then there she was. Gazing into past. I could see that she was gazing into the past that was centuries ago. She had the eyes of someone who'd seen it all.
"Tha-, that's exactly it… Miss Lang, um, please try to do that."
Luc did it so well that the Creative Director lady stuttered.
As if I can do that…
And at one point, they wheeled in a child.
"A member of our employee daycare," said the overly creative woman. "Just for a few frames - to show that you are the future, and you will pass on even brighter future for the next generation. Continuity, Miss Lang."
I was handed a toy to pass to the child.
I froze.
I completely froze.
"Miss Lang?"
Luc stepped in.
"We'll pause for a moment."
She led me gently out of the spotlight, behind a screen.
"I… I can't do this," I said, my voice trembling.
Luc looked into my eyes. Piercing. As if to study what finally broke me. Trying. Trying to mend my heart so I could go out there and act again.
After a few seconds of intense searching, she drew in a silent deep breath and spoke.
"I believe this is enough for today. We will pick a picture from the ones we'd already taken."
With that, were back to the limelight.
They printed one of the shots on the spot and showed it to Luc. She didn't smile. But she nodded.
And that was that.
—
Back in my office, I collapsed onto the couch. I looked at my feet and realized I was wearing a different pair of shoes now. Definitely something more fancy, but not extravagant. Classy. A sheen, not a glitter.
I didn't even know where my old shoes had gone, but I wasn't worried. I figured they'd somehow turn up again in my dressing room - like magic .
Luc placed a tablet on the table beside me.
On the screen was the draft poster.
It showed me standing in profile, light brushing my cheekbones just enough to make me look ethereal, distant, cold but safe. The slogan in serif font below read:
"Continuity. Strength. The Heiress We Deserve."
I stared.
"That's not me," I said.
Luc sat across from me, calm and poised.
"It is you," she said.
"But it's a lie."
"Then it's a beautiful one."
My heart skipped a beat, and I felt all the tension from my body melt away.
I was exhausted, but if Luc says this picture is acceptable, maybe it really was.
Even if it was a lie.