It started with the shoes.
As I went back to 'my room' and entered the dressing room, I was overwhelmed with the forest of fine clothes. It instantly made me remember a line from the Great Gatsby - 'It makes me sad because I've never seen such-such beautiful shirts before.'
I did not have the beauty of Daisy, but I probably matched her airhead-ness.
But what really caught my eye as I looked around was my old clothes, or more like the only clothes in this room that were actually mine.
The simple and modest black suit that my parents shelled out for me to wear for job interviews.
Just below the suit that hung on the hanger that was probably more expensive than the suit itself, I saw the matching black leather shoes that I got at the same time. It was polished by someone at some point, for I never managed to keep them so clean before, and I saw the dull reflection of myself on its surface.
Yeah, I once walked in those shoes.
———
The Lang Group lobby was filled with natural light that shone through its beautifully clear glass walls. It was both comforting and intimidating at the same time. It felt like this place was blessed from the God Himself, carrying the weight of His grace.
After a short nervous interaction with the receptionist, I was guided to a room on the 4th floor to wait for my interview. I was seated on a leather bench that I did not want to get up from, partly because it was so cozy and partly because I dreaded the interrogation into my personal life and non-existing skills and achievements that was soon to begin once my name was called out.
"Ms. Lin Lang, please come in."
A tall man, dressed in subtly stylish gray suit came out of the room and welcomed me.
Once I entered the room with my heart bursting with anxiety, the first thing I noticed was just how bright the room was. Everything reflected light, including people's eyeballs.
Then I looked ahead and found that three people were already seated across the table.
They didn't look like recruiters. More like a well-dressed jury. All smiles. All perfectly still.
"Miss Lang, please, take a seat."
I sat. The chair made a noise, just loud enough to scare me and immediately lose my confidence - did I screw up already?
"Welcome to the Lang Group, Miss Lin. Thank you for finding time to attend this interview."
"Tha… thank you for giving me this opportunity."
I was the one who was infinitely grateful - and mortified - for this God given chance, but I appreciated that they seemed to try to make the atmosphere as welcoming as possible.
But I've failed way too many interviews to let my guard down. I already had a few interviews that started very positively with smiles on everyone's faces - except mine - and quickly escalated into tough questions that pressure-tested me.
"We'd like to begin with a simple question," said the woman in the center once I was seated.
Her voice was smooth like a butter-knife.
"P..please go ahead."
This was the second time. Maybe now they were starting to think I had a stutter.
But before my fragile heart could implode, the woman continued in the same tone.
"Why did you apply to the Lang Group?"
My mind went blank.
I felt like I was staring at the monitor screen that gave me a prompt to enter the password that I had forgotten.
Why?
Why indeed?
Because I was desperate? Because I had nothing to lose? Because I liked the logo?
"Well, uh, I was drawn to the company's reputation… for innovation," I said.
I thought I answered relatively well, but the eyes fixed on mine - despite looking kind - signaled that I should continue.
"And structure."
Structure? What the heck did I just say?
"Interesting," said the man on the left, nodding like I just said something genuinely intelligent.
"What would you say you bring to the team?"
"I bring… myself," I blurted out.
The interviewers exchanged glances, and nodded their heads in acknowledgment.
That was probably the stupidest thing I could have said. I knew I had to say something more.
"…Which includes a strong work ethic. And, erm, a willingness to learn. Rapidly. At speed. Under stress."
"So you're resilient under pressure?"
"I live there."
Another pause. I tried to recover.
"I mean- yes. I adapt. Efficiently. I'm used to stress. I was born with it."
The woman made a note as I was failing hard.
Then the man on the right took over to question me further.
"Could you tell us about a situation where you failed and-"
"Every job interview," I said, before my brain could stop my mouth.
The man in the middle laughed. I was blushing. I was sure of it.
"I meant to say, a situation where you failed but used it as a learning experience."
The man that I interrupted earlier kindly gave me a chance to salvage myself.
"I've learned… about my inadequacies."
Eyes. Looking right through me. They were searching for more answers.
I had none.
"And you did fantastically to overcome those, right?"
"Yes!"
I shouted a little too loudly - or, probably, I shouldn't have shouted at all.
"And how do you define success, Miss Lang?"
"Survival."
A longer pause this time.
Then the woman smiled again. "That is a very inspiring answer."
I'm sure it would inspire the woman to tell her colleagues over lunch today 'You won't believe the stuff that came out of this interviewee's mouth today.'
"One last thing," the man said, flipping through a folder.
But all I could think was how this was already 'last thing' that they wanted to ask me.
Nothing about my qualifications, nothing about my personal background, nothing about my academic grades - but then again, maybe it was a good thing that they didn't ask.
"When do you think you could start working?"
I blinked.
Wait-, did I… just get the job?!
Thankfully though, years of disappointment and failure tore my dumb dream down in no time and I realized it was a hypothetical question.
Maybe it's just to test how keen I am to work here.
"I can start this afternoon."
They all looked surprised - lost even.
"Miss Lang, please excuse us for a moment."
With that, three of them exited the room hurriedly.
What the hell…
Even in my worst interviews, the interviewers never ran away from the room before.
This wasn't just another failure.
This was a catastrophe.
There was no point for me to continue here.
The best thing I could do was probably just get up and leave.
But then I would run into them just outside the door wouldn't I?
What do I do then?
Just thinking about it made me so anxious that my hands started to tremble.
After a minute or so, the door opened again and the three of them came back in.
"We are terribly sorry, Ms. Lang. Please accept our apologies, but this afternoon will be a little… difficult."
"I… I understand…"
"But we will get back to you as soon as possible."
Right.
I probably get a polite text message of rejection.
"I guess… that's it for me then."
"For today, Miss Lang. For today."
Then they all bowed to me - way too deep. I struggled to match their angle.
———
Back in the present, I blinked hard. The memory left a weird taste in my mouth.
"Would you like my assistance in picking your suit for today, Miss?"
Luc was standing beside me again. She had a knack for just turning up without me being able to notice, as if she appeared from thin air.
But somehow, it never felt intrusive.
"I… I remembered the interview."
"You did well."
"I was a disaster."
Luc tilted her head. "You were memorable."
Wait-
"How… how do you know?"
"I read the transcript."
My face blushed again, probably at least as red as it did back in that interview room.
"Please erase all memories of that transcript."
"I could, if that was your order. But respectfully, I'd rather not. Those are my precious memories."
"I'm sure you were… amused."
Luc only answered with a smile, but it wasn't mocking. Quite contrary, her smile somehow carried genuine sense of gratitude.
I don't think I can understand this woman at all…
"As for the shoes, Miss Lang. I recommend those over there." Luc opened her palm to direct my gaze to a classy pair of black shoes.
"But if you prefer to wear the pair you came in with, I polished them again this morning."
And I could swear she can read my mind.