When you try to live peacefully… but you're Alan.
A day that was supposed to be calm—lectures, training, breakfast in the dining hall—becomes, by sheer force of Alan's presence, a masterpiece of comedic destruction.
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Opening Note:
At last… the team had returned to the academy.
No monsters.
No fire.
No nudity.
…At least, not at first.
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On a quiet morning, Alan strode into the dining hall wearing his new robe, flashing smiles as if yesterday's chaos was just a bad dream.
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Alan (loudly):
"Good moooorning, fellow students! Alan is BACK! And fully dressed!"
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Student (from the back):
"Don't remind us..."
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Miri (sitting with Rodrick):
"He's been awake for ten minutes and already causing emotional damage."
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Demus (sipping his soup):
"I set a timer to track his chaos intervals. He broke the record today."
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Then, without invitation, Alan decided to sit with the students of the Dark Wing Division—despite not belonging there.
Just because "their seats looked comfier and more evil."
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Alan (sitting without asking):
"Hey, dark edgy people! What's for breakfast? Souls? Curses?"
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Angry student staring at him:
"Leave. Now."
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Alan:
"Alright, alright! No need for demonic energy this early!"
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He then headed to the training hall, stood upside-down in front of everyone, and proudly declared:
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Alan:
"I'm meditating! With gravity!"
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One of the instructors, without even looking up, casually cast a small push spell—sending Alan flying into a pile of cushions.
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Alan (from beneath the pillow):
"I call that... Tactical Retreat."
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Later in theory class, while Eldara was explaining alternative magic energies, Alan raised his hand with a deeply "philosophical" question:
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Alan:
"If I swallow a mana crystal, will I glow in the dark?"
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Eldara (without turning):
"If you swallow one, you'll explode. Please do."
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The class burst out laughing.
Alan, however, wrote it down in his notebook like a scientific breakthrough.
Below it, he scribbled: "Experiment later – bright explosion."
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The day was nearly over...
Except for the reflective magic incident, where Alan ended up being chased around the campus by a faster, angrier version of himself.
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Alan (screaming):
"IT'S ME! BUT FASTER! AND ANGRIER!!"
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At sunset, he sat on the academy rooftop, watching the sky with a rare, tired smile.
Beside him, Eldara sat in silence.
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Alan (in rare calm):
"You know... I try to be normal. But normal runs away from me."
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Eldara (looking at him):
"Maybe one day, the world will adjust to your insanity."
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Alan:
"I'll keep trying. Until then... I'll keep my pants on."
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When Alan Sees Something Fluffy… Everything Turns Tail-Up
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After the lecture, Alan was strolling through the academy halls, whistling to himself like he hadn't just turned his life into a live-action comedy moments ago.
Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks.
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His eyes locked onto a girl walking quietly across the courtyard.
Her long, silver-gray hair flowed gently, her pointed ears twitched with caution, and behind her swayed a delicate, feline tail.
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Alan (staring shamelessly):
"Oh. My. Gods."
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He bolted toward her like a missile and leapt in front of her like an overexcited cat.
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Alan:
"You're real. You're FLUFFY. You're... PURRFECT!"
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Kira (expression dead inside):
"What."
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Alan (mesmerized by her ears):
"Look at those ears! Can I touch them?! Just one poke! Pretty please?!"
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Kira (arms crossed):
"No."
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Alan (trying to hold himself together):
"Okay. Okay. Respect. Consent. But—THE TAIL. I mean... it's right there!"
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Then the tail twitched slightly…
And that was enough to shatter his composure.
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Alan (suddenly crouching):
"Who's a good kitty? You are! Yes, you are!"
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He reached toward the tail...
But before his fingers could make contact, Kira vanished in a blur and appeared behind him—
Then gave him a swift bop to the back of the head.
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Kira:
"You do that again, and I'll teleport you into the lake. Naked."
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Alan (grinning from the floor):
"Totally worth it."
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But the trouble wasn't over…
A sensory spell had been cast on Kira by one of the professors to monitor her magical output—
It wasn't designed to detect student-on-student incidents.
And the velocity with which she smacked Alan...
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BOOOOM!
A glowing orb exploded above them, triggering a magical siren that echoed across the entire academy.
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Blaring alert voice:
"Alpha-Red Code: Unauthorized violent energy detected! Intervention imminent!"
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Alan (trying to stand):
"Great! We're in trouble. Again. I blame the tail."
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Kira (closing her eyes):
"...I should've kicked you instead."
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Eldara stormed onto the scene, her hair swept back by magic, eyes blazing.
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Eldara:
"What did you do this time?!"
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Alan (raising his hand proudly):
"It was love. Love for soft ears and wiggly tails."
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Eldara (immediately sealing his mouth with a magic scroll):
"No talking. No moving. No... Alan-ing."
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She then turned to Kira with sharp calm:
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Eldara:
"You'll need to be more careful around him. He causes chaos just by breathing."
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Kira:
"Noted. Next time, I'll bring a stick."
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And so, the first meeting between Kira and Alan ended in disaster…
But everyone at the academy knew one thing:
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This cat wasn't escaping that lunatic's curiosity anytime soon.
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Sometimes, the curse isn't in monsters or wars... but in a human named Alan, chasing you with a tiny pillow and a meowing sound.
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In the academy courtyard, between ornamental trees and students desperately trying to study in peace...
Kira stood beside the fountain, gazing into the water and breathing calmly—
Until she felt something unsettling standing behind her… silently.
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Alan (popping out from behind a statue, grinning):
"I brought snacks! Do cats like tuna or chicken more?"
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Kira (stepping back without looking at him):
"...You again?"
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Alan (rushing in front of her excitedly):
"You're like a mystical cat princess! Let me carry you in a blanket. I made one. It has ears!"
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He then pulled out a yellow blanket decorated with paw prints and hand-written text that read: "PRINCESS KIRA."
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Kira (slowly walking toward the door):
"I'm leaving."
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Alan (chasing after her into the hall):
"Wait! I've got a list of purring techniques! Just give me one meow! ONE!"
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Kira (vanishing in a burst of speed):
ZWOOOSH!
(She disappeared.)
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Alan (looking around while wrapping himself in the blanket):
"She's gone... but I shall find her again. Destiny demands cuddles!"
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In the next class, Kira sat behind a desk, thinking she was finally safe...
Until she heard a faint voice from beneath the table.
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Alan (from underneath):
"Hey... I brought catnip tea."
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Kira (immediately standing and grabbing him by the ear):
"OUT. NOW."
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Out in the corridor, after being thrown out of the classroom, Alan stood staring at the sky in awe.
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Alan:
"She touched me... that's progress!"
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Later that day, he found her again—training in the archery yard.
He watched from afar, then tiptoed closer... holding a small, hand-sewn mouse plushie.
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Alan:
"I made this for you. I sewed it myself. His name is 'Squeaky'."
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Kira (takes the toy slowly… then smacks him over the head with it):
"I'm not a cat."
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Alan (smiling as he collapses to the ground):
"That's what a cat would say..."
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Finally, at the end of the day, Kira sat on the academy rooftop, trying to inhale a moment of peace.
Suddenly, she heard light footsteps…
She turned to find Alan asleep beside her, wrapped in his blanket, holding Squeaky close.
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Kira (sighing, then covering him with her coat):
"...Idiot."
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But she smiled—just a little.
After all, his presence wasn't that bad.
Just... annoying, like a persistent meowing sound.
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To be continued…