The Reality Core's holographic message flickered ominously in the dim light of Glitchvale's back alleys, casting a sickly green glow on Yamete's increasingly exasperated face. He read the words aloud for what felt like the hundredth time: "'Core #3: In the trash where it belongs.' Really? That's the big revelation?"
Gary, who had been absentmindedly chewing on what appeared to be a very old gym sock, perked up. "Oh! That's probably in my Tuesday compartment!"
GLich-chan floated lazily in circles around Gary's rim, her tiny feet kicking up small clouds of dust and what might have been ancient cracker crumbs. "Let me get this straight," she said, poking at a suspicious stain on Gary's exterior. "We're supposed to believe that the last piece of the cosmic puzzle that could save or destroy reality is just... rattling around in there with your collection of used napkins and questionable life choices?"
"Hey!" Gary's lid clattered indignantly. "My life choices are extremely questionable, thank you very much. And for your information, I have a very sophisticated organizational system."
Yamete pinched the bridge of his nose. "Gary. Last week we found a live turtle in you."
"That was Steve! And he was happy in there!"
GLich-chan sighed. "Alright, trash can. Open up. We're going in."
What followed was perhaps the most disgusting archaeological expedition in the history of Glitchvale. Gary obligingly popped his lid, releasing a smell that could best be described as "what happens when a food court dumpster has an existential crisis." Yamete gagged visibly, while GLich-chan's holographic form actually pixelated for a moment in self-defense.
"Okay," Yamete said, pulling his shirt up over his nose. "GLich, you're on floating duty. I'll... I'll poke things with this stick."
Gary gasped as Yamete produced a yardstick from nowhere. "Be gentle! Those are my memories you're poking at!"
The first layer consisted mostly of what appeared to be several years' worth of fast food wrappers, all perfectly preserved in a sort of grease-based ecosystem. Beneath that lay a stratum of mysterious liquids in unmarked containers, followed by what might have been either a dead plant or a very unsuccessful science experiment.
"Ah!" Gary said excitedly as Yamete unearthed a moldy VHS tape. "My graduation video!"
GLich-chan squinted at the label. "'Gary's Big Night Out - DO NOT WATCH'?"
"That's what they told me right before they filmed it! It's probably a compliment."
As they dug deeper, the artifacts grew stranger. A Tamagotchi that had evolved into a tiny screaming version of Sigma. A rubber duck that quacked in reverse. What appeared to be an entire chess set made from old bottle caps and gum wrappers.
"Gary," Yamete said slowly, holding up a suspiciously squishy object, "why do you have what looks like a year-old burrito wrapped in what might be someone's tax returns?"
"That's my emergency rations! And my retirement plan!"
GLich-chan suddenly froze, her debug sensors pinging. "Wait. There's something... different down here." She floated lower, her glow illuminating a faint pulsing light beneath what appeared to be a small mountain of expired coupons.
With great ceremony (and greater disgust), Yamete used his stick to move aside the coupons, revealing...
A gelatinous, slightly glowing orb covered in what could only be described as "the universe's worst sprinkles."
Gary gasped. "MY LUCKY MEATBALL!"
Yamete and GLich-chan exchanged glances. "That's not a meatball," GLich-chan said flatly.
"Sure it is! I found it behind the noodle shop three years ago and it's brought me nothing but good fortune!"
Yamete poked it gingerly with his stick. The "meatball" quivered ominously before splitting open like some kind of disgusting cosmic flower, revealing the slightly sticky but unmistakable form of Reality Core #3.
"...I want to quit," Yamete announced to no one in particular.
Just as GLich-chan was about to respond, something else clattered out from the depths of Gary's interior - a rusted can opener with "Property of Theta" engraved on its handle.
GLich-chan's eyes widened. "That's... that's Admin Theta's old debug tool."
Gary immediately grabbed it in his lid. "Ooooh, shiny!" Before anyone could stop him, he tried using it on himself, resulting in a shower of sparks and his lid getting stuck at a 45-degree angle.
As Yamete facepalmed and GLich-chan sighed, none of them noticed the shadowy figure watching from a nearby alleyway. Sigma's latest disguise - a truly unconvincing "trash can" costume made from a painted cardboard box - would have been laughable if not for the fact that he was holding what appeared to be a very real and very dangerous-looking spoon-based weapon.