Yamete Kimochi blinked at his doppelgänger—the "Tester Build" version of himself currently wrestling with a coffee pot that kept switching between liquid and pixelated forms. The clone's mug read "World's Okayest Beta Tester" in glitching Comic Sans.
"So let me get this straight," Yamete said, watching his alternate self pour what might have been coffee or possibly liquefied error messages. "Sigma made you as his ideal test subject, but you escaped because...?"
"Because he tried to remove my ability to jump," Yamete Beta replied, shuddering. "A world without unnecessary double jumps is a world not worth living in." Behind him, a discarded boss monster (demoted for being "too intimidating") peeked out from behind a server rack, waving shyly.
GLich-chan floated upside down, snacking on strands of corrupted code like they were spaghetti. "Makes perfect sense! Sigma once patched out a whole dungeon because players were having *too much fun* grinding there."
The safehouse—dubbed 'Haven' by its residents—was a chaotic mix of rejected game assets and unfinished content. Health potions with social anxiety huddled in a corner, an NPC labeled 'QuestGiver_Backup_Old' snored in a hammock, and Gary the Trash Can held court over a group of rebellious furniture items.
Yamete's Corruption Meter ticked up to 65% as he took it all in. "This is the weirdest witness protection program I've ever seen."
Yamete Beta unrolled a map labeled "Operation: Un-Perfect This Mess", revealing a crude drawing of Sigma's citadel with a giant disco ball over the main plaza. "Here's the plan: we sneak in through the janitor's backdoor, GLich-chan uploads the Dancing Bug to distract the guards, and you—" he pointed at original Yamete, "—do what you do best."
"Which is?"
"Break everything with style."
---
The infiltration started poorly.
They'd barely stepped into the Perfect Citadel's pristine white corridors when an Auto-Correct Knight spotted them. "Halt, miscreants! Your presence violates server rule 4.5.2—"
Yamete punched it in the visor.
"—subsection B regarding 'darn tootin' behavior in designated—" The knight's voice modulator glitched as its helmet caved in slightly.
GLich-chan clapped. "Nice! But we've got twelve more incoming. Time for phase two!" She jammed her tiny hands into a nearby terminal.
The citadel's immaculate walls pulsed pink as a disco beat thundered through the halls. "DANCING BUG ACTIVATED."
Sigma's elite guards snapped to attention—then immediately launched into a Broadway-worthy musical number.
"🎵 Don't stop the DATA, keep those bytes a-flowin'! 🎵"*
Yamete watched in horrified fascination as knights high-kicked in perfect unison, their armor clanging rhythmically. "We've created monsters."
"Beautiful monsters," GLich-chan corrected, wiping away a tear.
---
The Balance Core chamber was everything Yamete hated—flawless geometry, mathematically perfect lighting, and a floating sphere of pure order that made his teeth ache. Equations scrolled across its surface, each one sucking a little more joy from the world.
Yamete Beta cracked his knuckles. "Alright, time to—"
WHOOSH!
Sigma materialized in a burst of admin privilege, his perfect robes now 50% jazz hands. "I SHOULD'VE KNOWN ONLY YOU WOULD USE THE DANCING BUG!" His voice glitched between regal authority and show tune enthusiasm.
Yamete grinned. "You left it in the code! That's on your QA team!"
What followed was the least dignified boss battle in RPG history:
Sigma summoned Perfect Golems immune to cheats—only for Yamete Beta to counter with a gang of discarded boss monsters. GLich-chan spammed the "Uno Reverse" glitch until Sigma's attack animations played backward. And Yamete?
He hugged the Balance Core.
The sphere squeaked, turned plaid, and birthed a baby glitch that immediately recited "All your base are belong to us" in iambic pentameter.
Sigma's scream of existential rage was still echoing when the citadel began to collapse—not into rubble, but into an entire unused carnival level that had been cut for being "too whimsical."
As they escaped through a hallway transforming into a rollercoaster track, GLich-chan pulled up a glowing message in the wreckage:
[FINAL WARNING: "Main World" corruption at 89%]
[ADMIN OVERRIDE REQUIRED]
[Y/N?]
Yamete stared at the prompt as cotton candy machines spawned around them. "That can't be good."
Behind them, Sigma's voice rang out from within a hall of mirrors: "THIS ISN'T OVER! I'LL REVERT TO BACKUP! I'LL—" His words cut off as a popcorn stand fell on him.