I stand there, my brain turned off as my soul goes into critical bug mode.
"Wait."
I raise a trembling finger to the ceiling.
"You mean... I could have... been aiming for the magic... all along?"
A blank.
Then the answer comes, dry as a slap:
[Previously, your potential was insufficient. What's more, you never made this request].
I freeze.
"Seriously?
I blink slowly.
"You mean to tell me that I've nearly died fifty times... that I've eaten mud, rocks and panic attacks... when I could have been learning to cast spells all along IF I'D JUST ASKED THE FUCKING QUESTION?!"
My scream echoes miserably around the mini-grotto. I bang my head against the wall and press my hands against my face.
Not to cry, eh, but just so I don't see my own stupidity reflected on the rock opposite.
"Fuck me. Fucking System. Fuck all of this shit..."
I decide to take a deep breath, but mistake: the air is still as hot, as thick as old toffee.
I cough like a badly extinguished fag and end up sitting up, trembling, furious, motivated by a toxic mixture of wounded pride and cretinous hope.
"So... Now that I know it's possible..."
I point to the void, and yes, again, frankly, I have zero originality, just so I don't go crazy and pretend the System is a person.
"How do I get this fucking magic?"
[Magic development possible via one of the following methods:]
[→ Natural increase in magical abilities (MP) through experience and survival in extreme environments].
[→ Evolution into a race with superior magical potential].
[→ Use of rare skills that increase mana reserves].
"...Couldn't you just say 'do mana pumps'?"
But he decides not to answer me, is he giving me a vu or what, now?
"Well, let's see... "Natural increase'... Does that mean that if I continue to burn in slow motion, my MP will increase on their own? That's just great. I'm going to get a third-degree tan."
[Your magical ability and gains may depend on the technique used, which may pay more or less].
[Also, some magics may be more suitable for certain species than others, depending on compatibility].
My stomach clenches as I think about it. I still remember what that damn System said about becoming a "superior monster".
"Honestly... given my current survival rate, I'm not going to play hard to get."
I'm laughing my ass off, but seeing as I'm on my own, I'm coming across as crazy.
No magic for pretty princesses, and no magic wand and unicorn.
If I have to become a magical fucking cockroach to throw fireballs, then so be it.
"Fuck, I'm going to become a pyromaniac monster before I even have a career plan, seriously..."
I let myself fall back against the wall of the cave.
There's no miracle. You have to learn everything. If only I'd been reincarnated with a powerful character who'd taught me everything, I'd have become a goddess with my knowledge of my world, admittedly empty, but hey, you've got to exist.
So there was no kind mystical tutor to teach me how to throw 'Fireball' in five lessons.
Just me and my damn bad luck.
A smile splits my split lips.
"Ok. You want fire? You'll eat it till you drop."
While I'm still ruminating, the System drops a new line.
[Additional information: the Oni bloodline has a natural affinity with the element of fire].
I freeze.
"Huh?"
Is this some kind of joke?
"You mean... I've been predisposed to fire... since the beginning?"
No answer, a classic with him. Or her? In fact, I've never really asked myself that question. I say 'he' because his name is Système, but then again, he could be a woman...
I doubt it makes much difference. She's not girl power.
"Seriously?! You couldn't have told me earlier, you dirty...! ! "
Something clicks in my half-burned skull before I finish my sentence.
"Wait..."
I blink.
"I'm... in an area that reeks of heat, hell and lava..."
I point at the oozing red walls.
"And I have a natural affinity with fire."
Heavy silence.
I take a deep breath.
"...Are you telling me that technically, this is where I'm supposed to get stronger?"
[Surprisingly you've managed to think for yourself.]
At these words, a pulse of adrenaline climbs through my veins. Why in God's name is the System being so obnoxious to me?
I feel rage and a bit of very, very misplaced excitement.
"What the fuck? For once the System isn't deliberately screwing me over, it's almost touching."
I chuckle, my hoarse voice echoing against the burning stone.
I tap my temple with my finger, thinking.
"OK, let's recap.
Oni = Fire.
Middle Stratum = Infernal Sauna.
So... if I stay here long enough, if I eat enough heat, if I grit my teeth to the point of breaking my jaw... "
A rotten smile lights up my cracked face.
"Maybe I can really learn to light monsters' arses on fire."
I stare at the glowing horizon in front of me. Just then, lava crackles in the distance as massive monsters move, slowly, monstrously.
I clutch my weapon: a common bone stake. It's nothing epic, and literally nothing magical.
"But for now, this will do."
"Middle Stratum...
You may be hell.
But you're my hell."
I blink, slowly.
"Oh by the way, System... because I have a feeling you're going to rip me off again!"
[The System exists to help the world, not just one person.]
I squint.
"If I unlock the magic, I'll be able to use it straight away, right?"
Wait a second... why do I feel a shell casing coming on?
And here it comes.
[Correction: The ability to use magic depends on your ability to control your mana flow].
I frown.
"Translation for semi-creative moron, please?"
[Explanation: in order to use magic, it is necessary to consciously manipulate the internal mana flow in order to construct an incantation circuit suitable for the desired element].
I stand there, and my brain has officially become a blue screen.
"So... it's not just 'I think really hard about a flamethrower and it works'?"
[Misinterpretation.]
[Currently, your mana reserve is extremely low and your ability to stabilise flow is non-existent.]
I grit my teeth.
"Okay... so even if I had some mana, I couldn't even use it because I wouldn't know what to do with it."
[Confirmation].
The violence of the confirmation hits me like a brick in the teeth.
I run a hand over my sweaty face.
"Fucking hell... So it's not just about 'having mana'... You also have to learn not to blow your brains out trying..."
[In case of uncontrolled mana manipulation, high risks: internal overheating, partial combustion, destruction of magic channels].
I freeze at these words, but smile naturally, a twisted female smile.
"Partial combustion, eh? That sounds so nice..."
Before I know what's happening, a dull vibration shakes the cave.
A tremor? No... it sounds like a footstep.
I freeze.
"Fuck, I never get a chance... Fuck, if I was the heroine of a classic isekai, why doesn't my author leave me alone for thirty seconds, eh?
I crawled to the entrance of the mini-grotto, hid slightly, and saw something huge moving slowly through the furnace.
The famous catfish I'd noticed swimming through the lava a while back.
Well... visually, it looks like it. After all, it might not be the same one.
But what a magnificent creature this thing is. It has a gigantic, snake-like body.
A flat, monstrous mouth, studded with fangs, and two yellow eyes, glowing like embers.
Its skin is blackened and cracked, revealing veins of living lava in places.
The monster undulates half in the rock, half in the sheets of molten lava.
Its very presence distorts the air around it, like a walking forest fire.
Wait, why am I writing poetry here?
"It's a monster typical of this hellhole.
Something that lives in lava, feeds on molten monsters, and burns anything that isn't unfortunate enough to be fireproof.
"Don't tell me it saw me..."
My heart pounds in my chest.
"Don't tell me he's come to kill me..." I hope not.
I hope not, because given my build, I don't have the skills to take him on.
"Or maybe I'm just so unlucky that even a lava fish wants me dead.
I tighten the grip on my improvised weapon.
"No sign yet that it's captured me."
But in this world, things can change in less than a second.
That's when I hear it, a voice, but to my surprise, not in my head, not from the System - another voice echoing faintly in the burning air. I freeze, my senses on full alert.
"Don't tell me the monsters in this fucking Labyrinth are talking now, or I'm going to seriously cable..."
I pull my head out of the shelter, slowly, in paranoid cockroach mode.
And then my eyes widen: they're humans. Fucking humans!
I'm speechless, unable to understand what my bloody eyes are sending to my brain. It's not a hallucination.
They're there, in armour, dirty, stinking of sweat, moving forward as if walking through the molten lava version of hell were a normal fucking Tuesday.
My brain bugs to death.
How can they be here? Aren't they afraid of being eaten? What the hell are they doing in this burnt-out shithole?
While I'm asking myself a thousand questions a second, an idea pops into my head. A fucking brilliant idea - or a completely stupid one. But it all boils down to the same thing in my state.
"If I help them take out the big thing, they'll adopt me, feed me, carry me in triumph, make me Queen of the Labyrinth, aha, ahaha, AHAHAHAHA!"
I'm giggling to myself like an idiot, already building my future empire in my burnt-out head.
And that's when reality catches up with me.
[The System reminds you that you don't speak human language].
A single message, and with a single sentence, my whole Machiavellian plan collapses like a house of cards under a flamethrower.
I freeze.
Then I clench my fists so hard my claws scrape against my burning skin.
"Fucking shitty system!"
I growl through my teeth, in subdued fury. Well... maybe he's saving my skin after all. Otherwise I'd probably already be skewered by my over-zealous 'saviours'.
I shake myself a bit, just to reconnect my two melted neurons.
"Anyway... By the way, System, analyse this big pile of scales for me."
[Elroe Guneseven]
I remain silent for a second.
Then I run a hand over my face.
"Seriously... Even the name sounds like spit... Fuck, all the creatures in this maze have names like bosses in farting MMOs."
Then explosions follow, fast, brutal, like firecrackers on steroids.
The floor vibrates beneath me, shards of burning rock bounce off the walls.
"What the fuck? Don't tell me they're going to fight!"
I press myself lower against my hiding place, gritting my teeth so hard I can hear my molars crack.
A fight. And this time a real one.
Not some shitty ambush against crippled insects, or one of my lucky fights. This time it's a clash of the fucking titans.
The giant catfish roars, the lava around it explodes in waves, and its tail sweeps through the air in one broad sweep, splitting rock like wet paper. Each impact sounds like a cannon shot, but I can see the humans moving, clearly not in panic mode - they're clearly well organised.
A team. And a real one.
They dodge the monstrous tail without losing their rhythm, while some thrust javelins covered in bluish light straight into the monster's side. Others wield shields reinforced against the infernal heat, advancing metre after metre beneath the spitting lava.
I clung to my rock, unable to look away.
Since when are humans supposed to be strong in an isekai?
Like, normally, they're the ultra-weak fantasy species, the meatbags with dreams of grandeur.
Not guys who lift end-zone bosses in "it's Tuesday" mode.
The fish attempts a dive to crush those in front of it, but fails.
Two humans leap out, their capes crunching in the hot air, and dodge with a perfectly calculated leap.
And me, meanwhile, I'm just standing there, one part of me half burnt, the other lost.
"I'm like... Why have I been reincarnated here if humans are already more cheat than me?"
I hold myself back from screaming, just so I don't die faster.
A nervous shiver runs up my spine.
The fight goes on, and it intensifies in terms of violence.
Apart from watching the spectacle, there's clearly nothing I can do but grit my teeth.
The Guneseven screams, its gaping maw disgorging a jet of burning lava that splatters against the walls.
One of the humans - the nearest - raises a shield.
The lava bounces off him with a foul crackling sound, as if the stone itself were screaming.
I bite my lip. When did shields get so tough? I know I wouldn't last a second against something like that... In fact, not even half a second.
But they're holding. And they're making progress.
Admittedly, little by little, but it's magnificent to watch. I see them as relentless parasites nibbling away at a mountain.
The giant catfish strikes again, its tail smashing the ground with a sound like the end of the world.
As one of the soldiers literally flies through the air, his body crashes into a cracked rock as half his organs leave his totally inert body.
I freeze.
Is he dead? Perhaps. Probably.
Why am I not shocked? I've seen a lot of death in my old life. One more isn't really important.
But the others don't stop. They don't have time for tears. No time for tearful goodbyes.
A spell bursts through the air - an explosion of pressurised water that strikes directly into the monster's mouth.
Through the burning mist, I can make out shadows moving, but I can't make out the fight any more.
I hear a flash of steel and the cry of a wounded beast.
And then...
A crack of bone.
The Guneseven collapses with a monstrous crash, its carcass raising a wave of suffocating heat.
The humans remain on their guard for a few seconds, weapons pointed and muscles tense.
Then, slowly, the tension subsides.
Some fall to their knees, exhausted, while others check their wounds and pick up their comrades.
If even the humans of this world have to shit like this to survive... then I, half-monster fuck-up, had better get my fingers out of my arse.
And soon.
I figure I can just sit there, wait for them to leave, pick up a few crumbs, maybe even squat on Guneseven's corpse to pick up a few useful things.
"Perfect plan!
But...
Because, of course, there's a but.
Just as I'm starting to breathe a little easier, one of the humans turns around.
It's such a quick movement that his gaze sweeps all around him in less than a second. And then he stops.
On me. Really on me. Right on me.
Our eyes meet.
He's all burnt up but lively, ready to fight.
Me, pressed up against my rock, looking like a raccoon caught stealing crisps.
I blink. And he does too.
A little suspended time. An eternity compressed into a second.
Then my brain screams:
"Oh shit."