[1]
Long ago, an angel descended to Earth, disguising herself as a human. An angel who refuses the duty of heaven and chooses to sloth in the materiality of men because she loves humans as much as they are weak in her face. Yet still, she loves them more than she loves her angelic brothers and sisters, even God. For as they were weakened, and she loved them even more.
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I wake up after a peaceful sleep. To my surprise, I was no longer walking, and I was not lying in my father's arms again. It was comfy from where I woke up, and I found out it was the worst couch I ever laid on. It's not cushy, it's not soft, and it's not even a good-looking couch. It looks like someone puked on it when they made it.
"Aah! Yucky sofa!"
"Wait, where am I?"
I was in the building, waking up without my lyre. I thought I might have wandered too far again from the candy I ate, just like I did back in the Institute with Mr Volcker. However, my fear was quickly diminished when I saw a portrait of my brother on the walls.
Something I find quite ridiculous here is the mysterious cross and statue of humans inside. Such a beautiful view is to be said, but Doorwell is unsure what the cross means, along with the tall woman, her sheep and baby. The humans sure love their signature of cross.
But I finally made it home! Though I didn't get to see the journey myself. The home was perfect, almost like what I imagined home would be. There are walls, ceilings, and even a lamp on the ceiling. I never thought that I finally made it here.
"Woah..." I am tempted by the window's view. It was a beach outside, an ocean across the Dorwillion Dorweters with sails and trees from distant. My home was on the coast! Ooh, I suddenly feel a tingly sensation of relaxing on the sand now.
"A beach! I want to go to the beach now!" As I opened the door with so much thought about basking my toes on the sand, I was surprised to see my brother standing behind it, fittingly at the frame. He was blocking me like a wall, keeping me out of that view.
"What are you doing?" He asked me out of the purple. I fell way further back than I thought I would.
"Ah! Hey, you scared me! If you excuse me, I wanted to go to the beach now."
"You couldn't even walk past ten steps. What gives you the idea I would let you walk outside like that?"
I couldn't find my parents or Dr Volcker anywhere. Darren was the only one staying with me here, sitting on the same couch I was laid on. I didn't know how he could have liked it, but he seemed content being alone without joy. Silly human, you wouldn't find peace by idling in your indifference.
"So, you were my brother? That's amazing! I didn't expect to have a brother before, so...I was nervous..."
"I hope I didn't ruin my first impression on you. D-did I?"
He was silent as a stone, so I thought I may be too faint for him. I tried to be louder, right before his ears, in hopes of getting his attention, but he was unhappy and disturbed at my presence—At Doorwell's presence! He was aggravated, exacerbated, and irritated.
"Dorriel, can you not?"
"Hehehe..." I chuckled.
"What? What's so funny?"
"Oh, it's just...my human name sound not so distant from me. Doorwell...Dorriel...Doorwell...Dorriel...Doorwell...Dorriel...Doorwell..Dorr—"
I was helping my brother with his sadness. Sadness is something terrible for everyone, but one could say he is a rare case of sadness! I may not be a doctor, but when he heard my playful tone and comforting wings, he immediately backed off from the thought of it. He was even disgusted just by hearing the word 'joy' from me.
"Can you stop that? I'm trying to listen to the radio..."
"Okay...you don't have to yell! I mean, Doorwell can hear you too..."
"Ugh..." He was grunting. I didn't know why, but he kept grunting. I didn't see anything sad or irritating to fuel that empty furnace.
He was more appalled by this radio than I am. Sometimes, humans can be ridiculous and mysterious to hear. We've joined our ears together to hear today's harmonious news, and it started off smoothly with a saxophone before it was cut off by a mumbling of a human.
"Well, I'm glad to be on this news today with you, Mr. James. Say, what do you think about the event that happens inside the Institute right now? Do you think they would finally reveal those missing 'people' from six years ago?"
"They better be! If that rumour about those mascots were made out of real kids, god knows who's going to hell tonight. This is why my children should never be on that damn stage again!"
"Why? Because they were also lost here?"
"What? No. They're at home right now. I just don't want them to be there...but now they are convinced that their old friend was there."
What a show happening outside the Institute. People were waiting for a present like I did, but it seemed no one knew that Pearl and I were the only ones. It is saddening to see humans who couldn't see Doorwell before. Then the humans continue talking, wondering, and being a bit...naughty.
"My wife is there! Tell me where is she? Where is she??"
"Sir, I'm not from the facility. I'm just a reporter. Please have a—"
"No, you listen to me! Charlotte, I know you're there! You better come out now and tell me you're alive! Please..."
"I know you were alive! I know you didn't die! You've always you said we could be together! Please, just tell me you are...augh...*sobs* Please come back..."
"*Sobs*I miss you..."
The humans are more emotional than I thought. Doorwell couldn't help but hear their happiness turn to cries over a love for a missing one. It reminds Doorwell how important love is for the world, and she couldn't just abandon it so easily. But then, humans are too distant and curious for Doorwell to help. Doorwell can only hear them crying for her.
"*Sobs* Such a sad life..." I mumbled.
After that, I couldn't hear more from the radio but chatter. The voice is drowning in meaningless sadness and fading in an unusual echo. I listened to this echo many times, like a splash of water—a huge one, too. It was covering the whole sound, so we could only stop ourselves from hearing this sound.
"Good god. See what happens when you're being clumsy? Now everyone knows we were here! Thanks a lot, Dorriel..."
"Sorry...I guess I was just too dazzling for them."
"No, you're just not good at doing things right! See what I mean? You can't even hear me right."
My brother didn't sound so happy, too. The radio was bugging the two of us with an unpleasant sound. What should have been the happiest day for me and him turned into the worst day. We didn't even get to see the beach together. We should've been happy, not sad!
Now he's pulling out a book and opens a page with the face of a girl in a portrait from a screen shutter. On that first page, there was a girl named 'Dorriel' and a boy named 'Darren' who was playing on a sandbox with a face covered in sand, too. Silly picture. That's how old me was with my brother. I was such a fun girl.
"See this? This is how you should have behaved...now, what would you say about that with your unusual look for a human?" He was confronting me with a sad face. He was saddened by the lack of old Dorriel's presence.
"Enjoying the time there without your family, Dorriel?"
"Yeah! I mean, it would be bad if I didn't, right? Besides, I have so much to share with you here as a Joyling with my powerful force of love within!"
Of course, he wouldn't buy that from me. My brother saw happiness he could never get, and now he's envious of me. His face was drawn away by the glimmerous life I spoke too joyously. I went silent afterwards, watching him pushing more of the page, trying to tell this little Doorwell about past calls. But Doorwell couldn't recognize many of these.
More pictures of me, even the unbaked little me who has a weird-looking dough to have ever been moulded into. But humans aren't baked, from what I know. This one cookie—or human—is the one wonderful-minded child ever. She plays xylophone, goes around with children, and even had her foot stepping on a peak of her life—in a mountain filled with weird berries they called rash during a little trip to the forest.
"Look at this picture, Dorriel. Look at this!" Darren was yelling at me. His fingers point out at my human face.
"Don't you recognize who is this? Do you?"
"It's me! Dorriel! Right...?"
It was so much fun to see! Even Doorwell gets to have a smile in one of the most excruciating moments ever. I mean, nobody could resist with a cheek full of berry wounds like that! Yet Dorriel did. But somehow, my brother's attention was dragged more onto something saddening.
"Please tell me..."
"Tell me you remember...tell me you still remember! Tell me!"
"I don't. I'm sorry...I'm just a cookie, after all. If there's something I remembered now, that would be a little song about Doorwell and her—"
Pak!
He began to ask me about remembrance, hoping that Doorwell could remember anything. But when Doorwell tried to entertain her brother with her lyre, he just slapped it out of her hands in such anger. Doorwell was confused, without her lyre, and now she's raising her wings around her body as she realizes that brother may not be so friendly.
"Eek..."
"Dorriel. Look at me! Look at my face! Now!"
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please, don't hurt me..."
Why are they so mean? I thought we were family. I was trying to help, trying to make brother feel better. But brother didn't want it—hate is even worse. I'm scared. My brother is holding my wings tightly, and he won't let go of it. I couldn't hurt him. I won't hurt anyone. Please, don't hurt me. I really don't want to be hurt.
"You think you can hide your face behind those sweet facades of yours? I know the truth, sister. You are hiding this from me! Now tell me!"
"I really didn't know anything!" I feared.
"Liar! Tell me!"
He was so tense and cruel. He couldn't let go of me, and he yelled so hard that I couldn't help myself to talk. I was struggling, lying on my back while my wings protected me from him. Aww, their harsh and sharp grip on my wings has never felt so different. Each sugary feather is trying not to rip out like it did once—failed and wilting like flowers.
"Dorriel, you can't lie to me! Tell me what did you do! Tell me!"
"Tell me! Tell me!"
Such a beautiful day, such a beautiful home, but not a beautiful family. Why did they always rip my feathers off when they were angry? Do they know it hurts me alot? The humans surely know, right? I just had to tell them how hurt it was. Doorwell didn't like it when her wings were ripped when they were angry.
"Dorriel! You can't just stay quiet! You're making me angry!"
"Please, please tell me—ouch!" He was hurting my wings, so I had to give a fight. But a strawberry jam was gushing out of his skin when I swung my wings. Not much, but he was hurt.
"I...I don't know! I didn't know anything you're saying! I didn't even know what you were trying to ask..."
"I don't like this! I don't like this at all!"
After everything that happened to me, I knew I had to stand up for myself. I pushed my brother back in desperation, something that I had never done with humans before. I flew distant from my brother, trying to find a safe spot from him while carrying the lyre he had slapped from my hands.
"Dorriel!"
It didn't take long for him to chase me from behind. I flew as far as I could and found a stairway above. I notice a door left open and immediately go there and shut it off, just like how I evade those humans long ago. My brother was heading up in a rush, and he bumped into my door just in time.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
"Dorriel, open the door now!"
He was knocking so loud, but the door was stronger than him. I was lucky that I chose to hide instead of standing there myself because I knew I couldn't repeat the same fate again. Love is something harsh to be made when humans are cruel to befriend, especially my own brother. But my family itself could be this heartless to me.
"Dorriel! Stop hiding and talk to me!"
"You know you did this! You know why! You know!"
I was wandering around the room with the door locked. The room I was going to had a beautiful set of wallpaper painted in the magenta of a peony. She finds her bedroom already set near the window, where she can see the town outside. The table—not too furnished, but it was clean and beautiful.
And the wardrobe? There were not many clothes inside except the ones that were too small for Doorwell. These clothes would've been fit for the old and newborn Doorwell from the oven. But it looks like Doorwell was too drawn in the beauty of peonies for too long that Darren began to mutter something new.
"Dorriel, please..."
"Please tell me you know..."
"Please..."
He was begging for me. Begging for Doorwell to remember something. But she really didn't know a thing. Everything about humans is a blur except love. He only wishes Doorwell to hear her for something, but she wouldn't let that trap hit her again. She could only wait from the door until her brother grew tired of this hate.
"Dorriel, this is your fault..."
"Always your fault..."
"Remember that. Because you'll never forget anymore..."
All of a sudden, he left me. He didn't return anymore, and he just left me in silence. He didn't want me to wait, nor did he ask me to follow afterwards. It seems I have served my punishment, but I'm not ready to leave this beautiful room yet. Now I could wait.
Creak!
"We're home! Did our little Dorriel wake up already?" My father mumbled.
"Darren, did you take care of Dorriel already?" My mother mumbled.
"Yes, father. Dorriel's is happy right here...in her room..."
Finally! Parents are home, yet I cannot feel the joy in me. I felt so unmotivated and undesirable even just to stretch my wings. But Darren was happy and content with something at least, which made my parents happy.
"Glad to hear that! I know Darren would be so caring for you!"
"Dorry, are you alright?"
They were calling for me comfortingly, unlike Darren with his terrible manner. Mom and Dad are unaware of what Darren had with me before, yet I'm unsure if I should tell them because it seems they were too happy to be broken with this news. But me and my room are already safe for a while.
"Yeah, I'm fine..." I mumbled.
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[Darren's Note #1]
She knew. I knew she did.
After all, why didn't she?
She was doing this because of me.
Then she is taunting me.
Because I was being too myself.
But I can't let her take pride in it.
I just had to let her know.
That I wasn't the one making her disappear.