Chapter 58 – A Cat from a Summer
Translated by: ShawnSuh Edited by: SootyOwl
"Hey, have you read this yet?"
Juho looked up from his desk. He had been just about to take a nap. As usual, he had been writing late into the night. Unaware of his state, Seo Kwang was extremely excited. He had Seo Joong's new book in his hands.
"This is exceptional! It was worth waiting five years for."
Juho took the book from his hands. The title was 'One Room.'
"I've read it," he answered. He had read it as soon it came out, but unlike what he said, Seo Joong had gave him a copy as a gift.
In the book, there was a corporate worker who was slowly losing his grip on his emotions. The time flew by, and he grew more and more dull. Yet, he didn't bother to resist it. In the end, he became an old man who wasn't moved by anything. Even after losing his family and parents, he shed no tears.
"Time was just passing by, and I couldn't have been more afraid," Seo Joong had said in passing.
When he read the book, he almost felt the same fear Seo Joong had felt in his five-year hiatus. It gave him several goosebumps.
"How was it?" Seo Kwang asked.
"It was incredible," Juho answered after a brief thought. He didn't want to lose. "Yawn."
As soon as he got home, he took long nap. While stretching, he went to the kitchen to find something to eat and found that the table had already been set. There was a note from his mother next to the bowl of rice. 'I'm going out for little while. I'll be back soon.'
'Did she think that I'd be anxious when I woke up?' With a smile, he took the note and placed it into his desk's drawer, along with the notebook he had used to write his past failures. After a short glance, he closed the drawer.
After the quick meal, he washed the dishes.
When he went back to his room, he saw piles of paper as usual. 'I better clean this before mom gets home," he thought as he picked up the paper. On the pages, he saw that he had written the direction and destination of his story.
"Regret," he read out loud from the page. The word didn't have a very good connotation. An unfiltered emotion brought along a cloud of dust, and the waters in his mind began to reek. He loved how fitting the word was.
From his chair, he put his hands on the keyboard. He tried to remember how he felt in that moment. A story couldn't happen in the blink of an eye. A person had several emotions, and they rose up to the surface while taking different shapes. A writer was also a person. He couldn't maintain the same emotion every time he wrote. For that reason, he had to remember what he had felt when he first started writing that story.
'The baby was falling, and the mother rushed to the rescue. The stroller suddenly changed its course towards the right. There was a wall at the end of its course. The stroller slammed against the wall, and the baby took the impact, but the baby wasn't crying. Silence. A sound echoed throughout the quiet alleyway. "I'm so sick of this!" There was a sound of baby's wailing. Their voices filled the alleyway together.'
'Silence and wailing.'
The two contrasting words competed for Juho's attention before his eyes.
'A mother who had lost her grip of the stroller. A mother who was sick of her baby. Two babies crying. Silence. What if the mother had let go of the stroller intentionally? What if she had pushed the baby down?'
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The boundary between silence and wailing disappeared, and the two became one.
The sound of two women lingered around Juho's ears. There was a noise. He heard a scream. She had begun screaming the second she'd lost grip of her stroller. It sounded a lot like her annoyed grumbling that had broken the silence in the alleyway.
'What is she made of? Mother, parent, child, motherly love, murderous intent, impulse, maybe regret.'
He wanted her to regret.
'A mother who had let go of her baby. People who had ignored her shouts. The baby who didn't survive.'
He had organized the developments that were going to take place throughout the story and he wrote every morning as soon as the sun rose. Now, he needed to dig deeper. Then...
'Meow!' He heard a cry. It sounded like a kitten that was both sad and somewhat annoyed, and he looked back. His eyes met with a black cat, the same one he had seen at Seo Joong's house. It was looking at his direction with sadness in its eyes.
That cat had been watching its baby as it struggled to go over the windowsill. It was lying down comfortably, and Juho tried talking to it, "Why aren't you helping?"
"That kid is strong," the cat answered as his tail moved about.
"That's not what I'm seeing. Look at its legs, they're shaking. Maybe it's too slippery."
"Human," the cat quietly called for him. Its squinted eyes sparkled brightly. "This is our business. Stop interfering."
"Then do something about the wailing."
Its pupils dilated in the middle of its yellow eyes, and it said, "Aren't you the one who called for us?"
'Meow,' the kitten cried again.
The cat was right. He had called his memory of them for ideas.
"Is it a he or she?"
"A boy."
"What about the baby inside you?"
At Juho's words, the cat's stomach puffed out. Its light, pink nipples became visible.
"A girl."
"So, you already know, even if the baby hasn't come out yet."
"Of course. It's my baby," the cat answered as she licked between her legs. Her fur was greasy. She was quite dirty.
"Should I bring you something to eat?"
"That won't be necessary."
"The baby needs nutrition."
She scoffed.
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"My baby's strong."
"Then, how about bath water?"
"Are you trying to take me in?" she asked with hostility. On the other hand, she sounded seductive.
"I don't know if I can take both of you in," he answered as he put out his hand to stroke her.
'Meow,' the baby cried once again. Its mother raised her claws.
"Then, get lost," she snapped as she scratched Juho's hand.
There were scratched in his hand, and blood slowly bubbled up to the surface. A drop of it spilled through the crack in his skin.
'Meow.'
The cat no longer spoke like a person, and Juho opened his eyes. There was nothing on the windowsill.
He thought of the upcoming developments for his characters.
"A son," and started typing away. 'Stomach twice the size of her breasts, two people, four lives.' The sound of typing that had filled the room came to a sudden stop.
That wasn't enough.
'This isn't enough. It's too flat. I need it to be richer,' he thought. He wanted to add more color to his story. He wanted to have something or a character that stuck out ever so slightly.
Juho looked through the piles of paper in the corner of his room. 'Not this, or this, or that.' Pieces of paper fell from his hands, and he opened another box nearby. It was also filled with paper.
"No, no, it was here somewh... found it!"
He had picked up two sheets of paper.
"A clown and an audience."
A clown imitated other people around him... people around him, puppies, trees, cars, things within like smiles, tears, conversations, murder, urges, sex. He imitated just about anything.
Then there was an audience of one beside him. He was the person who would evaluate the clown and he mostly spoke positive words. In response, the clown imitated him.
'I should include these two.'
He had already written a story for the two characters, and Juho had stayed up several nights to finish it. He took the two pages to the desk. It was almost like finding the missing pieces to a puzzle. They fit perfectly.
A clown and an audience. A mother and her son.
Juho imagined what the son would look like. The baby turned around as he babbled, and more time had passed. Four years old, seven years old, twelve years old, it was still not enough. She had said that her baby was strong. Twenty, thirty-two, forty-five. He thought about the trembling kitten, and he knew he had gone too far.
"Eighteen years old." That was it. Juho moved his hands busily and smiled through the light shining from the computer screen.
*
Baron had been looking at a blog. It was written by the person who had claimed that Yun Woo was an innocent girl. He went by the nickname HongSam and had written several book introductions and reviews. Baron had bought quite a few books after reading HongSam's reviews.
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"I can't find it."
For some reason, HongSam hadn't been writing very often. Without any explanation, the announcement had said that he wouldn't be able to upload anything for a while.
'Did he go on a trip? He said he was an adult, so maybe he's trying to make a living.'
Still, as an avid reader of his blog, Baron was disappointed by his absence.
The comment sections were also curious about his whereabouts. Among many reasons for the blog's popularity, the biggest reason was that his affection toward books was very apparent in the way he wrote his reviews. Every single review had been written after he had read through a book. He read a ridiculous amount of books, and people naturally believed what he wrote.
Now, he had disappeared without an explanation. Baron too had left a comment. 'Is there something going on in your life?'
"Son, come out and eat."
"OK," he answered as he turned off the computer and walked out to the kitchen.
*
"So what do you want to eat?"
"What do you want, Baron?" Juho asked.
They were on their way back from exercising together. Baron had been exercising consistently for quite a long time. The skills he had shown at the sprint race were the result of his consistent effort up to that point.
He usually walked around the park in the evening while Juho's activities were mostly in the morning, so there had been no chance for them to run into each other.
As he ran errands at the market for his mother, Juho decided to take Baron along for snacks. There was an intoxicating smell, and they stopped in front of an old lady who was cooking pancakes on a grill.
"Two seafood pancakes with green onions, please."
The lady took turns looking at Juho and Baron, and then answered with a smile. The batter started to sizzle as soon as it came into contact with the grill. Its golden brown color made it look all the more scrumptious. Food tasted a lot better after exercising.
As he quietly watched the pancakes cooking, Juho suddenly remembered something and said with his eyes on the grill, "Have you been to HongSam's blog recently?"
"Yeah, there hasn't been any updates."
"Do you know what happened?"
"Don't know. HongSam himself isn't saying anything, so there's no way for me to know."
"True."
Baron had answered without taking his eyes off of the grill. He too was an avid reader of HongSam's blog, who had also been left confused. 'Why hasn't he been writing anything?'
"Maybe he's just tired of it," Baron said brusquely.
There was a deep sense of disappointment in his tone. Because of the nature of his blog, HongSam had to read through an entire book before writing a review. If he was tired of having to read through an entire book for every review, it would have made sense that he was growing tired of it. Still, there were doubts as to what might have happened.
"Maybe, but wouldn't he have said that he was quitting altogether?"
"I guess so. Maybe he's been in an accident?"
If he had been in an accident, he might not have gotten around giving his readers an update.
"Let's see, it's been about a month since his last post, so if he really was in an accident, his injury was severe enough to keep in the hospital for at least four weeks."
"Hm. Not something I want to think about."
"Right."
Baron thought briefly. If there had to be another reason...
"He did say he was an adult, so it has to be that he's trying to make a living."Chapter 59 – HongSam's Confession (1)
Translator: – – Editor: – –
Translated by: ShawnSuh
Edited by: SootyOwl
Juho nodded in agreement.
"I've thought about that too. I wonder if he's actually busy."
HongSam couldn't have run the blog with a daily job. If he had no time to read, then he would have nothing to write about either. Though Baron's theory was the most realistic among the others, there were still things that needed explanation.
"He'll come back eventually. Wait, have you always been a fan of HongSam?"
"He's a big influence when I'm buying a book," Baron said as he quietly looked at Juho. "I know you're also looking for some sort of explanation."
"Haha! You got me."
It was true. They had been learning more about each other as they spent more time together. It was a good thing that Baron had started taking more interest in lowerclassmen.
"To be honest, I got an eerie feeling from his latest post," Juho said with a smile.
"Eerie? His latest post as in... his review of 'One Room,' right?" Baron remembered heading straight to the bookstore after reading the review, and Juho nodded. "What about it? I didn't notice anything different."
"It's just that... it's odd."
"What is?" Baron asked with a confused look on his face.
"HongSam is an honest person. You can tell if he liked the book or not from the length of the post. He's also a fan of Seo Joong Ahn, and the book 'One Room' is his first bestseller in five years. It's been getting a lot of good reviews and it actually is a good book. I'm sure the book suited his taste."
Yet, there was nothing different about his latest post. It was odd. As a frequent visitor of his blog, Juho had a gist of HongSam's taste in books. If 'One Room' hadn't suited his taste, he wouldn't have hesitated to express his disappointment in his post.
"Now that I think about it, you're right. I didn't get the impression that HongSam was excited about the book. That's strange."
"Right?"
The two immersed themselves in thought. 'What would make him distance himself from reading?'
"Here are your pancakes!" With a loud voice, the old lady brought a large plate out to them.
While Juho put his thoughts on hold to eat, he suddenly hesitated when he saw the food on the table.
"Ma'am, I believe we only ordered two."
"It's on the house. You're from afar."
Juho looked at Baron. There was another plate in front of him, and he calmly thanked the old lady.
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"Thank you very much."
"You speak good Korean. I'm sure you didn't get to eat well back home. Let me know if you need more."
As if he had been used to the situation, he brushed off her kind-hearted discrimination. Juho had heard her mention something about a poor country, but Baron interjected before Juho had the opportunity to say anything, "I'm used to it. Besides, more for me."
"That's not a good thing to lie to yourself about," Juho said as he stared intently at Baron.
Baron smiled as if he had given in.
"Fine! You know what? I still don't like it. Happy?"
"Now, since you are complaining, I can dig in without having to worry about shame."
At that, they picked up their chopsticks together.
"What's with you lately?" Juho asked Seo Kwang as he brought a spoonful of rice curry into his mouth.
"Huh?"
Seo Kwang hadn't been himself as of late. So far, he hadn't been caught reading his book during class, and lately, he had been getting in frequent trouble with the teacher even when he hadn't been reading in secret. Because he sat right behind him, Juho too had been called out several times for dozing off.
Whenever there was time, Seo Kwang quietly looked out the window and sat in a daze. Something must have happened. On top of that, he had been the only person who hadn't decided which competition he was going to sign up for. Juho asked as he rubbed his tired eyes, "Did somebody burn all of your books?"
"I don't even want to think about that, so do me a favor and keep that thought to yourself."
"Then, what is it? Why have you been walking around like a zombie? Is there something going on at home?"
"No, it's nothing like that," he stalled.
"Did you get yourself into trouble?"
"Nope."
"Do you need money?"
"I'll take it gladly if you have some."
"Did you get heatstroke?"
"My health is fine," he answered as he mashed the rice with his chopsticks.
'Maybe it's something he can't talk about openly,' Juho decided not to be nosy.
"Well, if you did something wrong, it's usually best to just confess," he added as he continued eating his food.
If he really had done something, it would have been best for him to come clean to the others around him. 'Did he steal something?' Juho shook his head at the thought. Seo Kwang didn't have the guts to do such a thing. Despite his character around others, he had a careful side to him that prioritized safety.
Juho thought some more as he took another spoonful, 'First, HongSam, and now, it's Seo Kwang. Things have been weird lately.' Then, he remembered the time when HongSam had presumed Yun Woo to be a 'book-loving girl.' At that moment, his hand stopped in midair as he was about to take another bite.
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"A book-loving girl."
"Huh?"
Juho looked up slowly, calmly chewed his food and swallowed. He saw the puzzled look on Seo Kwang's face as he picked at his own food with his chopsticks.
Meanwhile, Juho quietly organized his thoughts, 'Seo Kwang was the first person who told me about HongSam. It's been a month since he wrote on his blog.' He thought about the time when Seo Kwang started acting strangely, and it had been about a month. The corners of his mouth turned up slowly as he reached his conclusion that Seo Kwang and HongSam were into the same type of girl, a book-loving girl.
"You're HongSam!"
Seo Kwang froze.
"Yeah," he confessed suddenly.
Juho took his spoon that had been buried in a pile of rice curry out and said, "Let's eat for now."
"... OK."
As they ate, the two didn't say a word to each other.
After eating, the two sat on a wooden bench in the schoolyard, each with a carton of apple juice in their hands. There were other kids lingering around, and Juho asked Seo Kwang as he sat quietly, "Mr. HongSam?"
"Yes, sir," he answered calmly. The fact that Seo Kwang had been hiding his identity as HongSam was not a big issue. One wasn't obligated to reveal everything about his life to his friend.
"So, what's your occupation?"
"Hey, don't be like that," he said with an awkward smile. Seo Kwang was nervous because he had been acting as an "adult" in the blog.
"I really thought HongSam would be a corporate worker."
"My dad's a great reference."
"You really did your research, didn't you? It was well put. Why don't you write a novel? I see potential," Juho said jokingly. Seo Kwang started to loosen up and smile. Juho wasn't looking to criticize him, but he was curious about one thing, 'Why did he have to be an adult?'
Noticing that Juho was quiet, Seo Kwang took the initiative to explain himself, "I first started my blog in middle school. That's when I first learned that my age could work against my favor. People were talking down to the books I'd review because some middle school kid had read it. I get why they would do that to a middle school kid, but the book? I was so angry, but I couldn't do anything about it.
"After I calmed down a little, I started asking myself a questions, 'How are these people so brave? How can they attack others so boldly?' The answer was simple – anonymity. So I gave it a shot, and what you've been looking at is the result – the birth of a popular blogger. I felt bitter, but the result was good, so I kept going."
Juho felt traces of Seo Kwang's anger in his calm tone of voice.
"What does HongSam mean?" he asked after listening quietly.
"I saw my dad drinking red ginseng concentrate, and it looked like a good symbol for tired adults."
(TL's note: Hongsam is red ginseng in Korean.)
People around his father's age tended to eat anything for the benefit of their health, and Juho pictured the person who he had never met. A father had the responsibility to stay healthy. It was a responsibility he had taken up himself because there were people he worried about in case he passed away.
After staring out at the schoolyard for some time, Juho asked the burning question in his mind, "Why haven't you written anything in your blog for a month?"
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If it weren't for that absence, Juho wouldn't have been fazed even if he had found out that Seo Kwang had been HongSam all along. Whether he was HongSam or InSam, he would have left encouraging comments and treated him as the person he wanted to be. However, Seo Kwang looked weary. He seemed concerned and no longer happy.
(TL's note: Insam is ginseng in Korean.)
"So, funny story..." Seo Kwang hesitated.
"If it's something you don't want to talk about, I won't pry it out of you. Think about it. Is it something you can do anything about?"
His eyes looked up and came back down. They moved busily as he thought.
"I think I'm in love," he said.
'Love!' Juho blinked slowly.
"Are you confessing to me?"
"You crazy weirdo!"
Juho cackled out loud. Coming from Seo Kwang, the word 'love' sounded so pure and innocent.
"Good times," he said, feeling relieved on the inside. 'Good thing it's not anything serious.'
After a good laugh, he asked Seo Kwang, "It's not a character from a book, is it?"
"No!" Seo Kwang answered fiercely.
After school ended, Juho headed over to Seo Kwang's house with him. He had invited Juho over with enthusiasm.
There was a subway station at the end of the furniture district that stretched into the distance. His house was in a corner of that intersection. The first floor was a small neighborhood bookstore, and Juho looked up at the building.
"Let's go inside," Seo Kwang said as he leaned into the glass door.
"First floor?"
"Yep. It's our store."
Now it made sense as to why Seo Kwang was such a bookworm. 'Who would've thought his parents actually owned a bookstore?' It was such a fitting family business for him.
As he followed Seo Kwang into the store, he was met by a small counter with books on it. There was also a hand written suggestion list on top of the books.
The register was in the innermost part of the store, which looked more like a book cafe than a bookstore. There were drinks and a dessert menu on the wall and a small kitchen space in the back.
"We sell alcohol at night too. A lot of people like to read while they drink."
"Have you tried it?"
"I've begged my parents for a sip once. They want me to wait till I'm an adult," he said, slightly disappointed. Cafe, bar, that was how a small neighborhood bookstore survived. In front of the register, there was a generous looking lady staring at the two.
"He must be a friend," she said.
"Yeah, this is Juho."
As Seo Kwang introduced him, the lady's eyes widened.
"Why, hello! You must be that Juho! I'm Seo Kwang's mom."
"How are you doing?"
She smiled brightly as he greeted her with a bow. Her somewhat mischievous smile had a striking resemblance to Seo Kwang.
"I've heard about you a lot. It must be tiring to hang out with Seo Kwang."