The morning bulletin board outside the Hokage Tower was usually a place for mission ranks, training rotations, and weather warnings.
But today, something new was posted—sealed with crimson wax and stamped with the Hokage's personal crest.
The kunoichi of Konoha gathered, drawn in by whispers and chakra tugs.
Ino read it aloud, her sharp voice carrying across the courtyard.
"Effective immediately: Naruto Uzumaki is placed under Hokage-Level Protection and classified as a National Priority Bloodline Asset. Access to him shall be restricted and monitored. Breeding seals are prohibited without Hokage consent."
There was silence.
Then—
"WHAT?!"
A chakra spike rippled through the village.
Sakura's eye twitched. Her fist clenched so hard the wood beside her cracked.
Hinata covered her mouth, cheeks burning—not with embarrassment, but with fury.
Temari, who had just arrived from Suna to "check on Naruto's health," narrowed her eyes dangerously.
Ino rolled the scroll up with a scoff. "She's putting him in a fucking vault?!"
From the shadows, Sasuko and Itachika watched with crossed arms.
"She's threatened," Itachika said with a half-smirk.
Sasuko's eyes glowed red. "Good. She should be."
And above them all, perched on the Hokage Monument, Lady Jiraiya watched it unfold with a smirk and a nosebleed.
"Damn," she muttered. "The harem's revolting."
Later – Ichiraku Ramen
Naruto, freshly bathed and blissfully unaware, sat at his usual stool, slurping miso ramen and enjoying peace for the first time in days.
That peace didn't last.
Ino kicked open the curtain.
Followed by Sakura.
Then Hinata. Then Temari. Then Sasuko, Kagami, and—somehow—Anko Mitarashi.
The shop went dead silent.
Naruto froze, noodle mid-slurp.
Ino slapped the scroll down on the counter.
"What the fuck is this, Naruto?"
Naruto blinked. "Uhhh... breakfast?"
Sakura stepped forward, aura flaring pink. "Tsunade's locked you up like a political breeding cow."
Hinata nodded, fists shaking. "She said no more... access... without approval."
Temari cracked her knuckles. "We're not asking for permission."
Naruto turned very pale.
Anko licked her lips. "I just got back from a mission. I was going to let you rest…"
She leaned in, whispered in his ear.
"But now I'm very wet and very angry."
Kagami pulled her mask down. "Tsunade wants to restrict chakra flow? Good luck. My pussy doesn't follow government policy."
Sasuko folded her arms, glaring. "I'm not going to let some glorified nurse steal him."
The girls erupted into overlapping demands:
"We fuck who we want!"
"We're his lovers, not his prisoners!"
"I haven't even ridden him doggy style with the Byakugan active yet!"
Naruto looked like he was about to pass out.
Teuchi whispered, "Should I get the backup bowls?"
Naruto swallowed hard.
"Uhhh… can we… not fight in front of the miso pork?"
Meanwhile – Hokage Office
Tsunade sipped sake and smiled as chakra signatures surged below her window.
"Let them rage," she murmured. "They're already playing my game."
Lady Jiraiya leaned against the window frame, watching the chaos unfold.
"You're either brilliant," she said, "or about to be jumped by half the village."
Tsunade smirked.
"I'm both."