Re:Beginning: A Job-Filled Reincarnation
Crimster
Chapter 2: Re:Beginning: A Job-Filled Reincarnation | Chapter Two: The Dragon God's Failure and Their Meeting
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Re:Beginning: A Job-Filled Reincarnation | Chapter Two: The Dragon God's Failure and Their Meeting
"What a detestable being." Orsted spat the words out as he looked around. "That Hitogami." The seething remark seemed to flow out of his mouth like he had said it a few thousand times. Which was most likely an understatement, but who was here to care about the small details? The ones that would are gone now, most likely never to return.
Those were the first words he had managed to utter since he found himself back in this forest. He stood quietly looking into the sky, pondering everything that had happened. After Rudeus passed, it became his goal to make the last words he spoke to him come true. To seal that cruel, capricious god who used people for his benefit for all of eternity. It was a long and arduous journey. Betrayals and threats were aplenty, but they finally did it. They had sealed that bastard. But when Orsted left that empty world and came to.
Just seeing this forest makes me livid.
He didn't know how long it had been since he found himself here. He lost count because of his seething anger. Meanwhile, he found himself just meandering around some stupid forest that meant nothing for days. He wandered listlessly onto a log he could sit on once he grew tired of walking. I just can't do it anymore. When that thought came to mind, it felt like a red-hot iron was rammed into his skin.
I had done what I was destined to, hadn't I? Orsted had reached the end of his seemingly endless journey that had spanned over twenty thousand years, which he thought would never end. He had done the impossible— they had done the unthinkable; he had finally crossed the finish line.
So, was it all for naught? Had I done all of this for nothing? Had I wasted my one chance? His thoughts weren't helping his predicament.
A feeling slowly crept in, something he deeply resented. However, this time was different to the point where he couldn't think of what he should do first or what action he should take. Even though time and time again, he left this very forest and continued to march on. He had perpetually moved forward but reached the end this time. He had fulfilled his curse, so why had he failed?
"It was that bastard's fault!" With a simple swing of his hand, he annihilated everything close to him, turning a portion of a once lush forest into a desolate wasteland. He usually kept his anger out of things as it would cloud his judgment, but whenever he thought of that bastard's face, he couldn't bring himself to hold back. "Why? Why didn't it work? We were right there! We had done it! Hadn't we, Rudeus?!" With his face flushed with emotion, he could only look into the sky, hoping for someone to answer him, for anyone to answer him.
But no one did.
"Didn't I make that dream you had a reality? Didn't I liberate this world from that being? Didn't I do what was asked of me?" His self-loathing was the only thing keeping him going and the only thing he had the energy to do at this point. "I just want to be done. I'm just so—I'm so sorry. I'm. I'm just—s-sorry." As his tears began to pour, he began to think.
It was funny in a sick way that the being most feared and hated by humanity was crying because he had failed one human. He hated being like this. Thinking about it now, he had never been like this before. Never had he been so thoroughly anguished at the loss of a loop. But how could he not be crushed over what happened? He had made a friend, a word he thought he could never truly understand, but Rudeus Greyrat changed that. He befriended a man like the Dragon God Orsted and stayed with him through thick and thin, even with his outlandish requests and the dangerous jobs Orsted gave him. That's why I'm like this now, isn't it? That's the only answer to my plight.
After all, Rudeus Greyrat was one of a kind. A man worthy of being Orsted's comrade. A comrade he would only ever have once , and he squandered that opportunity. "To think I'd be whining in a forest alone, what a disgrace." He rubbed his hand through his hair. "I wonder how your Sylphiette would react?" His remark made a dry chuckle escape his throat as he tried to ease his tension.
What should he do from here on? What was his course of action? "The only option I have left is to leave and continue." He stood up. "What a drolling cycle."
The feeling of failure stayed with him, however. "I can't even do one thing right, can I? I'm sorry, Rudeus." With one last apology, the Dragon God Orsted began to move.
He yet again started his two hundred years of solitude.
Orsted managed to leave that forest and continue with his mission. His time with Rudeus and his children affected him more than he had imagined. As he traveled, he met a plethora of people, ones he had met many times previously. Others he couldn't quite remember. But, all terrified and infuriated with him, the work of his curse. It put into perspective how easy of a time he had in the last loop. From Cliff's invention of the curse-suppressing helmet to the allies he had in Rudeus's children. I should probably get onto making the helmet, shouldn't I? Even if Cliff was a self-proclaimed genius, he certainly wasn't incorrect about the statement.
I still remember everyone who helped us—helped me become who I am now.
When Lucy was young, she confused me as her father, much to your dismay, but overall, she was a well-behaved girl. After she realized I wasn't her father and started to open up to you, she would still play with me. It wouldn't be uncommon for her to ask me for piggyback rides around Sharia when she was young. What I felt must've been similar to that of an uncle. That young girl deserved nothing but happiness in life.
Then I remember how often Lara would talk to me. Of course, whenever I would ask a question, she would get annoyed, but she seemed to enjoy my company for the most part, and that's all I could ask for. In Sieghart's case, he would commonly make me tell him stories of my journeys or about yours. He became oddly like Alek; maybe having him train Sieghart wasn't my brightest idea. Nevertheless, those two made my years a little livelier as I traveled with them.
However, it didn't help their self-confidence to be comparing themselves to you, you know? You left quite an impact on the world at the end of the day. It was so big you couldn't move from one city to the next without hearing the name Quagmire or Rudeus Greyrat being thrown around.
Ars would commonly complain about not working enough; he was like you in that vain. Lily continued to fiddle with magic tools in her workshop, though she would come and ask for advice every once in a while. We would even share each other's findings over a cup of tea or coffee.
Chris was a brilliant person when it came to public relations, diplomacy, and politics. She had gone far from the little girl clinging to her father's leg. Though did you know? Even till her death, she had a portrait of you in the Asuran castle. She always was Daddy's little girl, after all. The amount of aid Asura gave us during our fight with Laplace will never be forgotten. I still remember how Ariel was set on putting one of your kids on the throne. The look on your face was priceless. Even thinking about it can put a smile on my face.
I'd like to pay my respects and repay my debts to these people, but I'm afraid I may no longer be able to. After all, the one I had most enjoyed the company of. The one I talked to the most—shared aspirations with, the person who could read me like an open book. After all, he was the father of those children and had already passed on, and I'm afraid you'll never return.
Did you know Rudeus? Did you ever manage to notice? I cared about what you spoke of. I found it enjoyable whenever you would go on a tangent about your wives or children. Unlike myself, you, a human, would talk to me earnestly. I considered you a friend, not just a comrade or some subordinate, but an honest-to-god friend. I still don't know if that's an appropriate term for my feelings, but I regret never telling you that now. Though I know you would hate to think your 'boss' would give you favoritism.
"You called me your friend. Even if it was just once, even if it was on your deathbed, you told me how you truly felt about me. But I was never able to tell you how I felt. You died without giving me the honor." Orsted spoke to himself as he gazed at the far fields of Asuran barley.
It may have taken seventy-seven years since I arrived in that forest, but I'm here now. At the beginning of your story, Rudeus. In Buena Village.
"You changed me, and that is something I must repay. No matter what." Preparations had to be done, and fast, for there was a finite time before the due date. "Don't we have unfinished business, Rudeus Greyrat—friend?" Orsted spoke as he looked at a house he had seen very little of but knew exactly whose home it was.
"I'll be right here. Waiting for you." He could see it even from here. The house that had just been recently occupied. Of course, he had to keep his distance because of his curse, but the distance mattered little to the Dragon God.
Not too long after his arrival, it all climaxed in K407.
It was then at the Greyrat house in Buena village that Orsted heard no voices of wallowing or grief. Or the blood-curdling scream of despair from a mother.
But instead, voices of jubilation, relief, and cries of joy filled the air. "You never fail to amaze me, you know?" He could feel the moisture in his eyes build, an emotion he had somehow become used to. He let a sigh of relief escape his lips, and strangely enough, the weight he had been carrying since looping had vanished in but a moment.
In a window in the Greyrat's home, sitting in a chair with Paul by her side was Zenith. There, she reared a baby boy with light brown hair and green eyes. They named this boy Rudeus Greyrat.
Orsted stayed in Buena for two more years before moving on. Why he waited, he didn't quite know. There was no need to talk to Rudeus now. Even if recruiting him earlier than planned would benefit the man, Orsted quickly decided against it. When he stayed in Buena, Orsted failed to attend to other more dire matters, so the time he could visit was running thin. He didn't have to interfere anyway, and Rudeus had already told him what kind of person he was when he came to this world. Interfering now would ruin all of what he would become, and with the helmet Orsted had made from the notes he had taken from Cliff, he was sure his time in this loop would be easier than in the last. With everything that Orsted currently has, he may be able to recruit Rudeus earlier than usual, but he would have to wait and see how this loop went.
Even if he didn't speak to him now, he knew Rudeus would surely meet him in the Red Dragon Mountains like all those years ago. He had to play this by the book. However, thinking of that always brings back that memory.
I know this sounds ridiculous, but. If we somehow fail. Just find me.
Those words he had ushered on his deathbed came rushing into Orsted's head as he left the confines of the village. Those were the last words Rudeus had said to Orsted. He didn't seek his reply; he simply made a request. After that, Rudeus shared his final words with Roxy and Sylphiette, kissing them goodbye and then, shortly after that, passing on.
All Orsted can remember from after that was leaving despondently. Alone. Alek had stayed behind to mourn the passing of the man who had beaten him, a man he looked up to in a capacity. A man that Aleksander Ryback thought of as a hero. The sobbing in the room behind the Dragon God weighed heavily on Orsted's mind as he left the Greyrat home.
Rudeus was always a weird character, even until his death. But he was the man who had most certainly changed this droning cycle that Orsted called his life. He had changed the lives of everyone he had touched in so many ways that Orsted wouldn't even be able to list them. After he left the Greyrat home and walked Sharia's empty, grief-ridden streets, a surge of emotion that he hadn't felt in what must've been millennia hit him—and almost ashamedly, the Dragon God Orsted had cried. From what Orsted could remember, that was the first time he had ever wept.
I will most certainly regret this. It could ruin the loop and damn me to fail once again. I must think of this as the last chance I would get—but I must do this. I have to do this.
"I'll go, Rudeus. I owe you enough; leaving a last request unfulfilled would not be something a friend would do." A self-deprecating chuckle escaped his throat. "I'll place my trust in you again."
Without thought, Orsted turned around and headed back toward the house. Today, the home was empty except for a young boy. Paul had to go on his monthly magic beast hunt with the local villagers that made up Buena's militia, and Zenith had urgent clinical work that required her to take Lilia. Leaving their child, Rudeus, alone in their home for the next few hours. "Well, I guess I've already weighed the downsides of this choice of mine."
He stood on top of the steps in front of their home. In front of him was a door he couldn't quite bring himself to open. "How could a simple door feel so imposing? It appears the Dragon God has become a coward." He dryly remarked as he knocked. Knock, Knock, Knock. Knock, Knock. Knock. It was a special knock decided upon by Rudeus whenever they would hold hidden meetings. For what purpose it served, Orsted had no idea. There wasn't a being alive that would willingly approach the Dragon God due to his curse anyway, so he just found the whole thing to be trivial, but it was nothing much, so Orsted had become accustomed to it.
The door was slowly opened as Orsted's body stiffened. Why? Because there stood a young boy no older than two. The top of his head was not even reaching the Dragon God's knees. With one look at him, you could tell he was somewhat of a perverted child, but he seemed respectful enough. He was a person Orsted hadn't seen in over a century—Rudeus Greyrat.
Orsted wrapped his fingers around his helmet and slowly removed it from his head, the black metal cool to the touch as he tucked it underneath his arm and held it close to his body. When Rudeus and Orsted locked eyes, his expression changed as his face contorted, Rudeus's feet taking a step back. Did I manage to forget how scary I look? I guess I did spend too much time with Rudeus's children. Or is this even the Rudeus I knew? No, of course, it's not. It can't be. Silently facepalming himself, he turned around, ready to leave in defeat, but stopped when he heard the boy speak.
"Orsted?"
His blood rushed to every limb, every hair on his head stood on end, and every muscle in his body tightened. That name—his name… How did he know it? How could he?
Then Orsted looked down and met the boy's eyes. Those eyes. They were undoubtedly the same eyes Orsted would study and try to understand, albeit the boy infront of him didn't have the demon eyes his older counterpart did. Orsted knew at that moment that this had to be the man he called his friend. After all, no one would look at him with such respect, admiration—and not a shred of fear.
"..." This was a dream he was having, wasn't it? "Rudeus?" His shaky voice spoke in an uncertain tone.
Silence passed as if the boy was figuring out what to say. Instead of speaking, the child slowly and deliberately bowed. It was that same stupid gesture he always did whenever he greeted him. Even though Orsted always told him to stop, he couldn't help but feel his lips curl in joy from seeing this child do it. "It's a pleasure to see you again, Boss." The damnable smile he had plastered across his face resonated with Orsted.
There was no mistaking it.
"Rudeus." He always held a stern attitude when dealing with people; it was something like a defense mechanism that Orsted had adopted over his long journey, but he felt such indescribable joy that he couldn't bring himself to care.
He wasn't alone anymore; instead, he had a friend that he could rely upon, something he had never had all this time. The weight of the revelation was enough to make him crumble to his knees. He watched the boy stretch his hands out to him, trying to catch the man before he fell, but he could do little against the weight of a full-grown man.
"To think you would be here." His voice cracked in the middle of his sentence as he pursed his lips together in a slight panic. Rudeus's eyes never wavered far from his face. Rudeus never pointed out his shortcomings, so instead, Rudeus spoke.
"I should be the one saying that." The boy let out in a calm and collected voice, and with not another word to be spoken between the two, Orsted's emotions gave as his eyes glazed over with tears, though he managed to hold them in. This was supposed to be a sentimental reunion, not a sad one.
Shortly after, Orsted was led back up onto his feet and directed into the house by the boy who, under unknown circumstances, had looped with him.
>Rudeus<
Orsted's white combed-back hair almost touched the door frame as he walked into the room, further emphasizing how much taller he was than me. "It's good seeing you again." A soft smile escaped my lips as I sat on the desk in my room. I gestured for him to do the same; the older man stumbled awkwardly into finding a chair against a wall and pulled it closer to me, setting the helmet he carried next to him. It looks like those notes he took back then have come in handy. My bedroom was pretty spacious for a child's room, but with someone of Orsted's stature, it appeared far more petite than usual.
"..." He silently stared at me intently. Those same golden eyes gazed at me as if to cut apart my soul. I was glad that he was still the semi-socially awkward Orsted I knew. Though the small smile he had only seemed to unnerve me.
Seeing that the man wouldn't speak, I decided I would. "Well, anyways, I guess I'll start. I've been better physically." I gestured toward my small body; the action was met with the older man's curt nod. "I'm in no position to complain about my circumstances, though. I get to live in Buena again. The days have been peaceful. Though I've seen some things I wasn't aware of happened last time." Orsted sat awkwardly across from me with that creepy smile as he looked down at me.
"It's good to see you again. Old friend." He's very much still the socially awkward Orsted I knew, but 'Old friend' was new.
"Friend? That's good to know." Our relationship had apparently blossomed into something like that.
"Huh?" The sound came out as if he had found himself in a daze.
Is Orsted happy right now? Wait, of course, he is. Any idiot could tell! I still don't get why Alek could never read the man. I mean, his lips moved like two whole millimeters there. It felt like he was a different person from the Orsted I knew. I imagine our time apart must've played a role in that.
"Is something wrong, Rudeus?" He was different. Where had the Orsted I had known gone?
"Oh, sorry. I guess it's just that you've changed. I mean, here you are, the great Dragon God Orsted, fidgeting from just being in the same room as a two-year-old. Did my kids rub off on you to the point you're friendly with just anyone? Or is it just me?" The air hung there momentarily, us meeting and holding each other in a staring match. My face flushed from realizing what I had just said to the man before me. Orsted seemed to look at me with a questionable gleam in his eyes. His mouth was slightly agape as if to say something, but every time a word was going to fall out of his mouth, he clamped it shut. "Uh, sorry if I made it awkward. I haven't talked to anyone since I've been reborn, and seeing you here made me all giddy and excited and—" Before I could dig a deeper hole, my rambling was cut off.
By chuckling…? Orsted was chuckling. He was borderline laughing, and I would've most likely joined him if I didn't think it was the most bizarre sight I'd seen all my days. Of course, I had seen this only once before, on my deathbed.
"No, I'm the one that's sorry. It's just that I'm—still trying to process it, you see. All of it." Orsted wiped away a tear that had formed in the corner of his eyes. He had changed since the last time I talked to him. He seemed livelier—more sociable. It wasn't like I didn't notice his slowly changing demeanor in my later years. It's just that seeing him laugh so openly about something so mundane was profound in its own way. "To think you would've even been in this loop. I thought I didn't stand a chance. Without you, I doubt I could have gotten as far as I did. But, for you to be. I don't know— you . It's just—I don't know how to feel. Frankly, this should be impossible. I guess—" A long sigh escaped Orsted's throat as he paused. It was the sigh you would hear after airing many grievances to your loved one or after a long day of work with a friend. "I'm just glad you're here." An awkward, forced smile formed on his stern face as his eyes closed ever so slightly.
Frankly, I was stunned. To think the man I had followed for so long, the man that I worked for for years, was treating me with such honest sincerity. Orsted was never one for kind, nonsensical pleasantries. It wasn't that he wasn't a kind man, but instead, it seemed to me that over the many times he had looped, he had lost some part of him. A feature that let him cherish people as allies and comrades, something he usually could never have. The person before me was a different man than I had known. Seems like even Orsted can change if you give him enough time. Frankly, he should've spent around forty-six more years in the last loop after my death to resolve everything with Laplace. So he had enough time to interact with people who trusted him. "Well, consider me glad, too, and you're right. I uhh—don't know how I'm here. I mean, there are a lot of possibilities, but I honestly don't buy any of them." I looked at him as he looked back at me. I breathed in deeply and let it out. "I just want to be of use again. I want to be able to help you again so we can get back everything we lost."
"It's good to hear you're still willing to help me. It'll be much appreciated." After a quiet moment passed, I started asking questions.
"So, how was everything? How were Roxy and Sylphie? How were the kids? Did you guys manage to do it? Did you beat Hitogami—well, if you're here, something must've gone wrong." With bated breath, the questions left my mouth. I don't know if my energy came from finally talking to someone freely or knowing I had an ally in this world, but I couldn't hold myself back.
Orsted's smile shifted ever so slightly to a sad one, his eyes also sharing that tone. "Roxy and Sylphiette missed you dearly. Your passing affected them the most. It wasn't uncommon to see them both visiting your grave. I even accompanied them a few times. It took them a while to get back on their feet, but they still had each other to rely on, so that helped." Hearing about Roxy and Sylphiette again made me tear up a little. I never wanted to part ways with any of my loved ones. It was just a matter-of-fact thing that I had to accept. I was human, and they weren't. One was from the Long-Eared tribe and would outlive all of us; the other was from the Migurd race. Eris and I knew we would pass long before either of them did.
"The kids were a handful to deal with, but I managed. They helped me a lot when push came to shove." That was good. I always let my kids interact with Orsted from an early age. It was mainly to let them know he was a friendly but scary-looking man they could rely on. "We did do it." His breath hitched. "We beat him. We sealed that bastard." Wait—they did it?
Then why were we here? That thought went unsaid.
"So you did it after all. To think I even doubted you—but why are we here then? Doing all of this again?" Many other questions were bouncing at the back of my skull that I wished to be answered, but for now, they could wait.
"It's I who should be sorry for failing." The regret was evident in the man's voice.
"No, of course not. You all did your best. Something must've gone wrong." Orsted wasn't one to commonly blame himself for such things. Of course, he would feel responsible, but there was no way it could solely be his fault. "Do you think you can tell me what happened after I died? If you do, we might be able to pinpoint what exactly happened."
An emotion I had never seen on Orsted's face became present. What exactly was it? I knew that look. I knew it all too well. It was so familiar that it was something that I could never mistake. It was disdain for one's self. "Are you sure you want to hear about it? It'd be best if you didn't know what happened." His look told me all I needed to know. He felt that he failed me personally for some reason.
"If it's about my family, Orsted, I have to hear about it; you know I do." Gathering my resolve, I continued. "I want to try to live this life seriously. I want to keep going for the ones I can't see anymore, and I can't go on with this life if I don't know what I left behind." I pleaded with the man.
His smile faded. "That's what I thought you'd say." Orsted's tone was sad. I had felt this long ago, underneath the rage of my siblings in my original life. That feeling, the emotion, was grief. I would be lying if I said I liked where this was going.
His face turned to stone as he spoke, looking directly at me. "I was not allowed to fight Laplace." Regret held Orsted's voice like a vice as he struggled to speak. I decided to remain quiet. "Your family didn't want me involved. It was for me to conserve my mana for Hitogami. I advised against it; I blatantly refused to let all of them do it alone. I wanted to fight alongside them. Naturally, I knew my importance in the upcoming fight. But there was no way I could let them go up against him alone, even if Perugius, Alek, Alexander, and Ruijerd were there. But—but they just kept refusing. They wouldn't let me join them. I should've gone. I still regret respecting their wishes." Orsted's face furled in anguish.
So something had happened during that fight. I could guess from his tone and feelings what must've happened.
"Orsted, who died?" I knew what it was coming to. He had an atmosphere as the time I learned Zenith had passed. As of now, I have, unfortunately, already become reasonably accustomed to losing loved ones. First Paul, then Zenith and Lilia, Zanoba, and finally Eris. It just seemed to get harder every time, but I eventually realized that everyone has to die at some point. Even myself. That's why I made sure to live so I could die without regret. "You can tell me." I tried sounding as reassuring as possible, but did I mean that? Did I want to hear whatever he would tell me?
"I'm sorry." The man I respect the most sat there looking down, not once even daring to look me in the eyes. The face I had grown accustomed to was no longer there; that old scowl with those glaring eyes was nowhere to be seen. Instead, there was a sad man filled with regret, his eyebrows furrowed in distress and a frown firm on his lips.
I feel sorry for him. While I was dead, he had to experience pain that I would never have wished upon anyone. He had to watch as I died and the people he cared about died. So I can't be angry, not at him. Not at the man who gave me a chance to fight for the family and friends I had grown to love.
"Don't apologize. Just please tell me." His eyes briefly shot up to mine, and he continued with a sad sigh.
"I only gave them half an hour to finish the fight before I would arrive. That was the ultimatum I gave them." Orsted paused, "By the time I got there. It was over. Sieghart had almost died in the fight. If it wasn't for—" He choked at the following words. "If it wasn't for Roxy." Orsted still didn't look at me.
I didn't speak—more like I couldn't bring myself to. In reality, I found it hard to believe what I heard then. "Did Roxy die?" The words didn't seem real when they fell out of my mouth.
Roxy? The Roxy who tried her best at everything? The one that dragged me outside my house when I couldn't bring myself to do it? The Roxy that gently comforted me when Paul died? The Roxy that I fell in love with? She died…? Roxy?
In a quiet and hushed voice, Orsted finally answered. "Yes." I saw him bite down on his lip, and blood trickled down his chin. "I'm sorry."
My breathing hitched, and I felt my heart thumping in my chest. "I-I talked to her just before I died—she was fine then." I could already feel the tears in my welling up. "For me, I—I talked to her two years ago." Those words hurt to say. For me, I died and left them behind, but they were healthy. For me, I had only been gone for two years. That's how long I had been without the family I had known. I knew they were gone, but I thought they lived. But it's never been that convenient.
"For me, it's been over a century since I last saw you." Orsted words held an odd warmth to them. "After you died, that loop still had forty-six years." He wasn't trying to hide anything from me.
I clenched my shorts with my hands. "D-Did she say anything? A-Any final words that sh-she wanted—" Those words fell limply from my lips as I choked them out. I could already feel the sobs coming as I held back tears.
"She said thank you… With you, she could live a life she was happy about. A fulfilling one with constant adventure. One where she could continue her career and, most importantly, fall in love." Orsted looked at me with sunken eyes, an absolute void of emotion covering his face. "Her last words were, 'I'm coming, Rudy.'" No more words needed to be said; It wasn't long after that his face became blurry.
"Master—Roxy." Everything fell apart in an instant. My rage, my regret, and even my sadness mixed together as they became something vile and grotesque. A feeling I never wanted to feel again. A sense that kept growing until it exploded in a fiery rage. "Damnit!" Instantly, my hand became numb from the excess of power my child's body couldn't handle. Electricity flashed in the room for a moment, and as I slammed my hand against the desk, the spell died before it could finish. The only thing confirming its existence was a burn mark over the desk's wooden top.
Orsted had stood up and moved over to me, placing his hand over mine. The distinct feeling of having my magic tampered with from his Disturb Magic stole my thought process. Orsted did not recoil or look away from me or speak. He just stood there and stayed silent, a silence that felt calming. He let me wallow. He kept a hand on mine, but that didn't stop my memories of her as they played repeatedly in my mind. Or how I could've fixed it all.
What could I do to save that little girl? My brain kept hopping around different solutions, but it didn't matter now. What was done was done. I was back, and time had reversed, so what had happened no longer mattered. Everything was back to how it was. So it didn't matter anymore. Right?
Live my life seriously? So I would leave no regrets? Is that what you call a regretless death? As if I could leave it like that. Was I serious? As if I left no regrets at the end of it all! Was this how that old man had felt? Was this how he felt when Roxy and Sylphie had died, and he couldn't do anything about it? I think I can understand why he had become so broken now. How odd, this feels so familiar, but so. "It's my fault. It's all my fault! I was the one that pushed Roxy into becoming a mother. I was the one that made her feel so obsolete ever since I was a child. If I just hadn't met her, then this wouldn't have happened—"
"Rudeus." Orsted stared intently at me. His eyes looked soft but stern as he peered deep into me. "You know you don't mean that."
"Orsted. You just can't—you don't understand." With a pause, I looked back at him. The dismal look in his eyes only added to my regrets. "I'm sorry, it's just—"
"No, you're right. I don't understand what it feels like to lose someone you love. I don't remember my parents, nor will I ever. I may never truly understand how you feel right now. I will not downplay your feelings, Rudeus. They're just and right. You have every right to feel angry, regretful, or repulsed by your perceived inadequacy." His grip on my hand tightened. "Just know it wasn't your fault. You weren't there. It can't possibly be your fault." Orsted paused momentarily, "I don't know what it feels like to lose a loved one, but I do know what it's like to lose a dear friend. You loved her. You're allowed to be angry, to curse the world for its mistreatment. Only you are allowed that luxury." Orsted's speech was smooth and eloquent and left no room for me to argue.
"I just wanted them to be—" I continued, managing to choke out the words from my throat. "I just wanted them to be happy." I coughed, and I gasped from my crying. "I—I was never able to repay her for saving me." Why did she have to die? After everything that happened, she deserved to live. The Roxy I knew earned a happy life.
"You probably understand her better than anyone. But you probably have no idea what must've been rushing through her head. When she saw Sieghart about to be killed, without even a second delay, she jumped in to save him. She offered her life for his. I know you don't know this, but after you were gone, I'd like to think I became friends with the Roxy and Sylphiette you'd fallen in love with." He paused again. "I know she died in the way she would've wanted to."
"Roxy." Why couldn't I stop crying? Why couldn't this pain just go away?
"She let herself die so her child could live. Even if he wasn't her flesh and blood, he was still her son as much as he was Sylphiette's and Eris's. Even though she wasn't his mom. She was his mother. That much I know you can understand from experience." Orsted stopped, looking directly into my eyes; he said the words I had thought of but didn't dare speak to myself. "It was just like what Paul did for you."
I was left speechless. Roxy gave her life to save Sieg. I never wanted her to put herself in danger. I just wanted her to live her days peacefully and then die calmly from old age, just like I did. That's what I wanted for all of my family. But maybe that wasn't what my family ever wanted.
When did that little girl who helped me face my fears become someone I admired this much? When had I started to love her? When I wasn't watching, when had she become a mother? When had Roxy become such a dependable person? She was always like that, wasn't she? She'd get frustrated when she couldn't understand something but always looked forward to a solution. That girl never stopped marching on for what she wanted. I think—I know that's why I loved Roxy Migurdia.
"Roxy, I'm sorry." I clasped my hands in a meaningless prayer as I shoved my head downwards to look towards the floor. "Please forgive me!" The floodgates I had been trying desperately to close didn't give as I wailed. I had been living this new life with the knowledge I had in my previous one. I knew she and everyone I knew was gone, but I never even thought that something like this had happened.
Without realizing it, the woman I loved had passed away. So I cried for her. For that little girl, I had met so long ago. The one who helped me so much without even realizing it. The woman I fell in love with. Even now, I remember everything about her, from how she would play with her hair whenever I would embarrass her to her tendency to flaunt me occasionally in public. I loved absolutely everything about Roxy Migurdia. I still do. It's an emotion in my heart that will never change. Not in a hundred years or a thousand.
That woman was gone now, and the only thing left of that woman was me. The things she gave me and the magic she taught me. That was where it all started with Roxy. I got to know her because of magic. I wouldn't have tried so hard if it wasn't for her, but she was precisely why I could. She gave me more than I could ever give her.
So, I continued to cry until there was nothing left. And when nothing was left, I would keep crying as I coughed and choked on nothing. For this is the only way to show my grief. For Roxy Migurdia Greyrat, the woman I loved, the woman I had married and had children with, the one I had looked up to, was now gone, and there was no way I could ever see that version of her again.
During this time, Orsted remained quiet. He, too, shared my grief with a few tears . How odd. I thought. Seeing Orsted cry was something I had never imagined would be a sight I could see. But I knew now how much my family changed him. He, too, was hurt by the loss. So, he saw to it that he would share my pain with me.
We stayed like that for a few minutes, after which I managed to retain myself enough to listen to the man at the very least. This sadness, just like Eris's death, would never disappear. It would always linger in my mind. It will always haunt my dreams and encroach on my life, but I will continue to live for her sake.
I at least had to do that. At the very least, I had to.
"To think you'd already be able to use 'Electric' at an early age. You never fail to impress me." Orsted spoke from beside me as he looked down at me. Usually, anyone would be pissing themselves by being this close to him, but this was a typical workday to me.
"It's not even enough to scoff at, really; if I couldn't do that much already, I'd have lost all faith in my ability… I still have a lot to learn." I tried uselessly to hide between the few sniffles and sobs, so I responded to Orsted. "That was all the mana I had, though, beyond pitiful." I knew he hated my derogatory remarks but didn't dare mention them to me now. "Please continue."
"There's not much else to cover. Everyone was affected by her death. We buried Roxy next to you and Eris. Rowin and Rokari passed away a few years back, so she had no other family to inform. As expected, Lara and Sylphiette were the most affected by the loss, not to say the others didn't take it as harshly." Hearing about Lara made my heart ease a little. It made me happy knowing our estranged daughter, whom we had always worried about, was fine. I was glad to hear she cared so much about her mother. I was always concerned she found us annoying to a fault.
"We arrived in the void world shortly after our fight with Laplace. I swore I would kill him and ensure he was dead for good so that no one else would be lost. But I wasn't alone then; the others shared my feelings."
"My children—our comrades."
"Yes. You know even Sylphiette had a few things to say to the man? She was quite bold about it." Orsted chuckled as he paused and breathed. "She even called him a cowardly bastard that made your life needlessly tiring." Orsted's face pulled into a faint grin as he thought deeply.
"That sounds like the Sylphie I knew." A faint smile pulled at my lips; the fond memories I made with her back at the academy came rushing into my head as I said that. "So, how'd the fight go?
His response came off with a blunt edge. "We beat the shit out of him."
I sat there, blinking at him for a while. "Is that it? No epic confrontation between good and evil and a clash that lasted a month?"
"Of course. Sure, he said many nasty things when we got there. Especially about you, but you could say he overestimated himself when it wasn't just me versus him." The man had a present grin on his face. "I went in there with Lara, Sieg, Luicelia, Aleksander, Sándor, Sylphiette, Akito, Nanahoshi, and many of your descendants that could fight." He stared at me with a look of satisfaction on his face. "It was a beat down like no other. By the time he was down and begging us to spare him, Sieg and Lara just kept kicking him." Orsted had what I could only call a shit-eating grin on his face.
"I can tell it did wonders for your stress." He nodded along.
"Of course, I wanted to kill him, but I was persuaded to instead seal him. It was Lara's suggestion for fear of destroying the human world."
"So you sealed him as you said? Wait, of course—if I'm not wrong, isn't your—"
"It would seem your understanding of the situation is the same as mine… Simply sealing him does not constitute the completion of my journey. I am most likely required to kill the Man-God for this loop to end." He scoffed. "It would seem I failed on the most basic front." Sealing him was most certainly the wiser decision. I could understand what Lara was thinking, and it wasn't Orsted's fault either for not finishing the job because he also didn't know what would happen to the human world if the Man-God was killed. No one does. After all, the only that does is him, and he's a shitty liar that you couldn't exactly trust, but I guess he may not even know what would happen if he were to die.
Why do we always find ourselves in shitty situations like this exactly?
"So, what do we do? What's our game plan?" This was Orsted we were talking about; the guy had plans for things that would happen in decades.
"I—honestly, I have no idea. That's partly why I came to talk to you." What? He'd been through this loop repeatedly—he'd seen these things countless times, and now he's just telling me he doesn't know what to do?
"Is this your weird attempt at a joke? I know I'm a two-year-old right now, but that doesn't mean you can just pull my leg over here. I mean, like, c'mon! You just gave me that news earlier; you remember I effectively died from the grief of Eris's death, don't you? Now you're saying you don't know what to do? I don't do well with this kind of pressure." I swear, this guy was beyond ridiculous sometimes.
"Sorry, Rudeus. I really don't know what I should do." There was a stillness after Orsted said that. He didn't look lost; instead, he seemed to relish the moment he found himself in. "So now, I want you to decide what to do. If you were back, I originally intended to stick to the last loop as closely as possible. But, for you to remember everything…we're now completely out of my presumptions. You shouldn't be here at all. I mean, you were always a being that was never supposed to exist, to begin with. So, I'd like for you to decide. It's a change of pace or something like that. Lara always liked saying that whenever we were traveling together." This wasn't like him at all. To not want to control a loop the way he wanted was something Orsted would never do. To jeopardize everything just because I was here? It was beyond reckless. It was borderline asinine.
"I can't do that, Orsted. With my shitty luck, I'll just ruin everything. Let's just stick to the best course of action, like always. Otherwise, my brain might just fry." I tried my best to reason with the man. The man I always assumed had the correct course of action, but that man changed. Orsted just sat across from me with a grin as he looked down at me.
"I don't mind, Rudeus. If I have you, I can do this loop with my hands tied behind my back. After all, you're Rudeus of the Quagmire. You're the only mortal man after Saint Millis or Water God Reidar to master god-tier magic, and you even outdid them. You're the Dragon God's Right Hand, the one that has all but mastered Urupen's fighting style, and I bet if you could manifest touki, you'd even give Water God Reida a run for her money. You're the man who understands the concept of magic better than anyone alive." He gave me a smirk. "With you, I'm pretty sure I can do anything." Orsted gloated with a shrug of his shoulders and a sigh as he finished talking.
"I could only do all of that because of you. You taught me all of that. Instilled it into me since I started working with you, and if you don't stop stroking my ego, I might just end up dead on a highway somewhere." I pointed at him harshly.
"Maybe, maybe not. You're a strong individual, Rudeus, enough so that even the world powers would quake in their boots at the sight of you. So I want to give you the freedom to decide what you want to do with your life. I do not wish to control it. Though I'd like it if it didn't impede my goals, if it's something you want to do, I won't stop you." Hearing all of this coming from Orsted's mouth felt somehow surreal.
"Do you trust me that much? To let me do whatever is most certainly foolhardy."
"You're probably correct. But it's because I know you that I can trust you. So, Rudeus. What would you like to do?" What do I want to do? Why has that question never come to mind in all the time I've been back?
The first conclusion I could come to seemed the most sensible one. "I think I'd like to help you from now on."
I was met with a frown. "That is something you'd regret. Trust me when I tell you this. You'd never meet the people that meant so much to you. You'd most likely never see Roxy, Sylphiette, or Eris again. To be frank, they'd probably die without you. If the mana disaster occurs again, which hopefully it does, considering without it, Nanahoshi wouldn't be here. Disregarding that subject, the people you care for wouldn't fare well. Roxy would continue to wander, trying to find a job. Eventually, she'd give up on her dream of finding her true love and continue to be an adventurer till the day she died. Sylphiette would be a smear on the Silver Palace gardens in Ars, having no friends she could reminisce about as she fell to her death or the magic you taught her to save herself. Eris would most likely survive the demon continent again if she met Ruijerd. Though only if she meets him again. Then, once she returns, she would most likely be married off to become Pilemon's concubine. Probably shipped over to Darius at the end of the day as well. She'd live her life in regret for not doing something more. Of course, I can't truly know if any of this will come to pass. But, I have experience in these types of things." I've lived through it, after all. He didn't include that because he knew I knew exactly what he was trying to get at.
A pit formed in my stomach as I kept thinking—all those felt like paths they could've taken. Even if the Displacement Incident doesn't occur in this timeline, their fates wouldn't be much better. It was a moral conundrum for me.
"The Roxy, Sylphie, and Eris of this time aren't the ones I knew. No matter how hard I could try to push those memories away, they're not the same people I fell in love with."
"Haha." My proclamation was met with laughter by the older man. Honestly, I considered making Orsted the enemy of my family right then and there. What, was he just going to laugh at me like it was nothing? "You know, Rudeus? Some men live all of their lives without finding one woman who'll love them for who they are. Yet you managed to find three in just eighteen years of your life." Orsted sighed after he finished talking and took that small moment of solace to look out the window in my room to see the sprawling fields of wheat and the sun high in the sky. "You might be right. The Roxy, Sylphiette, and the Eris of this timeline certainly have no idea who you are. They're not the same people you knew…" Orsted smiled, most likely reminiscing about our past loop. "But they are the ones you met all those decades ago." Something about his words felt convincing.
"Roxy is still the same headstrong girl who, at this point, is quite arrogant about her skill, but I'm sure she would constantly downplay herself if she saw your talent. Sylphiette is still the meek little girl who gets bullied for her appearance. Eris retains her confident, ruthless, and violent nature, one who is seen as a failure for a noble's daughter." Orsted's eyes were fixated on me.
"But, when you meet them again. Will you still think that? When you see them, will you not feel the love you have for them? Would you leave everything behind and let their fates play out that way? I wouldn't mention what would happen to Lilia if you weren't here. Or how Zenith and Paul would react to your disappearance. For I'm sure you know them better than I do."
I remained sitting, pondering over everything. Orsted was right. In all honesty, he'd never really led me astray before now. So why was I so hesitant? Was it because I didn't want to lose them again? Or was it because seeing them would trigger too many memories for me.
The critical question was if I still loved them, which I was sure of. Roxy helped me take my first step and taught me so much. But, the one in this world hadn't and wouldn't. Sylphie was someone who loved me unconditionally and helped soothe my pain no matter how much of a wreck I was. But the Sylphie in this world would never cure my ED. And Eris was the woman I was ever so reliant on. But now she was back to being a brat who would sooner beat the shit out of me for accidentally breathing next to her than ever consider being my lover. But they were the people I didn't want to let go of. They were the women I loved. I didn't want them to die.
No matter what. Isn't that the vow that Americans love using during weddings? To live together in matrimony, to love them, comfort them, honor and keep them, in sickness and health, in sorrow and joy, to have and to hold, from this day forward, as long we both shall live. Yeah, I think that's the one if I remember correctly, and it looks like I'm alive, so—
"Haah… You can't let me decide alone, can you?" I ran my hand through my hair to find some counterpoint to Orsted's argument. I found none.
"I only seek what is best for you in this scenario. Nothing more, nothing less. You're a friend I care for. Therefore, I only wish the best for you." His deliberation was practically flawless. There was no way I could argue my way out of this one.
"God, you're difficult." There wasn't much I was being given in my decision. With another second of thinking, I continued, "I've decided then. I'll stay here in Buena, but I want you to give me work. I'd hate it if you were the only one doing anything. I don't want to rely on or have any affiliation with the Man-God this time. I'm going to spread the name Quagmire Rudeus across the world again. I'll ensure there isn't one person who doesn't know that name. I'll put my all into the present so that nothing wrong can happen in the future. That's my decision, Orsted. That's what I, Rudeus Greyrat, want from my life!" I wouldn't be some laughing stock who would run away anymore. I would use my power for the one thing I had always meant it to be for. My family.
"If that's what you want to do, then so be it." Leaning back in his chair, he slicked back his hair. We sat there for a moment in comfortable silence. Not one of us is speaking or moving. Even though so much happened, good and bad. I was nevertheless happy to see him again, even if some bitter feelings followed after my revelation of what had happened in the last loop became known. We were both here, and that's all I could ask for.
"Can I ask you one favor, though?" I was the one to break the ice, the older man looking at me as his ever-present angry demeanor softened.
"Of course. I'm sitting pretty as long as you're in this world, so the least I can do is answer a favor for a friend." Orsted seemed pleased with our interaction so far as he sat comfortably.
With a bated breath, I asked a question. It constantly plagued my thoughts for as long as I lived in my previous life. "Can you save them? Zenith? Sylphie's parents? Eris's parents?" If I was reborn with my memories, there was no way I could just let the people my family loved simply die again. I had to save them if I knew what would happen to them. I wanted my mother to be able to live her life.
The man adjacent to me sat calmly for a second. Breathing in and out, he likely weighed the severity of accepting my proposal. What would Eris do if Philip, Hilda, and Sauros greeted her when she arrived home? Or if Sylphie realized her parents were still alive? Would she stay with Princess Ariel? Or would she leave her? I could understand Orsted's wariness—
"I already planned on it." His eyes met mine. His resolve shone through those yellow pupils of his, and I could understand what he wanted to convey. "It shouldn't be that difficult. I'll have to ensure I'm there for Zenith's arrival; the earlier, the better, especially if I break that crystal before she arrives. It should probably even prevent the curse on her from manifesting. Laws and Sylphiette's mother, Cecilia, end up in Begaritt after the displacement incident. So I'll see them, but you'll have to manage Philip and Hilda somehow. As for Sauros… It might be better to leave him as he was in the last loop—but you may do whatever you want when the time comes." He stroked his chin as he spoke.
I had expected there would be something I had to compromise on. To be fair, I expected him to say he couldn't do anything about it, so I'll take this as a win. "Thank you!" I immediately bowed my head. To think he was already planning something like that was pretty much what I'd come to expect from him. There was nothing left for me to do besides to be grateful. There was no way I would just let that old man die again. I still had a debt to him that I hadn't paid back. Eris's family treated me like their family. Even if Philip had his own views on what I could be helpful for, he was still a pretty decent guy. I didn't want them to die again.
Orsted waved off my notion of gratitude with his hand. Beckoning me to straighten myself and look at him instead. "Instead of worrying about the small details. Why don't we chat for a while? We don't have any tea, but I'm sure there's enough to be said to fill the time we have left. What do you say, old friend?" Having some tea time with one another became something we did later in my life. I knew Lily would also do something similar with Orsted, but whenever we had our meetings, it became a norm to talk to each other instead of doing any meaningful work.
"I'd—Like that. I'd like that a lot." I gave the man another smile; he, too, was sporting one of his own.
So we chatted for another hour or so. Going over significant events or small happenings, anything to fill the air and divert our attention elsewhere. Things like how Sieg had changed over the years or how Lara had become more open in the time she traveled with Orsted. Or how Roxy and Sylphie were doing in my absence and how my family had been. We shared pleasant and bitter memories that we wished to be forgotten. He even told me about the few jobs I had asked him for. There were ones I could do along the way from here to our meeting in the mountains and even a few more major ones after I returned to the Central Continent and separated from Eris. Other than that, we talked for the simple sake of talking, and after silence had intruded on us once again, we both knew it was time for us to part ways.
Walking with Orsted to the front gate had such a familiar feeling when Ruijerd had left after he had brought Norn and Aisha to my house in Sharia. This was yet again the departure of a close friend. One that I most likely wouldn't see for more than a decade, at the least if things were to go according to plan. What would happen this time around? Would Nanahoshi even be brought here in this timeline? Would the Displacement Incident even occur? Would people be teleported to the exact locations they were initially? I guess these questions were better left for a later date, and I'm sure Orsted doesn't want me to broach that particular subject at this moment either.
Right now, I'm a two-year-old escorting the Dragon God Orsted off my property. There's nothing weird about it in any way whatsoever… Who was I kidding? This was so incredibly weird that it shouldn't even be a thing that could happen in any multiverse theory thought up by man. Well, I guess nothing is so simple for him and me.
"Rudeus, I—" Orsted stopped at the stone wall that lined the outside perimeter of the house, stopping just short of the opening that was the gate. He stumbled a little bit after turning around, causing me to chuckle a small amount at my boss's clumsiness. He had changed so much when I wasn't around anymore. He was more friendly, less strict, and more compassionate. He was everything I wished he could be back when I initially met him. He was truly meant to be a leader. "Here, these are for you." Suddenly, he set the helmet he carried underneath his arm on the short wall next to him, and from seemingly nowhere, Orsted brought up his hands and had three distinct things in them. A bracelet, one which I had become overly familiar with in the time of my serving him. This jewelry disrupted Hitogami's foresight and would see the wearer utterly immune to the Human god's prying eyes. The second was the robe I had worn while working under the Dragon God, and the last was a weathered scroll.
"Thank you." I took the items from him without delay. "Is this a spirit-summoning scroll?" I held the rolled parchment as I looked at the man.
"You know who it's for; just ensure you summon him somewhere safe." His response came back with a stern attitude.
There's the excellent old boss.
"Of course." He nodded down at me after my response.
Grabbing the helmet he had laid down, he turned his back towards me, and with a final wave of his hand, Orsted began to leave. "I'll trust to see you again, Rudeus. Until then, good luck, and may the blessing of the Dragon God be with you." With not another word spoken between us, Orsted reequipped the helmet he had arrived with and disappeared from my field of view. Off to somewhere distant, no doubt. The few jobs he judged I could handle were now my problem, so it was up to me to do my part in this long, arduous battle against the Man-God.
Looking down into my hands was a system shock, however, as I now had to hide a robe, a rather expensive-looking bracelet, and a very suspicious-looking scroll from my parents, who just loved to go through my room. Not that it's not their fault for still thinking I was some stupid kid who couldn't do much alone.
Walking back into my house, I took a deep breath and went up the stairs with everything in tow. It wasn't the easiest thing I've ever done, but I managed all the same. Without any watchful eyes, I decided that prying open a floorboard and shoving everything underneath it was the best course of action. After I finished, I looked through the window of my bedroom. I could see that Zenith, Paul, and Lilia all were walking through the gate together. Said gate being the one where, not even two hours ago, one of the scariest and the strongest men in this world had waltzed through without a care in the world
"I guess I'll stop beating around the bush then." I left my room and, even with some slight difficulty, opened the door to Paul's study. Even if it was called a study, the man never used it. The room inside was primarily barren, besides a large chest with the only books in the house and a desk with a chair on the right wall. With some effort, I opened the large trunk and pulled out the book I vaguely remembered from childhood. Brushing off my pant legs from the accumulated dust, I looked towards the window facing the outside world. Flipping through the book, I found the spell of my choice, Water Cannon. I had cast the exact spell all those years ago and accidentally blew a hole into our house.
"I'll see you soon, Master." I looked around the room. "Speaking of—where did I put that hole again?"
Notes:
Author's Note: Well, there you have it for chapter two. When I was originally writing this story, many of the chapters ended up being 10k+ words, so I decided to cut them down for ease of digestion. I don't have much of a problem writing long chapters, but I figured reading them this way would be easier. Though, in this case, this chapter is still very long. I promise that the next chapters aren't as long. None in Buena are this long plural; I guess the first two chapters are a remnant from when this story was originally a one-shot.
Anyway, I'll be back with the next chapter, and of course, I would appreciate any feedback you can give me.