Re:Beginning: A Job-Filled Reincarnation
Crimster
Summary:
Rudeus was originally a washed-up neet, but when he got his second chance at life, he took it by the horns and ran with it. Even if many things that happened along the way weren't quite what he wanted, he wouldn't change a thing. Sure, he had made some mistakes. Some of the people closest to him died, but he lived his life how he wanted, the way he never had, and he was okay with how it ended. So why is it that he was still awake? Why was he back in the home he had started in all those years ago? When he thought about everything he had done, the only thought that came to his mind was simple. "Why do I get another chance?"
The two had set up everything, from when Rudeus died to the fight with Laplace. Every minute detail Rudeus and Orsted could think of had been planned for—any difference in timeline accounted for. After Rudeus's death, the rest was left in Orsted's hands, and with his comrades in tow, they defeated the Man-God and sealed him away, this time permanently. Everything Rudeus had done was not in vain… So why? Why had it come to this? Standing in this familiar, nameless forest in the northern part of the Central Continent, Orsted knew one thing for sure. He had looped. He had failed Rudeus Greyrat.
Chapter 1: Re:Beginning: A Job-Filled Reincarnation | Chapter One: The Day Rudeus Greyrat Died and An Unwelcome Start
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Re:Beginning: A Job-Filled Reincarnation | Chapter One: The Day Rudeus Greyrat Died and An Unwelcome Start
"When a life of contemplation and redemption ends, what is a man supposed to do besides feel complacent."
—Am I just supposed to be okay with getting a third chance when I already had a second…? How can I not feel regret for all the people I've left behind?
Author: Rudeus Greyrat
Deep into the winter months in Sharia, people gathered in one home. Why were these people gathering, you might ask? Well, it was for an extraordinary occasion. A party unlike any other—ahh, who am I kidding?
I, Rudeus Greyrat, was approaching the end of my life, and my family saw it fit to bid me farewell into the afterlife.
My legs decided to give out on me a little while ago, so I was sat in bed. I found even sitting up to be a tiresome activity these days. Strange that not long ago, I was still running all over the place doing jobs for Orsted, but an old, senile man like me can't quite keep up with the likes of Alek nowadays.
"Rudy?" A woman's voice sounded from my right. Her hair was as white as snow, her eyes as red as rubies, and her ears long like knives. Even now, they looked awfully biteable. The woman shot me an annoyed look. "You should stop with that thought, Rudy. You know you don't have enough energy." Her ears flapped a little, and even though she reprimanded my stare, she didn't do anything to stop me. If anything, she only came closer and clasped my hand. It's a shame I couldn't bring my body up because I would've gotten right to work on nibbling.
"Everyone's here, Rudy." A feminine voice spoke to my left as I felt the warmth of a hand clasp my other empty one. Blue braids were the first thing that invaded my vision as I looked over to meet Roxy's blue eyes. I offered her a simple smile that she returned, but when I snaked my hand out of her clasp and reached toward her chest, she quickly swatted my hand away without hesitation, only to take it back in hers. "Not the time, Rudy."
"Aww, come on," I begged. "How about one last time for your precious student?" My remark made the room laugh in response while Roxy shook her head in disregard.
"I think you're too old to get down to business again, Rudeus." A voice called, and with a little looking, I found the origin. There, in all of her usual splendor, stood Elinalise, still looking as young as when I met her. Beside her was an elderly man, and beside them stood a young man holding the hand of a slightly older woman with brown hair beside him. Simply put, it was Cliff, Clive, and my daughter, Lucy.
"I don't think you should be allowed to talk Elinalise. Considering your track record." I retorted, but the woman chuckled as she hugged her husband closer to her.
Cliff eventually pried the elven succubus off himself as he stepped forward and offered a small prayer. Even after all of these years, his faith never waned even slightly. His level of commitment made the likes of me jealous. "I'm sorry I can't do much more for you, Rudeus, but you know by now that many of your practices aren't exactly welcomed by the Millis faith." His voice was gravelly and low.
"That's no problem, but are you sure you should be up and about right now, Cliff? Hell, you're older than me." The man shot me a cheeky smile in response.
"I guess you could say I still have a job to fulfill, even with my age." He eyed his wife, and she offered a smirk in reply.
Is he saying they still hit the hay? Should I be jealous? Yeah, I should be jealous. Out of any of us in our friend group, I thought I was the sexual deviant of the bunch, but I guess with time, everyone's true colors are shown.
"Lucky dog, you." That was all I offered him in the form of compassion. It was impressive enough that he was still keeping up with her after all these years, but I guess he had a lot of practice.
A moment of silence spread between us for a while.
"I wish Zanoba could be here." Cliff spoke in a quiet and grieved voice. After Zanoba's, we decided not to talk much about the man. Neither of us wanted to relive the sadness of his death day in and day out.
"To think our school days are so far away now." He pursed his lips. "I'll say hello to Zanoba for you. I'm sure he'll be glad you still remember him." He gave me a teary-eyed nod. Even my respectable senior can cry when push comes to shove.
I eyed the room after Cliff left and spotted a person I thought impossible. I even had to rub my eyes once to make sure he was actually in the corner, sitting on the floor. There, I spotted a man I'd thought I wouldn't see on this day.
"You finally decide to leave the Sword Sanctum, Jino?" Usually, any man would've been scared shitless by the Sword God casually sitting in a corner of a room. Especially the man renowned for never leaving his home. The mere fact that I could so casually call out to him was only a testament to my many years of knowing the man. I found his presence here reassuring.
"Well, there's nothing better to do." His remark came off in a sedated way. Nina had unfortunately passed only a few months after Eris had. I'm sure he took the loss about as bad as I had. "Plus, when your drinking buddy is going off to die, the least you can do is watch him as he goes." The gruff man nodded his head. Looking at him now, you'd never expect a geriatric old man like him to be the Sword God, but when your sole reason was to become stronger to fuck the woman you loved, not many could stop him. His still holding the Sword God's title further showed his strength.
It was a shame Zanoba or Doga couldn't be here. The five of us could've had one last drinking party together, but they were both already gone. How long has it been? I can't seem to remember.
Well, I better get this show on the road before everyone grows tired of an old man talking their ear off.
I looked at Lucy and quickly found the rest of my children in the crowd. Ars sat by a wall, obviously on watch duty. Sieghart likewise was standing next to Alek, who was by the doorway. Lily was standing next to her children. Weirdly enough, she wasn't fiddling with anything. Not too far away was my last child, Christina. She held herself with such esteem that I almost felt the need to bow. However, I guess that's how a person becomes after being the queen of a kingdom.
"Come, children. I'd like some words." They had all noticed my stare drifting between them by this point, and with a look between themselves, they all came closer and stood by my bed, each with faces of anxiety and sadness.
Even when looking at them like this, the only thing that runs through my head is a feeling of contentment. It's been a good run, hasn't it? My children are all healthy, and they've been living their lives the way they want. This is good enough.
"Papa?" Lucy was the first to speak. Her tone was uncertain, and her eyes were watery with tears. Clive touched her shoulder to ease my daughter's feelings even a little.
"Lucy, thank you for sticking it out when you were younger." Her lip quivered once I started. "Thank you for loving your father despite all his inadequacies." She started crying a moment later, and Clive hugged her close to him. With a finger flick, I grabbed the handkerchief from Ars's pocket with some gravity magic and wiped her tears. No one paid any mind to the interaction.
"Ars?" I turned my attention back to my eldest son. He'd become quite the looker. He only got the good parts of Eris and me, after all. Well, I couldn't say it was only the good, but that stuff was far into the past.
"Yes, Father?"
"Keep working hard, Son." Ars liked to solve things with actions more than he did words. He was just like his mother in that way, so I figured that much would be enough to leave him with.
"I'll continue to do my best." His voice shook slightly as he spoke. He hung his head low after. I could tell that tears were beginning to well up in his eyes, but I wouldn't mention them.
"Sieg?" The green-haired boy came closer.
"I'm here, Father."
"Have you become a hero yet?" He nodded his head to disagree.
"I'm still striving to become one every day."
"That's good." I nodded along. "I know you have your own duties, but if you don't mind, I'd like to ask a favor from you."
His face remained resolute. "Anything."
"Then, if there's ever a time when they're in danger, I'd like you to protect your mother's for me. Can you do that for your father?" He eyed the women to my sides and nodded after doing so.
"I'll do you proud." I nodded and moved along.
"Lily?" The girl was already crying before I even started talking. She was very different from her blood sister, that was for sure, but it almost felt nice that she wasn't trying to hide under a facade.
"Y-Yes, Papa?" She spoke between sniffles as Aisha moved from Ars's side to wipe her nose for her.
"I have no more use for it, so you can do with my magic armor what you will." Lily had already long been appointed to the helm for researching and improving the magic armor, but I hadn't let the girl touch my personal suits. I didn't want her turning the Mark Zero into some Gundam. Oh, that actually reminds me.
"Please don't make a Gundam or something after I'm gone." It was better to stomp a weed out before it grew.
"I don't know what that means." The girl cried as she spoke. A giggle escaped her throat as she did so.
"You can ask Nanahoshi the next time you see her."
Speaking of. She must still be asleep, considering I don't see her anywhere. It's a shame I had to pass on at such an inadequate time. I would've at least liked to say goodbye to my fellow Japanese native, but oh well. These things happen.
I turned my head to my last child. "Chris?"
She stepped forward slightly. Edward trailed loosely behind her. Her dignified demeanor remains even now. If I had to say which child of mine changed the greatest, it would have to be her. I still miss the days she'd beg me to play with her or give her a piggyback ride around Sharia. Only to tell me to do it again because she hadn't had enough "Papa time," as she called it.
However, her demeanor didn't last long as Sylphie, in an almost reassuring nature, touched the woman's arm when she reached me. Then, the girl's facade immediately fell apart, and she broke down and fell on top of me in a crying and sobbing fit. "I-I don't want you to die, Papa! P-Please just stay a little longer!" The woman who had held such an iron facade only a moment earlier had easily cracked because of me. Honestly, I was happy enough to die—well, I am doing that anyway, so I guess that's technically true.
My daughter pleaded to me as her husband rubbed her back. I offered Edward a consoling look, and he just shrugged his shoulders at me with a slightly somber smile on his lips. I brought my hand up and rubbed her head. "Your Papa has to go soon. I'm sorry." She shook her head against my chest as she smothered her tears across the blanket on top of me. "Thank you for letting me dote on you as much as I liked when you were younger." I rubbed her head as I looked up to the family I—no, that Sylphie, Roxy, Eris, and I painstakingly built together. Only because of the women I loved could I die like this.
"It is a shame that Lara couldn't be here." I breathed out as Edward finally collected the still sobbing Chris from my chest.
"Rudy, I'm—" Roxy tried speaking, most likely to try to bear needless guilt that shouldn't exist, so I decided to cut her off.
"It's okay, Roxy. Lara isn't like me. She had a goal she was chasing. I'm sure even now, she's doing what needs to be done wherever she is. So I'm glad." My estranged daughter was someone I never really understood, but even now, I know that wherever she was, she was doing something that would affect our fight against the Man-God. So if it meant missing her old man's death, I couldn't much mind. At the end of the day, I still loved Lara. She's my daughter, and I knew she had her own way of showing affection.
In my previous life, I wet my whistle while my parent's funeral was happening. So, I can confidently say that whatever she's up to is infinitely better.
"Aisha, Norn?" Aisha turned toward me as Norn approached her sister with Ruijerd in tow. They both stared at me. As the taller man idled behind them.
I looked them both in the eyes, going from Aisha and holding my gaze on Norn. "Father and Mother would be proud." Those words slipped out of my mouth. Aisha stood there with a look of bewilderment as tears slowly started to fall from her wrinkled face. Next to her, Norn didn't take it nearly as well. The mention of our parents practically sent the girl over the edge as she sobbed into Ruijerd's chest. "I'll say hello to them for you two." The blond nodded without looking back at me as Aisha gave me a slight bow.
It looks like I've made the room even sadder somehow. What a buzzkill I've become.
"Rudeus?" Ruijerd's rough voice cut through the air like a knife. Of course, he hadn't changed in all the years I'd known him. The only thing that could be considered different was that now we were family.
"Say hi to Eris for me." Of course, the last words he gave me had to be so cool. That was so like him.
"Alek." A simple call and the man came running over.
"Rudeus." His chipper tone was still there. I imagine that seeing a person die was regular for him.
"A dead man doesn't need a spot among the Seven Powers, so you can have it back." I closed my eyes for his response. Was he going to be happy about it? Probably not. Alek liked to fight for these kinds of things.
"I politely decline your offer." His response wasn't bombastic or upbeat. Instead, I was met with an entirely serious-sounding man.
"Don't be ridiculous, Alek. It's not like I'm in any shape to—"
"I'm not worthy of the title. Not until I shape up and figure out who I need to be. So, for now, I'm not worthy of replacing the 'Quagmire.'" He was adamant about refusing, it seemed. Well, so be it.
"You're far too kind for your own good, you know?"
"Says you." He shot back at me with a mocking tone.
I breathed in and breathed out. I could tell it was coming soon. I knew because I had felt it before in my life. The creeping sense of death that threatened to consume my existence. This time, however, I wouldn't run away or scream for another chance. I was ready, and I was willing to accept my end. This time, I would be going out on my own terms, and I felt like there was no other way I would rather die.
The man who hadn't spoken at all yet stepped forward toward me. His stern golden eyes never left mine, even as he moved. His white hair is still styled the same way it had always been, and his attire is the same as when I met him, which at this point felt like a lifetime ago. Even by being in the same room as him, the atmosphere seemed to change, but for some reason, no one was as scared of him as they used to be, even without his helmet on.
"Rudeus." Orsted spoke in his typical flat-toned voice with his usual ever-present scowl.
I looked behind him to see everyone for one last time. Shame they were all so sad. I didn't necessarily want my death to be tragic, but it made me feel happy that this many people cared for me.
"You know, Orsted. I maybe should've taken a note from my future self and learned time magic. With how sad I'm making everyone, it's making me feel guilty." I let out a short chuckle, and then, oddly enough, the man did as well.
My eyes widened as I had to double-take what I heard. The Dragon God. My boss. Who had to be the most serious person in this world—just chuckled. As if it was the most obvious answer to my statement.
"You've done more than enough. If anyone deserves a break. It would have to be you , Rudeus." The man's face shifted ever so slightly.
"You sound sad enough to cry, old friend." His eyes widened slightly at that.
Did I actually hit the mark? Or was he just angry that I threw one last swing at him before I left?
"Orsted." The man looked down at me. "Please finish it for me. Seal the Man-God and put an end to this battle of yours."
" Ours. " He reiterated. "And I will." A look of utter determination flashed in Orsted's eyes as he spoke.
"Well, if you somehow—" I paused, and the man looked at me with an incredulous look. "I know this sounds ridiculous, but. If we somehow fail. Just find me." I'm sure I could help you out. That was what I didn't add to what I said. The likelihood of a loop like this was so astronomically close to zero that it wasn't funny, but who knows what could happen. This entire life that I had lived was full of uncertainties. Still, it would be better not to think about what-ifs like that.
I took another breath in and out. At this point, even that was proving difficult. I could tell I was slowly slipping away.
I looked to my left. "Roxy." Then I turned to my right. "Sylphie." Both of their grips tightened. "Thank you for putting up with me." They both immediately interjected and denied what I said, but I quickly put a kibosh on them. "We've been through a lot, haven't we?" Memories flashed in my head. I couldn't quite remember everything, but the amount of memories I shared with everyone greatly outweighed the ones I had forgotten.
"Like when you confused me as a boy—twice?" I nodded along with a smirk.
"I was quite dense back then, so I hope you may forgive me for my hubris." I felt a pinch on my cheek.
"Or when I made you promise to not be so formal with me?" Right, sorry. Force of habit, you're just too cute when you're mad.
Roxy leaned close to whisper, "Or when you stole my underwear?" Ah, that… She knows?!
"Please don't tell anyone," I whispered, panic evident in my voice as I did so. I'd rather keep my proclivities unknown to most of my family if I could help it. She nodded as she placed a kiss on my cheek. If I was younger, that would've been an invitation, but with how I am now, the only thing keeping me going was magic and sheer willpower.
"I feel guilty, you know. While I've grown old and frail, you two are still so young and spry. I'm sure you two could find another part—"
"I refuse." Sylphie's face left no room for retort.
"I defer to Sylphie." Their responses made themselves apparent.
You hear that, everyone! They're mine! Not yours! Mine! Well, not that I'm going to be alive much longer anyway, but even hearing that made an old man's heart weep with joy.
"Rudy?" Sylphie's face had a worried expression. Not that she hadn't had it the entire time I was lying here, but now I noticed my vision growing all wobbly.
I was crying. I was happy. Weird, right? To cry tears of joy on your deathbed? That only went to show how glad I was with the life I led.
"I didn't plan to start crying like this." The two kept staring at me with worried frowns. "C'mon, you shouldn't let me be the only one crying here. I'd like it if you two didn't hold back on me. It'll make me feel bad." I managed to speak between my sobs.
With my approval, the two stopped and looked at each other. Then back at me. It didn't take long for the two to start clinging to me. I wrapped both my arms around either of them. "Roxy, thank you for taking me out of my house when I was younger. I was so scared to do it, but you came in and just whisked me away." I'm sure hearing that meant practically nothing to the girl, but for me, it had been such a pivotal part of my life that I'd never forgotten about it. Even now, I remember it on my deathbed some seventy years later. That's how important it was to me. "Thank you for falling in love with someone like me." The girl continued to sob into me.
"I-I love you, Rudy." Her lips met mine in a brief kiss.
"Sylphie, thank you for putting up with me and staying with me even after I brought in wife after wife." I didn't stop crying against the two of them. Even as Sylphie giggled a little at what I said. "Thank you for raising our family." She, too, brought her lips to mine for but a moment.
"O-Of course… I love you." Her raspy voice came through quietly.
Then, I forced myself to stop crying. To address the one person who couldn't make it here. "Eris." I looked up at the ceiling, looking at nothing in particular as I did so. "Thank you for working so hard for a man like me." I looked at Sylphie and Roxy as they turned their tear-ridden faces toward me. The sound of crying was heavy in the room now.
Everyone knew what was coming.
"I'm coming to meet you now. I hope you didn't wait too long for this old codger."
I breathed a couple of times. Then, eventually, I didn't feel like I needed to anymore. Then, a thought came to my mind. I still have so much to say, though. There are still people I haven't said goodbye to yet.
My dimming vision was focused on the two women that I loved. Their faces were marred in tears as they didn't stop clinging to me. These two never stopped loving me, even till the bitter end. I was blessed in this life. I was given another chance to live, and I did. That's all that mattered to me in the end.
With one last push, with all the air left in my lungs, I spoke my final words. "Thank you."
I think I've said enough. I'm okay now. I've done all I wanted to. My consciousness faded. I'm happy.
On a winter day in Sharia in K481, I, Rudeus Greyrat, died…and I passed a happy man. A fulfilled man.
My death wasn't a special one. I was surrounded by my family and friends. It was too bad that Nanahoshi couldn't be there, though I could understand why she wouldn't care about an old man like myself.
To me, this was more than I could've ever asked for. Even though dying of old age was such a cliche way to kick the bucket, I couldn't have been happier. It was an oddly merry way to go for me. I was a person who had done unspeakable and cruel things to my family in my previous life, after all. So, I was satisfied with how my life had turned out this time. So, I faced the end of my life with as much dignity as possible.
At least I never ended up like the old me in the journal. Thinking about that brought back many bad memories, but that's all in the past. I lead a simple life. I grew up in a decent home with decent parents, including my father—for the most part. I fell in love with a woman, then immediately went back on my word and fell in love again and again. I'll never forget Sylphie's kindness in accepting the shitty person her husband was. I truly loved my wives more than anything and loved my family equally. The cherry on top of it all was that I got to have my pick of nighttime fun with the three most beautiful women in the world. In Eris's case, I would be the damsel in distress. Not that I ever complained or didn't like it. All I know is that I was happy with my life, even if there were a few bumps along the way. Even if Paul died and I was left with a broken mother. I threw myself at life and lived it to the best of my ability. I knew I would die someday, so I had already accepted that I would eventually have to go.
So I waited in the void for my consciousness to kick the bucket. Even after the Man-God dragged me in for one last audience, I couldn't bring myself to mind all that much. I was dead. Which meant I was done worrying about everything back when I was alive.
So why was it that I was still awake? Why is it that when I opened my eyes after I talked to that bastard for the last time, I found myself back here? Back in this cozy room, being swaddled. With delicate arms cradling me and surrounded by people I once knew. With people, I hadn't seen in decades.
Why was I back here? In my old house in Buena Village? Here in the same room that I started in all those years ago.
"Have you thought of a name yet?" A woman questioned the man standing beside her. Her exasperated voice sounded so calm and serene. It was something I hadn't heard in so long that I had forgotten what it even sounded like until now. The woman's flowing golden hair stuck to her face ever so slightly from her sweat.
This was Zenith… There was no mistake about it. I expected her listless, emotionless face I had become so used to. Instead, I locked eyes with a woman full of expression and life, nothing like the Zenith I had known.
"Did you forget we decided on Rudeus if it was a boy, Honey?" His candid answer reached Zenith as she hummed quietly in agreement; she slightly reared me back and forth.
"Sorry." Zenith let out an exasperated giggle at her forgetfulness. "But gosh, isn't he just a little cutie, Dear!" Zenith cooed at me as she rubbed my tiny face against her cheek. A nostalgic feeling filled my chest.
"Of course he is. He's your kid, after all." Then there was Paul. He was the same Paul I had so many gripes with. The man who had saved me in the teleportation labyrinth at the expense of his own life, even though he surely had so many lingering regrets. He was the one who smiled in relief when he saw I was alright, even as he died. He's the person I most regret not talking to more. The only one I could ever call my father in this world. The one I regret never treating like my father. When I saw him, I could only feel regret and an indefinite amount of relief and joy at seeing him again.
Paul kissed Zenith's forehead with a smile, the latter blushing slightly. " Our kid … Isn't that right, Rudeus?" Zenith peered down at me, her red cheeks seeming to shimmer unnaturally in the candlelit room. This feeling—just like when I lived in Sharia.
This was happiness, wasn't it? However, that still felt like an inadequate word for my feelings. This feeling I have now is different from then. This isn't the same as it had been. Everything is like I remember it being, but why was I back here? What kind of sick, twisted joke was this? Is this what actually happens when you die? No, that bastard told me that once you die. Your mana returns to the world, and you cease to exist. There is no afterlife for anyone, not in this world. Knowing him, it wouldn't be going against his values to lie to me. Or was this somehow my doing? No, there's no way I could decide to be reborn whenever I want. It doesn't matter at this point, does it?
I-I died, but I get to see them again? There's nothing I can do for everyone back there anymore, is there? I'm here now, and I'm most definitely stuck. That means that everything I did was for nothing, doesn't it? Is this how Orsted felt every time he looped? Dread? Hopelessness? Regret for not doing something different? Something more?
It seems I've been blessed in some strange but cruel way. I know that if I'm here, something must've gone wrong on their end. That means everyone I knew… My train of thought ended when Paul invaded my peripheral with his face.
"Rudeus… I can tell you're going to be a great man. Just like your dad." Paul smirked, pointing his thumb to himself. I couldn't help but find his view on humor entirely laughable.
Why would he say that to a newborn? I couldn't help but realize it was the same Paul Greyrat in front of me because of his ridiculous face. He was still the same old Paul I had known. To throw out some sappy one-liner, then return to being an idiot.
Is it weird that I missed this? How long has it been since we were like this? Since all of us were in one house together? Since we were a family?
Everyone I knew is gone… Aren't they? The Roxy who took me outside my house and let me overcome my fear? That shy girl who would hold my hand if I asked her to? The woman who always tried her best at everything? The Sylphie who loved me unconditionally? The person who would reprimand me for my mistakes but would gently guide me through my flaws? The first person I could genuinely call my friend in this world? Eris, the first person I opened my heart to? The woman who gave me so much courage? The girl that had my back time and time again? The women I loved more than my own life. The kids we had. The kids they had. The friends I made. I'm here now, but they aren't, are they…? They couldn't be… To think I'm back here? In Buena?
I just spoke to them. I just died, and now—I'm back? Why do I just get another chance at this life? Why do I get a do-over after being satisfied with how my life ended?! Am I just allowed to get back these peaceful days?! The ones that I wishfully longed for with everyone? Tears fell from my eyes. The mixture of regret, happiness, and sorrow overtook my body. I was alone again. I wasn't alone in the conventional sense, per se, but everyone who knew me no longer knew me for who I was. That hurts to think about—it hurts a lot.
"Thank goodness." Zenith sighed as she cradled me. Paul sported a worried look of his own as Zenith held me. "You worried us sick being all quiet." Of course, the first thing I did was make her worry. It's just like me to disappoint people at some point.
So, just like that, I started my third life crying in my mother's arms, my father next to us, and the ever-so-diligent Lilia watching silently from the corner of the room with a slight smile.
The touching family reunion was ruined when, later in the night, Paul and Zenith had already started to work on a sibling for me. Just give her a day of rest, dude! She just gave birth! They could've at least done it without their kid in the room, though! Even I had that much decency, and that's saying something!
Oh, the joys of being young. Though I guess I can't talk about being old anymore. Considering I am a literal baby now. What a shame. I guess that means I have to throw away my dirty old man privileges.
A few days after my birth, I had gotten my bearings—well, as much as a newborn could. It's not like I could do much being swaddled twenty-four-seven and constantly cared for by Zenith or Lilia, primarily the former if they could help it. Looking up from my wrapped position, I saw Zenith diligently working on dinner, cutting vegetables and mincing meat. The one saving grace was when they would leave me alone for a moment so I could have some time to myself. I would probably be unable to move on my own accord until a couple more months passed; that'd be around when I could also start crawling. Though I doubt Lilia or Zenith would like me crawling to places, I couldn't or shouldn't be. So I'd have to keep that on the down low.
However, one thing I knew was that I was veritably reborn again. At first, I had no idea why, but after some thinking, the only plausible solution to this new life of mine would have to be Orsted's curse activating after he failed. But didn't he succeed? That's what Hitogami said. Not that I could trust that bastard.
To activate Orsted's curse, he was required to fail to beat the Man-God. Then, time would rewind until some seventy years before now. Which means something did go wrong. Whatever it was, I can't know for sure until I speak to the man again, and that's if the Orsted in this reality is the same one I had known. I mean, he should already be active in this world. But how do I even know if he's here? I haven't heard any news of the Dragon God running amock, but I could excuse that, considering I was stuck in my house, lived out in the sticks of Asura where Orsted wouldn't operate, and was only a couple of days old. Even then, Orsted was never one to act out in the open for anyone to actually report meeting the Dragon God.
Most of the time, if you met Orsted, it was because he was coming to meet you. This probably meant he would kill you in a couple of moments, or the alternative was that you were me, where he tracked you down so you could have a cup of tea or two with the man, go over some plans, and talk about trivial things occasionally.
Let's try to look on the bright side and just say the Orsted in this world is the one I had known. That still leaves me with no idea what I'm doing here. Or why I would've looped with the man. I'm positive I died, and we both agreed that the last loop was likely the only chance he would get at succeeding in his mission. It was also the only loop I would likely appear in. So what if I'm just living out my memories or something? I have my own free will, so It's not bound in stone, but still, I don't know what in the bloody hell I should do for a plan. This was never even in the discussion for our goals.
The good news was that I was reborn with the memories of my previous life. This meant that the tables in our fight against the Man-God had been massively turned in our favor. As a plus to everything, Paul, Zenith, and Lilia were all in good health like they were in the Buena days.
Well, I am in Buena again, so that goes without saying.
This wasn't like the last time when I didn't have a care in the world. This time, I know what's out there and what I must do. I can't just slack off like I did until I allied with Orsted or become complacent like I was before Paul died. So, that left me with one thought. Do I wait to train until I can start walking so Lilia and Zenith are less suspicious of me, or do I just start when I did last time? No. I have to start before then. I have to start as soon as possible to avoid losing my edge. Said edge was something I'm relatively sure had already been lost.
I take pride in the work ethic I developed after being trained by Orsted. I always worked myself to the bone, no matter what. Until my body gave out, and I was left on my deathbed. I feared that if I paused now, I would lose my progress in many things I had spent so painstakingly long on. Especially swordsmanship; that was something I feared I had already lost a sizable chunk of skill in. Unlike Eris, Nina, Isolte, Jino, or even Paul, I was never naturally gifted in it, but I worked like hell to fight with any opponent if the time came. Even though that time never came to pass, that coward Man-God didn't dare do anything to my family while I was still alive.
My priority now was to increase my strength as much as possible. To do that, the obvious point was to raise my accumulative mana even earlier than I had previously. With my current understanding of how mana works, increasing it shouldn't be a problem. How much could I increase it compared to my last life? That I didn't quite know.
Thinking back, I guess I never did manage to learn if there was a limit to one's magic pool. I figured at a certain point that it was technically infinite. The only concrete evidence I found is that the younger the person, the more malleable their mana, but there definitely had to be a point where the person reached their ceiling. Rudeus Greyrat is the only person I was reborn as because he simply had too much mana to live.
Of course, in the ladder parts of my life, I had taken students under my wing and taught them what I knew. Not many truly understood, and even the ones that did could never hope to reach me. Orsted thought I was special. Besides my son, I was a cut above the rest, even with my Laplace factor . Sieg was a powerhouse in his own right. Even Orsted, with his absolute mastery of everything, including magic, said that I somehow understood the concept of mana more than himself. Of course, I knew that was a lie. He always tried to flatter me.
I tried taking students as young as two. I don't know what I thought when I did that, but I figured out that getting a two-year-old to cast magic was much more challenging in practice than I had initially thought. I figured out why Roxy thought it was weird that I could cast spells around that time. Try getting a three-year-old to sit still for a minute, and you'll understand that teaching them magic is basically impossible. On the other hand, with all the experiments I performed on mana accumulation over the years, I had pinpointed the most time-efficient way to increase one's mana pool.
When one uses magic, they use up the mana stored in their body, simple enough. When one exhausts this mana, especially in their early years, their total capacity increases significantly. Eventually, their mana would far exceed the resources that simple spells would use. Expanding the time one would have to dedicate in their day to increase their total mana pool. The obvious answer to this puzzle is to use more advanced spells. This works for a while, but then what happens?
With each cast, the more advanced magics will eventually take little to no mana of your total pool. Let's go higher into the complexity of spells, then. Like casting saint or king-tier magics? In my case, I'd rather not dedicate my entire day to creating an actual Ragnarok in my backyard to 'increase my mana capacity.' So, I devised a simple method instead. One where instead of raising the rank of magic past advanced, you'd rather stay on advanced and simply change the shape of the spell. How could that ever work in practice, you might ask?
Increasing a spell's size by twofold usually increases the mana it takes by the same amount. But, if you decrease the spell's size, it does the same thing. If you were to make a Water Ball twice as small as the standard incantation dictates, it would take twice as much mana as it would then to just usually cast it. This is partly due to the extra parameters you put into the spell, thus putting more strain on it. Theoretically, you could even use Disturb Magic and cancel out all the attacks you used, but semantics.
This leaves us with steadily shrinking magic as one gains mana until their spells become microscopic. Unfortunately, I didn't realize this until my later years. At that point, it proved little value to an old man, but it looked like it could help wet my diapers for the next few weeks. Sorry, Mom, Lilia. They'd have to clean my diapers anyway, considering I had no control over my bladder. Being a kid thoroughly sucked in it's own right.
Now, I just had to ensure I'd get everything back, everything Orsted taught me in those fifty-six years. Every grueling minute I spent training after Lara left the house. I'll do my best to be helpful to Orsted in this loop. So I can protect my family.
It's funny that the family I knew is gone now, right? Paul was here. Zenith and Lilia were alive and well, and I'm sure Norn and Aisha would be born in a couple of years. I'm sure I'll meet Roxy, Sylphie, and Eris again. But whenever I think of them, guilt fills my heart. The only reason I'm not lamenting and wailing right now is because of my other priorities, like trying not to piss and shit myself. Whenever I think of them, I do nothing that day. The ones I'll meet in this life aren't the ones I knew. I'm the only one who remembers them, and they don't remember me.
I left behind a life that I was satisfied with the ending of. At the end of it all, I was okay with dying, but now I was back. So what can I do but keep going? Is there any other option for me? No, there isn't. It was that simple. I was basically alone in this world. No one knows me like I do.
That thought is scarier than anything I had to endure in my previous life. More so than dueling Badigadi in the Fighting God Armor or jumping into a sure suicide bout with Orsted. Being alone was more terrifying to me than either because I did those two things and many others to protect the family I loved.
"Rudy? Are you okay, honey?" Zenith peered down at me worriedly. Momentarily stopping the tune, she hummed as she chopped pork from a recently butchered pig. I could tell from how she was looking at me that all she felt was worry and empathy. I was crying, wasn't I? "There, there. You're okay. Mama's here, so you don't have to be scared." Jostling me a little bit, she cradled me to and fro, rubbing the tears that fell from my eyes as she smiled down at me.
She used to be like this, didn't she? She hasn't changed at all. Even though she has no idea what I've been through. What I had to endure doesn't matter to her. All she knows is that I'm her son and that she loves me. These people are still my family. Even if they don't remember me, I still owe it to them to live. I still owe it to Paul to protect my family with everything I have. To carry a sword in my heart for my loved ones. That phrase meant so little to me when Paul initially said it. Now, it brought so much weight.
I still have to go on living in this world. So I can't have any regrets when I die.
I'm unsure where this life will take me, but I will try again. I'll seriously try in this world for a second time.
Notes:
Authors Note: I didn't necessarily think to leave an author's note after this first chapter, but I decided to nonetheless. This is a story I've been sitting on for a while now, but I decided to publish it after some deliberation. I have quite a few chapters in stockpile, so I would like some feedback if anyone has any. I'll most likely leave a much more substantial author's note on the next chapter as originally, chapters one and two used to be one. However, because of their length, I decided to split them. Anyway, that's it from me for right now. I hope you enjoyed chapter one!