It arrived on a cloud shaped like a lotus.
Wrapped in mist, bound in rainbow thread, and perfumed with dew from the Eternal Grove, the invitation was... gaudy.
Elder Mei opened it carefully.
"You are cordially invited to the wedding of His Royal Fluffiness, Flame-Treader of the Western Fire Shell Clan, and Princess Petal-Smile of the Bloomtail Vulpines. Attire: ceremonial or cute. Gift tier: divine."
The scroll shimmered gold, and below it, written in a flowery hand:
"To the Glorious Cat Under the Dao Tree, our most revered guest of honor. Attendance is not optional. RSVP with a paw print."
Whiskers stared at it.
He squinted. Sniffed. Flattened his ears.
"…Wedding."
Xi-Xi chirped, flapping excitedly. "A wedding! You're invited as a VIP. I'm the flower bird!!"
Whiskers curled his tail. "I hate weddings."
Elder Mei coughed politely. "It would be… rude not to go. And the Fire Turtle King already knows where we live."
"He can find another moss rock to get married on," the cat muttered.
"Master," Xi-Xi chirped, "they built a miniature cat shrine just for you at the venue!"
Whiskers narrowed his eyes. "…Fine."
Part II – Journey to the Spirit Grove
The journey to the Spirit Grove took two days.
Day one: Whiskers refused to fly by sword. He demanded a floating feather palanquin carried by six outer sect disciples and one raccoon spirit in a tiny hat.
Day two: He refused to land unless the landing stones were heated and sprinkled with powdered lotus petals.
Xi-Xi chirped, "You're the most extra grump I've ever met."
Whiskers replied, "And still worth it."
They arrived at the wedding grounds—
A spiraling forest hollow, ringed with glowing vines and singing flowers. At the center: a massive red shell-shaped altar carved from firestone, surrounded by floating platforms made of enchanted wood and blossom-wind.
Everything glittered.
And everyone was there.
Beast sovereigns, divine turtles in formalwear, flower foxes with bells in their tails, winged deer with sapphire antlers, and one very out-of-place cat glaring at the crowd from his cushion-throne.
Part III – Wedding Chaos
The ceremony began with:
A nine-part vow dance by the bride's clan.
A fire-breath duet from the groom's family.
And the presentation of honored guests.
When Whiskers' name was called, the forest hummed.
Petal-Smile curtsied. Flame-Treader bowed so low his whiskers touched the moss.
"We are beyond honored," they said in unison, "to be blessed by the One-Who-Naps-Beneath-the-Dao."
Whiskers blinked.
"Don't make me a god today," he muttered.
Then came the bonding rituals.
A ribbon tying. (Whiskers chewed the ribbon by accident.)
A petal-burst. (He sneezed.)
A harmony howl. (He growled low enough that half the spirit beasts whimpered.)
Then Xi-Xi dropped her basket of petals, caught fire in excitement, and created a flaming loop that the bride accidentally backflipped through.
Everyone applauded.
"Phoenix tradition!" Xi-Xi lied.
Whiskers began glaring harder.
Part IV – The Reception from Hell
After the vows, came the reception.
There were…
Singing mushrooms.
Jellyfish waiters.
A ten-course fish-and-flower buffet where the food stared back.
Whiskers sat on his own platform with an embroidered sign:
"Do Not Disturb the Honored Cat Unless You Are on Fire or Bear Salmon."
Despite this, various beast royals approached anyway.
"Great Napper of the West, will you bless my unborn egg?" asked a silver crane with thirteen necks.
"No."
"Exalted Claw Sovereign, may I offer a poem written on the surface of the moon?"
"Don't."
"Dao-Furred One, would you like to marry into my bloodline?"
Whiskers hissed.
One noble spirit deer tried to impress him by performing a triple-spin herb identification dance.
Whiskers promptly knocked him off the platform with a tail flick.
Elder Mei, watching from afar, whispered, "He's holding back."
Xi-Xi chirped, "That means he likes the couple."
Part V – Gift War and Wedding Crashers
Spirit beast weddings involve gifts. Not just giving them—but fighting over them.
Each guest must present a magical item, then defend its honor from challengers.
The prize for "Best Gift" gets displayed atop the Wedding Pillar and sung about for 300 years.
Xi-Xi presented her gift: a drawing of the couple fighting a volcano monster with bubble swords.
Flame-Treader cried.
A hydra presented a singing gemstone.
A flower mantis gifted dream nectar.
Whiskers… didn't bring anything.
Instead, he dropped a half-eaten grilled fish on a jade plate.
Everyone froze.
The fish glowed.
The air bent.
The moss under it blossomed.
Petal-Smile fainted.
"Do you—do you challenge his offering?" a spirit fox whispered to the hydra.
"ARE YOU INSANE?" the hydra replied.
But just as the fish was about to be crowned Best Gift, the wedding was attacked.
Naturally.
From the sky: a pack of rogue demon crows, hired by a spurned ex-lover of Petal-Smile.
Cawing curses, flapping shadows, black feathers rained down.
Flame-Treader readied his shell cannon.
Petal-Smile summoned her nine-tail bloomfire.
Xi-Xi screamed, "YOU SHALL NOT INTERRUPT MY FLOWER DANCE AGAIN!"
And Whiskers?
Whiskers opened one eye.
One paw flick.
Boom.
Every crow exploded into confetti.
Actual confetti.
Petals and sparkles.
The entire forest gasped.
Flame-Treader knelt. "He turned hate into party favors."
Petal-Smile sobbed. "This is the most romantic wedding in history."
Part VI – Post-Wedding Blues
Later that evening, as the moon rose and everyone danced, Whiskers sat grumpily by the dessert table, glaring at a tiny cupcake.
Elder Mei approached.
"You stayed the whole time," he said gently. "That's… surprising."
Whiskers sighed.
"They had decent fish."
Xi-Xi curled up on his tail. "You like weddings now?"
"No. I like when they stop."
Pause.
"...But the confetti crows were nice."
Back at the Azure Cloud Sect, Whiskers returned to his shrine, climbed onto his favorite moss spot, and yawned.
Above, the Dao Tree rustled its leaves gently, sprinkling petals over him.
And in the forest, spirit beasts whispered:
"Did you hear? The Wedding Cat destroyed an assassination with a blink."
"The Fluff God of Peace. Terrifying."
"We should invite him to our baby shower."
"No."