The restaurant is small, with a large bay window on one side and a counter where orders are picked up on the other. The lighting is harsh, too bright, like an old hospital. It doesn't have the warm, welcoming feel of a cozy place. So we decided to head back to his house to eat the takeaway sushi instead. His home is a classic old Victorian-style house, all wood with a small front garden full of rose bushes.
"Come in, the living room's to the right", he says, pointing toward the hallway. "It's time to celebrate your job !"
The interior surprises me. The walls are a soft gray, decorated with old white mouldings and a light wood flooring. A large archway leads to the living room, where a big sectional black leather sofa sits next to a raw wooden coffee table. A flat-screen TV is framed by antique glass cabinets filled with various objects I don't pay attention to. The same gray walls and white mouldings dominate the space. There are some frames with paintings, and pictures. I step into the room, slowly taking it in. I sit down on the sofa, placing the sushi bags on the coffee table and starting to unpack them. Still feeling the heat from the beer, I take off my cardigan again.
"I didn't know you had a tattoo…" his voice is low, he seems curious.
He sits across from me, on the floor, and places two glasses and two bottles of ginger kombucha on the table. I unpack the trays of sushi, putting his tray in front of him as he pours our drinks. After a moment, I slip off my shoes and sit cross-legged on the floor, mirroring him. He hands me my glass.
"I try to be careful with what I wear at the lab. Some researchers are not really open minded." It sounds like a confession I make. "I even had some other places where the researchers would not even say hello to me because of it. Or because I'm a woman ?"
"I understand, but it's a shame. Have you been feeling better since Tuesday?" His question seems genuine.
"Yes, sorry for worrying you… It was nothing really." I can feel the heat in my cheeks. Can someone allow me to forget about this ?
His grey eyes are studying me, and for the first time, I sense a kind of confusion in them, as if he doesn't understand why I'm apologizing.
"It's ridiculous. Don't apologize for being sick… I looked into it, ok you won't die from it, but endometriosis looks like a living hell. We'll plan our sessions better from now on."
"No, I don't want any special treatment!" I can protest all I want, it seems like I won't win this time. Damn he even read about it to learn more.
"You've earned it since we've known each other. I never noticed anything before." He sips on his drink. Maybe he really means it.
"I don't know if I deserve it." I let the words out of my chest, almost audible, like a sight.
His hand moves toward mine but then withdraws quickly like they never moved in the first place. I've had enough dreams about him lately to know that if I look into his beautiful, mysterious grey eyes, I'll see every moment I've fantasized about. Dreams where he steps beyond our professional boundaries and kisses me right in his office. To keep me from losing my self control, I focus on the wall behind him, and all the objects in the oddities cabinet. And that's when I really notice the glass cabinets—full of old medical objects—but one thing stands out. It looks almost like a massage gun if it was from the beginning of the 20th century. But it is not !
"Is that… a 19th-century vibrator?!" My voice is almost too high with enthusiasm. I've never seen a real one before !
David nearly chokes on his drink and turns to look at the cabinet, his face flushed with embarrassment.
"Oh, that! Sorry, I forgot to warn you about my… little odd collection. Most people don't recognize it… Most people don't even look at those shelves actually." He seems really embarrassed.
"No, it's fine. It's just funny. My collection is a bit more morbid—bones, specimens in jars. Cancers, arthritic bones…"
For the first time, I see a mix of curiosity and something else in his eyes—something almost… burning. Finally, we've found common ground on a personal aspect. Something other than work, other than my problems. His interest in surgery and treatments, and mine in rare diseases. Our collections would go well together. For once, I feel completely at ease with him. I don't have to walk eggshells trying to stay professional anymore. I picked him as my advisor because he is brilliant, demanding, and well-respected, but why he chose me in return, that's a mystery. I have always found myself pretty average as a student.
There's been this strange tension between us since we started working together. He's always considerate, but cold, keeping me at a distance. And since I started having these dreams where we are the central characters of steamy scenarios… things have only gotten more complicated.
As we continue talking about diseases and old surgical tools, I lose track of where the conversation ends and when the ice cream tub appears. The sweet caramel ice cream, the heat from the beer, the steamy scenarios, I'm so tired and feel at ease here. I'm lying on the sofa, far too comfortable, my thoughts drifting and almost falling asleep while he explains to me the use of some saw in his oddities cabinet.
"Deirdre?" He seems worried while calling my name.
"Hmm?"
"Do you want to go home? You seem lost in thought."
"No! Well, no, it's fine, I was just… thinking about something." I try to sit on the couch, trying to keep composure.
He smiles softly, a knowing look in his eyes. How long did we spend talking about odd diseases and vintage surgeries? I couldn't say. But I remember the warmth of the sofa, the comfort of his presence, and a feeling of being entirely at ease… So I simply fell asleep, right here, on his couch.