"~Living… means having a bond with others."
She looked outside the window deep in thought and continued to answer my question.
"I think that's what living refers to. Paying attention to someone… Loving someone… Hating someone… Having fun being with someone. Taking someone's hand. That's what it means to live."
"If you're all alone, you can't tell that you exist. Your relationship with others is what defines being alive. I know my mind exists since I can interact with others. I know my body exists because others can touch me. That's where the purpose of being alive comes from."
"Just like how we've both chosen to live this moment here and now~"
Then she looked at me with her usual radiant smile… and that's all I could remember whenever I thought about her.
1
Six words. To the casual observer, they probably came off as a dark joke, or something sinister from a cultist. The first time I heard her say them, I thought something along those lines.
The me of the past would have this thought, entertain it for a short while, before discarding and wrapping myself up in a novel. But now, I let those thoughts linger just a little longer. The anonymous faces I'd observe became the faces of her friends, I tried to make the ones that looked like Kyoko-san go by as fast as I could.
Between her and I, those six words were something deeper than I could have anticipated. I could still recall her face when she first told me that phrase.
"I Want To Eat Your Pancreas"
I had debated and written and erased countless messages before deciding on what I should tell her. With a tap of my finger, the message was sent.
I placed my phone down, internally relieved yet terrified of what I had just done.
How would she react?
Would she understand the words I didn't say, or would she even notice them in the first place?
I could feel the slight movement of a bead of sweat sliding down my back, even as the cafe I waited in was at a comfortable 70.
My gaze wandered out the window, seeing but not seeing. The faceless crowd of people outside the cafe existed in a whole different world than me.
What would one of them think if they looked in now and saw me? A teen sitting alone at the window bar in a cafe, looking aimlessly at the outside world?
Would they notice the subtle changes as he went from relieved to nervous, back and forth relentlessly?
I calmed myself slightly, enough to grab my coffee cup without the risk of spilling the warm drink inside, and took a small drink. The warm liquid warmed me up, and washed away any lingering emotions. As I savored the taste, I looked down to the novel in front of me.
The unassuming cover was quite plain, simply colored in red and yellow. The more I thought about it, I realized it was almost an exact copy of her diary, albeit without the orange block. I hadn't really looked into the book much, simply picking it up and checking the price before taking it to the counter.
"Just another way she's affected me"
I thought to myself.
I flipped it open, and began to read, losing myself in the words that it held. The soft music of the cafe, the smell of sweet coffee filling the air, before long I was completely zoned it. It took the server refilling my coffee to realize a noise I assumed was merely the air conditioning or a brew station was my phone, vibrating to inform that a new message had been received.
As I reached down to check my phone, the display changed to show an unknown number was now calling me. My hand paused for a moment, then continued until I had picked up the phone.
A burst of static filled my ear as I opened my mouth to speak. Nearly dropping my phone in response to the sudden loud noise, I noticed a voice amongst all the static.
"...s-save her."
I heard the voice say.
"Save who? Is this a prank call?" I replied.
Again the sound of static came through, and then the voice came back.
"It's not too l... you c-can..."
Perhaps some movie being filmed and they accidentally dialed my number?
"I'm afraid I don't understand, who's this?"
I asked after a moment, but as soon as I finished speaking the call ended.
"I'm sure she would find it hilarious after I tell her about this, maybe she had something to do with it."
I thought to myself.
The bizarre event taking up most of my thoughts, I completely forgot that I even got a text message from that unknown number before the call.
Opening the message up, all hopes of figuring out any more of the mystery were lost, as all of the text in it was incomprehensible.
Closing out the message, I debated on what to do now. I still hadn't heard back from her, who should have been on her way by now.
"Maybe she's getting it removed so I can actually eat it?"
The image of her coming through the door of the cafe on a gurney holding her pancreas on a plate came into mind and immediately I banished that thought.
I went back to the message, and my finger hovered over the call button. I knew she'd probably be happy to hear my voice, but part of me still hesitated. Deciding that she'd have a good reason for being a little late, I put my phone down and continued reading the book.
After spending a bit longer trying to understand the book I had picked up, I packed it away. Looking outside, I noticed the sun had set.
I tried giving her a call, but no answer.
"She'll have a good reason for it, she wouldn't just not show up"
I told myself.
I left the cafe and headed home, wondering what could have been the reason she didn't show. Thinking of each reason, some of what I had read earlier started to click. I laughed to myself, and my multiverse of stress melted away. I turned onto my street, and I walked inside.
My mom greeted me, and asked about dinner. I started to answer back, until I heard what the TV was saying.
Something about police being called, and close by too. That's when I found out the truth of why she never showed up.
"It can't be true… This can't be real..."
Those words kept repeating in my head as I watched the news.
At first I didn't want to believe it, that maybe it wasn't her but someone with the same name. But it was her picture that came up on the screen, and that erased any doubts I had left, and crumbled the little strength I had.
The reporter announced.
"This afternoon, on the streets of Kitakura district, a girl who goes to a local high school, named Sakura Yamauchi, age 17, was found collapsed on a road with a stab wound to the chest. She was found unconscious and in critical condition and according to witnesses was urgently transported to a hospital, but was confirmed dead soon after. The perpetrator who fled the scene, was apprehended and has already made a confession. The police are still investigating and collecting eye witness accounts…"
I head up to my room, slipping on the stairs. I barely remember closing my door, or when I ended up on my bed.
As I laid there in shock, unable to process the news, the only thought that stayed with me now was:
"I wish I could have saved her"
After what felt like hours, I finally fell asleep.
2
The sound of my alarm going off woke me up. Memories of the past night kept me in bed even after I turned off the alarm. I would have stayed in bed had my mom not come up and forced me to come eat breakfast.
"You really shouldn't be lying on bed so late in the morning you know?"
She lightened this statement by passing some food onto my plate.
I looked down at my plate, and then back up to her.
"Besides, you've been so happy since you got yourself a girlfriend"
She added.
I choked for a second on my food, not expecting anything like that from her.
"I don't have a girlfriend"
I finally got out after finishing my food. She looked at me, and replied.
"Well if not a girlfriend then you made a friend. You should bring them over sometime."
She smiled after saying this and began to eat.
As I began to have a retort back, something had dawned on me. I had heard her say those exact words before, but in a slightly different way.
At first, I thought it might be a coincidence but suddenly I realised that the breakfast was exactly the same as the yesterday's one.
I pinched my leg to see if I was still asleep, but no I was definitely awake. I rubbed my leg where I pinched it, and asked.
"Mom what's the date today?"
She looked back up at me, pausing from eating her breakfast.
"It's the 19th of August, why?"
She looked back down and continued her breakfast. Thankfully she did, because if she had seen the look on my face there would have been more questions.
I finished my breakfast, and went back upstairs.
"What the hell is going on?"
Then my mind had strike after recalling what day it was. Suddenly everything hit me at once.
She had died.
Now it was the same morning and she is alive.
"I've gone back in time… B-But how?!"
Overwhelmed, I got into my bed while massaging my scalp. It was as though my brain was being overloaded with emotions and suddenly I fainted on bed.
I woke up an hour later and found my phone missing from my pocket. As was my bag that I was supposed to take to the cafe today.
"Something really weird is going on "
I thought to myself.
I washed up, and got dressed to head out. Grabbing some money and a spare bag I had. I figured I could at least go buy a cheap phone to use until I figure where it went off to, as searching my room had zero results.
Passing by the entrance to the family room, my mom looked over and smiled, then quickly looked puzzled.
"See you later again I suppose."
I tilted my head, and replied.
"What do you mean again?"
"Well you left earlier, but you had your other bag with you. Did you leave something?"
She asked me, but I merely continued looking at her so she just shrugged it off.
"Well anyways, have a good day son."
"Y-Yeah. See you."
She turned back towards the TV and left me alone.
As I left the house, my mind was anything but calm and collected. The events from the last day were causing my brain to be overwhelmed, to the point that I didn't even know where I was headed.
The sounds of someone speaking to me finally registered amongst all of the chaos.
"...So, are you gonna buy anything or just keep staring into space?"
I got my mind back together and looked up at the shop owner in front of me. Somehow I had made it to a phone store.
"I'll just take whatever is the cheapest, sorry."
The owner looked at me for a moment before picking up one of the cell phones from the case.
"Well this one here won't be able to do anything fancy, but you can call and text on it. Just no picture messages. It's 5000 yen since no one else seems to want this model."
I dug through my pockets, finding the cash I had grabbed. Pulling out the requested amount, I handed it over. He counted it, making sure I wasn't shorting him.
Satisfied, he put the money away and handed over the phone with a charger.
"Sorry kid, but I don't have a box for it. But the SIM card works and has some minutes on it at least."
I nodded, and thanked him.
As I walked along the sidewalk, I wondered what to do next. I almost didn't even notice how far I had walked until I saw a cafe further up the road. The same cafe I was supposed to meet Sakura.
Inside I could see someone at the counter, wearing what looked a lot like my clothes. It wasn't until he turned around to head towards the window seat.
"N-No way!"
I gasped and was stunned.
It was me… the me of yesterday. I tried to hide myself, not realizing I still had plenty of distance between to two of me.
What should I do?
Why is there two of me?
When I woke up this morning, there was just me. How did the nap cause this split?
The earlier confusion that had filled my head started to come back, but I fought back this time. Finally getting myself under control, I realized that I could try and warn myself.
Pulling out the new phone, I typed in my number and began a text message.
"Hey! I'm you from the future and I need your help."
Staring at the words on the screen, I realized immediately that wouldn't work. I'd just ignore a text like that, unless it came from Sakura. She'd probably pull some kind of joke like that and think it was hilarious no matter I responded.
"What should I say to myself? Why had I come back?"
That question popped into my mind as I wrestled with what to say, and then I knew what I had to say to myself.
"You have to save her"
There was only one "her" that I truly wanted to save, even before this morning.
"There's no way I wouldn't understand that"
I thought to myself.
Hitting send, I waited for my other self to jump into action.
And I waited. Why wouldn't I put the book down?
Tired of waiting, I decided to take matters into my own hands. Pulling out my phone once again, I pressed the call button this time. Looking back up, I saw my other self finally pull myself out of the book.
"You can save her."
I needed to get the main reason out of the way, otherwise I knew I'd end up going in circles and wasting my time. But clearly this wasn't going to be easy.
"Save who? Is this a prank call?"
Hearing my own voice come back through the phone was not easy to get past, but I had to keep trying.
Her life depended on this.
"It's not too late, you can still save Sakura!"
By the end I couldn't contain myself anymore, all my emotions and frustrations taking away my caution. But it was all in vain, as the other me responded.
"I'm afraid I don't understand, who is this?"
"I'm you, I don't understand it either but I'm really you!"
So caught up in what I was saying, I didn't realize that the call had ended before I even said anything. Trying to call again, this time a women's voice filled the receiver.
"You are out of minutes, if you wish to make a call please add more."
I hung up the phone in defeat, and began to walk again. If past me couldn't do anything, then I would have to.
"But what should I do?"
At this point in the day, I had no idea where Sakura was. She would have already left her house by now, and knowing which streets she would take was beyond me.
But I did know where she would end up.
3
Recalling what was said on the TV last night, I began heading to where it would all happen. Recalling the streets that would take me there, I began to pick up my pace the closer I got.
As I got closer, I thought I saw someone turn the corner a few streets ahead. I couldn't see their face, but it looked like a dress I had seen before.
When I finally reached where they had turned, I saw them further down the street.
It was a girl, and some guy stalking her as she walked towards the alleyway. Something about it gave me a worry, maybe it was how she kept walking with a faster pace in each second. That's when I saw his hand reaching behind him and pulling out a large shiny kitchen knife.
Suddenly I felt cold, no not cold.
Frozen like I had turned the corner and ended up in Antarctica.
In that second I realized what was about to happen. I ran forward, praying that I could do something in time. But as I got closer, the sounds of someone running must have reached them. The girl began to turn and realize something was wrong, but it was too late. The man raised his arms and then it was over.
By the time I reached her, the man had already run off.
Her eyes were closed, but I could see the pain on her face. Her chest barely rising as she laid there on the street, the knife handle shining as blood pooled out from where it had entered her body.
I was too late.
I reached out and touched her hand, lightly grasping it. Her hand responded, but the movements of it were so light that I knew it wouldn't be long until she was gone.
Tears filled my eyes and ran down like a waterfall.
"I'm sorry Sakura, I was too late."
The words left my lips and I felt her hand move once more. I grasped hers a little tighter, and saw that her face looked a little more peaceful.
As I started to say more, I felt her hand become lighter in mine. She might not be able to hear my words, I thought, but it doesn't matter.
"I will save you, I promise. No matter what I have to do."
I let go of her hand, and stood up. Realizing that no one was around, it might not look good if someone came around the corner and saw me with a body.
I debated on going to someone's door, but how would I explain things to them, let alone the police? Looking around, I saw a public phone.
Thankfully I still had some change, I picked up the phone and dialed the police.
"Is this some kind of a joke? If it is then you're in big trouble."
The officer on the other line sounded gruff.
"No sir, if you come to this corner you'll find her."
The line was silent for a moment.
"You just wait there and someone will be there soon. They'll want to ask you some questions."
Of course they would, but how would I explain things?
Instead, after the call I found a spot nearby that I could watch without being spotted. 2 squad cars as well as paramedics arrived shortly after. I watched as the paramedics tried to bring her back, but it was too late.
The police had cordoned off the area, and began going around asking if anyone had seen anything. By that point, I had begun to head away from the area.
Maybe I should just go home and explain things, but how? How do you explain to your parents that they have two sons that look exactly alike? Then the memory of my yesterday flashed back to the call and text.
"What if I couldn't communicate with my family and my other self?"
Realizing going home wouldn't work, I began heading towards the city and boarded a train not knowing where was my destination. For the first time ever, I felt so lonely in my life even before Sakura came into my life. I just wanted to escape from Takaoka as it reminded me of her and her lifeless body.
I was so heartbroken and depressed over all the strange and tragic events which I witnessed that I didn't even realized how much the time has passed. The train stopped at its final stop… Fujisawa, present in the Kanagawa Perfecture.
I can't believe that I was so far away from my home. Even much farther away from Fukuoka where Sakura took me on an overnight trip.
"I guess witnessing her death in front of my eyes took a deep toll on me."
I could find a hotel or something to spend the night. But then I remembered that the other me had my ID, so getting a hotel was out of the options.
Heading back out, I saw a 24 hour net café near the station. At this point, I was too tired to be picky about where I was sleeping as long as it wasn't on the streets.
I paid at the counter, and headed where I was instructed. At this late, very few people were wrapped up in the computer in front of them that no one even noticed me walking by.
Laying down, I thought about everything that had happened.
"I really wish this was all just a nightmare, because I don't know what to do."
Closing my eyes, I drifted off into the sweet bliss of sleep.
"...Are you awake?"
A voice from above me called out. It was morning. I slowly opened my eyes to see an employee from the net cafe standing over me.
"You know you have to pay to stay here right? Where did you sneak in from?"
I was puzzled, as I remember paying at the counter last night.
"But I did pay, the guy at the counter last night would remember. It was Kazumo written on his nametag."
The employee got even more upset when I said this.
"Lying isn't going to save you here. Either pay up or I'll call the cops."
I tried looking for the receipt I had gotten, but it was nowhere to be found.
"But I did pay last night, I swear."
I pleaded with the employee but it was to no avail.
"I know you didn't, because Kazumo wasn't working last night. Maybe you had scooped this place out better but didn't knew that his shift is tonight."
The employee held out his hand.
"So either pay the fee for the night or I'll call the cops. Final chance."
I reached into my dwindling funds, and handed over the fee.
Satisfied, the employee began to head back out.
"Can I just ask one thing?"
I called out as he was walking away. Turning around, he was clearly annoyed.
"Yeah, but make it quick. And you'll have to head out soon, we need to clean that space as your paid time is almost up."
"What is todays date?"
Looking as though he was expecting something else, he sighed.
"It's August 19th. Anything else?"
I shook my head, and he left. So I was stuck back here, instead of moving forward.
"This means there's still a chance to save her."
This thought dawned on me and my mood began to rise.
"Breakfast first, and then I've to do some research about what really is happening with me"
I told myself.
Getting myself cleaned up, and tidying up the space I rented, I headed to the desk. The same employee that had woken me up was there.
"Oh it's you again. Do you need anything?"
He asked me, almost surprised I'd show back up.
"I need to rent a computer for a few hours."
I placed the money for the time needed on the counter, and waited for the assigned computer.
"If you want snacks or drinks, you can order them at the station and they will be brought over, or you can call any local shop around and have it delivered."
Thanking him, I went to my station and noticed it had no one near it. Thanking the employee again, I ordered some food from the menu and began looking up the book I had read that day. As I ate the food, I got absorbed into the material on screen. The cafe began to fill with customers, and my row slowly started to become occupied.
"Quantum physics huh? You don't see someone reading about that very often."
A voice from my left called out. I looked over to see a girl wearing round glasses with a brown ponytail hair, sipping through a cup of hot coffee most probably.
"Oh! Well it seemed interesting so I thought I'd read some."
My pathetic excuse sounding even worse out loud than it did in my head. She gave an unamused expression.
"You really should get better at lying, or maybe don't. Honest people are very rare these days."
She scooted closer to me, and I instinctively moved slightly back.
"I can see it in your eyes, you're going through something and you don't understand it, do you?"
I stared back at her, and nodded. It was too much to handle alone, and I truly had no one else to lean on. I was tired, and needed a respite.
She sighed.
"No matter how many times it's still such a bother. Well at least this can be payback to him for all those times he asked out for my help, even if he did it for me and others."
"I'm sorry, but who and what are you talking about?"
I was confused, because this girl sounded as though she understood. And if that was the case, how did she understand when something like this happens?
She gave a sad smile, making me realize that maybe she really did understand.
"Have you ever heard of Adolescence Syndrome?"
She asked as she took another sip.