Xavier~
"Please open the door, Bella." I knocked on her room's door, but she refused to engage in conversation.
"Damn it, it's all my fault." How could I lose control over my emotions? How could I use my dominance to control her? When I saw her conversing with James, I was so envious that I gave her a forceful kiss to prove to him that she was mine. Despite my best efforts to suppress my envy, I felt extremely insecure about the way James looked at Bella.
Even though Victor had previously informed me that Bella had little interest in men, my envy and fears peaked when I learned that so many men had proposed to her.
"Bella, I am sorry; please listen to me once." I pleaded with her to open the door again, but she didn't respond. Was she punishing me for what I did—or for something else I couldn't see?
"Is everything all right, Xavier?" James followed me to her room and questioned me. When I saw him there, I became even more irritated.
"James, this all happened because of you." I made him my target of wrath.
"What have I done?" He looked at me in confusion, as though he was not aware of what he exactly did.
"Nothing; I am going to take some fresh air." I made my way over to the garden.
Why is Bella so close to James if she doesn't feel anything for him? On the one hand, my dad is slowly taking down his barriers, but on the other hand, I'm becoming more insecure about Bella and James' connection.
I am ready to present my argument in court on the second hearing date for Victor's case in two days. Compared to before, my self-confidence has grown, and I am certain that I will confront Uncle Jorawar this time with assurance.
But what's the point of confidence in the courtroom if I couldn't even win Bella's trust?
The dim light glowed faintly through her window as I walked. I imagined her and James together, her shoulders shaking with laughter. Watching Bella laugh with James, her guard completely down, was like a punch to the gut. That ease, that comfort—did I ever make her feel that way? Or had I already lost the part of her heart I was trying so desperately to win back?
What is he doing in her room? After strolling for a while, I sat down in the yard and gazed out the window of Bella's room. James and Bella were talking about something, and I noticed a blush on her face. I became even more restless on realizing that it was not my imagination but reality.
During their conversation, Bella gave James a playful shoulder punch while giggling over something. It wasn't just James' presence that rattled me—it was the ease between them. They shared a history I couldn't touch, a part of Bella's life that felt out of my reach.
At Bella's request, James stayed with us for dinner. I observed them teasing and having a lighthearted conversation at the dining table. I silently noted that her bond with me was not as strong as it was with him. She is friendly, open, and comfortable with him, but when she talks to me, I never find such openness in her behavior around me.
"Xavier, why are you so quiet? Is everything all right?" Victor questioned me, noticing my silence.
"Yes, everything is good." I lowered my gaze to avoid meeting Bella's furious gaze.
"Mama, I am getting bored now. I'd like to play with one sibling." Alan's sudden demand broke the silence, and I looked at him in surprise.
Alan's desire filled me with intense anxiety, as Bella and I were not yet ready to embark on a relationship like other couples. I immediately sensed my father's anger as he fixed intense blue eyes on my face.
"Mama, tell me when I will get my new sibling." When I hear Alan's demand, I steal a look at Bella's face.
"I forgot to bring custard; let me take it from the kitchen." She came up with the perfect excuse to escape this uncomfortable situation.
"Why did Mama's cheek turn pink, Dad?" He asks innocently.
Every time he called Victor his father, I felt a twinge of anguish. My ears yearned to hear him call me Dad, but how could I explain the complications of our relationship to him? Every time I heard Alan refer to Victor as his father, my old guilt flooded back.
Alan's innocent curiosity was a mirror to everything I couldn't give him yet—a family - a sense of normalcy. Every 'Dad' he directed at Victor felt like a gentle stab, reminding me of the place I still hadn't earned in his life.
"Don't worry, Alan; your mama is considering working on your request." James' mischievous smile felt like salt on my wounds.
"Really, Uncle James?" He looked at James with a hope-filled gaze.
"Will you give me a sibling, Mama?" Alan's naive questions make me feel even more uncomfortable.
Even though Dad was sitting quietly in his dining chair, I could tell by the look on his face that he was still hesitant to approve of our relationship. Dad's piercing gaze stayed with me long after dinner. Was he waiting for me to fail again? Or was he simply watching, biding his time to say 'I told you so' if things fell apart with Bella once more?
CAlan, it is already too late. Please brush your teeth and then retire to your bed." She scolded Alan for waking up so late in the night.
"Good night, Bella. I'm heading to my room as well." Dad yawned and rose from his seat.
"Dad, take your medicines first." She raised her brow at Dad.
"Bella, I am so tired now; I need to sleep. Dad tried to find an excuse to skip his medicines.
"Don't make any more excuses, Dad. Take your medications calmly." She scolded Dad like a disciplined headmaster, and Dad signed disapprovingly, seeing the pills in her hand.
Her authoritative demeanor made me smile. Why didn't she reprimand me in the same way as she did our father, Alan, and occasionally Victor? I became aware of the barrier that still stands in my way of winning her love once more.
"Bella, I will see you tomorrow in the office." James said his goodbyes after finishing the dinner. When everyone had left the dining area, Victor retired from his chamber as well.
"Let me help you, Bella." When I realized we were the only two in the dining hall, I tried to talk to Bella again.
She ignored my words and walked into the kitchen to clean the dishes.
"Bella, I am sorry; I didn't mean to hurt you; it just happened suddenly." I stood in front of her and pleaded with her to forgive me.
"It's already late, Xavier; I'm going to bed." After saying good night to me coldly, she left me alone and went to the kitchen.
Her icy demeanor stings like a needle, and her silence makes me feel guilty about what I did.