Damn, I'm the Protagonist
Book I: The Path of Choice
Chapter 1: The Golden Screen
Once upon a time, in the quiet mountain village of Qingmei — where the mist curled around old rooftops like sleepy ghosts and the rivers murmured secrets in forgotten tongues — lived a boy who wanted absolutely nothing to do with destiny.
His name was Yan Long. He was twenty-one years old, halfway decent at making herbal poultices, and deeply committed to living a life that didn't get him killed.
So, naturally, the universe chose him.
It happened on a rainy evening, the kind where clouds pressed low and everything smelled of wet earth and pine resin. Yan was grinding moonroot in the back of Master Ru's herbal shop, trying not to sneeze as the spicy aroma rose in clouds from his mortar.
He sneezed anyway, nearly spilling the bowl.
And then, without warning, the world... glitched.
A soundless chime rang in the center of his mind. The room dimmed — no, not dimmed, but shifted, as if the light itself had turned its attention inward. And then came the golden letters, floating in midair like an arrogant hallucination:
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[Divine Protagonist System Activated]
Primary Quest: Rise from Mortal to Legend
Rewards: Everything.
Risks: Also everything.
---
Yan blinked. "What the hell?"
The screen didn't answer. Of course it didn't.
He dropped the pestle and took a step back, but the words hovered faithfully in front of his eyes no matter where he moved.
Then came a new line:
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Secondary Quest: Do Not Panic.
Reward: Dignity.
---
He squinted. "Is this a joke? Did Master Ru spike my tea again?"
The screen shimmered, as if amused.
He sat down slowly on a sack of dried violet moss. He didn't panic. Not because of the quest, but because there was a very real part of him — the part that had read every weird cultivation scroll he could get his hands on as a kid — that believed this could be happening.
And because deep down, beneath all the sarcasm and skepticism, something inside him whispered:
It's about time.
Still, he crossed his arms. "Alright, mysterious life-controlling UI. I'm Yan Long. I'm a third-generation herbalist with chronic sinus congestion. What exactly do you want from me?"
No answer.
The screen faded.
And for a moment, everything was normal again. The shop smelled of damp roots and dusty scrolls. The rain drummed gently on the thatched roof.
Then, just as he exhaled—
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New Quest Unlocked:
Enter the Enchanted Forest. Retrieve the Whispering Blade.
Warning: Do Not Die.
---
Yan stared at the text for a long, grim moment.
Then: "Damn… I'm the protagonist."