Cale felt like he was floating—weightless, suspended in a space where neither time nor gravity applied. It was peaceful… for exactly two seconds. Because when he cracked open his eyes, peace shattered.
"AAHHH!"
Cale shrieked.
The God of Death—yes, that ridiculous, insane god—was cradling him like a baby. Arms wrapped around him, rocking him gently as if he were an infant. Worse, the god's expression was one of pure delight, his eyes gleaming with joy, as if this was the happiest day of his immortal life.
"What the hell?!" Cale barked, struggling against the invisible force keeping him still. He tried to move, to break free, but it was like his limbs had been tied down with divine duct tape. In his mind, he cursed a thousand times over. This shitty God! What the hell is he doing?!
"You shitty God! What are you doing to me?!"
The God of Death blinked in surprise, then beamed. "Oh! You're awake! My dear, sweet child!" he cooed in a voice far too cheerful—and far too unhinged for a deity of death. "Puffu puff puff blehh~"
Cale stared at him, horrified.
'Is he seriously making baby noises? To me? An adult?! That's disgusting. That's beyond disgusting. I don't ever want to see that again in any of my lifetimes.'
"Shut up!" he snapped, face red with both embarrassment and fury.
The god held up his hands in surrender, still smiling like a proud parent. "Okay, okay! My child, I heard your final wish." He placed a hand over his heart as if touched, his expression softening. "You wanted to be with them again, right? Your family. Your children."
Cale froze. The memory of Raon's tearful cries, On's broken voice, and Hong's trembling whispers returned with a vengeance.
"…Yeah," he muttered, looking away. "I did."
"I have a deal for you!" the god said gleefully, eyes sparkling with excitement.
Cale narrowed his eyes. "What kind of deal? Are you going to send me back? Make me return to that world?" he asked, a flicker of hope rising. The thought of seeing his family again—of finishing the slacker life he never got to enjoy—was tempting.
The God of Death shook his head, smiling wider. "Ah, no no. Not quite. I'm giving you another life!" He spread his arms dramatically, like a magician revealing a grand trick. "Isn't that great?!"
Cale's face fell. "No, thank you. Just send me to the afterlife. I'll take my nap in peace."
The god pouted. "But there's more! Your family… they'll find their way to you, one by one. They'll appear in your life again."
Cale's breath caught. "…Seriously?"
The God of Death nodded, almost smugly. "Seriously."
But Cale knew better. He studied the god's expression, the glint of mischief behind those glowing eyes. 'There's more. I can tell. That stupid smile of his always means trouble.'
"Just that?" Cale asked dryly. "Spit it out already. It's obvious I'm just your entertainment."
The god chuckled, shaking his head like a parent indulging a troublesome child. "How can you say that? I love all my children equally!" He paused. "But yes. There's a catch."
Of course there is.
"You'll be reborn with a system. It'll help you survive and adapt to your new world—but also challenge you. And if you fail to complete the quests within their time limits…" He grinned. "You die."
Cale stared at him in disbelief. "What the actual hell? Are you seriously threatening me with death after death?!"
"It's motivational!" the God of Death said cheerfully. "Think of it as a fun little game!"
"You insane, scamming bastard—"
"Anyway! You'll be reincarnated in the year 1978, in an alternate version of your original world—back when you were Kim Rok Soo!" the god continued, cutting him off. "And here's the best part! You'll be born into a rich family! Like, filthy rich. Powerful connections, big mansion, luxury life—perfect setting for your slacker dreams, right?"
Cale opened his mouth to protest, but the God of Death clapped his hands, and everything vanished in a flash of light.
"Wait! Don't you dare just—!"
Poof.
—
The next time Cale opened his eyes, he was no longer floating. He was wrapped in a warm blanket, resting in an ornate crib, surrounded by opulence and soft lighting. Marble walls. Silk curtains. A gentle voice cooing in a foreign accent. Faces of people he didn't recognize peering down with affection.
And then it hit him.
He was a baby.
A. Freaking. Baby.
"You fucking God of Death!!" he screamed internally, his tiny mouth unable to form the words but his soul radiating enough fury to crack a divine mirror.
He cursed up a storm in his mind, every profanity known to man and some he invented on the spot. Reincarnation? As a baby? With a system that kills him if he slacks off?!
This was not the slacker life he wanted.
This was hell in velvet sheets.