BOOM'S NAME TODAY:"Boomy-Senpai Da Rizz Reaper, Wielder of The Infinite 360 No-Scope Yeet Style"
Scene opens on a school so massive, it has its own gravitational pull.A title flashes in the sky:
"ANIME HIGH: WHERE PLOT ARMOR IS UNIFORM."
Boom (walking in, backpack full of raw destruction):I was just trying to enroll in night school to finish Algebra.Now I'm in a class with Goku, Sasuke, and a vending machine that keeps growling at me.
He opens the class door.
NARRATOR (shaking):And standing there, in a single classroom:
Naruto (chewing instant ramen packets raw)
Luffy (trying to eat the globe)
Goku (doing pushups on the ceiling)
Gojo (eye flirting with himself in a mirror)
Levi (sweeping aggressively)
Saitama (balding aggressively)
Light Yagami (writing names in cursive… of his haters)
Nezuko (biting the desk)
Asta (screaming "MAGIC!!!" at a pencil)
Tanjiro (smelling trauma)
BOOM:I don't know if I'm in a classroom or the final episode of every anime ever.
🔥 ENTER ROAST MODE 🔥
Boom (pointing at Naruto):Bro got 500 episodes just to bring back his bestie who left willingly.Call it "Keeping Up with the Uchihas."
Boom (to Goku):Sir. You left your kids to go train on a dying planet.You're not a father. You're a Dragon Ball-shaped deadbeat.
Boom (to Luffy):25 years. STILL no One Piece.This ain't a pirate story, it's a fetch quest with abs.
Boom (to Light):Bro really said "I'm justice" and started writing names like a wedding planner for funerals.
Boom (to Gojo):You're hot, blindfolded, and emotionally broken.You're literally an ✨Instagram filter with trauma✨.
Boom (to Saitama):Your whole vibe is gym teacher with depression.Also, bald not because of the workout. Bald because the jokes ran out.
Boom (to Deku, entering late):Look. I know you got 7 Quirks now or whatever...But why do you still run like your shoelaces are emotionally unavailable?
Boom (to the class):You're all fighting for screen time like it's a Crunchyroll Hunger Games.Meanwhile, I sneezed last week and vaporized Saturn.
A loudspeaker crackles.
PRINCIPAL GOKU (over intercom):Hey uhhh Boom-kun, can you not destroy the music room again?That was where we kept Nezuko's emotional support bamboo.
BOOM:Tell Nezuko to grow up. We all have issues.She bit me during math class.
FAKE COMMENT SECTION:
@ViewerFromEarth696:Boom out here ending 25-year plotlines in a single paragraph 💀
@LuffyFanButCrying:He didn't even roast. He incinerated the whole fandom 😭
@GojoSimpSupreme:Okay but like… if Gojo called me a disappointment I'd thank him.
@Naruto4eva:NOT "Keeping Up with the Uchihas" 💀💀💀 I'm in TEARS.
@AuthorPlsSlowDown:No story. No arc. Just nuclear roast after roast.
@NezukoFanClubPresident:Boom touched her emotional support stick. He deserves war.
Meanwhile, Boom accidentally joins the Anime Student Council...Which is run by Zeno from Dragon Ball, Eren Yeager, Lelouch, and Madara…and they all think he's the transfer villain.
Boom (sipping cafeteria juice):I just wanted to pass Algebra.Now I'm about to 1v1 Gojo in dodgeball and accidentally vaporize three timelines.