2 May, 2024
Berlin, Germany
Sun is shining on the sky. Sometimes, playing hide and seek with the white clouds. Making a perfect golden lustre through the gaps. Tranquillity fills all around as the wind is flowing hushly. Leafs are dancing with the chirping of birds. The beauty has been replaced through the glimpses of the sky. God has shown his mercy and grace by making the day as witness.
White flowers are glowing around. White and blue tulles covered the whole scenarios. Candles and vases are settled perfectly at its position. Sunshine is making the flower look brighter. Dim lights are arranged to bring the lustre around. Velvet blue carpet covered the aisle and table runner, royal blue silk sprinkled the flowers, candles, chair, long curtains, cake and dishes holders. The ring bearer velvet blue boutonniere is secretly placed on the altar side.
It was just like a fairy tale scenario lands on the floor, spreading its beauty all around. The warm wind, the gentle feel combined together to make the day PERFECT.
Some metres away,
Sitting and capturing the lost himself of the reflection on the mirror. He is straightly looking at it but not seeing him, not knowing him. Hearing all the worried tone around through his ears but did not understand it. Feeling the air, which is singing its speciality today, but not for him. Guessing the moment he will walk on, but still not wanting it. Still not capable of doing this. Still, the mind is recalling, but still, heart is hurting.
Feeling the final touch the makeup artists are giving him. The blush was putting on his cheekbones and hasn't spread the lips to look adjustable. The setting spray splashed on his face, still hasn't blinked. They were setting his round hat with shawl clips, still hasn't moved the head. Adjusting the cardigan clip with his bandeau veil, still hasn't looked down.
How could he? Will he ever close his eyes just to see how fast things can be replaced? To feel how does it feel not having anything after sacrificing whole? To see someone is living his life? To consider each single thing even after having the worst? To accept everything? Does he deserve it? Does he deserve to be treated like the way where humanity dies? What has he done? What mistakes did he make, that God was punishing him? Who will answer his all the questions, one asks after getting nothing. What did he do? Just removed himself from his own creating way. Maybe then he knew him. Maybe then he knows, Love can hurt like this. Maybe he realised that he didn't deserve what he asked once. Has all the consolations left here for him? Only because he is dead doesn't mean he deserves his own funeral consolation. He is carving, separating the soil underneath for his own grave. He is walking on it to ask God, what had he done?
Holding the tears on the eyes for the eyeliner he wore, although it was matte. He was holding it. Because he has to. He has to hold each pain for this day. Maybe he hasn't saved himself for it. But still saving all the things. Still making his eyes genuine for looking at a new thing. For accepting a new way. For watching everyone's smile. Just because his family asked for. Just because he knows he can't find the next one for himself. Just because obligation has no filter. He knows it. He feels it. Even though he is accepting it.
Making a perfect combination of not wishing and expecting the same thing he desired some years ago. Everything has started changing slowly, not letting him feel even a little step. Today, he is watching the whole right in front of his teary eyes. Watching his own destroy on the mirror. Watching the slower movements is rushing faster towards him. Watching the clock is running faster than it ran when he wanted it to. Why always did he have himself with the slower movements when his eyes were crying faster? When his cheeks wet faster? When was he finding some air to run faster? Watching all those today.
He will be watching he, himself is yielding to somebody else. In the name of the certain constraint, he is keeping his feet on the path, which never known his name, is going to be known as UNKNOWN forever.