How quickly everything ended by just a single day, I was just like any other girl in the world- laughing and hanging out with friends, taking endless selfies, having crushes on bad boys and nerds included. I was confident, maybe even a little vain but the right person, probably that's what I thought she was. How a friendship quickly ended, she wasn't just a friend she was my best friend, a sister. I never thought or cared about how I look. It was just mine. Normal. Easy. But everything changed in one single moment- a moment filled with fire, screaming metal, and a blur of terror that rewrote my life.
I survived. Everybody says I'm lucky but this, this doesn't feel like survival it feels like a punishment, a curse. A curse that am willing to carry all my life. The accident left me with permanent facial disfigurement, and ever since, I've been stuck behind a mask I never asked to wear. My face is the first thing anyone sees, and sometimes, it feels like the only thing they see. I avoid mirrors now. I no longer go out; I miss how I would go out whenever I felt like it. I can't risk being stared at- the quick, pitying glances or the ones people think I don't notice.
Friends faded. Invitations stopped. Of course this would stop, who would want to invite the hideous me. I would scare everyone worse ruin their appetite. That's how everyone reacted the first time I went out. They moved away from their tables. What did I expect. Life moved on for everyone but me.
My mom is the only person in my life right now, the only person who hasn't looked away. Shes' become my anchor, my only link to the world I used to know. Even with her love, it's still hard to silence the voices in my head, the ones saying I'm hideous, broken, unworthy. I miss my old smile. I miss being someone people used to be around. I still haven't done anything in life. This isn't just my appearance it's about everything, it stolen my self- esteem, my confidence, my ability to feel like I belong anywhere. I dont feel beautiful anymore, it's .not like I was that beautiful but I was myself. I don't even feel like me.
This is a constant battle with the mirror, with the world, and with yourself. And most days, I'm still trying to find the strength to look up to.