Land of Fire – Konoha
"Wow! Konoha! I, Uzumaki Naruto, am finally back!"
Naruto threw his hands in the air, grinning ear to ear. He reached for his frog-shaped wallet—flat as a pancake. Tears welled up in his eyes.
"Oi, you noisy brat! Do you want to shatter my eardrums?"
With a loud thwack, Tsunade landed a fist on Naruto's head, glaring at him.
As she looked up at the familiar gates of Konoha, Tsunade felt a wave of complicated emotions.
The village she was born in… missed… and sometimes even hated.
⸻
[Heh, Jiraiya finally brought Tsunade back to take the fall—whoops, I mean, to be the Fifth Hokage!]
Who was that?
Tsunade's eyes darted around. The voice wasn't female—so it wasn't Shizune. And he said Jiraiya… Could it be Naruto? No, definitely not his voice.
"Guang, you're on gate duty today? Where's your brother?" Jiraiya called out as he opened the door to the guard post at Konoha's gate.
Kamizuki Guang sighed and stepped forward.
All he wanted was to guard the gate quietly and collect his mission rewards. But thanks to a few Liu Bei-style novels he'd scribbled during downtime, Jiraiya had seen through his disguise. Now, every time the man returned to the village, he insisted on chatting about "writing."
"It's because of the Third Hokage's death," Guang explained, somewhat bored. "All capable ninja are on internal duty to root out spies. Useless ones like me get gate duty."
⸻
[The Third? That old fox finally died. If he hadn't sacrificed the Fourth, forced him to use the Reaper Death Seal on the Nine-Tails… maybe I'd be living comfortably instead of pretending.]
[Thank goodness the Fourth assigned me here. Otherwise, I'd never have found those cheats. My strength would've never skyrocketed.]
[One day, I'll repay Naruto. That old man took everything from him after Minato died—called him a demon fox, tarnished his name. If I were the Fourth, I'd be giving the Third a good scolding in the Shinigami's belly.]
[Still, now that Tsunade's back, Konoha might finally get on the right track. That's good.]
[Those annoying elders will cause her trouble though… but that's none of my business. I'll just keep guarding this gate.]
"Got it," Jiraiya said. "Keep up the good work. Tsunade, let's go. We need to settle things with Mitokado Homura and Koharu. Get this Hokage business done."
As soon as Tsunade heard the monologue, her eyes narrowed slightly.
That voice… it had to be Guang. But how did a simple gatekeeper know about the Reaper Death Seal? That was classified—only known to high-ranking ninja.
Who exactly was this guy?
She smiled coolly. "Jiraiya, is this a friend of yours? I didn't know you'd made new friends in Konoha."
Having grown up with him, Tsunade knew Jiraiya well. Behind his easygoing nature was a sharp mind that noticed everything. If she was suspicious, he definitely was.
Jiraiya's face twitched, then he laughed awkwardly. "Guang's from the Kamizuki clan. Izumo's younger brother. Kinda average, but Minato placed him here after the Third Shinobi War."
[Average? Please. I could wipe the floor with ten Jiraiyas.]
[But I won't brag. I'm just here for the vibes. The gate is my destiny. The gate is my throne.]
Tsunade raised an eyebrow. Defeat ten Jiraiyas? What a joke.
'Let's see what kind of delusional little brat this is,' she thought.
She stepped forward, hand raised to move Jiraiya aside.
"Wait, wait, wait!" Jiraiya flailed. "He might be lazy, but he's serious about guarding the gate. If you want to punish him, do it after you're Hokage. Please?"
Tsunade's brow twitched. Her forehead pulsed with irritation.
When did she ever punish people unreasonably?! She was the picture of patience and grace! Mostly.
She smiled dangerously. "Relax. I just want to see what this Kamizuki kid looks like."
⸻
[Oh no, Tsunade wants to see me?]
[I'm too good-looking. What if she falls for me and forces me into submission?]
[Actually, that's fine. I agree! Agree! Definitely agree!]
[Still… women are trouble. Tsunade, you're beautiful, but I'm a lone wolf. I'm not ready to leave bachelorhood just yet.]
With a crack, Tsunade clenched her fist, startling Jiraiya.
"Don't hit him!" he cried. "There's nothing to see. If you want handsome, look at me—the Toad Sage himself!"
Tsunade smiled sweetly. "Step aside, perv. I just want to see what this child is up to."
She was going to wring that kid's neck. How dare he assume she'd fall for him?
She was Tsunade, the Legendary Sucker, feared gambler, and medical genius! Just because she was eternally youthful didn't mean she was some cougar chasing after cocky gate guards.
[Can I tell you that I'm slacking right now?]
[Actually, I'm planning to use your figure as the heroine in my next book.]
[In the story, she'll be obsessed with the hero—me, of course. She'll approve of my harem, and even convince her maid to join in.]
[Ah, the plot! It writes itself. It's genius. I'll beat Jiraiya's sales for sure this time!]
Book? Beat Jiraiya?
Tsunade's expression darkened. She connected the dots.
She knew what kind of books Jiraiya wrote.
And now this punk was planning to make her the heroine in his shameless knock-off?
Her eyes burned with rage.
She was going to pound this brat into the pavement. And Jiraiya too, just for enabling him.
Jiraiya inched away, edging toward Naruto for safety. Tsunade stormed toward the gate guard post.
She flung the door open.
"Hey! You—"
"Second Grandpa!"
Tsunade froze.
"…What did you just say?"
(End of Chapter)