The sky was pink with dawn and full of broken promises.
Eren stepped into his field and immediately stepped on a potato that moaned.
He didn't flinch. He didn't scream.
He just exhaled the sigh of a man who'd seen too much root-based sensuality in one week.
"Not today, Satan Spud."
[System Notification]
[Warning: Soil remains lightly infused with Lust-Tier Residual Code]
[Abnormal growth may occur.]
[Recommended: Cleansing Fertilizer, Tier 2. You cannot afford it.]
"Of course I can't," Eren muttered. "Because I'm still broke."
He kicked the moaning potato off the path and went to work.
This was the routine now: wake up, ignore the sexual vegetables, plant new crops, and dream of money.
Farming was his golden ticket. He'd told himself that from day one. He wasn't here to be seduced by elf girls or milkmaids. He wanted coins. Capital. A solid roof. And maybe a lock for his door so Mira would stop wandering in uninvited.
Flashback to the Dream
Last night, Eren had a dream.
He was sitting on a throne made of turnips. Wearing a golden farmer's hat. And people were throwing silver at him while chanting his name.
Then the throne turned into Mira, and she winked at him.
He woke up in a cold sweat.
Money. Not women.
Money. Not women.
Morning Grind
The wheat had grown fast, thanks to the suspicious blue fertilizer Lira gave him.
Too fast. Some stalks had... faces?
Eren chose not to look them in the eye.
Instead, he focused on harvesting like a man possessed.
Every swing of the sickle was a step toward his goal: buy better tools, expand his land, and build a real farm—not just a cursed sandbox built by horny devs with a sick sense of humor.
He'd already made some gains:
One silver from mutated beans.
Four silver from selling flirtatious corn to a traveling merchant.
And now… this.
[New Crop Identified]
[Carroot]
Status: Minor Mutation
Trait: Lifelike foot shape. Possibly sentient.
Market Value: 14 Silver (Collectors Only)
Eren stared at it in his hand.
It looked like a carrot. A foot-shaped carrot. With little toe-knobs.
It wiggled slightly.
"I don't have the emotional capacity for you," Eren whispered, shoving it into a burlap sack.
Mira Returns. Of Course.
"Ereeeeen!"
Too late.
She was already in his yard.
Mira, the neighbor girl with zero chill and 100% romantic comedy energy, walked up with a bowl of soup and a suspicious smile.
He didn't look up. "If you brought soup, I'm not drinking it."
"You're grumpier than usual," she pouted. "Did your cabbages proposition you again?"
"It was a carrot this time. A flirty one."
Mira plopped down beside him on the grass like this was totally normal. "Well, at least your harvests are healthy."
"They're cursed. I'm cursed."
She offered the bowl again. "You're still eating this."
He took it. Only because he hadn't eaten since yesterday and the last thing he cooked tried to seduce him mid-bite.
[System Update]
[Affinity with Mira: +1]
[Relationship Status: Slowly Developing (Against Your Will)]
[Suggestion: Stop being cute when grumpy.]
He pretended not to read it.
Mira sipped soup and leaned against his shoulder casually.
Eren stiffened like a man sitting next to a grenade. "You can't keep showing up like this."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm trying to focus. On my dream."
She blinked. "Dream?"
"I want to be rich."
Mira laughed. "That's it?"
"That's everything," Eren said, deadly serious. "I want land. Crops. Profit. I want to wake up and not think about hentai vegetables or who's accidentally in love with me."
She paused.
"…So you noticed I was accidentally in love with you."
He gave her a look. "Your eyes sparkle every time I pull weeds."
She stood up. "Well, whatever. If you become a rich farmer, maybe I'll marry you after all."
"You're not helping."
Lira's Dry Interruption
Their banter was cut short when Lira buzzed in through the system.
[ALERT: Unknown individual approaching the property line.]
Eren turned to see a figure with a walking stick, cloak, and a bag of goods approaching down the dirt path.
"Another merchant?" he asked.
Lira's voice was calm. "Possibly. Or a voyeur. 50/50 odds."
The Strange Trader
The man introduced himself as Varrin. He was a trader of rare herbs and magical ingredients. Shifty eyes, but good boots.
"I heard you've got some unusual produce," Varrin said.
"I sell nothing illegal," Eren replied automatically.
"What about… immoral?"
"Depends how many silver you've got."
Varrin laughed and offered a trade: a special item called a Clarity Onion—said to cure mild mental corruption and boost stamina—in exchange for the Carroot.
Eren didn't hesitate.
"Fourteen silver and the onion."
"Ten."
"Twelve, no questions asked."
"Deal."
[System Update]
[Trade Complete!]
+12 Silver
+1 Clarity Onion (Consumable)
[Tip: Eat when hallucinations become sexual or philosophical.]
Nightfall
Later that night, Eren sat on his rickety bed with his new coin pouch, counting his hard-earned silver like it was the last treasure in the world.
"I'm getting closer," he whispered.
He could almost see it: the barn upgrade, the irrigation system, the sturdy roof that didn't moan when it rained.
Lira floated near the window, silently scanning for anomalies.
"Lira," he said. "You think I'm doing okay?"
"You haven't died. You've gained wealth. Your relationships are stable. For a hentai sandbox, that's basically world domination."
"…Thanks?"
"You're welcome, farmer overlord."
The Well Groans Again
Outside, the old stone well hissed. Low. Mournful.
"Thirstyyyyy…" it whispered.
Eren stared at it from his window.
"Lira. It's talking again."
"It wants attention. Don't feed it. You'll only encourage it."
Eren's Journal, That He Doesn't Write But Thinks Anyway
Day 13:
I harvested a carrot that looked like a human foot.
Sold it for twelve silver.
A girl who wants to kiss me brought soup.
A traveling merchant bought my weird crops.
And my well is haunted by something that says "thirsty" in a tone that sounds both sexual and sad.
Still not rich. But getting there.
I farm because I must.
Not because I'm horny.
That's the difference between me and this world.