Tears are my company in this life it seems ,tears was my companion from the age of seven to this funeral ,seeing her lying there hands cold eyes still staring at the abyss as if she is watching the closing of the curtains to a play which was her life . Lisa sits on the ground she is in a trance or something like that tear droplets dried on her face , remainder of one of the saddest time I've seen her ever since meeting her when she was just five.
"Ally she is not gone forever is she?" A crazy look on her face .Doctor Morris had attended the funeral with us incase Lisa's episode restarts again he will be able to subdue her without any complications arising. Lisa was looking at me with those haunted eyes searching in my face answers I couldn't possibly provide for it will be cruel to do that ,tears started streaming down my face at this point I don't even feel anything ,I am like a blank book that was never opened .I HAVE NEVER HAD A MOTHERS LOVE .So how would I know how to feel .
1 month later ...
It's been a month and after coming back to an empty place every night , things where they were left and loneliness at its height. I thought that I have only three options one ,I get a dog,two ;I adopt a child,three;I get THE ONE(you know who).So on a random Friday afternoon I looked outside my balcony and decided tomorrow I come home with a guy ,don't care how or where I will find him but I will. I have already seen how life is fast when I held her hand for the last time.
Im a romantist ,but even though I am a romantist or so I think I've yet to have those firsts...you know
First kiss
First date
First valentine
First fight
First ..ahem...
Well and I'm now at the late ages of life having spent all my life shackled by various things that even though rewarding as they were are now irrelevant to my ailing heart .
I have decided to take a step forward and first step is to look at my wardrobe and I just realized that it has single handly just repeled all my love interest and if I was to look over the clothes my hair will do just fine at that job.
Ahhhhhhh...what am I supposed to do .
I'm going to have to check the source of all information of course my younger sister .
Three minutes later I was on the phone with Lisa and she was ecstatic at the mention of my decision.
"Do you know how long I was waiting for this,you asking for my undeniable powers as a love guru.
"If this is all you are going to say ,I'm going to cut the call and forget all about this"
"Girl please leave me be happy for my forty year old big sis expressing her first romantic thoughts and if you were to succeed in this game called LOVE 💖 u need me."
"U know you are selling a big game "
"Cause I know I can ,even if I usually fail at everything"
"What is the big deal any who ,I'm quitting on it "
"U can't do that Allison ,u have to submit to your carnal needs "
"If someone was to see this they'll think you are one of the most precarious of all people"
"Yes but I shall thy stay a precarious person whose helping a damsel in distress . I shall put my honour on the line and help you find the one that will make ur heart exercise ."
"Hahaha 🤣 have you been watching those English plays again"
"Yeah maybe but that's beside the point"
"No I'm not asking you anything today BYE "
After cutting the call I just realized that she said I'm forty years but in reality I'm thirty five and six months also it's not the first time having something to do with love. I once had loved him,the one and only though many will call it puppy love(forgettable love) or a crash but to me he was my sunshine most always-I mean he made it seem like good weather.The memory of his walk brings a smile to my face. It's an incredibly vivid memory, and if I close my eyes I can see it now. An easygoing lope. Nice and steady. Not too fast and not too slow, Fast enough to get somewhere, but not too fast to miss anything. Bouncy, alert, resolute, without any concern and without vanity. A walk that both belonged to and was remote from everything around and for a mere child it was the thing that got me most fascinated ,that and his eyes.
I should not hold on to the past instead be grateful for the good things that are happening,like how Lisa has been better even though she doesn't want me to visit I hope she is fine .It was late in the evening I put on my running shoes and went to get a good jog.