Ashton could barely suppress all his mixed emotions. No, they weren't just mixed, they were rapidly rising. Ashton knew the dragon blessing wasn't just for show, but he hadn't expected the overwhelming negative emotions. The quartz enchantment may have been like blinders, but that didn't stop the others from desperately trying to claw at the small opening Lucian's pig headedness had created in his emotional state.
Ashton took a deep breath, trying to shove the others away while settling his emotions. Ashton slowly directed his emotions to consider what Lucian's goal was. Ashton had to calm himself, what did Lucian want. Alphonse was dead, the next best thing was...
Lucian wanted to curse, they were falling further and further behind. At this rate Ashton might really escape his grasp. "N-"
Aaron cut Lucian off, "We will compensate, and provide a private room in the palace. Devlin will personally ward it so only you and those with your permission can enter, as well as increase your stipend to 200 gold. I will also personally ensure any instruments or musical desires meet your standards. Not even his Majesty will be able to enter, we will also ensure the entire room is warded against spying to the level of his majesty's conference room." He added nodding to Devlin and Lucian.
Ashton put the tea down, then took a deep breath. "If I sleep with you here and now, can I go home?" Lucian's obsession could only result in two outcomes... he had wanted to fuck Alphonse... or preferably wanting to kill off any last trace of Alphonse for some imagined grievance. Since Lucian was convinced, he was related to Alphonse they wouldn't let go until Lucian had given up his obsession.
Ashton ignored the pit in his stomach as he continued to shove his emotions down. If a few days here would settle Lucian... it was better than ending up in the capital where every possible situation would only get worse. Ashton continued to stare at his cup... he had endured worse, this would barely tickle.
Devlin and Bert stared slack jawed, "What?" Devlin choked out.
Ashton clench his fist as a deliberate show, "I will swear by mage oath, to not resist, to never interfere with the Empire's politics above that of a common farmer, and to give you a way to find Alphonse's journal; if after you leave the Marquis residence I can return home to Palmer." There were worse fates, there were worse situations. A few days and he'd be able to continue with his plans.
The wind went right out of Lucian's sails... had Ashton... really thought that he'd been taking him to the capital... to use him for sex? Had David or Bert ever put that in his head? Lucian watched as Ashton was trembling as he waited for an answer... "That wasn't my intension." Lucian tried to explain. When Ashton's head jerked up his eyes were shining with suppressed emotion.
Ashton stilled, surely everyone could hear how unconvincing Lucian's own answers were. Unfortunately, that tiny pause had been enough for the others to rip at his control. Ashton let them.
"Then what? What do you want from me? Evidence? Answers? You'll have both. The Seibellain throne? You could have taken it when Alphonse died twelve years ago. Revenge? Sex? What? What do I have to give up so I can go home?" Ashton finally demanded standing up. Instead of fighting, better to let the emotions wash through himself. Ashton steered the negative emotions rather than stop them.
Lucian was startled... some invisible line had been crossed but he didn't know what, "Why don't you want to go to the capital?" he asked hearing his own bewilderment. Ashton choked out a laugh of disbelief.
"What moron would want to be kidnapped and dragged away from his home? Who would rather be surrounded by nobles who would chomp at the bits to catch your weakness? Even here I have to protect myself from your ignorance and negligence. What about my situation would improve at the capital?! You can't even keep me housed or fed... what fool would believe you would, let alone could keep me safe?!" Ashton demanded as he stared down Lucian. "Strength isn't everything." Ashton sneered.
Bert immediately jumped up slapping Ashton across the face, "That is your emperor! Watch your tongue!" he roared indignantly.
Ashton immediately looked mockingly at Lucian, "You can't even protect me from your own people. If they follow your example... they can only break what they can't control. Threats only get so far, your majesty." Ashton was well aware that Lucian often demanded duels of those who opposed him. The duels were always to the death. As far as Bert was concerned, he probably thought he was saving Ashton from Lucian's rage.
Lucian stood, staring Bert down, then slapped him so hard he fell to the ground. "I told you not to lay a hand on him." He growled, Bert shakily stood then bowed.
"If all you want is a fuck, I'll spread my legs. Just let me go home after." Ashton bargained staring up into Lucian's eyes. If one emotional outburst, and a quick fuck would sway Lucian to let him go... then this once he'd lay down his pride.
Lucian couldn't meet Ashton's gaze, even now Ashton meant it. Ashton would sleep with him so he could go home. This isn't how he wanted it. Not as a bargain. "No."
Ashton almost wished he was still Alphonse, just so he could teleport away as an equal instead of resorting to... as of now, Ashton couldn't even leave the room without permission... Ashton embraced the other's desperate, pleading, negative emotions. They wanted to be freed... he channeled their desperation into his own voice.
Ashton didn't stop his voice from cracking, "If I beg? If I get on my knees and beg... will you let me go home?" He asked not looking at Lucian's eyes. While he let the others influence him, it would not be reflected in his eyes. Not unless he gave up all control, and Lucian was not worth those consequences.
Lucian saw a teer fall to the ground, "Ashton?" he asked reaching for the face now hidden by the fall of golden hair.
"Please, I just want to go home." Ashton finally choked out, "Please Lucian, let me go." He whispered gripping Lucian's hand to stop him from forcing him to look up. Teers had started to fall, the others pressed their advantage as Ashton almost drowned in the emotions of shameful desperation. All the while the others were scrambling to absorb his fallen teers.
He'd never felt such shame and desperation all rolled into one. But Ashton would submit himself, if he could go home tomorrow, he would do anything today. The others were clinging to him, crawling up his body, wailing for salvation. Ashton embraced the emotions, they truly were... overwhelming.
Ashton's whole body was trembling, "Get out!" Lucian roared pulling Ashton close. The others made a quick escape as the first sob escaped the small body in his embrace. He hesitantly started patting his back. "shhh, shh, it's okay." He awkwardly tried to comfort.
Ashton didn't fight the embrace, he could barely feel the difference between the surrounding flesh, and the dark foggy others. Ashton wasn't sure he'd ever felt so desperate before. He had endured worse... even when his father King Sherman had forced him to swallow mana stones to forcibly increase his conduit tier for the first time his emotions hadn't been this... overwhelming. To feel anything this strongly... was interesting in its own way.
But, Ashton couldn't let the others distract him from his real goal. If Ashton was forced to go to the capital... it would be like he was Alphonse all over again. Fighting to keep his humanity while surrounded by those who already considered him a beast. Except this time, he wouldn't even have the illusion of comradery, he would be surrounded by enemies on all sides. Not to mention... he wasn't strong enough to survive as Ashton if he stepped into the capital. Not if this was just a precursor of what the dragon blessing had done.
Lucian gently pushed Ashton away so he could see his face as he started to calm down, "Ashton?" he called tentatively.
Ashton stared at Lucian with resolve as he wiped his teers away, "Yes, or no?" Ashton saw his resolve in Lucian's eyes. This might be the last chance, for either of them.
Lucian looked into Ashton's resolved eyes, but still trembling body, for the first time he regretted how forceful he'd been. "No." He whispered, the instant defeat and despair in Ashton's eyes was quickly masked to his usual dispassionate gaze as he pulled away.
Ashton ruthlessly shoved his emotions down, along with forcing the others to retreat or perish as he crushed a quartz that had been hidden in his sleeve. This had been a gamble... one he'd lost. Ashton turned without a word and left for his room. His last chance wasted, now he'd have to escape after reaching the capital. If he could fake his death or capture, he'd be free to meet his parents and escape... to the savannah.
Ashton spent the next several hours carving more quartz, Marquis Silas should be coming in the afternoon to finish negotiations. While a trip to the market would be nice it would be pointless if Lucian or anyone from the retinue accompanied him.