'Soon, even the scariest things stopped being enjoyable. Only despair remains.'
Izuku suffered too much. But even someone like him doesn't have eternal patience. He could survive and overcome all these difficulties related to discrimination and violence.
Sometimes it goes beyond the scope. That day, the Almighty finished him off completely. Destroyed it. The desire to die was strong, it seemed, if not now, then never. And then the mud villain and Bakugo.
Everything was lost, the topic changed, and the strange thoughts disappeared. Life went on.
Almight, it turns out, is not so Omnipotent. Getting a quirk turns out to be easier than it seemed. The desired power, the dream. Everything has already begun and is being fulfilled.
Now he's in class, at UA. With friends and teachers, about heroes. They go through difficulties together. They study, eat, laugh and study together.
The dormitory system after the camp. The best thing that happened in his life. Everyone was happy. You could get to school much faster.
Separate rooms, shared breakfast, lunch and dinner. Shopping trips, parks. In the school garden.
The weather is sunny every day. It reminds me of Midoriya's smile. Everyone has their own problems, but everyone is coping. Each of them went through difficulties. Villains are still obstacles, but they can handle it.
And then one warm day, something happened that Izuku wanted to forget. It doesn't make sense, he got everything he wanted. It's not worth going back to the old one. It won't do any good. Only problems as a side effect.
"I'm bored."
"Eh?" Did you say something, Midoriya?
"No, Iida. Nothing.
— Mgm. Good.
The skin itches again. There is no number, it's just that the hands start doing things that I would like to forget. Reach where you don't need to. For example, a kitchen knife. Back then, the effect wasn't particularly strong when he was fighting against the villain in the camp. When he first suffered serious damage. Even then, everything started to come back. With a dangerous villain named Muscle in a one-on-one battle, it's not clear where, in some kind of hole.
It happened somewhere in high school. It was the second or third month of his training with the Almighty. At that time, he never came out of a deep depression. That was probably his first attempt.
Who knew that after falling from the fourteenth floor, you can survive. So also to return home as if nothing had happened. And the bloody uniform? It's nothing, there's a spare one. They just got rid of her before anyone saw her. No one knows yet.
He doesn't know that the boy who owns One for All, the receiver of the Almighty, the cinnamon bun of class 1-A. Is dependent on suicide, or rather on its process. Despite the pain, physical and mental, Izuku continued to do it. I cut myself, threw myself from high-rise buildings. Just to die. This feeling of pain and pleasure is wonderful.
And then high school started and it all kind of faded into the background. I didn't want to die anymore. He said no to the bloody cuts on his hands, which made his face turn pale and his lips turn from pink to light blue. There was no more euphoria, the pain from which he was already trembling. The way he ran the blade across his arm, the way the liquid flowed down his body. There were no more pills, no more dangerous drugs, no more rumbling in my stomach. Or the feeling that the head is being eaten away from the inside.
He got what he wanted and his passion became taboo. But now, after a long time, he wants to feel it again. This is the moment when you feel sleepy and you know that you will never come out of it. A feeling of regret and helplessness.
It stings and burns slightly, with an unpleasant aftertaste. The smell of iron.
"I'm going to take a couple of painkillers, and it shouldn't hurt that much." I hope. He turned on the tap with warm water, and it slowly filled the tub to the brim. He waited for the effect of the pills he took to take effect.
It was his first time in the last few months. He wasn't worried, he knew that everything would happen very quickly, and that most likely it wouldn't let him go, and in a couple of days he would do it again.
— It still hurts, but not so much anymore. Just a little more. "He was holding on to consciousness with the last of his strength. My eyes were closing, and the medicine was starting to work. Apparently he overdosed on the dose, there's nothing he can do. He gently ran his shaking hand over his wrist and another scarlet stripe appeared.
He stopped when sleep started to take over strongly. Izuku turned off the faucet and tilted his head back. Slowly closing his eyes, he fell asleep.
The skin had lost so much color that you could see every abrasion, vein, and knuckles. There was a small smile on his face, and his eyes were closed. Izuku Midoriya bled to death in the UA dormitory at three o'clock in the morning. In my room, in the pink tub.
The next morning, Izuku put on his shirt, tied his tie, and went out into the world. As usual. — Good morning!
It has become much easier to control yourself, I guess I feel relieved. He had finally done what he had wanted for so long. But what's next? It's definitely not the end, he's sure. He'll do it again. If not today, then tomorrow. Feel it again.
All this had a bad effect on him, and here is the result. It would have been better if he had never woken up that day. Unfortunately, he can't even do it right, but it doesn't bring pleasure anymore. I want something new, but Izuku knows that everything will be the same. It's better to try not to think about it and have fun with the class, knowing that it's limited. And we should be happy about every little thing. Although even all this does not bring any pleasure. You realize that you got everything you dreamed of and now it's not interesting anymore. After that battle, you started killing yourself again.
When someone noticed a couple of new stitches or bandages on Izuku, no one said anything. Everyone laughed, and so did Izuku. —Oh, Midoriya, you broke something again.
Everyone understood that this was bad, and if he broke himself so often, he wouldn't get it back together. The culprit of his new fracture, Kirishima, apologized. They went together to the Healing Girl, where he apologized for his mistake for a long time. — In a couple of days, your arm will be fine. Try not to overexert yourself these days. It's better to sit on the bench once more.
— Okay, thanks!
—Sorry, man. Sorry! - Midoriya just smiled at his words, the dining room opens in fifteen minutes. "Let's go eat!"
"At least I'll make it up to you with food."
During this week, he died 5 times. Every time he turned on the faucet at two in the morning, every time he took a dose of medication, but from the second time onwards he took less and less. They weren't necessary, they dulled his pain. He didn't like it. Each cut felt like a heavy sound in his head, but for the fourth time, Izuku didn't feel much pain. There was something else, but that's it. It's nothing. A mosquito bite.
The fifth time, he only took half of one pill. He repeated the same thing as in the past. No one noticed, no one recognized. He made more cuts, he switched to the other hand. There's a little more blood than usual. Some had to be wiped off with a wet hand. He only spent an hour cleaning. It didn't do him any good.
And then he broke his arm on Kirishima's quirk. The arm broke in three different places. He knew that his tolerance for pain was enormous, but not that much. He didn't feel anything. At all.
When he asked how he felt, Izuku replied, "Fine, tolerable."
In the nurse's office. When he had to have his arm fixed, he didn't feel anything, even though people feel something under painkillers. He calmly held the fork with his broken hand, although he still had to take it in his other hand. Classmates' worries are making themselves felt.
Now he's sitting on his bed. He thought about it for a long time, but decided to do it anyway. He just really wants it, but the bath is just useless. This time he didn't go to it. This time, he doesn't care about the opinions of others, he's just tired. What's the point of cutting myself in the bathroom almost every day if it didn't bring anything?
Today he took a kitchen knife, it's quite sharp. There are several more in the kitchen, so no one will be offended if one disappears. At the same time, he'll check if it really hurts that much. Does it hurt at all?
Izuku turned the shining blade in his direction. He smiled and stabbed himself in the stomach with all his might. One, two, three… Ten, twenty. He didn't stop, he did it as many times as he could afford. The smell was disgusting, not their pleasant ones. It feels like someone died. He died cruelly, but he didn't. He just broke his arm today.
The coffee machine in the Staff Room broke down, so Aizawa chose the shortest way to the other one as his class's dorm. He'll check on Izuku at the same time, because this kid likes to get into trouble.
When he got to his door, he heard sobbing. "He's probably crying because of his broken arm." He doesn't usually show it in public, but it probably hurts even people like him. He slowly opened the door. He thought Midoriya would be sleeping first, so he didn't dare go to check on him, but when he heard noises outside the door, he opened it.
The smell was unbearable, probably even a professional like him could not stand it. He restrained himself. Shouta expected to see anything but this. —Damn it! — He couldn't help but swear, although in such a situation, you can't do that.
In a word, blood. It was all red, too much. It's like at least five people were killed here. — Oh, ha ha ha! It's not what you think, Sensei!
Looking at Midoriya and all those stab wounds, he took a deep breath. Maybe his student didn't try to kill himself in the most brutal way, he had faced suicides before, but to do so. Damn, he's holding a bloody knife, right in his hand!
His heart was beating heavily, and he was momentarily confused. "It's going to be okay, Midoriya. Breathe, please. "Shit, how can anything be normal when his guts are right under my feet." We need to do something urgently, otherwise I'm going to fall with him here.
"Stop it!" He used his scarf as quickly as possible and snatched the knife from the child, who was about to make another hole in his body in front of his eyes. Just a little more and there would have been a hole in his chest.
— no!
— no!
"Bring him back!" Tears flowed freely, and he cried and laughed. He couldn't take a step. The floor was too slippery because of something unpleasant. "I don't feel it!" I don't feel any pain, Sensei!
"I'm not…
Consciousness was slowly leaving, he wanted to take the knife from his teacher's hands, but when he moved forward, he fell down, closing his eyes. It seemed like he couldn't stand anymore, not at all. As a result, he fell into Aizawa's arms, which did not stop cowering, which made him feel as if he had been electrocuted. —Shit," he said.