---
In the midst of the rugged path, as the sunlight dimmed behind the trees, the team began to feel the weight of the distance separating them from the enemy base. Silence accompanied them for a brief moment, until Alan—accidental leader—decided to break it.
---
Alan:
"Okay team, let's establish our marching order. I'll lead, Kira on the right flank, and Gargoth… maybe you carry me?"
---
Gargoth:
"I'm not your personal cart, Alan. Just walk like a normal person."
---
Kira:
"Right flank? Why don't I just circle around and pounce on you if you trip again?"
---
Alan (pleading):
"Come on, Kira, you know we need your speed. Just… imagination exercise."
---
Gargoth:
"Imagination? The only thing I imagine is you tripping us into enemy hands."
---
Alan suddenly stopped and pointed at the ground ahead, as if announcing a new rest stop.
---
Alan:
"Also, let's take a snack break in exactly five minutes—synchronized munching is key to morale."
---
Kira:
"Seriously? We're not even halfway there, and you want a snack schedule?"
---
Gargoth (mocking grin):
"Fine. But if you crash-eat us into a trap, I'm leaving you behind."
---
Silence returned briefly, interrupted only by whispered talk between Alan and Kira about the real plan.
---
Alan (awkwardly):
"Um, actually… I was thinking we could—maybe—scout ahead? You know, just check for patrols."
---
Kira:
"Scout? Last time you 'scouted' we ended up chased by a pack of dire wolves."
---
Gargoth:
"Let him try. Maybe his luck will finally run out."
---
Alan forced a wide smile, despite feeling nervous, then made a bold leadership declaration based on his usual dumb luck.
---
Alan:
"Alright. Plan B: we just walk slowly… no scouting, no snack breaks. Stealth is our snack."
---
Kira (shaking her head):
"Your snack puns are going to get us killed."
---
They continued deeper into the forest, armed with their leader's absurdity and odd tactics, still at the start of a long road that promised no mercy.
---
As the team marched on through the dense forest, the trees around them began to take on a more ominous shape. The birds that once sang peacefully were replaced by strange, unplaceable sounds. Alan walked ahead, muttering to himself about his "brilliant adventure idea," unaware that he was about to walk into something beyond even his bizarre imagination.
Suddenly, Alan's foot struck something strange. He heard a vibration rumble through the ground. Before he could lift his leg, a massive plant with a gaping maw lunged forward—and for reasons unknown, swallowed him whole in a blink.
---
Kira (shocked):
"What the—? Alan?!"
---
Gargoth (stunned):
"Did that plant just swallow him?!"
---
Inside the plant's stomach, Alan struggled to move. The interior was dark, slick, and smelled like death—he was now in a fight with the plant's digestive system itself.
---
Alan (miserable):
"Seriously? I get eaten by a plant… this is the most embarrassing thing ever."
---
He wriggled helplessly inside the elastic, slimy walls surrounding him. Furious and frustrated, Alan realized this was far from any heroic adventure he'd dreamed of.
---
Alan (struggling):
"Okay, okay! Come on, think, think! There has to be a way out of this!"
---
As he panicked and searched for any exit, the plant began to tremble. Something was off—the earth itself seemed to shift slightly.
---
Kira (angrily watching):
"You really managed to get eaten by a plant, huh? I can't believe you!"
---
Gargoth (mocking):
"That's our leader, folks. Always thinking ahead."
---
The plant writhed and bulged as if preparing to finish its meal. Alan, however, had other plans.
---
Alan (grimly):
"If I'm going down, I'm taking this plant with me."
---
In a desperate attempt, Alan drew his sword and began slashing the plant's inner walls. His blows were erratic and mostly useless—but he refused to give up.
At last, salvation arrived. Kira and Gargoth launched into action.
---
Kira (shouting):
"Hold on, Alan! We're coming for you!"
---
Gargoth (grinning):
"Don't worry, I'll just smash this plant with my fists."
---
With a single massive punch, Gargoth tore into the plant's core. It burst apart, spewing Alan onto the ground, soaked and breathless.
---
Alan (gasping on the ground):
"Well... that was a close one. I guess plants aren't my thing."
---
As the trio caught their breath, it became clear that, somehow, Alan had survived yet again—thanks to his absurdly consistent bad luck.
---
After being vomited out by the plant and rescued by his teammates, Alan stood up slowly, dizzy and drenched in slimy residue. Every step felt like sinking deeper into a bad memory.
---
Alan (weakly, staggering):
"Hey guys… do you have a mobile shower or something? I need a bath, seriously."
---
As he wobbled forward, Kira and Gargoth exchanged bewildered looks, unsure if they heard him right.
---
Kira (stunned):
"Did you really just ask for a shower after all that? Seriously?!"
---
Gargoth (sarcastically):
"If you need a shower that bad, just jump into a river or something."
---
Alan, barely able to walk, kept going. Every inch of him felt coated in nightmare goo, and with each step, he felt more like collapsing.
---
Alan (pressing forward, leaning):
"No, no! I need proper showering! This isn't how I imagined my heroic escape would end."
---
Trying to stay brave but failing miserably, Alan finally collapsed again—this time with unmatched flair. Kira and Gargoth simply watched.
---
Alan (crashing dramatically):
"Okay, okay, I get it… No showers, no glory. Just dirt and plants..."
---
Despite everything, Alan never lost his sense of humor. In fact, he might be the only one who could find comedy in a moment like this.
---
Kira (to Gargoth):
"He seriously needs a break, huh?"
---
Gargoth (laughing):
"Well, at least he's still alive... somehow."
---
At that moment, Alan lifted his head and forced a bitter smile. He was nauseated, exhausted, and drenched in plant slime—but undeniably alive.
To be continued...