The room is too clean.
Tanner steps in behind Charlotte, his eyes dragging across the perfectly made bed, the smooth floor, the faint scent of fresh linen mixed with something achingly familiar, vanilla, warmth, a trace of Jess. His chest tightens, but he forces it down.
Charlotte walks further in, turning slowly as she takes it all in. "Why are we in your room? You never…"
Her voice trails off, the question lingering awkwardly in the space between them. She's surprised. Hopeful, even.
Tanner doesn't answer right away. He looks at her, really looks. She's pretty. Familiar. Safe.
She's always been there, lingering at the edge of his life like something inevitable. Maybe that's why he brought her here, because she fits. She suits. Maybe this is how he proves to himself that what happened with Jess doesn't matter. That Jess can't matter.
He moves closer. Step by step. "Isn't this what you've always wanted?" he mutters, the words almost dry on his tongue.
Charlotte blushes, caught off guard. "I… I mean, I... But you... I didn't think..."
"Just say the word, yes or no? Do you want to, or not?" Tanner says, barely above a whisper.
She doesn't answer again. Instead, she moves forward and kisses him.
Soft, hesitant, her hands touching his face like she's afraid he might vanish like he always does in her dreams.
Tanner doesn't kiss her back, stand there frozen as if he didn't expect something like that to happen, he realizes that he wasn't ready. He thought he was. That was the whole point.
But he closes his eyes, wills himself to push forward, lets instinct take over. He kisses her back. He holds her waist, then the back of her neck. Leads her toward the bed.
This is what he wanted, wasn't it?
She sinks onto the mattress, pulling him with her. Tanner hovers over her, fingers brushing her skin, mouth finding hers again.
It's all going according to plan. So why does it feel like he's suffocating?
Charlotte sighs softly against him, her body arching, inviting. His hand slides beneath her shirt, but it all feels off.
Tanner forces himself to go on, but the more he touches her, it's like he isn't touching her skin under his palm, it's Jess's.
The shape of his waist, the warmth, the softness.
Tanner blinks, swallows thickly, but presses on.
He kisses her neck. Jess's scent is stronger now, flooding his lungs, curling around him like smoke. He moves lower. Touches her thigh.
But all he sees is Jess.
Those thighs.
That damn shirt that barely covered him.
The way Jess had frozen when Charlotte appeared, hurt flickering in those wide, betrayed eyes.
Tanner curses internally. He squeezes his eyes shut, tries to force the memory away, but it rushes in with brutal clarity. Jess beneath him, lips parted, trembling, trusting.
Tanner pulls away slightly, breathing hard. Charlotte touches his cheek, confused.
"Are you okay?" she whispers.
"Yeah," he lies. "Just… uh... new..." he doesn't even know what he means.
He goes back to her neck, kisses her shoulder, his hand roaming again, trying to find the heat, the thrill, something, anything.
But Jess won't leave him.
The more Tanner touches Charlotte, the more desperate he becomes. Desperate to feel something that isn't longing.
That isn't regret. But Jess is everywhere. On his skin. In his blood. Beneath his eyelids.
He kisses her harder, rougher, hoping to drown it out.
Instead, Jess's face flashes again. Mouth swollen from kisses. Nails digging into his back. The sound of his voice saying Tanner's name like it meant something.
Tanner jerks back suddenly, as if burned. He stares down at Charlotte, chest heaving.
"What's wrong?" she asks, sitting up.
He doesn't answer. Shame prickles under his skin like thorns.
She reaches for him again, but he steps back, moving off the bed and standing in the middle of the room like a shadow cast by someone else.
He rubs the back of his neck, trying to string together words that won't betray the storm inside him.
"I, uh… I think I just need time to... familiarize us this way. I mean, we've known each other for a long time, but not this way, and maybe I'm struggling to shift out of that mindset," he stammers, voice unsteady. "Maybe we take it slow? Yeah? Just… slow steps, get used to being this close. Today was a start."
He's jumping from word to word, barely holding the thread of what he's trying to say, trying to make it sound like a plan instead of a retreat.
Charlotte nods, smiling, too quickly, too wide. Tanner sees it for what it is. A mask. Disappointment presses behind her eyes, her lips stretched into something polite but brittle.
"It's okay," she says softly, but the softness is strained. "I get it."
She steps toward him, rising on her toes, aiming for his lips as if to gently close the moment with a kiss. Like it's no big deal. Like they could still go back to where they left off.
But Tanner shifts just before their mouths meet. His eyes flick past her. A thought sharper than hesitation flaring in his chest.
'What if Jess really left?'
His breath catches.
"I'll be right back," he says abruptly, already moving.
He bolts out of the room.