Day 12 - April 12, 2024
The Day the Rain Fell With Me
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Dear Sir,
It is with a heavy heart that I write this letter to formally tender my resignation, effective immediately. These past eleven days may seem brief to many, but for me, they hold a lifetime's worth of lessons, gratitude, and moments that I will carry with me forever.
Thank you for giving me a chance, for believing in me even when I doubted myself. In just a short time, I was privileged to witness your leadership—a kind that is considerate even in the smallest of things, one that treats every person equally, and a boss who never looked down on anyone. For that, I will be eternally grateful.
I apologize if I have made irrational decisions. I never intended for things to end this way. If I had only known what the consequences would be... perhaps I would've chosen differently. I plead—whatever punishment or consequence is to come, please don't let Airi and Hiroshi suffer because of my shortcomings. This is why I resign. Not to escape, but to shield them from what should only be my burden to carry.
Sincerely,
Yamamoto, Haruki
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The alarm buzzed. Again.
I didn't need it. I'd been awake long before it rang.. maybe since dawn, maybe all night. It was hard to tell. Time loses meaning when your chest feels like it's collapsing in on itself, when the weight pressing down on you is so suffocating it steals the very memory of how to breathe.
Outside, the world continued, indifferent. Birds sang in the trees as if nothing had changed. Cars hummed past. Somewhere in the distance, someone laughed.. sharp and carefree.
And me?
I just lay there, unmoving, unraveling quietly beneath the covers, sinking deeper into a silence only I could hear.
My phone buzzed. Again. And again.
It hadn't stopped since yesterday. Notifications. Messages. Calls. All lighting up the screen like little flares in the dark... urgent, insistent, alive.
I didn't check.
I didn't want to.
Every vibration felt like a reminder that I still existed, that people were trying to reach a version of me I no longer recognized. I just wanted to vanish. Quietly. Cleanly. As if I'd never been here at all.
Then… Hiroshi's face flickered into my mind.
That loud, shameless idiot.
The kind of guy who didn't know the meaning of embarrassment.. who'd holler across the office just to deliver a joke that, judging by its quality, was probably conceived during a bathroom break. He was relentless in his pursuit of one thing: making me laugh. Especially on the days I didn't think I could.
I remembered the one time I let my walls down.
"Hey... thanks. For helping out yesterday. You did good."
His face lit up like he'd just won the lottery. His eyes went wide, his mouth already halfway into a grin.
"Oh my god—was that a compliment? From the office robot?! Somebody mark this day. Etch it in stone!"
He was ridiculous. Over-the-top. Infuriating, even.
But he was… my friend.
A painful smile pulled at the corner of my lips.
And then… there was her.
Fujimoto Airi.
The girl who rewrote the rhythm of my world without even trying.
She was the first to reach out on my very first day. Her voice.. gentle, melodic.. held a warmth I hadn't felt in years. Like honey laced with comfort. I still remember the faint scent of her shampoo when she leaned in to explain the project briefing.. floral, soft, unforgettable. And the first time she offered me a protein bar, her brows furrowed in concern.
"You skipped lunch again," she'd said, her eyes lingering on me with that quiet worry that felt more intimate than words.
I remember the weekend walks we took.. unplanned, unscheduled. The way her laughter filled the silence I never knew how to break. How her hand brushed mine, just briefly. Her hair catching the wind. Sunlight weaving through her gaze like stardust trapped in amber.
And then came that night. The one where I saw her.. truly saw her. Not the bright, cheerful Airi everyone admired, but the quieter version. The one who wore her loneliness like a shadow stitched to her back. Still, she smiled. Still, she carried others even as she staggered beneath her own weight.
We stayed up countless nights on that project.. caffeine, deadlines, sore shoulders, and wordless companionship. And never once did she let me fall behind.
I began to dream… not of the project's success, but of us.
Of walking beside her.. not as a teammate, not even as a friend, but as something more. Something deeper. Something real.
A partner.
A future.
A home.
Laughter echoing through shared mornings. Little hands wrapped around our fingers. Her smile across the dinner table.
Love.
Tears gathered, blurring my vision until the memories sharpened into blades.
I failed.
Because of me… everything was unraveling. Maybe beyond repair.
My fists clenched, nails digging into my palms. My breath hitched.. shallow, ragged.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!" I gasped, the words bursting out like a dam breaking.
"Stupid! god—stupid! What the hell was I thinking?! Who was I to make promises I couldn't keep?! Why did I ever believe I could be enough?!"
My voice cracked against the walls of my room, hollow and raw. I collapsed forward, shoulders shaking, sobs tearing through me like storms.
"Hiroshi… Airi…"
"I'm sorry. I dragged you both into this. You didn't deserve any of it."
The phone buzzed again.
I didn't check.
---
Later, I sat alone on a worn park bench, the cold seeping through the wood and into my spine. The world moved around me, unbothered.
Children shrieked with laughter.
Parents strolled by, hand in hand.
A dog barked and wagged its tail, chasing after a stick like joy was simple.
And I sat there.. a ghost in daylight.
I hated it.
All of it.
The way life continued.
Like I had never mattered.
Like I had already disappeared.
And then...
"Haruki-kun..."
Fujimoto Airi,
Her voice.
Not soft.
Not warm.
Not like honey.
It was fractured. Barely holding together. A whisper filled with fear.
My chest tightened. My legs moved before I could think.
I stood.. heart pounding, breath shallow.
"Don't," I muttered, voice hoarse, eyes burning. I backed away like she was sunlight and I was something already fading. "Please… just go. I can't--- "
She stepped forward, desperation spilling from every syllable.
"Why won't you talk to me?!"
Her voice cracked like glass. "Why are you pushing me away when I'm right here.. still here... fighting for you?! Just let me in!"
I turned.
The ache in my chest screamed for me to stay.. but my feet moved faster.
"I'm sorry," I whispered to no one. Maybe to her. Maybe to myself.
I didn't look back.
Because if I did..
If I saw her crying..
I'd break completely.
"Please!" she cried out, her voice breaking in the rain.
I didn't stop.
I just kept walking. Faster. Because maybe.. just maybe..if I could outrun the hurt, if I could escape far enough, it wouldn't hurt so badly anymore.
But the rain came, then. Cold. Bitter. Unforgiving.
I could feel the weight of it, every drop, sinking deep into my skin, like the heavens themselves were trying to wash away the mistakes I couldn't fix. And I wanted to scream at the sky, tell it I didn't deserve to be saved. But I couldn't even make a sound.
Her footsteps followed me. Her breathing came in quick gasps.
"Please, just stop!" she cried, her voice strained, as if every word was tearing her apart. "Tell me why! Please, why are you doing this to me?!"
I froze.
The rain soaked through my shirt, chilled me to the bone, but it wasn't the cold I felt.. it was the guilt. It wrapped itself around my chest, tight, suffocating, making it hard to breathe, hard to even think. I stood there, heart pounding in my ears, back turned, afraid if I looked at her, I'd crumble.
"Why… why do you keep following me?" My voice cracked, barely a whisper, like I was breaking inside. "Why won't you just leave me alone? Please… just let me go."
I could hear her stumble. Hear her breath catch. The sound of her pain clawed at me, tearing into something fragile deep inside.
And then..
"Because I care about you!" She shouted, her voice shaking, raw, desperate. The words hit me like a slap. Like a wound, deep and open, that I didn't even know was there.
Her pain was all-consuming, and I couldn't even begin to understand why she was still trying.
Silence hung in the air, thick and heavy. The rain pounded down, drowning out everything else.
"Why did you shut me out?" she begged. "Why did you leave me? I don't care about the damn work, the deadlines, or anything! I care about you, Haruki! Why can't you see that?! Why won't you let me help you?!"
I wanted to scream. I wanted to break. But all I could do was stand there, shaking, my whole body trembling with the weight of every choice I'd made.
"Because I don't want you to suffer!" I shouted, spinning to face her, my heart a storm inside my chest. "Because of me, everything is falling apart! If you stay close, you'll get pulled down with me! Hiroshi… you… you don't deserve this! None of you do! I just wanted to protect you, but I'm just.. just destroying everything!"
And then she ran.
I thought she'd run away from me. I thought she'd turn and leave me like I deserved.
But no.
She ran to me.
She slammed into me with such force it knocked the breath out of me. I couldn't move. I couldn't even breathe.
Her arms wrapped around me, holding me so tight, like she was trying to keep me from shattering. Her warmth seeped into me, and for a brief, fragile moment, I let myself believe that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't as broken as I felt.
She held me like she could fix me. Like she could make everything okay.
Her sobs mixed with mine, our bodies shaking, tangled together in this moment of raw, uncontrollable hurt. I couldn't tell where I ended and she began. We were just two pieces of shattered glass, trying to stay together.
"Then let me carry it with you," she whispered, her voice breaking against my shoulder. "I'll carry it with you, Haruki. I'll carry it all. Whatever comes, whatever happens… I'm here. I'm not leaving you."
And in that moment, everything I'd held in.. all the fear, the shame, the guilt.. came flooding out. I broke. I broke completely.
I collapsed against her, my knees giving way. My body heaved with the weight of everything I couldn't carry alone. I sobbed like I hadn't in years, like I hadn't allowed myself to, and for the first time, it felt like something inside me was finally, finally letting go.
Her arms tightened around me, holding me as if she could keep me from falling apart. Her words.. those simple, impossible words.. felt like a promise I didn't deserve.
And for the first time, maybe ever, I felt something other than loneliness. I felt… seen. I wasn't alone. Not anymore.
We stood there, in the rain, two broken people clinging to each other, hoping for something that might never come.
But for that one, fleeting moment, I let myself believe in it.
And maybe.. just maybe.. that was enough.
-----
Night fell.
The world outside seemed to vanish as the rain continued its relentless descent, tapping against the window like a quiet reminder that the storm outside couldn't touch us here.
We stayed at her apartment, cocooned in the stillness of the night. The room felt heavy with everything unsaid. A soft, constant hum of the rain was the only sound, like nature itself had decided to give us space.. space to breathe, space to feel, space to be.
I didn't know what to say. The words that had once come so easily were now tangled in my chest, and no matter how hard I tried to speak, they wouldn't come. How could I put into words what had been breaking me for so long? How could I explain the weight that I felt, the guilt, the fear that gnawed at me from the inside?
But I didn't have to say anything.
I felt it.
Her warmth. The subtle shift of her breathing, the slight rise and fall of her chest. I felt the steady rhythm of her presence beside me, like a steady anchor in a sea of chaos. I felt her head gently fall against my shoulder, the weight of it so comforting, so familiar.
I looked down at her, watching her face soften in sleep. There was peace there. Something that had been missing for so long.. peace that I didn't deserve but was so desperately clinging to.
A small, trembling smile found its way to my lips. "Please…" I thought, barely daring to whisper it even in my mind, "Let this night never end."
I wanted to stay here, in this moment, forever. To freeze time, to let the world continue to fall apart outside, but keep this tiny pocket of calm, this sliver of happiness that felt so fragile, so precious.
But then, her voice.. soft, barely audible, like she was speaking from a dream, still half asleep.
-----
"No matter how the world throws at us…"
She paused, her voice barely a whisper, but the weight of her words hit me harder than I could ever explain.
"No matter what tomorrow brings… we'll face it. Together."