The morning after the trash can revolution had been (temporarily) quelled by GLich-chan's strategic deployment of elevator music, the trio found themselves standing before the most disreputable establishment in all of Glitchvale. The building leaned precariously to one side, held up mostly by what appeared to be old pizza boxes and wishful thinking. A flickering neon sign declared this to be "Dave's Discount Dungeon," though several letters were burnt out so it currently read "av's sc nt ng on."
Gary clanked his lid nervously. "Last time I was here, Dave sold me what he claimed was an 'Ancient Shield of Legend' that turned out to be a garbage can lid with some glitter glue on it."
Yamete squinted at the small print beneath the main sign which read: "All sales final. No refunds. No exchanges. No guarantees that items won't curse you and your entire bloodline."
GLich-chan floated ahead, poking at a suspiciously moist welcome mat that squeaked like a dying frog when stepped on. "Oh this is going to be good. I can already tell."
The door creaked open before they could knock, revealing the dim interior that smelled oddly of burnt popcorn and regret. Racks of questionable merchandise lined the walls - a bin labeled "Rare Potions" contained what looked suspiciously like fruit punch in test tubes, while a display case of "Legendary Weapons" appeared to be various kitchen utensils with poorly painted designs.
From behind a counter made of stacked milk crates, a familiar figure emerged. Dave the Boss Monster had traded his usual apron for a vest that might have been stylish three decades ago, complete with a name tag that simply said "Dave (Probably)."
"Ah! Customers!" Dave announced with the practiced enthusiasm of someone who had said this exact phrase too many times. "Welcome to Dave's Discount Dungeon, where the prices are low and the life choices are questionable! What can I interest you fine adventurers in today? Perhaps a slightly used health potion? A pre-owned quest item? A gently cursed artifact?"
Yamete crossed his arms. "We're here for the Reality Core."
Dave's grin didn't falter, though his left eye twitched slightly. "Ah! The Really Big Spoon package deal! Excellent choice!" With a dramatic flourish, he reached under the counter and slammed down an absurdly large spoon that was nearly as tall as Yamete. The utensil gleamed dully in the dim light, its surface etched with markings that might have been ancient runes or might have been soup stains.
GLich-chan floated closer, peering at the engravings. "This is just a regular serving spoon. From a cafeteria. I can literally see where someone scratched 'Property of Glitchvale High' on the handle."
Dave waved a dismissive hand. "Details, details. What's important is that this," he tapped the spoon dramatically, "is your ticket to the REAL deals." He leaned in conspiratorially. "But first... you'll need to brave..." He gestured to a suspiciously ordinary door labeled "Employees Only" in peeling letters. "...The Discount Dungeon Gauntlet!"
Gary groaned. "Not this again. Last time there was a 'gauntlet,' it was just Dave's laundry room with some cardboard cutouts of monsters."
Dave looked offended. "Those were LIMITED EDITION cardboard cutouts, thank you very much." He pressed a button on the counter, and with a sound like a dying vacuum cleaner, the floor beneath them suddenly gave way, dropping the trio into darkness.
They landed in a heap in what appeared to be a basement that had seen better decades. The walls were lined with shelves of dusty jars containing unidentifiable objects, and the air smelled strongly of mildew and poor decisions. A flickering sign above a stone archway read: "Trial #1: The CAPTCHA Guardian."
Before them stood a massive stone door covered in shifting symbols. A robotic voice intoned: "Please select all images containing... crosswalks."
Yamete blinked. "Are you kidding me?"
GLich-chan facepalmed so hard her hand phased slightly into her forehead. "I'm going to murder Dave. Slowly. With his own discount stickers."
Gary, however, took the challenge seriously, squinting at the images. "Okay, that one's definitely a crosswalk... that one's a zebra... wait, is that a crosswalk on a zebra? That seems unsafe..."
"INCORRECT," boomed the voice. "PLEASE VERIFY YOU ARE NOT A ROBOT."
Yamete sighed and pulled out his Cheat Engine. "I don't have time for this." With a few quick keystrokes, he entered: /bypass CAPTCHA
The door exploded into a shower of pixels, revealing the next chamber where a ghostly figure floated above a cash register. "To proceed," it intoned, "you must pay 3.99 gold or watch a 30-second ad."
GLich-chan's eye twitched. "Oh hell no." She floated forward and jammed her debug staff into the register. "FREE TRIAL ACTIVATED."
The ghost looked shocked before dissolving into mist, leaving behind a small key that looked suspiciously like it belonged to a bathroom cabinet.
The next chamber contained what appeared to be a dragon made entirely of loading screen animations. It roared, showing an endless buffering symbol in its mouth.
Yamete groaned. "Just... walk past it. Don't make eye contact."
As they edged around the creature, it flickered weakly before collapsing into a pile of spinning wheel icons.
The final chamber was the most ridiculous yet. Dave stood atop a pile of discount merchandise, now wearing a cape made from what appeared to be several "50% Off" signs stitched together. In his hands he wielded a price gun that made ominous clicking noises.
"YOU WANT THE CORE?" Dave cackled. "THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO PAY... FULL RETAIL PRICE!"
GLich-chan looked at Yamete. Yamete looked at Gary. Gary shrugged. "I've got three pogs and half a gum wrapper."
GLich-chan sighed and raised her staff. "Fine. If we're doing this..." She tapped her debug menu and selected: SUPER SALE MODE
The entire dungeon suddenly became covered in "90% OFF" and "CLEARANCE" stickers. Dave shrieked as his cape's signs automatically updated to reflect the new prices. "NO! NOT THE MARKDOWNS! MY PROFITS!"
With a final glitchy scream, Dave vanished, leaving behind only a small "Out of Business" sign and the pulsating Reality Core sitting atop the Really Big Spoon.
As Yamete picked up the Core, GLich-chan examined the spoon more closely. Her eyes widened as she noticed something. "Wait a minute..." She tapped it with her staff, causing it to project a holographic message: "REALITY CORE #2 LOCATION LOCKED. REQUIREMENT: 'THE SOUP'."
Gary gasped dramatically. "THE SOUP?!"
Yamete groaned and rubbed his temples. "Of course it's about soup. Why wouldn't it be about soup?"
GLich-chan smirked. "Guess we're going to find out what's been stirring the cosmic pot after all."