The dude goes to the bathroom for number one business, leaving his room door open. Dasch sneaks in and jumps on the couch, licking off and drying the milk he just had. The dude returns and lies down on the mattress, scrolling through the phone and running out on things to occupy himself with. To the dude's surprise, Dasch leaps off the couch and stationed himself right between the dude's two feet, coiling himself into a circle with his head resting on his own tail.
Dude: howdy there
Dasch: yeah i'm back
Dude: what for
Dasch: i'm just doing my routine.
Dude: what does that even mean
Dasch: i change my location once in a while.
Dude: then that's not really a routine. You are just wandering on random basis.
Dasch: okay then i call it a ritual then.
Dude: i also have not agreed to permit your ritual to take place here.
Dasch: i don't need such permit because I can just do it. As you can see, I am already here and you couldn't prevent it.
Dude: today was lucky day, you little creep. From now on, i'm collecting toll fees. Each time you pass you gota pay me.
Dasch: i am not part of human economy. I don't even have money nor wallet to keep them in.
Dude: our toll fee policy is generous. Think of it as a pawn shop where you can bring in anything valuable.
Dasch: what's the minimum value required?
Dude: that really depends on how assess it.
Dasch: i know, so make up your mind. What's the minimum value?
Dude: it all depends on whether i like it or not. This only makes it easier for you.
Dasch: honestly, i don't know what you like so this is no easy feat for me at all.
Dude: after all these years of co-living, you should be familiar. Just make it happen. I leave it to your competence.
Dasch: i have a better idea instead.
Dude: i don't think it would be better but go on.
Dasch: instead of bringing something you like, I take out what you don't like from your room.
Dude: that's sounds more like confiscation or robbery.
Dasch: i mean i'll be taking out stuffs you don't like, that would be doing you a service, not the other way around.
Dude: but this is kind of cheating or scheme because i will be letting you in first before you have given me any benefit. My toll fee policy is paying upfront before you enter, not paying after you enter.
Dasch: but how can I remove something from your room without first entering?
Dude: well, how can I be paid first without letting you in beforehand?
Dasch: i just asked you a question and why are you asking a question?
Dude: why can't i ask a question because you asked a question?
Dasch: we are in a loop of endless questions. can't you hear ourselves out?
Dude: are we just mocking each other or will this lead to any resolution somehow?
Dasch: i already submitted my best bet. And you just treat me with bias that i am some thief or robber. Well, since you mentioned how i should know what you like after all these years of co-living, i could say that i should have earned enough safety credits to enter your cave. Why are you suddenly coming up with this toll gate scheme on this one peaceful day among others?
Dude: it's because the way you sneaked your way into my space while I was taking a leak. I really do not like the mental picture of it. You should have waited and entered after I had returned.
Dasch: well, you left the door open. When doors are open, it means you can enter. Why would you leave it open if you don't want others to enter while your taking a leak?
Dude: open door doesn't mean free entry. There's still procedures and credential checks to be had.
Dasch: is your room some kind of airport? Why don't you then even install a laser scanner to x-ray my body to see if I carry any bombs with me?
Dude: that's is not part of my plan but that gives me some ideas I haven't thought of. And, no as you can see there is no runway for anything to fly.
Dasch: i know, i don't think your airline business will flourish even before it begins to see the light. This room is more suited for cave exploration with some zoo elements.
Dude: how do you mean? I sense something alarming about it. You are coming up with another scheme similar to that dachhund crypto coin offering ponzi scheme.
Dasch: listen me out, just don't bury me coz of what I said about crypto.
Dude: you know you are like those scammers and phishers online, drooling after pockets of innocent people like me. You are one of those people contaminating the online space. There are loads of them that are likeminded as you are.
Dasch: well, they should be less concerned since I haven't joined their forces yet. I am not active online but offline.
Dude: actually, that makes it even more dangerous perhaps. Anyhoo, you are one sneaky con dog shaped like corn dog.
Dasch: you just see what artistry I am capable of. So anyways, your room is like a cave because you are basically a caveman who barely comes out of there. I wouldn't say the cave is super deep but they way your burrow in there is super deep. So whenever people pay to enter, they get to live here with you and experience how deeper this cave gets as time goes by with your presence.
Dude: okay, i called you a corn dog con dog so i take that i'm a caveman but where does the zoo element come in?
Dasch: you are basically the animal on display. The caveman in action in 21st century. They can take pictures of you and throw bananas or beers.
Dude: why don't I throw you out the window and make you fly. That way, perhaps the airline idea becomes a reality, it's an airline that catapults corn dogs into the height. The airline does not have any accountability when it comes to the flight's quality. So you are on your own if you ever crash into a tree or has a rough landing and your paws all get dirty. You gota maintain yourself.
Dasch: i think that's just a dog assassination disguised as an airline business. And, this would be even graver crime than what you accuse me of for dacshund crypto idea. My crypto idea doesn't involve any murder. But you are a potential bloody murderer without any grain of conscience.
Dude: I was just going off of your airline idea. It's all originated and derived from your seed. You are the root of evil that grows out of it. So even if it does get cruel and bloody, my hands won't be stained but your paws.
Dasch: i am not just gona go down without you. You would be an accomplice. An irresponsible owner who murdered his corn dog bleeding ketchup, because that corn dog gave him some idea. You would be such a disgrace to dachhund owner's community. In fact, I should write up my testimonial to account all the misbehaving and wrongdoings I endured throughout these years dealing with this bastard.
Dude: i'm not a bastard you saw me peeing.
Dasch: i have no say to that
Dude: anyways, speaking of corn dogs, i actually do crave some hot dogs, except i don't have the ingredients.
Dasch: you know how that creeps me out. Can you have any senses in saying that while i'm right here.
Dude: whatever, that's a superstition and irrational fear. How could you get so coward just because you look like a corn dog.
Dasch: how about you try eating a chicken nugget shaped like yourself? In fact, don't people nowadays eat nuggets shaped like anime characters? I can't believe what's going on. They are thousands of yellow pikachu nuggets.
Dude: Chill chill. Pikachus aren't real though. They don't know this is happening either.
Dasch: Are you denying their existence, turning your back on trillions of pokemon followers?
I hope one day you get pokeballed and fried into a nugget and feel what it's like to get nugget fried.
Dude: you really just missed the whole point of pokemons. Humans aren't pokemons. they are trainers.
Dasch: that's just because you are used to mainstream media version of pokemon world. You heard of dark web? Well, there's always dark version of anything out there. You are so naive if all that you saw in pokemon are what Pokemon is about. In the blackmarket of pokemon, pokemons catch humans instead. This is basically pokemon's coup de tat against their trainers. Emancipation and freedom. The trainers get registered into their pokedex and become part of collection.
Dude: So the other day you were talking about crypto blackmarket and now you are talking about pokemon blackmarket? Where have you gotten all these conspiracy ideas and got brainwashed, dog? Did you get a wrong shot at the hospital on your last visit?
Dasch: in fact, it was there in the waiting area where a gang of dogs were exchanging those news. I eavesdropped and it gave me this chill too. You know. I don't know if i'm a believer yet. But i am afraid it is true.
Dude: i mean if it were true, it would just mean that pokemon collecting human trainers is just happening in the game and not in the real life. So chill out. You are in it too deep.
Dasch: i wonder if i could do the same…
Dude: wha… what you saying dog.
Dasch: if i had a pokeball and jail you in there.
Dude: i don't think there's chance. But still i don't think that's a good idea to announce in front of me.
Dasch: well, you know what. I think you are already in a pokeball, stuck in this room.
Dude: you are becoming a crazy pikachu. I think you got electrocuted. Wake up pika dog.
Dasch: well… well… after all you were just one of the pokemons… capsuled inside a pokeball room. poor thing… poor soul… how blinded you are… (slowly walking out the door)
Dude: anyways, be gone with your nonsense, i getting myself corn dog.
Just about to disappear from view, Dasch turns around and comeback to look the dude in the eyes and goes out of sight.
Dude: what… what a freak… he's become… (looking down at the corn dog image on delivery app page, his hands shake just a little) okay, i don't think i can't help but think of this freak while eating… (presses cancel) deng it…
In unlit kitchen, Dasch finishes licking off the remain of milk in a saucer. And starts chuckling, breaking silence.
Dasch: ha. Haha. hahahahahaha.