"Everyone, I invite you all to come and join me and celebrate, as Lancaster is expecting a new star." The duchess uttered those words with enthusiasm.
I was the only one who knew the falsity of those words.
This was nothing short of an orchestrated event to shame me—but to pierce my very existence. My mother-in-law knew I had almost become a mother then, and ever since, I only wanted to bear another after mourning my child.
She does not want to humiliate me; she wants to make sure I will never get back up from the rubble she threw me in, and I could feel her determination.
Everyone gasped and turned to look at me, who was now the center of attention.
I wasn't even given enough time to conceal my shock. If I denied this right here, it meant defying the Grand Duchess' power.
Despite the adrenaline of thoughts, I managed to etch a smile.
"Thank you, Mother. You're the first to know."
- 'I didn't even know I was expecting.'
"Pardon me, it seems I was quite ahead. I wanted to be the first to let them know of this joyous day," she proclaimed.
- 'Take responsibility for it.'
"Don't fret, although I had hoped my husband would be the first person."
- 'These people have nothing to do with me.'
The ladies seemed to get wind of the negativity and started whispering, disregarding the two people subject of their discussions. The guests were accustomed to this atmosphere, as they were the pillars of high society itself. They could differentiate using one word whether it's a verbal spar or a civil conversation.
"Now then, my dear Selene, you should go about your merry way now and rest. You will need it." The Grand Duchess tried to hush the murmuring atmosphere.
"Servants, escort the lady out."
***
I didn't even take long, yet I feel like half of my lifespan was chipped off from holding my breath. I know those ladies inside out; after all, I was the subject of their hatred as a woman from nowhere personally brought by the duke. It was the fact that I am no different from a slave, a commoner with a strange upbringing, that angered them.
'How can a duke marry a prostit*te?"
'How can we make sure that she won't run off with the dukedom's wealth? '
'A snake managed to make it's way to the Lancasters'
'That woman will be the dukedom's downfall.'
I still remember those words that became my poison over time. They are hypocrites.
Each of them projected their own insecurities onto me, and I had chosen to be quiet about it. I could only learn the opponent's pattern and personality as a way to mitigate the damages; it was never to counterattack. I chose to be quiet because, in the bitter end, I was truly just a nobody. I was living in a world where titles mattered as much as your life.
"Madame," a meek voice called out. I was already walking towards the annex; I didn't even realize it.
"This is not the way to your quarters..." the maid uttered tensely. I turned to look at her, and I was greeted with an unfamiliar face.
"You must be new," I said, continuing my steps.
"Ah, yes...I started yesterday..." she says reluctantly.
"What is your name?"
"My name is Anna, Madame," she muttered.
"Well, Anna, I kindly request you to leave my side. I am going somewhere," I drawled.
"But Madame—I heard you were expe—"
I halted in my tracks and turned to face the concerned maid.
"I do not like repeating myself."
After that, the ginger-headed maid scurried away. It was a breath of fresh air that someone treated me with due respect, but I bet it won't take long for her to turn.
I went to my usual 'resting place,' the annexe's yard. Although it can't hold a candle to the Main Palace's Garden, it was big enough to hide away from observing eyes.
The very moment you pass through the stone walls with hanging vines, you will be met with a weeping willow not so far from the center of this place. This place has always been ethereal. The place where Theo and I would always occupy was under this tree—it was the only place that gave both of us comfort under watchful eyes. It used to be the two of us against the world. It would've been three. Now I wouldn't even dream of any of those anymore.
Tears welled up in my eyes. I don't know what I'm doing or what I'm supposed to do.
I've been strong for too long—I held on for dear life for my unborn child—and yet, I couldn't even meet them. My Syon.
On days like these, I miss my baby a little loudly.
If I had just run away, maybe I could've given them a chance. If only I weren't filled with cowardice—if only I didn't love my husband too much.
Caressing my belly, the tears decided to flow heavily. I knew I didn't deserve any of this—I didn't deserve all that I went through just because I chose to love.
"...Selene." Ah, think about the devil. I was caught off guard by his presence. Thank heavens, he was behind this barrier of a tree.
I had had enough with showing my vulnerability to someone who couldn't handle it at all.
"I know you're here." His voice carries a weight, low and gravelly, as if each word drags with it a lifetime of weariness. There's a slight rasp, hinting at sleepless nights and exhaustion.
"...I thought it through." What? What did he think through? The divorce? Or did he know about the incident with his mother falsifying information?
"Just tell me what else you want, and I'll give it to you."
You must be kidding.
"I've always given you everything you wanted. I—I just can't understand...why..."
You can hear the cracks of vulnerability break through in moments, like a man on the edge of holding it together.
"Love be damned, Selene, you've always been by my side. What makes you think that you could go anywhere else?" His voice rises sharply, jagged with irritation, as though every word is an arrow meant to pierce through the misunderstanding. But there was no misunderstanding—I wanted out.
"Theo, what have you given me?" I muttered on the other side. I could never conceal the pain in my voice; it was just too hard.
"From the decor from your head down to your feet—to every piece of clothing in your wardrobe, the sheets, the tea you drink, the food you ingest, and the very ground that you're stepping on—belongs to me, Selene."
I couldn't deny it—I had no money to start with, no backbone to fund myself or start earning it. But Theo, am I as materialistic in your eyes?
"And I'd willingly give it all back to you. I don't need it," I responded derisively.
"—And what use do I have for things that are scraps, Selene?" he answered in amusement.
I sneered. This was the man that I fell for? The man I swore to love towards the bitter end? Oh, truly, what kind of hellhole was I living in to feel the need to be saved by one man?
Hearing this, I laughed. He means that he had no use for things that had no value anymore. I felt discarded at that moment.
What was his goal in coming here?
"You clearly hate me, and it seems you don't plan on making me stay either—if anything, every time you open your mouth, I feel like a bug." I stepped out of the shade and turned to face him.
"Is that how you should feel when talking to your supposed lover, Theo?" I grimaced; each phrase is punctuated with a tight, almost confrontational intensity.
"Let me go. When I'm with you, I feel like killing myself." My voice is sharp and cutting, with every word dripping in cold sarcasm that hides the tremor of sadness just beneath the surface. It's as though I'm laughing at the absurdity of my pain as much as the world around me. But even through the sarcasm, there's a waver in my tone, a crack that betrays the grief I can't quite suppress.
I was taken aback by his next words.
"If you choose to die, let it be beside me."