"Oikura. Hitagi and I are going to Tochigi for our honeymoon starting tomorrow. Are you coming?"
"Die."
"You shouldn't tell a 24-year-old adult to die."
"I had so much to say that I just summed it up and said die. I didn't want to say more than two words to you. But I'm an adult too, so let's organize and list them one by one. Don't invite me on the honeymoon. Don't invite me the day before. I hate you. Hate hate ... I did. Don't call me casually, married man. Don't say nice things without putting your heart into it."
"Can't you take time off? It's for two nights and three days."
"How long are you going to keep acting like a college student? I'm at work. Tomorrow, the day after, the day after, the day after that, the day after that, the day after that, the day after that, the day after that, the day after that, the day after that. I may be unpaid, but I don't have paid vacation."
"You should quit your job. Even if you have to be hospitalized."
"Don't try to get me hospitalized. Even if your schedule book is completely blank, I never want to go on a trip with Araragi again."
"Which Araragi are you talking about?"
"It goes without saying. It's really complicated. I won't. I'll keep calling you Senjougahara by your maiden name. We'll get divorced soon anyway."
"Hahaha. So..."
"Don't ignore my curse."
"I have a lot of thoughts about that couple having the same surname. I knew it was a sudden invitation and I didn't think you'd come, but I still need to invite you like this, or you'll start whining later, you know."
"Don't call me like I'm a pain."
"Eh? Why?"
"If you're asking whether I hate being called a pain even though I am a pain, then the answer is yes."
"I'm a pain, "Nyan"
"Even if an appointment is made six months in advance, I still won't go"
"Your schedule is packed for the next six months? That's amazing, the town hall"
"That's what you're like. Even after getting married, you still don't grow up at all"
"No no, I have a family now, so I want to continue to have family relations with you from now on..."
"I don't have a family."
"That was a slip of the tongue. I'm sorry. I formally apologize for what I just said. But still, you were the one who accepted our marriage registration, and not only that, you were the one who witnessed it, so aren't you our quasi-family? "
"No. It's work. What's with the quasi-family thing?"
"You're saying being a witness is work too?"
"You don't even know how to fill out paperwork, and Senjougahara ended up with a guy like that, so you left the witness section of the marriage registration blank, so I had no choice but to lend my name to you so that we could accept it."
"I'm very happy and grateful, but at the same time, it's an episode that makes me feel uneasy. I feel like one day I'll end up acting as a guarantor for someone's debt."
"Don't worry. If I acted as a guarantor, the debt wouldn't pass the screening."
"What kind of past do you have?"
"A terrible one My past is so dark. My credit history is so bleak. My name has been changed and reset once, though."
"Hmm?"
"Oh, didn't I tell you? No, no, you've just forgotten as usual, Araragi. By some mistake, when I first met you, I wasn't Oigura, was I?"
"Really? Ah, now that I think about it, Ougi-chan said something like that, or maybe she didn't---"
"Who's Ougi-chan? Is she one of the new Araragi Girls? She wasn't at the wedding, though."
"That girl can't move from school. Unfortunately, she can't even come to Tochigi Prefecture. I see... I see. So you weren't a follower of Euler just because you were Oikura. You liked math even before Oikurashi started."
"Even if you're called Oikurashi, it's still me, just a different name."
"I see. Is that the case?"
"What other cases are there?"
"I think it's possible that people are influenced by their names. For example, I aspire to become a historical figure precisely because my name is Reki."
"Your Reki and Reki in Rekishi are written differently, aren't they?"
"What?"
"Someone like that would destroy Japan..." I'm embarrassed that you're training in America as a representative. I might use my authority to revoke your working visa."
"You have that much power, don't you? I can't believe you were overworked because you're so good... It's not like I'm training at the FBI Academy as a representative of Japan."
"You've always been a student, haven't you?"
"Leave me alone. I'm enjoying eternal life, oops, eternal moratorium."
"You're not growing up like your name suggests at all. You haven't even turned the page of the calendar."
"Nicely put. So in that sense, you've grown up like your name suggests."
"Shut up. I know, when I was at Naoetsu High School, people would talk about her behind her back, saying that she "won't grow up."
"I don't know that... I know she was called How Much, but what does that mean?"
"If that's the case, then I've given away unnecessary information. Senjougahara told me about it some time ago."
"She could be the source of the gossip. If it was in her first year of high school."
"But I used to look after that sickly girl in any way I could."
"She was the kind of girl who liked to badmouth the guys she liked. She surprisingly didn't say anything bad about guys she wasn't interested in. That's him."
"That's not a heartwarming, tsundere-like episode, is it? I was a little malnourished at the time. And to tell me those bad things as if they were someone else was saying them was pretty insidious."
"Maybe he wanted to have you all to himself by spreading bad rumors."
"Sorry."
"A lot happened in high school."
"Don't look back on your youth like it's your youth. It makes me pale. I'm stepping down as a witness."
"Now now. I don't think it's to make up for it, but Hitagi is already excited about being your matchmaker. She's been sending out matchmaking photos from all over the place. "She's gathering real people."
"That's scary. She's trying to become the neighborhood's caring aunt. Her domesticity is so old-fashioned... there's no way she's suited to me, going on a blind date."
"That's why I said you'd be single forever."
"Your partner's values haven't been updated at all. She's still living by values from half a century ago. The minute she became a new wife, she's trying to get the upper hand on me."
"No, no, she's actually quite the romantic. When it came to my honeymoon with Senjougahara, I chose her because her name matched with mine, but Hitagi It seems the keyword "starry sky" really stuck with him."
"So you're going to Senjougahara in Tochigi Prefecture. Hmmm. That sounds good, for Araragi."
"Wow. That's the first time Oikura has ever praised me. That's what I'm being praised for."
"Are you only going to Senjougahara?"
"Well, my schedule is getting pretty packed. It's three days and two nights, but... on the fourth day I have to board a plane to Washington."
"You should take some time off yourself. They're probably more understanding about that sort of thing."
"Even though I'm being called upon in various ways, I'm basically still in training. The wedding was quite a rushed affair... Even Hitagi is on a commission-based performance-based system, so she can't take too much time off."
"It's a tough work environment for all of us. I'm definitely not going, but I'll correct your papers as a witness. What kind of roadmap is it for your honeymoon?"
"I miss your corrections."
"You probably don't remember, do you?"
"I remember, Math Fairy."
"Shall I make you die young?"
"You're the only one who can train me, and make me die young. So the schedule for the three days and two nights is There's no way to break it, so we've given up on a lot of places, like Ashikaga City, but there are some places that we just can't leave out."
"You should leave some leeway when traveling. Otherwise it'll be too tense. I'm the one who's got no leeway, so I can be sure."
"I suppose so. We'll take turns driving."
"You're going to a place where there's a bullet train? Why? Because you want to be tense in the car? Do you know about traffic jams?"
"Don't just criticize me out of nowhere, you're being too quick. I brought up the bullet train idea too, but it seems like you like driving, Hitagi. "
"Now that you mention it, that's true."
"After all, he secretly got his driver's license when he was in high school, even before graduating. When we talked, he said he wanted to tackle the Irohazaka mountain pass, which I had heard about from another source."
"Your license would be revoked."
"Well, that was on the second day. On the first day, we went to Nasu Highlands. For some reason, we had to go see the Sessho Stone."
"On our honeymoon? The Sessho Stone?"
"I know what you mean, but I'm not going to go see the Sessho Stone on a whim either. It was just a side trip, and my main purpose was glamping. I want to be at the forefront of the trend. I'd like to have a relaxing experience, like a BBQ or a hot spring."
"The Killing Stone stands out so much that it can't be offset by a BBQ or a hot spring. If you're not into it, who is?"
"The next day, we'll eat some nasuben in Nasu, then head down from the plateau and head to Nikko. We'll see the sleeping cat at Nikko Toshogu Shrine."
"You're not answering any of my questions. The sleeping cat... is it in memory of Hanekawa?"
"Hanekawa isn't dead. I'm sure... But I accidentally read a spoiler in the guidebook, and apparently there's a bird carved into the back of the sleeping cat. A cat with wings. I was shocked to find out that Hanekawa was modeled after Nikko Toshogu Shrine."
"You're not going there just to see it, are you? Learn something other than math."
"Nutarasan Shrine, which is also a World Heritage Site along with Nikko Toshogu Shrine, is apparently famous for its god of matchmaking, so I plan to pay a visit there."
"Oh my. It's starting to feel like a honeymoon, finally."
"I heard that there is a large sword called Nenigirimaru at Chuguji Shrine near Lake Chuzenji, so I'll show you that too if I can... , I want to see it."
"This is suddenly starting to seem dangerous. It seems like a lot of people are taking in the opinions of others from all over the place, aren't they? Are they really just the two of you deciding?"
"Just like I'm asking you for your opinion, I want to take in a variety of opinions. I'm the poster child for democracy."
"That sounds fishy... If you run, I'll launch a negative campaign."
"That's a nasty warning."
"So you're going to attack Irohazaka to see that big sword, right?"
"If you can, ride a swan boat on Lake Chuzenji. I want to. There was also the idea of climbing Mt. Nantai, but it seems like it's a mountain that requires you to file a mountaineering report, so I gave up on that idea."
"I hope you get lost. Just you, Araragi."
"I wouldn't mind if that's what you want, but if someone gets lost, it's a nuisance to the mountain. I don't want to cause distress to Mother Nature. So I'll drive safely on Irohazaka too. And after that, if I have time, I'd like to see Kegon Falls and Ryuryuzu Falls, and get to Senjougahara before the sun goes down."
"Why not? Hoshi "You're going to see the stars, right?"
"I took Hitagi's suggestion that it would be a letdown if we saw the stars before we reached Senjougahara. The plan is to reach Senjougahara, watch the sun slowly sink, find the first star, and then spend the night watching the stars move."
"Not just stargazing, but full-scale astronomy observation like the pros do. Eh? Are we glamping on the second day too?"
"We're sleeping in the car on the second day."
"Harsh."
"Honestly, when I proposed it, I also thought we'd watch the stars for about two hours and then head to the hotel.
It was just a picture. There are apparently plenty of good hotels even if they're not glamping. But when I asked, it turned out to be Hitagi's dream. A strong style of stargazing, staying up all night without sleeping."
"You're really a romantic. You invited me on such a harsh journey so casually..."
"We'll all die together, Oikura."
"When we die, we all die together, if anything. I don't deny that the starry sky is attractive, but can you really look at it all night without getting bored, even if it's not a meteor shower or a total lunar eclipse? I've spent my whole life looking at the ground, so I don't really know."
"Don't say such sad things so casually."
"I've stepped on the ground thinking it was you."
"Don't say such scary things so casually... well , the stars don't stop moving. Time-lapse photography, or fixed-point observation, maybe... It's not a shooting star, but if I can grant him even one of his wishes, I have no objection. Never mind the others."
"Others?"
"No, no, I mean there might be other tourists there observing the stars."
"I wonder if there are, it's a weekday... I wouldn't say it's bad taste, but it's a bit of a strange stargazer. More importantly, even if it's summer, wouldn't you freeze to death if you stayed out the night? Senjougahara is at a pretty high altitude, isn't it?"
"Really? It's a marsh, so it has a flat image."
"You just climbed Irohazaka."
"I see... so you shouldn't neglect cold weather protection. That advice was helpful. You were careless, Oikura, to have saved my life."
"I don't think Senjougahara would be so careless about that, though. What about the second night at Senjougahara, and the next day, the final day?"
"That day is a blank, or rather, a reserve day. If nothing happens, we'll finish the final stargazing and head home, but I can't imagine it will be trouble-free. This is a trip for me, the troublemaker after all."
"That's kind of lame. ...Araragi is more like a troublemaker, or should I say a match pumper."
"What did you think when you heard that? The roadmap for our honeymoon."
"The honeymoon ends when we get home."
"Huh?"
"It seems dangerous to go down Irohazaka right after spending the whole night stargazing. No matter who's driving..."
"It'll be fine. We're not going to have a drink to watch the stars, and we've already taken that road on the way up."
"We won't take that road. You didn't do your research well, Araragi. Irohazaka is a different road for going up and down."
"Oh, now that you mention it, that's what I heard... from another door."
"What do you mean by another door you keep talking about? "
"A mouth with crooked teeth."
"What's that... I've never been there, but if my geography class in college is correct, the ascent should be the Second Irohazaka, and the descent should be the First Irohazaka."
"The second ascent... I guess you think of the summit as the starting point. Just as you'd expect from the seat of God."
"The 48 sounds marked on the curves are counted from the bottom up. Anyway, drive safely. Make sure you take a nap before going down the First Irohazaka. The only thing that bothered me was that, except for the big one, That's about it."
"There's one thing bigger than a traffic accident? You should tell me that first."
"If the distinctive Killing Stone is just a side event, then the main events of the honeymoon will be glamping on the first day and stargazing on the second day, right?"
"Yeah, that's what I'd expect. I'm looking forward to Toshogu Shrine and Nenikirimaru, but it's actually my first time going on an overnight trip with Hitagi. That's why I focused on those two points."
"Have you seen the weather forecast?"
"Hm?"
"What if it rains?"
I froze.