Chinmay woke up with a dull cramp in his neck. His cheek had been pressed against the pages of his notebook, a pen still resting between his fingers. The table lamp glowed softly — it had been on the whole night. His journal from the night before lay half-written, ink smeared near his hand. He'd fallen asleep while writing.
It was only 6:20 AM. Earlier than usual. The house was silent except for the gentle clink of steel vessels in the kitchen and the occasional rumble of a passing scooter outside.
He stood up slowly, stretched, and walked to the kitchen where his mother was already up.
"You're up early," she said, raising an eyebrow, handing him a cup of tea.
"Fell asleep while writing," he replied, rubbing his eyes.
They stood by the window, the two of them, in that morning calm that belonged to no one but them. His mother took a slow sip, glanced at him, and asked, "What's the plan for today?"
"Ray optics is done," he said, with a small smile of pride.
She looked at him with genuine joy. "That's a tough one, no?"
He nodded. "HCV examples too. Even the NCERT back exercises."
"Good," she said. "You're moving."
He smiled, and for the first time in weeks, it wasn't forced.
By 7:00 AM, he was already at his desk. His planner had all boxes checked for the previous day:
Theory revised
HCV solved
NCERT done
It felt good. Like he was finally catching up. Like this whole comeback arc was real.
He opened the syllabus for the upcoming monthly test.
Physics – Done.
Chemistry – Not touched.
Maths – Entirely pending.
"Let's start Maths," he muttered, opening YouTube for a one-shot lecture on Chapter 7. The teacher was engaging. He watched the lecture. It made sense. Some part of it even excited him. But when it ended, the screen just stayed there — paused on the last frame.
There was no next step.
He had no reference book, no solved examples, no workbook. He hadn't bought anything for Maths or Chemistry — only HCV for Physics. He stared at the empty space on the shelf where the books should've been.
He opened Google Chrome, thinking maybe there'd be some worksheets online.
"Best questions for Chapter 7 maths boards"
"Important questions class 12 chapter 7 CBSE"
"Maths board questions PDF free"
One tab became two. Then three. Then six.
Some links didn't work. Some had bad formatting. Others led to full websites with "register to download" popups.
He opened YouTube again. Thought maybe another one-shot would help. But this one was slower. Boring. He paused it halfway.
He clicked back to Chrome. Then Instagram. Then YouTube Shorts. Then WhatsApp Web.
Each time he switched tabs, he told himself he'd come back in a minute.
He never did.
Time slipped. His mind fogged up. Guilt whispered in the background but he shoved it down with distractions.
At night, he sat with his parents during dinner. His mom asked what he studied. He nodded and said, "Maths." His dad encouraged him gently. "Keep it up. You're getting there."
He smiled. Said, "Yeah."
But deep inside, he knew — he hadn't done anything. He had quietly betrayed them. And himself.
One day blurred into the next.
"I'll restart tomorrow."
"I'll fix this on Monday."
"I just need a clear plan first."
But the clarity never came. The books stayed shut. His brain stayed foggy.
That day of slipping… became a week.
Then two.
Before he realised, a full month had passed.
He had finished exactly one Physics chapter in all that time.
No Chemistry. No Maths.
His boards were inching closer.
The syllabus? Still a mountain.
His confidence? Buried under guilt and silent panic.
And yet, every morning, he'd still sit at the desk, stare at the screen, and lie to himself that he was "trying."
Even though something inside him was quietly breaking.
---(To be continued)---