After spending an entire day poring over the museum handbook three times, Chen Mo sat down with Benben to formulate a meticulous plan.
He may have been indolent by nature, but once he accepted the paycheck…
Indeed, as Ye Rong had once quipped—"Mo-mo's the kind of person who either does nothing at all, or gives his absolute best."
Armed with a thorough plan, Chen Mo stepped into the museum once again, clearly more confident this time.
What he hadn't anticipated was that Ye Rong, still reeling from the previous night's ordeal, had somehow summoned the courage to accompany him.
Though she claimed she was just there to "enjoy the show for free," the arsenal she carried betrayed her real intent.
"Tch! As if I'm worried about you!" she scoffed. But her actions spoke louder—mini blades, rope, pepper spray, even a personal safety alarm…
Judging by her equipment, she clearly believed these tools would suffice to subdue Terracotta warriors or fend off mammoth fossils.
"Alright, I look forward to your valiant efforts," Chen Mo muttered, shaking his head in amused disbelief, though somewhere in his heart he was touched.
Before he could say more, a teal radiance enveloped the museum, signaling the return of its bizarre nocturnal performance.
Seconds later, the warriors in the exhibit began to stir once more. Before they could reach for their weapons, Chen Mo courteously handed over a pack of cigarettes. "Smoke up, don't be shy."
Thus, what should've been a chaotic melee suddenly became a scene of unexpected camaraderie.
A few Terracotta warriors lit up with gusto, each inhaling nearly half a stick in one drag. Chen Mo winced, concerned they might overdose on nicotine.
With a sigh, he watched his cigarette stash dwindle, then hopped into his trusty vehicle. Just before starting the engine, he turned back and asked, "Hey... what's your name?"
The lead warrior hesitated, then exhaled a plume of smoke, murmuring something that sounded like "Yang Yu" before continuing his cloud-blowing reverie.
Nodding, Chen Mo revved the engine and charged into the portal. His first stop, naturally, was last night's Eastern Liang Kingdom.
Minutes later, as the artistic display hall materialized in the distance, he beamed.
"Alright, kiddos—ready?"
"All set! Been waiting forever!"
The trunk creaked open, revealing Guoguo and Benben, brimming with pride, flanking a tightly bound Nuonuo in the center.
"This is so unfair! Why must I be the sacrificial lamb again?" Nuonuo sobbed bitterly. "A bridal chamber? With what? She spent the whole night oozing syrup—I nearly short-circuited!"
"Well... I'm not exactly qualified to speak on the technical complexities of such a task," Chen Mo scratched his head, pondering how a mobile phone and a candy doll might consummate a wedding night.
"Idiot!" The car suddenly turned, speaking in a tone thick with implication. "Nuonuo, don't you have a vibration mode?"
"What the—!" Chen Mo nearly toppled from his seat. That's not even PG-13 anymore. Someone censor this car!
And then Guoguo chimed in shamelessly, "Didn't Nuonuo also come with antennas? I mean, not that I'm implying anything—I'm a pure soul, really!"
"Look out!"
With a screech, the car narrowly avoided crashing into a convoy of clay figures.
Still shaken, Chen Mo wiped his brow. Spying the bashful Princess Nana, he promptly tossed Nuonuo out the window. "Your Highness, please take care of our dear Nuonuo. As they say—absence makes the heart grow fonder!"
"Vibrating? Antennas?" Nuonuo was still muttering in confusion when he landed in her arms, only to panic and scream, "No! Don't come any closer or I will vibrate!"
"Ah, the sweet harmony of young love," Chen Mo chuckled as he zoomed off, locking the exhibit door behind him.
Thus began another whirlwind inspection. After checking all exhibit halls and soothing every restless artifact, he finally sighed in relief and headed for the Three Kingdoms exhibition.
"As long as you figure out the pattern, this job isn't so bad," he said, lighting a cigarette as a familiar statue came into view—the mighty Guan Yu.
But then he almost fell off the vehicle.
What in the world...?!
Ye Rong was seated right across from Guan Yu, casually munching on chips, even offering some to the stoic warlord.
"Seriously? Sister Rong must have nerves forged from steel," Chen Mo blinked in disbelief.
Yet what happened next was even more absurd.
As soon as Guan Yu spotted Chen Mo, he solemnly adjusted his blade and resumed his heroic pose.
Only—could the venerable general at least wipe the chip grease off his beard before attempting to exude martial dominance?
"Cheap knockoff," Chen Mo muttered under his breath, though he still smiled and walked forward.
He was now certain—this Guan Yu was just a wooden carving. The real historical figure would've probably fled at the sight of a teenage girl with snacks.
With a swift, dignified stroke of his beard, the wooden statue subtly wiped off the residue, resuming his theatrical pose.
Chen Mo sighed. This... this is the art of true pretense—so committed, he forgets he's faking it.
At that moment, Ye Rong shook the chip bag playfully. "Old Guan, it's settled then! I'll bring more snacks tomorrow, and you'll protect Mo-mo!"
"Understood," replied Guan Yu with mild embarrassment. Luckily, his face was perpetually red, so no one could see the shame.
After throwing Chen Mo a quick glance, he sheathed his blade and walked toward a side corridor. "Old Chen, follow me. There's something I want to show you."
Apparently, Guan Yu had chatted too much with Ye Rong—his once-formal speech now replaced by casual slang.
Chen Mo followed in his car, having sent Ye Rong off with an excuse about inspection duties.
Several minutes later, they arrived at a secluded section of the museum not mentioned in any manual.
Watching the green-robed figure ahead, Chen Mo hesitated, then asked, "Hey… mind if I call you Guan San? Just so I don't confuse you with the real deal?"
"Whatever," the wooden Guan Yu replied, grasping the doorknob. Then, with sudden gravity: "Brace yourself. I rarely visit this place. It's... eerie."
"Eerie?" Chen Mo blinked. As the door creaked open, he instinctively stepped back.
Before him lay a vast, empty hall—eerily quiet, starkly contrasting with the usual chaos outside.
But what truly caught his attention was the lingering scent of shattered jade in the air.
Drawn by its pull, he stepped forward, eyes fixed on the towering bronze pillar at the center.
In that moment, Guan Yu's face darkened. "Look out!" he roared.
"Huh?" Chen Mo barely reacted before instinctively leaping backward.
A massive bronze cauldron crashed from above, shaking the earth and kicking up a storm of dust.
"Seriously?!" Chen Mo gaped at the crater. Who the hell drops bronze relics from the sky? Banana peels, fine. But a whole damn cauldron?!
"Duck!" Guan Yu shouted again.
Before Chen Mo could process the first calamity, another barrage of bronze vessels rained down. He didn't even have time to curse—he just ran.
The deafening thuds behind him sounded like an ancient armory exploding.
He sprinted with unprecedented speed—as if three Ye Rongs were chasing him.
Barely making it to the door, he turned back to see the aftermath: famous replicas of ancient bronze relics strewn about—Si Mu Wu, Four-Ram Zun, Dragon-Tiger Zun...
All mock-ups, sure—but hefty enough to crush a man.
He rubbed his head in disbelief. One second slower and I'd be a historical statistic.
Yet the absurdity didn't stop there.
The bronze vessels began to wobble… and one by one, they stood up.
The Four-Ram Zun even looked up smugly. "See that? That's masculine charm. Think you can top this?"
"Uh…" Chen Mo wiped his sweat, then glanced at Guoguo. This all felt... disturbingly familiar.
Before he could ponder further, a shrill voice rang out overhead, followed by a leaping shadow:
"Bring it on! Behold my mid-air double somersault with a 360-degree twist!"
"Oh god…" Chen Mo braced himself.
And when he saw the object falling—it wasn't bronze, it was... a delicate porcelain vase.
A yangzhi vase?!
What was it doing joining this madness? Was it driven to this by unpaid wages?
Despite the ridiculousness of it all, Chen Mo couldn't let it crash. He stretched out his hands—
Thud!
The vase landed safely in his arms.
Then, after a beat, it snapped, "Hey! What's the big idea catching me like that... Oh wait, I get it. You're jealous of my good looks!"
"Damn it!" Chen Mo scowled.
Being bitten by a dog was one thing—but narcissistic pottery? That was new.
And then the bronze relics rushed over, led by the wobbling Four-Ram Zun.
"Pretty boys don't cut it anymore. Real men have muscle. Like me!"
"Pfft! This era seeks a perfect blend of substance and appearance!" the vase snapped back. "A true gentleman is modest, never boastful. Like me—I'm brilliant, and I never brag!"