After i entered the gooning pro area i saw a sign that had 3 things highlighted. they seemed to be tiers of gooners. i would find out they were.
Gurt: wait 3?
Yes, old me. 3 tiers. ok this is what the sign with the highlighted things said.
Theres a small amount of "Gooning Pros" in the sea of "Gooning Noobs" and in the solar system that the planet resides, there is known to be only 2 dozens of "Gooning Masters"
Gurt: Wait thats cool as fuck, What If i Become a master.
???: Its practically impossible to become a master.
Gurt: ok who are you
???: Im. Mango, i tried becoming a gooning master again, and again. they gave me way more chances then i was supposed to get, yet i still failed
Gurt: damn sad, but im sure this gooning pro place isnt that bad, hold on man?. MEN MEN MEN
Mango: ok bro, atleast youre not recording me. unlike mr poopyhead called labubu bub
Gurt: nah nah it was a joke man (great already making horrible connections before i even see the gooning pro city.)
Gurt: btw what a-
Mango: We got a notification that someone from the gooning noob tier, tiered up to gooning pro, and i was selected to give you a little tour of the place :3
Gurt: how did you sound that e-
Mango: stop asking questions and see what youve been missing out on for the 50 seconds!
Gurt: Sure!
Mango: ok so here we are, just look at the view! (gurt: ill live in those? AWESOME!)
Mango: yes, those are the houses. you dont get them for free, you have to do something (gurt: damn theyre so tall! wow.. um sorry for interrupting, go on)
Mango: you have to goon to balerina cappucina for 1 hour (gurt: im fresh out of gooning noob ill have a fucking stroke and die)
Mango: paramedics are present. dont worry (gurt: phew)
Ok so this is getting kinda boring let me summarize everything. if you want to live with a gooner roommate you have to goon to ballerina cappucina for 1 hour. if you want to live with a baddie thats 2 hours and if you wanna live yourself? thats only 30 minutes.
The homes are made of Sabu-Mustardionzine, a material which converts your semen into a better one. giving you a bigger advantage in the Gooning fights!, Oh the Gooning Fights
Gooning fights are, well gooning fights. whoever goons the most wins! you can sculpt your semen if its strengthened by the Sabu-Mustardionzine and you can parkour, the other person must match your fre- i mean sculpture and do it, if your semen isnt strong enough. you lose, if your build doesnt match, you lose, if you do the parkour wrong? guess what.
ok back to reality
Gurt: ok so i just want a house with a roommate, hope that roommate is owen, pray for the rng!. ok let me just go there.
Gurt: Hi! i would want a house with a roommate :3.
???: that'll be 1 hour
Gurt: Oookay, whats your name btw?
???: its labubu bub, and i have a boyfriend, these creepy men i swear
Gurt: oh this is what mango meant.
labubu bub: what?
Gurt: nuun
After 1 hour labubu bub, or labub for short. gave me the keys to whos house? Owens! what are the chances. plot armor all the way!!
Gurt: ok let me go to his house *uses keys* aallright.
Owen: Gurt? is that fucking YOU?
Gurt: yes! OWENNNN!
Owen: GURTTT!, give me some of that jizz as a hello
*Splurt*
Gurt: MUSTARRRD!
Owen: SIX SEVENNNNN!, anyways did you do your gob for today?
Gurt: what the fuck is a gob?
Owen: Its basically the scary word but better, cause whilst youre on your 2 hour shift you can scroll on tik tok i mean dick cock
Gurt: i love scrolling on my dick cock for you page!!! yay!!. what if i dont
Owen: no one has tried it yet
Gurt: i-
Owen: no you dont.
Gurt: alright, did you do your gob?
Owen: nah i was waiting for you.
Gurt: Lets do it together like were gay :3 i mean we are
I went to the gob station and got assigned-
Gurt: House Shop for 2 hours? yay ill replace that labubu bub prick, infact i might even battle her in my free time, whats stopping me from doing that?
Owen: dude the labubu bub is so free to beat like you just have to do one small splurt and boom shes back down
Gurt: then how is she here
Owen: she has a affair with every single litteral guard and when she goes back to the gooning noob tier the guards send her back
Gurt: nah that whore- hold on, if shes all about that men men men how come she got them affairs
Owen: couldnt tell you.
Gurt: what job did you get?
Owen: of course i got the gooning noob guard as fucking always, i got this beef with this one guy i saw his house have a tiny 0.00034% amount of sperm gone so im sending his ass to gooning hell
Gurt: see ya man! anyways....
i go to the house shop, dreading it because labubu FUCK is still there, and i gotta tell her ughhh.
Gurt: its my time to shine whore get off the store its my time to be the store manager
labubu bub: yeah whatever stupid man
Gurt: actually one last thing, im interested in calling you slurs. do you have any disabilities?
labubu bub: i suffer from whore disorder
Gurt: byee! this is my life for the next 2 hours? great, ill call owen to see how hes doi-
???: im here to buy a house with a baddie.
Gurt: Ok that'll be 3 hours!, hold on if.. hold on did you upgrade from noob to pro?
???: yeah?
Gurt: how the fuck? i thought it was hard and-
???: that shit was easy as fuck
Gurt: ook.. (mumbles "tryhard"), whats your name?
???: deedee blood
Gurt: ok deedee blood. thats kinda sussy ayo
deedee blood: ok shut up.
Gurt: ok lets call owen now.
(ON FACETIME)
Gurt: Whats popping owen? hows the gob going?
Owen: i got that bitch sent to gooning hell #packwatch
Gurt: YEAHH you get 1000 aura for that..
Owen: hows YOUR gob going?
Gurt: i got this one guy gooning rn and he bought a house with a baddie
Owen: oh god he bought a house with labubu bub, thats the only baddie
Gurt: shes not a baddie
Owen: i know lol! ok bro you need to make that plan of yours.
Gurt: i need to call it sum, OPERATION WHOREGONE!!!
Owen: ok
(HANGING UP)
*2 hours later*
ok gob's finally done i can go to my house now.
Gurt: sup owen?
Owen: nuun much just playing steal a goonrot
Gurt: yo can i play??
Owen: Of course man!
Gurt: wow this is really fun
2 hours later
Owen: dont you think its time to sleep?
Gurt: yeah *kisses cheek* goodnight
Owen: goodnight!