My noodles are burnt. Gone. Sacrificed to the stove gods. Now I'm sitting on the couch, poking at a sad cup of instant noodles with a pair of chopsticks like it personally wronged me.
If this keeps happening, I swear I'll have to borrow more money from Yuyu. And one day—just like that—I'll go completely bankrupt. Ugh.
Jiang slurps his own noodles noisily beside me, looking concerned. His antennae twitch like he's scanning me for malfunctions.
"Yunhua," he says, leaning closer with those wide, clueless eyes, "you seem… less energy. Should we merge body again?"
I deadpan. "No, idiot. You are the reason I have less energy and less money. Just eat your instant noodles and stop acting like a malfunctioning cuddle robot."
He blinks, obediently scooping more noodles into his mouth. "Understood."
Then he pauses. "What is money? I don't understood."
I bang my forehead into the table—why is everything so hard today?
"Of course you don't."
"Didn't your drama teach you about money?" I grumble, stabbing at my noodles like they owe me rent.
"Oh… they did use money to exchange goods," Jiang Yu says, tilting his head thoughtfully. "But I don't get why they use paper to get something."
I groan. "Ugh. Why does your planet not use money? How do you buy stuff?"
"We don't buy," he says, spoon halfway to his mouth. "It's so old. Our species left something similar."
"When?" I ask.
He looks at me with that innocent smile. "Thousand years ago."
I stop mid-bite and say it with him in perfect sync, "Thousand years ago."
He gasps. "How do you know? Are you reading my mind, Yunhua? Where is your übn?"
"My what?"
He taps the base of his antenna. "Übn. Brain-antenna. It helps with thought sharing."
I glare. "I don't need your alien antenna thingies. And I wouldn't be surprised if you tell me your species left behind breathing too."
He nods instantly. "Oh yes, we did."
"Wait—what?!" I lean forward, eyes wide. "No way!"
Suspicious, I press my finger under his nose.
He blinks, then says calmly, "But I am breathing."
I blink too. "What—?"
"It was sarcasm. I'm learning fast."
I throw a pillow at him. "Idiot! Don't scare the crap out of me like that!"
He catches the pillow, grinning. "You're fun when you're scared."
"I'm gonna throw you out the window."
"I will land softly."
"Ughhh."
"I'm gonna ban TV if you joke around like that again," I snap, pointing my chopsticks at him like a weapon.
He blinks, blinking his big innocent eyes. "But you said sarcasm is good."
"Yeah, yeah, good thing in moderation. Not when you say freaky stuff like your species doesn't breathe!"
He nods solemnly. "Understood."
A beat of silence. Then—
"Yunhua, I want to go to the park."
I freeze. "Huh? What? No. No, you're not going anywhere. At all!"
He pouts dramatically, bottom lip jutting out. "Then I'll become that cute kid creature of your kind's boyfriend."
My chopsticks clatter onto the table. "What—wait—WHAT? No! You can't! What the hell are you talking about?! You pedo alien! They'll ban this novel!"
He folds his arms. "Then take me to park."
I stare at him, dumbfounded. "Who the hell taught you this kind of emotional blackmail?!"
He grins proudly. "Oh. In TV, boyfriend does this to girlfriend to get kiss. It works!"
My eye twitches. "Ugh. I'm banning TV. Forever."
"So we going to park?" he asks again, leaning over the table with sparkly eyes like an overexcited puppy.
I groan and slap my forehead. "Ugh!!! I'm busy, okay? We'll go. But not now. On the weekend."
He blinks. "On weekend?"
"Yeah." I jab a finger toward the calendar on the wall. "Look at that. Calendar. Today is Tuesday. After four days—see that red word? Sunday. That's weekend. On that day, go. Got it?"
He squints at the calendar like it's ancient alien scripture, then lights up. "Got it."
Thank god.
I flop onto the bed, pulling the covers over me like they're my last defense against the world. "Okay... I'm going to sleep now. I'm just tired as hell. You watch your TV, don't mess anything. And yeah—do not sneak into my bedroom while I'm asleep."
Jiang Yu nods seriously, antennae stiff like he's getting a briefing. "Understood."
I close my eyes, already halfway out. Then I pause, groaning. "And no matter what happens, if you need me—hesitate before reaching me. Let me sleep."
"Understood."
I roll over, finally allowing my body to sink into the mattress. Sweet, sweet sleep...
.
.
.
.
{Morning}
"Yunhua, I love you so much."
"I love you too, Jiang…"
He leans in—his face so close, his lips just inches away from mine. His breath brushes my skin. His eyes are soft, glowing faintly. His hand reaches up, cupping my cheek so gently I feel like I might melt right into him—
"Ugh—huh?! HUH?!"
I jolt upright, heart slamming against my ribs.
The blanket slides off me. My face is burning. I'm sweating. My brain is doing cartwheels.
"What the hell was that dream?!"
I press both palms to my cheeks. "What am I even imagining?! Seriously, brain?! You traitor!"
Maybe it's just 'cause I'm tired… and we merged our body—
"No, no, no," I groan, yanking the blanket over my head. "What happened to my language?! It's called a hug! Hug!"
I flop back down on the bed, arms flailing like I'm fighting invisible shame particles.
"Ugh… maybe I shouldn't do that again," I mutter into the pillow.
My heart's still racing. My face? Burning.
Why the hell did my brain decide that was the perfect dream to show me?
Stupid dream. Stupid subconscious. Stupid alien.
Huh? Alien? Where is he?
I sit up, blink blearily, and listen.
No sound.
No TV noise.
No crashing pans.
No weird alien monologue through the bathroom door.
"…Don't tell me he left for the park or something," I mutter, kicking off my blanket in a panic.
I rush to the living room—empty.
Kitchen? Nothing.
Bathroom? Nope.
Balcony?
I swing open the glass door. "Jiang Yu—?"
Not here.
I spin around, heart thudding now. "Oh my god, he really—"
Flush.
I freeze.
…Toilet.
I walk over, nearly collapsing in relief as the door creaks open.
There he is—Jiang Yu, standing dramatically in the middle of the Toilet like he just disarmed a bomb.
"I made waste," he announces proudly.
"…Thanks for the update." I pinch the bridge of my nose. "You almost gave me a heart attack."
He beams. "You worry for me. I feel loved."
"You understand what love is now?" I ask, arms crossed, eyebrow raised.
Jiang Yu tilts his head. "No. In TV, it's what girlfriend says to boyfriend when he worry for her. So I say it."
I scoff, rubbing my temples. "Yeah, yeah. Figures. There's no way your dumb alien brain can understand what love is."
He pauses, blinking at me like a confused puppy. "…Is love not a word humans just say when they don't poop for long time and then miss each other?"
I stare at him.
"What?! No! Where did you even get that?!"
"Drama episode twenty-two. The one with volcano. They scream I love you before lava eats them."
"Oh my god." I groan, dragging a hand down my face. "That's not how it works!"
"Understood," he says solemnly. Then he brightens. "Next time I face lava, I will scream I love you to you too!"
"Please don't face lava at all!"
This feels like raising a six-foot, muscle-bound toddler.
"Well see, just like yesterday," I say, pointing a stern finger at him, "you just have to sit, watch TV, and no messing up the apartment, got it?"
He straightens like he's taking military orders. "Understood. I'm becoming very good boyfriend."
"Yes, yes, you are," I mutter, half amused, half exhausted.
He beams like a golden retriever who just got praised for sitting.
I glance at the clock. "Sigh… seven in the morning? Maybe I should go early and finally run that test on his blood…"
I stretch my arms and start heading to the bathroom. "I'm taking a shower. Don't you dare come in."
"I won't," he replies instantly, then raises one hand dramatically over his chest. "I'll become statue boyfriend."
I slam the door shut behind me.
A statue boyfriend, huh?
Please don't let him actually stand frozen in the living room for an hour.
…He would do that.
.
.
.
.
I quickly finish getting ready, grab the blood sample tubes, and glance at the clock. It's still 7:40. Perfect! I'll hurry up, run a few tests before 9—great, that's the plan.
I grab a few snacks, toss them onto the table in front of the couch. "Jiang, here's your snacks. You aren't going anywhere, except the toilet!"
"Understood," he says, looking way too serious about it.
"Okay, I'm leaving." I head toward the door, my shoes half on.
Before I can get out, he stops me. "Yunhua, body merge before leaving? TV gf bf do that."
My brain suddenly flashes a 4K HD recap of that morning dream—
But then his face getting closer, his forehead almost touching mine, his antennae twitching.
Oh no.
I snap out of it, cheeks already burning red. "Wha—what are you doing?" I say, shoving him back slightly.
"Oh, I'm just checking your body temperature. TV gf bf do the same to measure it," he says, completely serious. "You're red. Are you heating?"
"Ugh, no, I'm not! And no, we're not merging bodies. I mean, hugging—okay, it's forbidden now. On. No."
"Understood. Hug is forbidden now," he responds, nodding seriously like he's taking notes.
Thank god. At least there's some progress.
I swing the door open—and slam right into a wall of warmth.
My heart lurches. This voice. This scent.
"Yunhua?"
It's him. Tang Shixiu. Standing right there. Looking at me like I'm still his.