SARAH
It had been an hour since Rick and Glenn had left the farm. Sarah had left Maggie with Lori. She didn't want to do it, but Maggie insisted that Sarah needed to sleep a bit.
She walked towards the camp but frowned when she noticed that Daryl's tent wasn't there anymore. She looked around, but there was no sign of him. She just hoped that he hadn't gone to the woods alone and angry.
Sarah lay down in Nicki and her tent and fell asleep almost immediately. As she tossed and turned during her nap, she saw her sister sleeping next to her, and Sarah took her hand before falling asleep once more.
She had no idea how long she had been sleeping, but when she opened her eyes, there was still daylight outside, but no sign of Glenn and Rick. Nicki had woken up before Sarah because when she walked out of the tent, she noticed that her sister had gone back to training with her arrows. She observed her for some moments. Nicki kept shooting, and she kept hitting her targets; still, moving, close and far, she wasn't missing a shot.
After that, Sarah decided to go to the wooden garage to keep fixing the old car. She was improving, and she had managed to make the lights work. It was all dusty and rusty, but she really wanted that car to move even for some meters. She was finding real comfort in fixing it. It took her mind away from bad thoughts, too busy solving all those problems on that machine.
"That's where you disappear, then?" her sister's voice made Sarah look up from her work. Nicolette walked in, observing the car.
"I knew Dale had introduced you to the mechanics, but it has really become a new passion of yours."
Sarah chuckled. "It's distracting."
Nicolette nodded, "I know what you mean." Then she walked closer, eyeing the car. "That's never going to work."
"Not for many miles," Sarah said, nodding her head. "But if I fix this, I can fix anything."
"Ambitious much," Nicolette said. "I saw you looking at me."
"Yeah, I do that a lot," Sarah said, lighting the pedals with a torch, pushing them down, and examining how rusty they were.
"There's something you're dying to ask me, but you are too afraid that it's going to mess with me," Nicki said, pacing around the room.
"I think we are all too much messed with," Sarah said. "And I didn't want you to live that moment again."
"Sophia?" Nicki asked, making Sarah hummed in agreement.
"Thanks," Nicolette said after a moment. "I really don't want to talk about that."
"Even because you won't change your mind, no matter what I'd say," Sarah said sadly, not looking up from her task.
"I meant what I said," Nicolette said. "Everything we do will affect the group." It was sad to think that Nicolette had arrived at that conclusion, even though it was terrible to think that she was not entirely wrong. Their lives were linked, and there was nothing they could do about it.
"At the barn..." Nicki said, keeping pacing. "I can't take my mind off of Shane."
"Yeah, I understand," Sarah admitted, standing up and looking at her sister.
"Some are saying he did the right thing," Nicolette said. "What do you think?"
Sarah rested her side against the car. "I think that everything went out of hand, but I think he wanted to protect us," Nicki seemed to take in each word Sarah said.
"It seems to happen a lot lately," the girl said.
"To us?"
"To Shane," Nicolette pointed out.
"Does he scare you?" Sarah asked, remembering that she had felt a bit frightened herself during his speech before opening the barn.
"No," Nicki answered, "He is not angry at me," she said simply.
"Angry?"
"At Rick," Nicki said, nodding her head. "Shane changed since he arrived. Everything had changed for him as he arrived."
Shane had defended all of them since the very beginning, and Sarah could never thank him enough for that, but she knew that Rick thought more and angered less. Now that Nicolette was pointing that out, Shane started to get more aggressive since Rick's arrival. At the same time, they had lived through so many difficult things. Was Shane really to blame for acting strangely?
"I think I was going to shoot him," Nicolette's words made Sarah's blood freeze in her vains. She looked up at her sister with wide eyes, but Nicki diverted her eyes. "I realized it only when the walkers came out of the barns. But I was aiming at his back." She took a breath.
"Do you regret it?" Sarah asked carefully, not sure she wanted to hear the answer.
"Not shooting him?" Nicki asked, "No, I don't," and Sarah let out a shaky breath.
"I don't think I would ever forgive myself," Nicolette said before turning to her sister. "But I don't trust him anymore."
Sarah couldn't stop thinking about Nicolette's words. What she said about Shane and not trust him. Since she had pointed it out, Sarah couldn't stop her mind from thinking about the man's attitude and how even Lori seemed to be shutting him out. She kept thinking about it when she finished her work on the car for the day. Nicolette was back practicing, but Sarah's eyes were caught by Daryl's figure sitting far away from the camp, almost near the fence. The man was under the sun, and she couldn't help herself when she searched inside her bag to take two protein bars and a bottle of water before making her way towards him.
He had a piece of wood in his hands, scraping the ground silently, biting the inside of his cheek, deep in thought.
"Hey," she said quietly, trying not to startle him. Even if she wasn't sure she needed to be careful about that, it wasn't easy to take Daryl Dixon by surprise.
"What?" he asked without looking up from the dirt on the ground.
Sarah took a breath. "I've brought you something to eat. And some water," she said, showing what she held in her hands.
But he grunted, "I ain't hungry."
"I figured," Sarah said, biting her lips. It pained her that he was closing himself in again. "But you need to eat something. Or at least drink some water," she said, putting the bars and the plastic bottle next to him.
She was ready to walk away. Daryl was a man with his guard up, and it was really easy to cross the line with him. So, to not make him feel uneasy, she decided that it was best to leave him be, with not so many words.
"These are yours?" he questioned, making her turn to him.
"Yeah," she answered, putting a lock of hair behind her ear.
"Why?" at his question, she just shrugged her shoulders.
"I was worried about you," Sarah answered simply, and that made him look up at her for the first time. His blue eyes set on her frame, silently observing. "Eat something, please," she said with a gentle tone before walking away. She didn't like for him to be far away from the house, but at the same time, Daryl Dixon didn't seem a person that found comfort in talking about his sorrow with others.
The evening arrived soon, and Sarah did her best to help Patricia make dinner. The woman was still silent after what had happened at the barn, but Sarah didn't push her to talk. She just waited for Patricia to tell her what to do. It was a bit strange, cooking in a real kitchen. She remembered when she used to help her granny for Thanksgiving, deciding the menu, arranging the table, and making all the food that they surely would not have finished on that day. Her granny... what was of her? Was she with her parents? Was yet alive? She didn't know for sure. But her heart was giving her a hush answer, an answer she didn't want to listen to.
"Do you need help?" Carol's voice surprised Sarah as the woman made her entrance into the room, rubbing her hands on her trousers. Did she really feel like cooking? Was it too invasive to ask? Should she just shut up?
Patricia looked at Sarah before speaking to Carol, "Can you cut some salad?"
Carol nodded her head before getting to work. They stood in silence as the sun set on the horizon. Still no sign of Glenn or Rick. That should have been an easy run; maybe they had thought it wrong, maybe Hershel wasn't in that bar, and now they were looking for him. She hadn't been in town, but she could assume that it wasn't a large one. Why were they taking so long?
"Already setting your plate?" asked Patricia quietly, looking at the plate Sarah was preparing.
"No, it's for Daryl," she answered. "I don't think he is going to come to eat." Then her eyes set on the faint light away from the house. She wondered what he was doing, how he was feeling.
"Why do you two like to argue so much?" Dale's voice made the women turn towards the door to see Dale and T-Dog entering the house with Nicki and Carl, who, like always, would glare at each other.
"She is the one not answering a question," Carl stated, turning away from Nicolette, who shrugged her shoulder.
"There are two easy ways to fix that," she said simply. "Ask more intelligent questions, or don't ask at all."
T-Dog took a deep breath. "Is dinner ready?"
"Almost," Patricia said.
"It'd be lovely if someone set the table," Sarah suggested, looking at her sister, who shook her head.
"I'm calling Maggie," she said, running out of the room.
Carl scoffed. "She always does that," he said, taking the plates Patricia was giving him. "She never sets the table."
That was true. Nicolette and house choirs weren't exactly on the same page, and if she found a way, she would flee without turning back. Sarah would have said something to her, but it was the most "childish" thing that her sister did, and Sarah didn't feel like making her grow up on that as well. Not for the time, anyway.
Maggie came down the stairs from next to Nicolette when the table was almost ready. T-Dog and Carl were already set down, and Sarah was fixing the silverware next to every plate. She looked at Maggie, silently asking her how Beth was doing, but the girl shook her head. When she passed next to Sarah, she squeezed her arm, trying to give her some kind of comfort.
"They should be back by now,," Andrea's voice grabbed everyone's attention as she and Shane entered the living room.
"Yeah, they just got holed up somewhere," Shane said as Sarah noticed her sister observing the man closely as he sat down, almost studying him. "We'll head out first thing in the morning." T-Dog nodded his head in agreement at Shane's idea.
Sarah gave the bowl full of cabbage to Nicki, who started to make her plate.
"You want some?" Nicki asked Carl next to her, but he shook his head, his mind somewhere else.
"You need to eat something, Shorty," she kept saying, causing the boy to turn to her with a glare.
"Stop calling me that," he argued, but Nicolette didn't move as she kept observing him.
"Oh, he talks. So he can also eat," she said, putting some cabbage on his plate.
"Carl," Shane said, making the boy turn to him, "I want you to keep your head up, ok? Your old man, he is the toughest son of a-"
"No cussing in the house," Patricia said, looking at Shane with a cold glare. Not that anyone could blame her.
"Lori, dinner!" Carol said towards the stairs, but Maggie frowned.
"She is not in there."
At her words, Sarah frowned. "She is not?" Maggie turned to Sarah with a questioning look. It was strange for Lori not to be on time for dinner. "Was she outside?" Sarah asked, turning to Nicki, who answered that she wasn't.
"Where is she?" Dale asked, a bit worried, but Maggie shook her head.
"I didn't see her."
That was not normal. Sarah looked at Carl. Now that she thought about it, it was unusual for Lori not to get Carl before entering the house to eat. That strange situation must have alarmed everyone because they all got quiet, looking at one another. Silent and worried.
"Carl," said Shane, keeping his tone calm. "When's the last time you saw your mom?"
Carl didn't hesitate to answer, "This afternoon."
"She was worried about Rick," Andrea said, only increasing the worry of where Lori could be. "She asked me to look in on Carl."
"She went after them?" asked Dale, voicing everyone's thoughts.
"She didn't say that," Andrea answered, and at that, they all got up. Shane did, too, even if he kept saying that they didn't need to worry because Lori couldn't have been too far. But the woman usually helped them with dinner, and she never stood too long away from her child.
They soon decided to take a look around. Shane had gone to the barn, Nicki, Carl, and Patricia inside the house, Dale and Andrea at the camp, while Carol and Sarah looked around the fields of the yards as Maggie stood with Beth. But nothing. There was no sign of Lori. And Sarah really doubted that they would have found her sitting on the ground somewhere. She surely had gone looking for Rick. It was understandable, he was her husband, she had already lost him once, how could she not be worried? What had been a bad decision, though, was that she went alone. And as for Rick and Glenn, why were they taking so long?
"She is not at the barn," Shane said once they all walked towards the camp, where Andrea, Carl, Nicki, and Dale were.
"Not even in the yards," Sarah said as she got closer.
"Yeah, I took a look, too," said T-Dog, nodding his head.
Carl's eyes widened. "Where is she?!"
"She asked Daryl to go into town," Carol's voice made them turn as she ran to them, "Must have gone herself."
"Oh god," Sarah muttered.
Carl covered his mouth with his hand, feeling like crying as Andrea rubbed his back, trying to comfort him, but he moved away from her, running towards his tent.
Sarah took a breath as she saw Nicolette watching the boy running away.
"We should go looking for her," Nicki said, putting her hands on her hips.
That was true, but how many people? Who? They couldn't afford for others to go missing.
What was happening in that town? Why Glenn and Rick were not back yet?
"Did you know about this?" Shane asked, pacing towards Dale with a growl that made Sarah frown.
"No," the man answered.
"Did..." Shane said, getting anxious. "Did she take a gun?"
But Dale shook his head. "I don't know." That didn't seem to ease Shane's worries as he made his way towards the car. "I wouldn't let her go out alone," Dale kept saying, but Shane wasn't listening anymore. He entered the car, started the engine, and quickly drove away, leaving all of them there just standing, observing the light of the car further and further from them.
"I don't know about ya," T-Dog said, "But I'm not hungry anymore."
Andrea nodded her head. "We'll eat later," she said, trying to sound encouraging. "When the others are back."
Sarah really hoped she was right. She could not afford to have any more bad news. She needed her friends back, her group all together. She was so tired of losing people.
"Someone should go check on Carl," Nicki said, crossing her arms over her chest. "And be sure he's not going to follow his parents." That thought was really frightening, but it was not so far from the truth. Carl shared many of his parent's quality, and she didn't want to find out if jumping into danger was one of them.
"You should go, Sarah," Nicki said, making her sister frown.
"Me?" she asked. "Why me?"
Nicolette nodded. "You're good with words."
"Would he listen to me?" Sarah said with a frown, but Nicki almost snorted.
"He doesn't listen to anybody," she answered. "But at least we'll know he is there."
Sarah took a breath before making her way towards the tent. Her mother always said that she had a way with children, and it was she who insisted that Sarah become a teacher. Not that the girl felt very confident about that choice, but she had babysat many children growing up. She just hoped she would be able not to anger Carl.
"Carl," she called quietly, kneeling in front of his tent, where she could hear him whimper. "I'm sorry, sweety," she said. It must have been terrible for him; he had lost a friend, and now his parents were missing.
"Listen, I know that you feel scared right now," she said. "And I cannot promise everything is going to be alright; that would be a lie." There was no point in saying to him that he didn't need to worry, that his parents would have been back soon because she didn't know and knowing Carl that would have only made him get more upset. He was a smart kid, and he had matured far too much in that world.
She knew how terrible it was to feel left alone, without protection, without a family. And she knew that nothing she could say or do would make it better for him because thinking that your family was no longer with you was a killing feeling. But for what she was living, she understood that there was someone she could rely on.
"But I can promise you that you can count on us. All of us," she said, hearing some steps behind her and seeing Nicki approaching slowly. "Try to rest a bit, alright?"
She heard him sniff. "Alright," he said after a moment of silence. Sarah touched the tent lightly before getting up from her kneeling position.
"You should stay here," she said, turning to Nicki, who frowned.
"Me?" that was her turn to ask that, and Sarah nodded.
"Nicolette, I think that the only person that can fully understand him is you," she said honestly, but the confused expression on her sister's face didn't disappear.
"We always end up fighting," Nicolette answered.
"That's what you think," Sarah said. "But understanding doesn't mean getting along." Nicki seemed to think about her words, which made Sarah smile a little.
"I'm going to the others," she said. "Stay here."
Nicolette shrugged her shoulders, not looking at her. "Whatever," but she sat down nonetheless, taking one of her arrows and starting to scrape the ground with it.
Sarah was walking towards the house when she noticed Carol stalking quickly from the yards, rubbing her eyes. Sarah stopped observing her. Her eyes were red, and her lips were trembling. Was she crying about Sophia? Should she have had to ask?
But at the same time, it didn't feel right to let her alone at that moment, so with a fast-beating heart, Sarah made her way towards the woman.
"Carol," she said, getting closer to the woman, putting her hands on her arms, searching for her eyes.
"Are you okay?" she asked, knowing that her question was stupid. Carol moved her hand to dry the tears on her cheeks, biting her lips.
"It's nothing," Carol said, shaking her head.
Sarah frowned. "I don't want to insist, but..." Carol took a breath.
"It's not about Sophia," she said, but only the name brought more tears to her eyes, but she tried to keep them in. "It's about Daryl."
"Daryl?" Sarah asked, confused.
"I've gone to him," Carol said, and Sarah took a breath.
"What he said?" she asked. She knew that Daryl could become very rude when he didn't want people around when he felt most vulnerable. And Sarah knew that he was destroyed by what had happened to Sophia. She could understand taking on everyone else but on Carol? That woman lost her daughter; he couldn't take his rage out on her.
"Nothing," Carol said, shaking her head, but he must have said something upsetting. "I'll go to the others," Carol said after taking a breath. "Are you coming?"
Sarah smiled a little "In a moment," she said, "I'll see you later."
Carol observed her for a moment, but then she started to walk towards their camp, as for Sarah she waited until Carol was far enough, before making her through the yard towards the fire, where she knew Daryl was encamped.
As she got closer, she spotted his black motorbike shining from the faint light of the flames. She wasn't surprised when she saw some squirrel hanging dead from a rope. He had already done it at the camp at the quarry when Amy, Jim, and Jaqui were still there. When Merle was still there.
She wasn't surprised even when she heard Daryl's voice. "If you're here ta tell me about the woman, leave," he spoke in a growl, glaring at her like he had done many times before.
"No, I'm not here to scold you," she said. "I'm sure you'll do that yourself when you'll calm down."
Daryl chuckled darkly. "So, you've got all figured out, Missy?" he said, and she nodded her head, not intimidated by his glare.
"Not all, but I know some things," she said as he got closer, his blue eyes fixed on her. "I know that you were the only one truly believing Sophia was alive," she said. "I know we had all given up a long time ago." He took a deep breath as he moved slightly in front of her. "I know that you get angry easily, especially if you're suffering." She saw him chewing the inside of his cheek. "And I know you're blaming yourself for what happened when you should really not." She took a deep breath, feeling her heart clench when he saw him look down, blinking his eyes, probably trying not to let her see the effect of her words.
"Don't do this, Daryl," she begged him, making a step closer. "Don't do this to yourself, don't close away again." Her eyes moved briefly to the squirrels on his bike before looking at him again. "We care about you," she searched for his gaze, even if he kept trying to look away. "I care about you." He got stiff at her words, biting his lip. "You don't have to talk if you don't want to, but do not blame yourself and think that you are alone because you're not," she said, feeling some tears in her eyes. "That's what I wanted to tell you."
Silence fell between them as Daryl kept his eyes on the ground, not moving towards her, not even yelling back. Sarah was breathing heavily, not believing that she had said all of that without worrying about what he might have answered. She just hoped that he would have listened to her for once.
"I've...em... I've saved you a plate," she said, passing a hand through her brown hair. "Maybe... I'll bring it to you later, alright?" Sarah asked, even if she hadn't expected an answer from the man. She observed him for a moment, still not looking at her, so she took a breath and turned to leave. She knew that Daryl needed time, and she was surprised he hadn't got defensive and yelled at her. She didn't expect for him to move back next to their camp, but she just hoped that he would have thought about it, they needed to stay together. All of them.