His arms draped over me, bringing me impossibly closer to him. I smiled in my sleep and sighed in satisfaction. His embrace was warm and provided exactly what I needed.
"Hey, sleepyhead," he kissed my forehead, and I buried my head in his neck.
His fingers trailed up and down my arm, softly sending chills down my body.
"Are you cold?" he asked when he felt me shiver.
"Mm-hm," I shook my head.
I was reluctant to open my eyes. I wanted to stay rooted in the dream, in the perfect fantasy I'd created in my mind, where everything was okay—where he was just a handsome guy I met and slept with.
"Last night was-," he blew a breath.
"Yeah," I smiled.
He pulled away and I felt his stare on me. "Up for another round?"
I opened my eyes and gazed at him. His hair was disheveled--I was mostly to blame for that. I touched his face softly. I remembered the look he had after the awkward dinner at Alan's.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
His smile dimmed for a second before lighting up again.
"I feel better," he kissed my hand. "Thanks to you."
"Do you wanna talk about it?" I paused.
Talk? What was wrong with me?
He looked away and I sat up.
"My mom-," his voice broke. "He hit her. He was a monster who would always raise his hands to hurt her."
I clasped my hand over his.
"When I was seven, he tried to make me kill someone," he exhaled.
I gasped softly. I wanted to hug him but I knew he had some things to get off his chest first. So, I let him talk.
"When I couldn't, that's when it started," he said, and turned to me.
That look. It shattered my heart even more than Wes' death. I hated Alan for making him go through that.
"The insults, the beatings, the torture. He'd lock me in a room with a dead body through the night, and threaten that the next dead body would be mine, if I continued being weak."
My vision blurred as the tears threatened to pour. He was broken.
Like me.
Was that why I was so attached to him?
"Divorce wasn't an answer. He was powerful enough to stop that from happening," he smiled bitterly.
"So, my mom did the only thing she could—she ran. Moved to a different country, changed our names and raised me here," he stared at me.
"Wasn't that brave of her?"
I nodded. "Yes, it was."
We tried to live a normal life after that, but I still get nightmares, ones that has me waking up in the middle of the night, drowned in my sweat," he shook his head.
"I still see their eyes," he stared blankly. "Their opened eyes, devoid of life."
I grabbed his head. "Look at me, Damon. It's not your fault. You are not to blame for their deaths, okay?"
He smiled. "Hmm."
He caressed my face and held my gaze. "I'm glad I have you. You make me feel safe, Ivy."
A twinge of guilt struck my heart.
"I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since I saw you that night at the bar," his soft gaze rested on me.
"Then, why did you turn me down?" I was curious.
"My mom. I felt guilty having fun while she laid on her deathbed. I didn't think I deserved anything good," his gaze fell.
"Hey, hey, hey," I called softly and held his head. "You deserve everything good, Damon. There's no one who deserves it more than you."
Every word was true.
"That's why I have you with me, right here," he said.
My heart fell.
I looked away. "I'm not a good person, Damon."
I've killed people.
"I don't care," he sounded confident. I scoffed.
"Hey," he held my head and stared into my soul. "I don't care about your past Ivy, I don't care about the kind of person you were," he kissed my hand.
I was sent to kill you.
"All I care about is us, right now."
Why can't you see that?
"Damon," I called. He shook his head.
"No. I'm not gonna let you run away from this," he held my hand to his chest.
"I know you feel this. I know you feel the same way I do."
I didn't.
I couldn't.
I shouldn't.
"Ivy," he caressed my face.
My eyes felt twitchy.
"I think-."
It was starting to itch, so I rubbed it harder. A contact lens fell out.
No.
"I think I-."
I forgot about the lens. The camera. Tara!
"Ivy, I think I'm in love with you."
My heart dropped to my stomach as my pulse raced. Dread filled my heart when I held his gaze. I could see he meant it. It wasn't just something he'd said in the spur of the moment.
My whole world came crashing down. The thought of Tara finding out about my feelings and his sudden confession made me spiral.
"I love you, Ivy," he repeated.
I sprung away from him quickly and wrapped the duvet around me as I looked for my freaking panties.
Did Tara see us having sex?
I touched my ear, only to find out the mic was gone. Did I drop it somewhere? Amid the moaning, hair pulling and fluids, it must have fallen somewhere. It was a light, small, almost invisible mic, so it'd be difficult to find amongst the tangled sheets.
My weapons.
"Ivy," he called but I ignored him, and wore my bra quickly.
I couldn't take them without him noticing.
I pulled up my dress and zipped. "I've gotta go."
"Ivy, please wait," he called but I shut the door behind me.
I grabbed my phone and checked for missed calls. There were none. It made me panic even more.
What if she didn't see us?
The thought made me relax a little. My phone vibrated loudly and my heart paused when I saw the caller ID.
Tara.
I walked out the building staring at the name blankly. There was only one way to find out. The call ended just as I was about to pick, leaving me staring at the black screen. The screech of tires made me look up, and my jaw dropped when I saw Tara behind the wheels.
"Get in."
We rode in a suffocating silence for a few minutes. I didn't dare speak first, nor did I have the courage to ask if she saw me having sex with him.
"It's him, isn't it?" her voice was low.
She knew.
"Who?" I asked, maybe if I kept denying it, she'd believe me over a 4k resolution video of me fucking my target.
She paused to glare at me. "Don't even try."
I nodded. "Yes, ma'am."
"You slept with Damon freaking Walter," she squealed and turned on her blinker.
"That's why you've been acting so weird these past few days. It's why you stopped fucking around," she paused.
"Oh my gosh, you're in love with him!" she stared at me.
Shit.
"I am not," I said.
"It all makes sense now. The sexual frustration even when you had tons of options, the way you'd turn off the comm during important conversations, the way you seemed way more invested in this mission than every other mission we've been on," she shook her head.
"You fell in love with your target."
"I've slept with many of my targets before, what makes you think this is different?" I asked.
Deny. Deny. Deny.
I could see the disappointment in her eyes as she stared at me. "Because you hid it from me."
I was caught.
"I'm sorry."
"Why did you keep it from me? Don't you trust me?" she looked hurt.
"No, no. You know I trust you, Tara," I said but she didn't look convinced.
"I just didn't want you to be in danger. This mission is-," I paused. I didn't want to reveal any information.
"It's important. And the stakes are higher."
She peered at me softly. "Was it part of the mission to fall in love with him?"
I fiddled with my fingers. "No. No, it wasn't."
I stared at the rearview mirror. The same car had been behind us for the past five minutes. A grey Chevy.
"Take a right," I said.
"What?"
"Do it."
The car swerved to the right, and I waited for a few seconds. Surely, it popped into view. I sat up straight and stared at Tara.
"We're being followed."