"Alright! Shall we proceed with the mission, Ayaya?" I asked, flashing the grin of a man who absolutely knows what he's doing. Spoiler: I had no idea. But if I've learned anything, it's that a good smile and bad decisions often go hand in hand.
Ayaka gave me that serene smile that makes you feel like you're either about to get a hug or a divine sentence. "It seems like you already know full well how things will turn out," she said. "You can head directly to Hanamizaka to look for another companion to help you on the mission."
I grinned wider and ruffled her head. Her hair's too silky for this world, honestly. "No problem, little one. This big bro will handle all the dirty work. All you gotta do is be cute and stay here like a responsible noble lady."
She puffed her cheeks, classic Ayaka mode. "You make it sound so shady... But I appreciate it a lot. Thank you for your help."
I clutched my chest and staggered back dramatically. "Ugh! Too cute, Ayaya! You're gonna get me arrested by the Archons for dying of sweetness overload! Alright gang, let's go bust that old man out of the Tenryou Commission—or die trying!"
Cue Lumine's sigh, Paimon's floating judgment, and me—Shigeru the Wonder Idiot—leading the way like a man with no plan.
Hanamizaka was buzzing like usual. Smells of food, chatter of vendors, the occasional sound of fireworks exploding for no reason. I swear someone in this town has a spark addiction.
As we passed a guy selling dango that looked suspiciously like meatballs, Lumine asked, "So… who exactly are we meeting?"
I put my hands on my hips like a hero about to announce their final move. "Another bundle of sunshine like Thoma—but this time, a girl who smells sweet and like fireworks. Maybe even cinnamon. Probably not napalm. I hope."
"You are so weird," Paimon mumbled.
"Thank you," I bowed. "That means a lot coming from floating rice cake."
Just then, we saw two buff dudes shaking down a terrified guy. Classic Vision Hunt Decree thuggery. I was about to roll up my sleeves and punch them into next week when—
"Psst! Hey! Over here!"
We turned and saw her. Golden eyes. A grin brighter than Celestia. Energy like a sentient firecracker.
"There she is! Our new temporary teammate!" I whisper-yelled, practically skipping over.
"Yo! Waddup, Yoimiya!"
She tilted her head. "You… know me?"
"Of course I do! You're the most unfortunate banner in Teyvat history!"
"...The what?" she blinked.
"Don't mind him," Lumine cut in quickly. "He's weird all the time."
"Thanks for the defense," I said flatly.
Yoimiya chuckled. "You guys looked like you were ready to fight. Appreciate the concern, but I had it under control!"
Paimon zipped forward with arms on hips. "Under control?! You stopped us from helping! Paimon was ready to throw down and you just—shushed us like some side NPC!"
Yoimiya laughed. "Sorry! Didn't mean to brush you off. But I had to sell the act. If those guys thought it was fake, it'd all be over."
Just then, the victim stumbled over, clutching something in his hand. "Many thanks, Miss Yoimiya. If you hadn't swapped in that fake Vision, I'd have lost everything."
"Happy to help! And hey, you nailed your role too. Seriously, ever thought about theater?"
Paimon's eyes widened. "Ohh… so that's what was going on. Paimon was about to unleash Paimonial wrath on you. Ehehe… sorry about that."
I crossed my arms. "Yeah, no shit, floating gremlin. Don't judge the cutie with fireworks in her soul just because she looks like she's ready for a summer festival."
Lumine: "You're worse than her."
Yoimiya blinked. "Well… that was uncalled for… but thanks?"
"Shigeru of Dumbassery, at your service," I said with a bow. "This is Lumine, the main character. And that's Paimon, our… mascot?"
"HEY!"
"Nice to meet you all! I'm Yoimiya, current head of Naganohara Fireworks. If you need explosions, I'm your girl!"
"Explosions and optimism," I whispered. "My two weaknesses."
I asked if I could see the fake Vision. Yoimiya handed it over and I squinted at it with exaggerated seriousness. "Yep. Purely decorative. No elemental resonance. No Abyss Order tampering. No battery included. Good. It's not a Delusion."
Yoimiya nodded. "I know, right? It's all flash, no bang."
"Like Paimon."
"Excuse you?!"
We sat on the stairs near a dango cart and filled Yoimiya in on the mission. Ayaka, Master Masakatsu, jailbreak plans, and all the chaos in between.
"So, let me get this straight," Yoimiya said. "You want to infiltrate the Tenryou Commission, bust out a prisoner, and do it without blowing everything up?"
"Roughly, yes."
She paused. "That sounds really fun."
Boom. Instant recruit.
We wandered the streets for a while, chatting about nonsense. I told her about my previous misadventures involving treasure hoarders, expired apples, and that one time I mistook an electro slime for a pet.
She told me about her fireworks shows, the kids in town, and the time she accidentally launched a rocket into a nobleman's bathroom. We laughed so hard Paimon started hiccupping midair.
As the sun started to dip, the sky turned this beautiful gold-pink mix. Hanamizaka shimmered. Fireworks popped faintly in the distance like the world was already celebrating our impending felony.
I looked at Lumine, Yoimiya, and even Paimon—still chewing loudly on some takoyaki.
Maybe I'm not the chosen one. Maybe I'm not a genius.
But with these weirdos by my side, I feel like I can do anything.
And even if I act like a clown, and even if I screw up more times than I succeed—
—I'll always show up. I'll always try.
Because I believe in the good stuff.
In fireworks.
In freedom.
In friends.
And in a world where even idiots like me can make a difference.
***
Alright. First of all. Let me just say one thing.
This is not how I imagined my vacation.
We were supposed to sneak in, get the old dude, maybe punch a few faces, and leave like cool, mysterious rebels. You know, dramatic cape flip and everything. What did we get instead? Pure. Chaos.
So here's how it started:
"Master Masakatsu is being held in a police station," Yoimiya says, looking all serious with that sparkle in her eye like this is the plot of a festival play.
"You sure about that?" I asked, mostly because I was hoping she'd say no and we could go get grilled fish instead.
"I already scoped the place. There's a way in."
Oh. Great.
So, with the intelligence of a rock, and the bravery of an idiot army with no plan, but with dreams. So we snuck into the police station.
Keyword: snuck.
Secondary keyword: failed.
Paimon's floating behind me, whispering, "Uhh... Now that we're inside, this place is a whole lot creepier than Paimon imagined.... eh-he..."
I turned, slowly. Gave her my most intense glare. The kind I save for when my grilled mushrooms get stolen.
"Shut it, emergency food," I snapped. "One more noise and we'll be sharing a jail cell with Masakatsu. Hope you like prison cuisine, 'cause I hear it's mostly disappointment and regret."
She zipped her mouth.
Yoimiya, ever the sunshine bomb, said, "Let's split up! We'll find him faster."
And you know what? Sure. Why not? Nothing says success like dividing your dumbass team in enemy territory.
And wouldn't you know it—plan A lasted about ten seconds before the guards spotted us.
Me: "Well shit. Time for Plan B."
Lumine: "What's Plan B?!"
Me: "We punch our way through. Duh."
Guards? Punched. Doors? Slammed open. Random chairs? Kicked. Because they looked suspicious.
And that's exactly what we did. The first guy went flying into a barrel. Second guy? Got smacked with a rock I threw using Geo energy. Look, don't ask how I do things. I just do. Lumine's slicing with her sword like a goddess of war and I'm over here like:
"Behold! Geo Bow! Pew pew pew! Electro arrows go zap zap! Now Anemo—uh, tornado time!"
I'm hurling spears, making makeshift weapons with my elements, sometimes just straight-up throwing rocks at people. Do I know what I'm doing? Absolutely not. Am I making it look good? Absolutely also not.
But it works.
We even did some dumbass tactics like placing random rocks under doors like it was gonna do something.
Plot twist: it did. I don't know how. Don't ask questions.
Eventually, we kicked open a reinforced door—expecting Master Masakatsu.
What we got?
More guards.
"Not the old man!" I yelled.
"More punching!" Lumine yelled back.
Cue Elemental Chaos Supreme Edition.
We went ALL OUT.
You'd think they'd run at this point, but nope! They charge us like they want to get hit with random elemental nonsense. Lumine's face was all serious. Mine? I was having the time of my life.
After the smoke cleared and everyone's knocked out?
I wiped fake tears from my eyes.
"Man… If Master Mountain Shaper could see me now… He'd be proud. Maybe. Probably. Okay maybe just a little."
Lumine: "We don't know about that… but you do you."
Paimon: "You definitely do you."
We reached this weird torture room. There he was — Master Masakatsu. Old man, bruised, tied, and totally not having a good time. Two guards were standing over him, being all villainous and dramatic like this was a low-budget opera.
Yoimiya busted through a side door like an angry firework. "Oh no… Those Tenryou Commission brutes are torturing him!"
And me? My brain short-circuited.
"Fuck it. Let's destroy everything."
I leapt in like a hero in an action movie.
"WAIT, SHIGERU—!" three voices yelled behind me.
But I was already flying.
See, once I commit to something? That's it. I'm an idiot, yes. But I'm a dedicated idiot.
And then, as if to mock me…
TWANG! An arrow hit the ground just in front of me.
I stopped.
"Shit. Kujou Mama— I mean Kujou Sara's here."
She stood there like the final boss.
"Stop right there," she said, in that voice that could freeze a volcano. Then she turned to the guards, who were starting to sweat.
"I'm sure you're well aware that torture is strictly against military regulations."
The guards froze like chickens caught in the headlights.
"Y-Yes, ma'am!"
Sara wasn't done. "If you are unashamed of such disgraceful action, then you are also unworthy of the Tenryou Commission itself. Do I make myself clear?!"
"Y-Yes, ma'am! It won't happen again!"
I stood there awkwardly, half-turned like I was mid-pose.
"And you... what are you doing there?"
I froze. Literally mid-crouch, trying to sneak Master Masakatsu away like I was playing hide and seek with God.
"Uh. Hi? I can explain. We were… sightseeing?"
I sighed.
I scratched the back of my head. "I'm so fucked, aren't I?"
Just as she was about to speak again—
BOOM.
Fireworks exploded outside the station.
I turned slowly toward Yoimiya.
"…Yoimiya?"
"Hey! I said I'd bring the sparkles!" she shouted.
I grinned. Chaos. My favorite.
"Guys! Take the old man! I'll buy time!"
Formed my Geo bow, started launching elemental arrows at her. Not to hurt, but to keep her busy.
Why didn't I go full power?
Easy.
One: the place was wood. I ain't burning everyone down like a moron.
Two: Kujou Sara is strong. I mean strong-strong. She's a general, not some low-level grunt.
Three: she's way too beautiful to hurt.
Like seriously. Pretty girls must remain pretty. It's the law. My law.
She blocked the arrows with ease, sighing like she was disappointed in my very existence.
"You're not even planning to fight me seriously," she muttered.
I grinned. "Guilty as charged."
She waved me off. "Just go. Follow your companions. The old man's condition is serious. Get him treated."
I blinked.
"Wait. For real?"
"Yes."
"…Thanks man. You're so cool. I'll remember you."
She looked at me, stoic as always. "No. I will remember you."
I saluted. "Respect."
Then, with my hands behind my head, chill guy mode activated, I walked off like I owned the damn planet.
"No worries," I whispered. "This'll be over soon. Trust me."
And with that, the rescue mission of the century came to a close.
______________________
End of Chapter 51
Quests Completed:
*Break into a high-security Tenryou Commission facility and extract the old man.
*Get caught and proceed to bulldoze through enemy lines with zero plan.
*Reach Master Masakatsu while avoiding capture by Kujou Sara.
*Use all available elements in the most unpredictable, barely legal way.
*Use Yoimiya's fireworks as a distraction and escape with the prisoner.
*Punched everything that moved, set off fireworks, and somehow still succeeded.
Rewards:
*+5000 Adventure EXP
*+45,000 Mora (Stolen from one of the guards. Probably a high ranking one)
+60 Primogems
*Elemental Resonance Upgrade
*+500 Yoimiya Friendship Level
*Kujou Sara: Respect Earned (…somehow.)