[the constellation 'goryeo's first sword' is wondering why the incarnation 'yoo joonghyuk' might be leaving a good sword behind.]
Yoo Joonghyuk looked down silently, and Kim Dokja wasn't sure how to interpret that silence. Maybe he was also confused by his future self's actions, or maybe—
"Could you continue choosing to use a weapon that you had used to kill your companion?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked suddenly as he clenched his hands into fists, but it looked more like he was trying to steady himself than anything else.
Lee Jihye nodded with a sniffle. "I think I get it, Master. If… if it was me, I'd probably feel like I was seeing ahjussi's blood every time I sat down to clean my sword. I don't know if I could love my weapon anymore."
Kim Dokja didn't want to believe that the future Yoo Joonghyuk—the one who didn't know him—would have left behind a sword that he should have known would give him an advantage later for such a sentimental reason. It was hard to think about, even though he knew that he meant something to both the future and present versions of the protagonist. The last thing that Kim Dokja wanted was to become someone who would hinder Yoo Joonghyuk, but if he had truly left behind that sword for that reason, then hadn't it happened anyway?
[the constellation 'abyssal black flame dragon' is confused by the reactions of the incarnations.]
"Don't make assumptions," Han Sooyoung reminded everyone skeptically, "wouldn't be the first time that the Star Stream or this shitty scenario tried to throw us off."
That was true, but even then… if Yoo Joonghyuk had actually taken the sword with him in the end, his earlier words would likely still be true. If his future self was feeling even a fraction of the guilt that this one was, then Yoo Joonghyuk would probably try to keep the sword out of sight and out of mind unless he had no other options. In the end, only time would tell whether or not the sword would be lost alongside what remained of Kim Dokja.
With the announcement that the Scenario has been cleared and the Seoul Dome liberated, everyone who had still been in the ninth or tenth scenarios all appear back in Seoul. Before their tear-filled eyes, the Dark Castle that had loomed over the city for more than a week is crumbling into dust like a sandcastle being washed away by the tides. The eleven people left after the tenth scenario gather together, and they don't feel any of the joy felt by the people around them. After a moment, Jihye locates Joonghyuk and asks if anyone knows what happened to Dokja before asking her Master directly. Her voice trembles heavily as she begs for answers, but Joonghyuk is silent.
Instead, he stares at the collapsing castle with his mouth shut, knowing that history is disappearing with it. In his mind, he knows that Dokja is in there because he died there. The fact that Dokja is dead repeats in his mind over and over as he watches the castle gradually vanish, and he feels lost. Dokja is dead, and he doesn't know how such a thing could happen. Above all else, as a regressor, Joonghyuk isn't used to not knowing.
Suddenly, Hyunsung grabs onto Joonghyuk's shoulders and shakes him, begging him to say something. Joonghyuk stares blankly at Hyunsung, realizing that he has never seen the man make this expression in any of his past regressions. He doesn't remember what they look like when they lose someone precious because it had always been him making that expression after losing them. Normally, he'd lose all of them first.
"At… at least everyone who was still on the first or second floors got teleported out," Yoo Sangah said in barely a whisper, clearly struggling to find any optimism under the current circumstances.
It was a good thing too, considering that the castle had begun crumbling away into nothing. To Kim Dokja's relief, everyone else in their group was included in that wave of teleportations, but their depressed states were the complete opposite of everyone around them. Other than his mother and her Wanderers, nobody else truly knew what had happened in that scenario.
[the constellation 'prisoner of the golden headband' is wondering if the incarnation 'yoo joonghyuk' has any more information.]
However, even when Lee Jihye tried to ask, Yoo Joonghyuk didn't reply. He stared at the castle with an expression that made Kim Dokja's chest hurt, and it made him feel guilty for causing it. That wasn't a face that Yoo Joonghyuk should be making—least of all because of Kim Dokja—and it was hard to watch.
Lee Hyunsung looked up with red-rimmed eyes the moment that Yoo Joonghyuk's thoughts began to be narrated in the man's own voice. "Ah… are we following Joonghyuk-ssi's perspective now that Dokja-ssi is… um. Now that we can't follow Dokja-ssi?"
That was likely the case, but Kim Dokja couldn't focus on that when he was faced with the sheer weight of Yoo Joonghyuk's grief and confusion. Through reading his life, Kim Dokja had known that the protagonist felt all of these things strongly even though it usually wouldn't show on his face, but even that had felt more distant than this. Those had been mere sentences that described his thoughts, and not his thoughts themselves.
Chancing opening his mouth, Kim Dokja took a deep breath before saying, "Joonghyuk-ah… I'm not vanishing with the castle. My body isn't in there."
"Shut up, Kim Dokja," Yoo Joonghyuk snapped in response.
Ah, so that hadn't helped, even though it was the truth—his body had completely disintegrated, and likely didn't exist at all anymore.
[the constellation 'lily blooming in aquarius' is thinking that the incarnation 'kim dokja' could be more tactful.]
Yoo Mia wrapped her arms around her brother's torso again as her lips wavered slightly. "It's not your fault, oppa. Ahjussi just did something stupid again."
Kim Dokja had to disagree—it wasn't stupid if it kept that sunfish from throwing his life away.
Only a moment later, though, Lee Hyunsung began shaking Yoo Joonghyuk while begging him for answers, but the protagonist couldn't give them either.
Lee Seolhwa sighed. "I think that you might all be in shock, and it's clear that Joonghyuk-ssi isn't handling it very well—and understandably so."
As Yoo Joonghyuk's thoughts about never seeing that kind of expression on Lee Hyunsung's face before echoed in the room, Kim Dokja had to agree. On top of his turmoil over Kim Dokja's demise, he was also dealing with compounded trauma from his past regressions. The first time he lost a companion in any round was always the most difficult one, and this time it just happened to be Kim Dokja.
[the constellation 'secretive plotter' is looking away uncomfortably.]
[the constellation 'demon-like judge of fire' is feeling immense sympathy for the incarnations.]
As others join in to ask for answers, desperately hoping that he'll say it isn't too late to save Dokja, Joonghyuk knows that he can't give them the answer they want. Keeping his voice level, he looks away and declares that he's not sure either, unable to keep eye contact as his expression breaks. He knows that the role left to him is to destroy their last remaining hope, even though he does know more about Dokja's fate. Though he could tell them about what being expelled from the scenarios entails or his own feeble hopes, he knows that even talking about it would be like telling them that Dokja is dead and that they can't do anything. Sometimes more is said by silence than anything else.
Behind him, unable to accept this answer, Gilyoung vehemently states that Dokja said he'd come back to life. Hyunsung also begs for Joonghyuk to tell him how to save Dokja, but Joonghyuk just shakes his head. If there was a way to save Dokja, then Joonghyuk would have done it already; there's nothing any of them can do.
As they continue to mourn, looking at the castle as it finally vanishes, the constellations join them in their sorrow and remembrance. Joonghyuk knows that he has never seen the constellations acting this way before—they're expressing emotions other than frustration or excitement. The night sky shines sadly, and he wonders if Dokja was hope for them too—someone who can make a difference in the Star Stream and show them a different story.
[the constellation 'queen of the darkest spring' is concerned about giving others false hope.]
No, that wasn't something that Yoo Joonghyuk would do, even as the other members of the group pleaded for him to share his knowledge. Even if there was the slimmest chance that he knew of a way that Kim Dokja could escape being expelled from the scenarios, that didn't mean he'd be able to actually do anything about it right now.
As his thoughts continued, however, Jung Heewon gritted her teeth angrily. "What the hell do you mean that your role is to destroy our hope!? Why would you do that!?"
Han Sooyoung sighed and tossed a tired look in her direction. "I hate agreeing with that bastard, but he's right. It's better to make all of you give up now than keep hoping and have that crushed over and over again. Fuck, I'd do the same."
[the constellation 'maritime war god' is wondering if the incarnation 'yoo joonghyuk' just doesn't want to have to say it out loud.]
Maybe that was the case, but Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't the most talkative of people in the first place either. It was difficult hearing about these feeble hopes that he still had, even if only in his own mind. Honestly, it made something unpleasant and uncomfortable churn in Kim Dokja's gut and he didn't want to put a name to it.
Upon hearing his own voice trying to stay confident that Kim Dokja would return, Lee Gilyoung burst into tears again. "You have to come back, hyung. You promised!"
All Kim Dokja could do was gently run his fingers through Lee Gilyoung's hair and hope that he'd eventually be able to keep that promise. However, considering what he suspected that his plans would be, that likely wouldn't happen anytime soon.
It was hard hearing both him and Lee Hyunsung sound so upset over this. Kim Dokja had never imagined hearing someone beg to save him, let alone the man he had liked to imagine as an older brother-figure when he was much younger.
The moment he heard Yoo Joonghyuk's next thought, though, Kim Dokja couldn't help but suck in a sharp breath as his resolve wavered.
[the constellation 'demon-like judge of fire' is sobbing intensely at this display of companionship.]
If… if there was a way to save him, then Yoo Joonghyuk would have…
Kim Dokja felt his heart pound in his chest and he just knew that his cheeks had reddened in embarrassment. His palms felt sweaty, his mind was reeling, and the emotions rising within him were so overwhelming that he didn't know what to do. This was unprecedented, and it was something that Kim Dokja couldn't cope with.
This was blatant proof that Yoo Joonghyuk was choosing to try and save him without the threat of a scenario or a Fate looming over their heads. This was the man that Kim Dokja had leaned on for over a decade deciding that he was worth saving, even knowing that he wasn't a good person.
It felt like liberation, like a redemption that Kim Dokja couldn't believe he could ever deserve. It felt like forgiveness and like Yoo Joonghyuk was taking Kim Dokja's list of debts that were owed before tearing it to shreds.
Wet droplets fell from Kim Dokja's cheeks as he stared at the screen in numb silence, unable to fully process what he had just heard. He was feeling too much and it was overflowing in ways that he couldn't stop even if he wanted to.
Suddenly, a small hand gently tapped his cheek. "Ahjussi…? Are you okay?"
Shin Yoosung looked up at him with a worried expression, and Kim Dokja forced himself to smile at her.
"I am," he said, and it felt like the truth.
[the constellation 'secretive plotter' is frowning at the tears of the incarnation 'kim dokja'.]
As the constellations joined in on the mourning, Kim Dokja had to admit that Yoo Joonghyuk was right—they had never done something like this before. Maybe he was just more charismatic than expected, or he had been interesting enough to keep their attention, but Kim Dokja knew as well as Yoo Joonghyuk did that it was extremely difficult to get those constellations who lived for entertainment to get that invested in an incarnation that wasn't their own.
"Joonghyuk-ssi," Yoo Sangah asked exhaustedly, "what you're thinking there… is that true? Does Dokja-ssi really represent hope for you?"
Kim Dokja felt like holding his breath as Yoo Joonghyuk turned his gaze directly onto him. It was burning, it was intense, it was full of grief and desperation and that feeling that Kim Dokja was afraid of naming. It was everything that the protagonist had been holding back all this time.
"He does," Yoo Joonghyuk replied, but it was obvious to everyone that he wasn't speaking to Yoo Sangah anymore. "Kim Dokja is many things—a 'prophet' who won't betray me, a variable that has allowed more people to live, and a foolish man who throws away his life when he thinks it would be the best solution."
That was… that was all true, but—
"Without him in this life, I would have given up long ago," Yoo Joonghyuk admitted, and Kim Dokja wanted to break down again.
[many constellations are touched by the words of the incarnation 'yoo joonghyuk'.]
Silently, Joonghyuk contemplates that there could be a way to save Dokja—if he regresses, then he could go back to the beginning and make better choices with the information he has now, therefore ensuring that Dokja lives. However, a sudden thought crosses his mind. 'What if Kim Dokja isn't here after I regress? What if Kim Dokja doesn't act like this again?'
For the first time, Joonghyuk feels afraid of something. Dokja has never appeared in any of his past lives, and the 41st Yoosung never talked about him. Joonghyuk has to face the reality that even if he goes back, the Dokja of this life might not return.
Lowering his head, he remembers Dokja's words from the rooftop, and how he urged him to continue on in 'this' regression because it might be the last one where he can live as a human. As he thinks of those words, Joonghyuk realizes that the choice that had always been possible is now irreversible. In this round, he had met Dokja, they became companions, and then he had lost Dokja. Despite that, Joonghyuk bites his lip as he gets up, knowing that only those words remain for him. Just as everything in the Star Stream is a story, he can't help but acknowledge that Dokja's words have become a part of himself. Knowing that he has to live in 'this' life, Joonghyuk resolutely looks forward.
The moment that Yoo Joonghyuk mused that there could be a way to save Kim Dokja, Lee Hyunsung immediately perked up eagerly, and he wasn't the only one. Almost every single member of the group looked inordinately hopeful, but Kim Dokja was just confused.
Yoo Joonghyuk could be rash at times, but even he had to know that there wasn't a way for him to find Kim Dokja while he was expelled from the scenario, right? Of course, Kim Dokja couldn't be absolutely certain that a way couldn't exist, but if he didn't know of one, then Yoo Joonghyuk shouldn't have been able to think of a way either.
[several constellations are wondering about the thoughts of the incarnation 'yoo joonghyuk'.]
[the constellation 'secretive plotter' is narrowing his eyes suspiciously.]
However, Kim Dokja's stomach felt like it dropped the moment that Yoo Joonghyuk's thoughts continued and he turned to look at the man with an almost frantic urgency in his eyes. "Absolutely not!"
Yoo Joonghyuk refused to meet his gaze, and that made Kim Dokja feel just as panicked as he had when the protagonist had tried to become the Demon King in his stead.
"No, you can't do that, Joonghyuk-ah…" Kim Dokja said nervously, laughing in disbelief as he did. "Over my dead body."
Han Sooyoung looked at him like he was stupid. "Yeah, that's exactly why he's considering it, you moron."
To Kim Dokja's chagrin, it seemed that she was much less concerned about the idea of Yoo Joonghyuk regressing now that she knew the world wouldn't just cease to exist because of it. Did she not understand just how catastrophic such a thing would be either way? Did literally none of Kim Dokja's desperation to keep Yoo Joonghyuk alive—at the cost of his own life, no less—mean anything to her? She just didn't understand anything about TWSA or Yoo Joonghyuk…
However, it was the protagonist's next thought that drew him out of his own mind as though he had been slapped in the face. Earlier, Kim Dokja had felt touched by the concept of Yoo Joonghyuk finding him in his next turn, but that only counted when it was a death that seemed unavoidable! That did not mean that it was okay for Yoo Joonghyuk to start thinking about offing himself just because Kim Dokja wasn't there to give him information anymore!
[the constellation 'demon-like judge of fire' is urging the incarnation 'yoo joonghyuk' to remember his companion's last words.]
[the constellation 'abyssal black flame dragon' is hoping to see a cool flip at least.]
"Don't leave me behind, oppa," Yoo Mia pleaded in a broken voice, and Yoo Joonghyuk flinched at the reminder. Just a second later, his own thoughts began wondering about whether Kim Dokja would even exist in his next round, and Yoo Joonghyuk went pale.
Honestly, that wasn't something that Kim Dokja had considered before, but it made sense—as far as the protagonist was aware, Kim Dokja had only survived that train car because of the explosion that had caused Lee Gilyoung to 'drop' his cage full of bugs. To make matters worse in his mind, Yoo Joonghyuk had also realized that Kim Dokja likely wouldn't follow the exact same plans in another round, which was accurate.
However, knowing what he did about TWSA and the 'real world' meshing in this 3rd turn, Kim Dokja had to wonder if he—if any of them who weren't originally characters—would exist in that world whatsoever.
"Kim Dokja," Yoo Joonghyuk said breathily, sounding almost afraid in the way his future self was, "do you think that this is the only turn where you will exist?"
All he could do was let out a long exhale and be honest. "I don't know."
[the constellation 'prisoner of the golden headband' doesn't like complicated things.]
"That's true," Yoo Sangah murmurered, "the Disaster of Floods had no idea who Dokja-ssi was…"
Of course, if Kim Dokja's theory was correct and there was actually a separate split timeline that she had come from, then it made sense that she wouldn't know who he was. Then again, did it really matter? The moment he was in a new regression turn, none of the people that Yoo Joonghyuk would meet could ever truly be the same person as the ones he had known before. Even if there was a Kim Dokja in another regression, that one wouldn't be him and wouldn't remember any of the moments they had shared in this life.
At the very least, that seemed to be enough to trigger the memory of their rooftop conversation, and Lee Jihye held her breath as Yoo Joonghyuk thought that he could no longer make the choice to regress.
"Master… just trust that ahjussi will come back like he said he would!" she insisted with a pleading gaze. "You already know that he doesn't want you to regress either!"
Exactly!
"Joonghyuk-ah, you haven't lost me forever," Kim Dokja told him as confidently as he could, and he didn't care if that could be misinterpreted. Maybe it couldn't be anyway. "It might take a while, but I know there are ways to escape being expelled from the scenarios."
[the constellation 'scribe of heaven' is curious to see if the incarnation 'kim dokja' can escape.]
Yoo Joonghyuk looked somewhat conflicted for a moment before he looked away. "Fine."
Ah, he was totally pissed off, wasn't he?
As Yoo Joonghyuk mused that Kim Dokja's words had become a part of himself—part of his story—before regaining his determination, Jung Heewon whistled with a slightly dimmed smirk. When even Lee Hyunsung looked at her in confusion, she let out a small laugh. "What? I just think it's funny that both of them have each other's words as part of their stories."
Kim Dokja wondered what she meant by that for a moment before his eyes widened. Was she talking about the parts of Yoo Joonghyuk's story that had come from his body when he was being eaten earlier? A pleasant tingle went down Kim Dokja's spine at that realization, unsure how he should feel. He knew that Yoo Joonghyuk's words and experiences had become engraved on his soul through many rereads and moments where they resonated deeply with him.
Perhaps Kim Dokja's words were just as important to Yoo Joonghyuk now, and that was a reality that Kim Dokja hadn't been prepared to face.
[the constellation 'lily blooming in aquarius' is feeling endeared by this turn of events.]