VANESSA BELMONT
"You know why," I said. "I don't want to marry you."
"It's a family marriage. We signed a contract. It was never about love." He let go of my chin, and then pinched my cheek. "C'mon. I'll help you with wedding stuff."
In my first life, Nathan never once offered to help with anything wedding-related. Despite my efforts to solicit his input, he left decisions to me.
"You don't need to suck up to my parents. They like you. Better than they like me, actually." I shoved his shoulders again and this time, he moved back. I jumped off the counter. "Don't worry about the wedding. I handed everything over to my mom. She's thrilled to have carte blanche to turn our nuptials into a business conference with fancy desserts."
"Last week, you called me a thousand times to ask my preferences for flowers and cake flavors. Not to mention changing the reception menu—again. And now … you don't care?"
"That's right," I said. "I don't care. Not even a little."
The reminder of how pathetically obsessed I was to create the perfect wedding for me and Nathan made hot shame crawl through me. Had I really thought that making our ceremony a beautiful, magical experience would somehow break through his hardened heart? Delusional, Vanessa. You were so freaking delusional.
"By the way," I said. "I made honeymoon plans for myself."
"For yourself?"
"What? You want me to stay home while you take Fiona to Italy?"
"I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to take my wife," said Nathan. He grasped my hand. "In case you forgot … that's you."
"When did you get so touchy-feely?" I pulled away. Nate wasn't like this in Life Number One. He put as much distance between us as possible. Probably because I did everything in my power to connect with him, whether he liked it or not. I grew up an obedient good girl because I desired approval and love from my parents. Then I transferred that obsession to Nathan.
I wanted to be loved so badly.
Now that I think about it, it wasn't fair to Nathan to pin all my hopes and dreams on him. Desperation drove me to cling to him, the same way I had tried to cling to my parents. They were not unkind people, but they weren't interested in me as a person. As long as I pretended to be the daughter they expected, I was left alone to do what I wanted. Mostly. Part of that parental obedience was marrying the man they chose.
"What's the point of us spending our honeymoon together?" I asked.
In my other life, Nathan posed that question. He told me he would be taking Fiona to Italy. I stayed home, threw yet another pity party for myself, and cried every day they were gone.
I felt ashamed by my own behavior. Truthfully, I had smothered Nathan. He was always going to belong to Fiona, but I pushed him right into her arms by holding on to him so tightly he couldn't breathe. In the process, I also suffocated myself.
"If this marriage proceeds, I will honor my obligations as your wife. I will schmooze business partners, host parties, attend events, serve on committees, and do everything necessary to make you shine in your CEO position." I met his gaze, and felt my pulse jump. He was so good-looking. He had other qualities, of course, but man-oh-man he was nice to look at. Get over it, Vanessa. He will never be yours. "I know that I've been selfish and needy. I lacked confidence, and that was a me problem. I shouldn't have burdened you with my baggage. I'm sorry."
He stared at me, but said nothing. I couldn't interpret his expression, and it made me nervous.
"To be clear, I'm expressing regret for the things I actually did, not the things Fiona has accused me of doing. So, you don't have to be considerate of my feelings or make me believe you're attracted to me. We don't have to go that far for our business marriage, okay? I'm certainly not going to make you spend two weeks in Italy with me."
"We don't have to go to Italy."
"We're not going anywhere together. Take Fiona to the land of sun and wine. I will be in a snowy paradise, lazing about in a cozy cabin in Canada. I will read books and drink hot cocoa and nap by the fire." I finished eating my toast and put the plate into the dishwasher. "By the way, does Fiona know you're here?"
"I told her I planned to spend the afternoon with you."
"You did? Well, I guess it's going to be a hospital day. Do you have the Kindle app on your phone? At least you can read a book while you're waiting for all the tests."
"What are you talking about?"
I patted his arm, though I wasn't exactly sympathetic. "How long since her last collapse?" I snapped my fingers. "Right. A couple weeks ago. The Scottsdale get-together. She felt so weak, she couldn't stand. You left with her halfway through the meal, which was a shame. The seafood pasta was excellent."
"You shouldn't blame her."
"Blame her for what? Your decisions?" I could tell from his expression he wanted to argue, so I lifted my hand in a "stop" gesture. "If we get married, I'll honor my contractual obligations for the benefits of our families and businesses. I know you'll be discreet with Fiona."
But Fiona wouldn't. In the next six months, she would create scandal after scandal, and make Nathan and his parents believe my unreasonable jealousy had driven me to extremes. But even with all that, canceling the marriage was out of the question. Fiona might be able to win against me, but she couldn't compete with the financial advantages our marital union brought our corporate families.
In this reborn life, I wouldn't give Fiona chance to frame me. I knew her moves and I would counter them all. I would get my revenge, come hell or high water.
Nathan's cell phone trilled and he pulled it out of his front pants pocket. "Fiona? Which hospital?" His gaze snagged mine. "Okay. I'll be there soon."
"Tell Fiona I said hi." I turned to walk away, but Nathan grasped my shoulder and spun me around.
"How did you know Fiona would end up in the emergency room today?"
"Aren't you a genius or something? Vice president for one the world's largest corporations? Smarter than the average bear?"
"Vanessa."
"There's a pattern to her so-called illness, Nathan. Anytime she feels like she's lost your attention, she finds a way to draw you back to her side."
His expression hardened. Ah. There he was. The real Nathan. The one who protected Fiona and thought of me as the enemy. Given the choice between saving me or her, he chose her.
In this life, I would choose myself.
Because no one else would.