I couldn't stay away.
Even though I knew it wouldn't change anything. Even though it was like rubbing a bruise until it bled and I still couldn't stop the hurt. I couldn't tear myself away from him.
Nine was still unconscious. His breath shallow, his body too still. The room was quiet, the low hum of machinery the only sound keeping me company. I sat by his side, like I had done for the past hours, and ran my fingers through his hair.
Nyx was restless, like a storm waiting to break.
What if he doesn't wake up?
He will.
What if it's too late?
We can't think like that.
I ignored the low growl building in the back of my throat, my wolf's unease mirrored in my own gut. I couldn't control her. She was desperate, frantic. I was supposed to be the calm one, the anchor, but right now it felt like we were both on the edge of something we couldn't stop. Something breaking.
I smoothed Nine's hair back, feeling the soft strands beneath my fingers. His skin was cold, colder than I would've liked. He hadn't warmed up since he'd been brought back here, wrapped in a thin blanket that didn't seem to do much.
Nyx's presence surged again, a low growl vibrating in the back of my mind. What if they don't let us take him?
I couldn't breathe. My chest tightened with an aching pressure that was quickly spreading through my limbs. They won't get to do anything with him, I thought fiercely. Not if I have anything to say about it.
I brushed his hair back again, just the simplest touch, but it was everything. It was all I could do. Every little action felt like I was holding on by a thread, but it was the only way I knew how to reach him.
The bond was there. Barely. It wasn't the same. Not like it had been before.
It was a whisper instead of a roar.
A thread instead of a bridge.
But it was still there.
And if I could just…
My fingers trembled on his skin.
I closed my eyes, pressing my forehead against his temple. The room felt too small. The walls were closing in on me, tightening around my chest. I needed to move, needed to get away, but I couldn't. Not with him like this.
"Please," I whispered. "Please come back."
I waited.
The silence was unbearable.
Nyx wasn't growling anymore. She was screaming inside of me. Her fear was thick and suffocating, and I could feel it rattling through my bones.
Please, she whimpered, echoing my own thoughts. Please, don't leave us. Don't leave him.
I clutched his hand, the coolness of his skin only making the ache worse. I didn't know what I was waiting for. A sign? A flicker? A miracle?
The air in the room felt stagnant, heavy with unspoken words.
The bond should have been stronger by now. He should've been responding to me. To us.
But there was nothing.
And the fear began to grow, creeping like a shadow over my thoughts.
Maybe it was too late. Maybe he wasn't going to come back. Maybe I wasn't strong enough. Maybe the bond had been broken forever.
I hated how weak that thought made me feel.
I hated how easily it threatened to consume me.
Don't think like that, Nyx snapped, her voice slicing through the doubt.
But what if I couldn't fix it? What if I couldn't reach him?
We will, she growled back. We'll make him fight. We'll bring him back.
I wanted to believe her. I needed to believe her.
But the longer I sat there, the heavier the doubt weighed on me. I felt small. Helpless. This was all I could do. Sit by his side, stroke his hair, wait.
But I couldn't wait forever.
My fingers faltered. I stopped stroking his hair for a moment, my chest tight with frustration.
"Wake up," I said, my voice rough, like it had been scraped raw. "Please. Come back to me."
But still, nothing.
I reached for the bond, trying to force some kind of connection. Anything.
There was something there, but it was weak, flickering like a dying light. I focused, willing it to grow. Willing the bond to strengthen. I didn't care how. I didn't care what I had to do.
But it wasn't enough.
Nyx's panic twisted in my chest, and I could feel my own heart pounding in my ears.
He was slipping.
I could feel him slipping away, piece by piece, and it was breaking me.
We're not losing him, Nyx insisted, though I could hear the fear in her voice.
I swallowed thickly. I couldn't bear the thought. The idea of him being lost to me, lost to us, was suffocating.
But as I sat there, unable to do anything more than feel his cold skin beneath my touch, the truth began to sink in.
This wasn't about fixing him.
It was about fighting for him.
And if I had to fight every single day, every moment, just to keep him with me—keep him alive—I would.
Because I would never, ever let him go.
I pressed my forehead against his again, breathing in the faint scent of him, hoping it would trigger something. Anything.
"Please," I whispered, again. "Wake up."
The seconds stretched into minutes. My body was tense, coiled, waiting for the smallest sign.
And then—
A twitch.
A barely noticeable movement.
My heart stopped.
Nine's fingers flexed. Just a little. But it was enough.
I gasped, barely holding back a sob of relief.
I squeezed his hand, leaning closer.
"Come on," I murmured, my voice barely above a whisper. "Please."
Another twitch. Then a soft sound. A groan that rumbled deep in his chest.
My breath caught in my throat.
I wasn't sure if I had imagined it or not, but the bond—just barely, but there—pulsed.
It was faint, but it was there.
Nyx's growl was softer now, more of a purr than the frantic roar from earlier.
And for the first time in what felt like forever, I dared to believe that maybe, just maybe, we could win this.
Maybe he wasn't gone yet.
And I wouldn't stop fighting until he was back.