I sighed and laid down on the bed. (Which was still smoldering by the way. Maybe someone should do something about that.) I felt exhausted even though all I'd done since I got here was get felt up.
The house was so much quieter now that the banshee was gone. It was almost peaceful. I took a slow breath. The smell of the burning mattress reminded me of home. I felt relaxed for the first time since coming to this world.
"Man this isn't so bad. My ear drums have even stopped bleeding."
Just then there was a sonic boom, and my ear drums were rent asunder yet again. I screamed as my eyes were pierced by a blinding flash of light.
I blinked until the searing pain died down. I looked up to see Jezerbel floating there. Her wings were unfurled and filled the room from wall to wall. Her body still gave off that condescending "Holy" glow.
Now that I had a frame of reference it seemed that she was a little over six feet tall, which was actually short for an angel. They tended to be much bigger than humans. They are supreme beings after all.
"Ha Ha Ha Star Butt! Ha Ha Ha that's so great! She somehow managed to give you a stupider name than you had before!" I smirked, she didn't know that I still had my demon gate.
"Ha! I will not endure the shame of that vile name for long foolish one! For I, Lord MozufunAAAHHHHHHHH!"
The smoldering bed burst into full flame, scorching my bunny booty. I launched myself off the bed and rolled around the room. The only thing more intense than my screams was Jezerbel's insidious laughter.
Jezerbel flicked a finger, not only did the flames die away, but the bed was restored like new. I hurled every curse I knew at the pompous angel. (And considering the fact that I'm a sorcerer these were actual curses.
"Hahaha My you are one hot cross bun!" Jezerbel watched me writhe for a bit. "Hmm I suppose I should restore you too. Wouldn't want Hitori coming home to a burnt bun." She waved a finger and my butt was all better.
I got to my feet and glared at Jezerbel.
"You sure like throwing Advanced Force around."
"Ha! Of course! I'm the best Advanced Force user in all of Heaven Realm! I constructed your bunny course myself after all."
She was right, her powers were formidable. I was a skilled Advanced Force user myself, but even I couldn't make a bed repair itself with just the wave of my finger. She was going to be tougher to defeat than I thought. No matter! Once I figure out how to reconnect with my Demon Gate she's going down!
I decided a little provocation would be fun, and I think I finally found the right tactic.
"Best Advanced Force user huh? A bold claim for a mid-level pencil pusher." Jezerbel's face went red.
"M-m-Mid level! I'm the guardian angel of a whole freaking country! That's two ranks below Archangel of the planet!"
Jezerbel launched into a triad describing the idioticily convoluted angelic ranking system. I rapidly regretted provoking her as my eyes glazed over.
Apparently the guardian angels of each human nation were run by a council of seven angels. Above that council was an Archangel who ruled over the planet. Once you reached Archangel rank there was a whole other cosmic ranking system that went all the way up to 'Grand Arbiter of the Universe.'
This 'Grand Arbiter' wasn't God. 'God', was just a concept created to control humans. The whole angelic order was just a massive cabal of powerful beings. Honestly the more I learned about angels the more I thought they're just demons who glow in the dark.
The rant went on forever, and I had to listen to every minute of it. Luckily this is a light novel otherwise you'd have to sit through the whole thing too. When she mercifully came to the conclusion of the rant she was huffing and puffing from over extortion.
"And that huff-huff is why I'm a pretty -puff- big deal." She gave me a smug 'I sure showed you' smirk. My eyebrow twitched and I found myself lunching another quib, despite having just learned my lesson.
"Ha! Maybe compared to this lowly planet, but when compared to the entire ranking system you're barely a tenth the way up the ladder."
"Grrrrrrr Do I have to go through the whole thing again?! First you have junior assistant acolyte fifth class, and then-" Sensing an agonizing boredom induced death was fast approaching I quickly changed the subject.
"So what are you even doing here anyway?"
"Which leads me to junior senior assistant - oh? That's right! I was here to go over your karma tally and then berate you for lack of progress." Whew, thank evilness that worked.
The karma meter appeared and Jezerbel began checking the logs. "Hmmm, plus ten, then plus- huh!? It says here you've gained 60 karma! I'm surprised Mozu maybe you have what it takes to be the perfect pet after all. If you keep this up you'll be free in about 12 years!"
"Gah! You expect me to suffer this indignation for that long!"
I scowled. Twelve years was a while, but nothing compared to my life span. The majority of my hoes wouldn't even age in that time. I also had reason to believe Castle Anus (stop laughing or die) could hold out for that long. I had set up some pretty impressive security after all.
Overall it would be annoying, but if worst came to worst I could handle twelve years.
"Gah! Twelve years is but a twinkle of my life. I-" Jezerbel snickered "What the hell is it now?!"
"He he he you're not a devil anymore Mozu, you're a bunny. You have however long bunnies live left to live!"
"W-w-what! How long do bunnies live?!" Jezerbel put her hand on her hips and leaned forward. Her face contorted into a sadistic smile.
"Ten"
"Ten. . .thousand?"
"Lower. . ."
"Ten. . .hundred?"
"Lower. . ."
"Ten. . .decades?"
"Lower. . ."
"What!? Just ten!? Bunnies only live ten years?!"
"Ha ha ha if they're lucky! I started you off as a fourth month old bunny so you have a little over nine and a half years left."
I started running around in circles. Jezerbel roared with laughter.
"This is bad! This is bad! Freaking *gorebats live longer than ten years!"
"Ha ha ha! I suggest you start earning Karma fast! The clock is ticking!" Energy started to gather around Jezerbel. "Well I'm off Mozu. Don't expect me to show up in the flesh again for a while. As much as I love to mess with you, it takes too much Advanced Force to keep teleporting here."
The energy engulfed Jezerbel. I closed my eyes and plugged my ears. She wasn't getting me this time. I waited until the light died down. I sighed and opened my eyes.
"It's time to-
BOOM!
"GAHHHHHHHH!"
Jezerbel had purposely waited until I let my guard down before teleporting away.
"Curse you Jerzerbeeeellllll!"
*Gorebats are vampire bat like demons that drink guts instead of blood. To learn more see the "Big Book of Demons N' Shit" Chapter 3 Section 10 Subsection Z